The Big Question
- Thread starter Aviah
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Hello....
I've been exposed to some form of tag-team ministry between husbands and wives all my life, starting in the home. Even though my parents weren't pastors, my mom always was with my dad helping him. My dad is a photographer and my mom is a hairdresser so when my dad had photo shoots at schools or weddings, for example, my mom was there helping in whatever ways.
Moving on to church, same thing, esp. in my present church where I have been a member for 19 years this month. The pastor and pastor's wife travel together. I know because I served as a nanny for the children before and I watched the children when they traveled.
You asked about complementary callings. I think this is important as well and I believe the Lord has that plan for me when I marry. I definitely don't want to be in front of my husband (me being the minister, him not). I believe the Lord has that same tag-team approach.
Hope this helps.
I've been exposed to some form of tag-team ministry between husbands and wives all my life, starting in the home. Even though my parents weren't pastors, my mom always was with my dad helping him. My dad is a photographer and my mom is a hairdresser so when my dad had photo shoots at schools or weddings, for example, my mom was there helping in whatever ways.
Moving on to church, same thing, esp. in my present church where I have been a member for 19 years this month. The pastor and pastor's wife travel together. I know because I served as a nanny for the children before and I watched the children when they traveled.
You asked about complementary callings. I think this is important as well and I believe the Lord has that plan for me when I marry. I definitely don't want to be in front of my husband (me being the minister, him not). I believe the Lord has that same tag-team approach.
Hope this helps.
Thanks for the fast reply! it does make sense, however what about those who come to Christ after they got married and find they have different callings? What happens then? does the woman abandon, or lessen hers to help the man?
When you say different callings, do you mean that one is not walking in their calling at all or that they are dramatically opposite?
I think the couple has the responsibility of working together to find and/or cultivate compatibility. Although, the Bible says that the woman is to come under submission to her husband. I am not saying that this does not mean that the woman has to abandon her calling, but for one, the Christian wife's first "ministry" is to her HOME. Secondly, hopefully the husband recognizes his wife's calling and is willing to allow her to flow in that calling. But both the husband and wife have the responsibility of maintaining that marriage FIRST. How can a couple minister to other people when there's hell at home? We've seen recent examples of those circumstances.... And it wasn't because the callings were incompatible, but because home was being neglected or that other things were prioritized ABOVE the marital relationship.
Chrissy811
Well-Known Member
My husband is in the ministry and I do all of his adminstrative work. Not planned it just happened to flow that way.
Ramya
New Member
I often think about this as I am training to be a minister particularly a Christian Psychotherapist. I understand that everybody has a position in the body of Christ, but I don't want to overshadow my future husband. As young as I am it's hard enough finding people who are near my spiritual level... but I need not worry I'm sure God has taken that into consideration.
Aviah
Well-Known Member
Aren't both supposed to minister at home 1st? I believe in 1 Timothy it talks about a bishop having to keep his house together, for how can he try to keep the church running smoothly and his house is out of order? (paraphrasing)
And what do you mean allow his wife to flow in that calling, what if he doesn't allow her to, who does she obey? God or man?
Just really curious...
Aren't both supposed to minister at home 1st? I believe in 1 Timothy it talks about a bishop having to keep his house together, for how can he try to keep the church running smoothly and his house is out of order? (paraphrasing)
And what do you mean allow his wife to flow in that calling, what if he doesn't allow her to, who does she obey? God or man?
Just really curious...
Please reread my post where I said "But both the husband and wife have the responsibility of maintaining that marriage FIRST. How can a couple minister to other people when there's hell at home?"
In terms of "allowing" his wife to flow in that calling and you ask what if he doesn't allow her to.... Well, the Lord is not going to OVERRIDE that husband, that head of that household...because if He did that by forcing the wife to do her ministry, then that would be chaos. The Lord honors OBEDIENCE and SUBMISSION. If the husband doesn't allow her to minister, that wife still has to be a wife. That wife had better be a praying woman and of course the Lord sees what that wife is dealing with....
There are some ministers and ministers' wives on the board who can probably address this with some real-time examples.
Mariaat40
Well-Known Member
Christians can have varying beliefs about submission in a marriage. When I married my husband 24 years ago my mother-in- law, a pastor's wife, gave me the book "Heirs Together" which looks at Christian marriage through the lens of Ephesians 5:21. My husband, a former pastor and now a professor at a Christian college, and I practice "being subject to one another in the fear of Christ" as fellow Christians.
Any husband who would not allow his wife to do her ministry that God has called her to is himself in disobedience to God. So it could very well be God's choice to override that decision IMHO.
Nice & Wavy
Well-Known Member
I wrote this huge post and it disappeared...I'm not going to write it over
However, being a pastor along with my husband...we do minister together and we minister seperately. We work out any conflicts (if any) because we understand the Call on our lives. Sometimes, a pastor/minister wants his wife to stay at home, in that instance than she should submit to her husband. She can still minister at home and have Brunch Studies with some neighbors, or some of the women in the church and maybe some of the other women pastors who also stay home. Ministry doesn't always have to be going places...there is such a need right in your own backyard
Well, I hope that helps a little.
Blessings.
However, being a pastor along with my husband...we do minister together and we minister seperately. We work out any conflicts (if any) because we understand the Call on our lives. Sometimes, a pastor/minister wants his wife to stay at home, in that instance than she should submit to her husband. She can still minister at home and have Brunch Studies with some neighbors, or some of the women in the church and maybe some of the other women pastors who also stay home. Ministry doesn't always have to be going places...there is such a need right in your own backyard
Well, I hope that helps a little.
Blessings.
I think I partially agree with your conclusion (bolded in blue) but not the premise (bolded in red).
With regard to the varying beliefs about submission, how can one vary within the Word of God? I would not want to speculate on what you mean so any clarification is welcome. I think I follow your point in terms of how that submission may be EXPRESSED within a marriage. For example, one couple may do certain things in terms of traditional gender roles that another couple may not do. If one couple is cool with the woman handling the finances (which some people consider to be the man's role), then if that's what works for that couple, great. That may not work for another couple for a variety of reasons. A couple has to agree on what works for them.
And again, in my earlier post, I said "both the husband and wife have the responsibility of maintaining that marriage FIRST. How can a couple minister to other people when there's hell at home?" This speaks to the scripture you referenced about being subject to one another. Both people in the marriage have to come together, be subject to one another, WORK TOGETHER to cultivate a healthy marriage.
Now your conclusion about a man being disobedient to God for not allowing his wife to walk in her calling. I'm not so sure about that. And I'm not exactly sure why I'm not sure... I'm just not sure if that's disobedience...unless the Lord spoke to the husband directly about his wife's calling....
Ooooh! Yes! I got it! (Thank You, Holy Ghost!)
Let's consider Mary (the mother of Jesus) and Joseph (Matthew, Ch. 1). Mary and Joseph were betrothed (parallel to marriage). The Lord God Almighty CALLED Mary to a MINISTRY, yes (to carry and bring forth Jesus onto Planet Earth). When Joseph found out about Mary's "ministry", he didn't want any parts of it at first.... He was going to divorce her... and he would not have been wrong for divorcing her (I don't think) esp. since he thought she stepped out on him. But the Lord God came to Joseph in a dream...gave Joseph a word about his wife's "ministry"... and Joseph CHOSE to listen and obey the Lord.
So this is me thinking out loud as to why I don't think a husband is automatically walking in disobedience if he does not allow his wife to do ministry.... For one, the wife has to acknowledge that the Lord has even given her a ministry and 2, she needs to be able to tell her husband what the Lord said to her. The Lord did not OVERRIDE Joseph. But He gave Joseph a word about it and Joseph made the (right) choice to trust the Lord in this thing.
Scripture reference here Matthew 1 (Amplified Bible):
18Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place under these circumstances: When His mother Mary had been promised in marriage to Joseph, before they came together, she was found to be pregnant [through the power] of the Holy Spirit.
19And her [promised] husband Joseph, being a just and upright man and not willing to expose her publicly and to shame and disgrace her, decided to repudiate and dismiss (divorce) her quietly and secretly.
20But as he was thinking this over, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, Joseph, descendant of David, do not be afraid to take Mary [as] your wife, for that which is conceived in her is of (from, out of) the Holy Spirit.
21She will bear a Son, and you shall call His name Jesus [the Greek form of the Hebrew Joshua, which means Savior], for He will save His people from their sins [that is, prevent them from [a]failing and missing the true end and scope of life, which is God].
22All this took place that it might be fulfilled which the Lord had spoken through the prophet,
23Behold, the virgin shall become pregnant and give birth to a Son, and they shall call His name Emmanuel--which, when translated, means, God with us.(C)
24Then Joseph, being aroused from his sleep, did as the angel of the Lord had commanded him: he took [her to his side as] his wife.
25But he had no union with her as her husband until she had borne her firstborn Son; and he called His name Jesus.
Nice & Wavy
Well-Known Member
I have to humbly disagree. Being in the ministry I totally understand if a husband who is a pastor/minister wants his wife to stay at home. God honors a wife who "submits" to her husband. Submission does go both ways (husband and wife) but, the wife can and should minister at home if necessary, as my posts stated above. Submission is certainly not a 'bad' word
I think is necessary for people to have a full understanding of what it means for husband and wives who happen to be pastors/ministers and the signifigance of their roles.
Blessings.
Nice & Wavy
Well-Known Member
Great post, RR and it sounds like you certainly have a "calling" in teaching marriage
Nice & Wavy
Well-Known Member
Mariaat40
Well-Known Member
Suffice it to say that my husband and I, and many other Christian couples, choose to look at the scripture holistically (my husband is seminary trained) and based on our own understanding of the scripture, and within the context of the example that Jesus set throughout the New Testament, have come to focus on the scripture of mutual submission. Much like some Christians choose to drink or not drink, or others are pre-trib post-trib or mid-trib, we can still be Bible believing Christians and have different interpretations of various scriptures.
I should also point out that my husband's ministry is that of reconciliation. So our focus is on those things that we as Christians share in common rather than those things that divide us; it's not important to me that we believe exactly the same. We can agree to disagree.
I should also point out that my husband's ministry is that of reconciliation. So our focus is on those things that we as Christians share in common rather than those things that divide us; it's not important to me that we believe exactly the same. We can agree to disagree.
Great post, RR and it sounds like you certainly have a "calling" in teaching marriage
.... ok, Dear Lord Jesus.... 
I'm gonna stop running from that calling! 
Lord I believe, please help my _________________!Thank you, N&W.... I perceive that is a (prophetic) word from you?
Mariaat40
Well-Known Member
I have to humbly disagree. Being in the ministry I totally understand if a husband who is a pastor/minister wants his wife to stay at home. God honors a wife who "submits" to her husband. Submission does go both ways (husband and wife) but, the wife can and should minister at home if necessary, as my posts stated above. Submission is certainly not a 'bad' word
I think is necessary for people to have a full understanding of what it means for husband and wives who happen to be pastors/ministers and the signifigance of their roles.
Blessings.
I appreciate your perspective. But because we are coming from very different viewpoints regarding how submission is demonstrated within a marriage; therefore we'll have very different interpretations of how that is played out. For example, I believe that a husband who does not honor the call that God has laid on his wife's life, whether inside or outside of her home, is not loving her as Christ love the Church, and hence is in disobedience.
Again, referring to my theme of reconciliation, my mother and father in law, who shaped my husband's thinking, have been married for over 50 years and the Lord has blessed them and their ministry. My husband and I have been married for 24 and the Lord has blessed us and our ministry. I believe I've read posts where it seems that the Lord has blessed your life and that of your husband as well. I'm almost 50 years old and I've come to realize that God is a great God who honors and blesses those who earnestly seek him. It doesn't mean that we always agree.
Nice & Wavy
Well-Known Member
Thank you, N&W.... I perceive that is a (prophetic) word from you?
Yes, stop running
Ummm.....I just call it as I see it!
Nice & Wavy
Well-Known Member
I totally understand, as I too am almost 50 years old and also realize that God is great and greatly to be praised.
Yes, the Lord does bless our life and our marriage. We do teach married couples (that's one of our ministries) and it has been a blessing to us and to those that we teach. God has truly opened our eyes to what He desires for the marriage, however...I'm sure that what you believe God does honor, but I still say that if a husband wants his wife to stay at home, he loves her and God honors his decision. The wife can continue her ministry at home. The church is not in the building, but the two or the three in agreement with God's perfect will. I'm sure you know this, but I wanted to share it.
Blessings to you always.
N&W
Aviah
Well-Known Member
Um, maybe I'm not getting it, but I didn't mean to ask about submission, it was just something thrown out there as a possible means of reconciling the differences in callings between husband and wife ( though there are some good point on it listed here). What my concern is, is that if both are working so hard on the calling God has given them how do they help each other? Could it be said that a house divided against itself cannot stand in this case, sure you may both believe the scriptures, but, if the callnig conflict (if they can) what happens?
erplexed
erplexed
Nice & Wavy
Well-Known Member
Um, maybe I'm not getting it, but I didn't mean to ask about submission, it was just something thrown out there as a possible means of reconciling the differences in callings between husband and wife ( though there are some good point on it listed here). What my concern is, is that if both are working so hard on the calling God has given them how do they help each other? Could it be said that a house divided against itself cannot stand in this case, sure you may both believe the scriptures, but, if the callnig conflict (if they can) what happens?
We know that God isn't a God of confusion, therefore we should understand that whom God has joined together, let no man put asunder....even in the ministry.
As a husband and wife, we must always be reminded that one calling isn't greater than another....it all should lead someone to the foot of the cross and their hearts to Jesus Christ. That's the whole plan. As I said before, anything out of order, would be catastropic in a marriage.
If, and I say if, there is a conflict within the marriage because of where the ministry is taking a husband and wife in ministry, and they are not able to resolve it by fasting and prayer, then they should reach out to their pastor for counseling. Out of the mouth of 2 or 3 witnesses, God's Word shall be established. It's important then to allow the Father to work on "BOTH" hearts and those hearts must be humble to hear "thus saith the Lord" for the both of them. Because the Father desires that all come unto repentance and no one to perish, He will make a way for them...and they will work it out
I hope this helps somewhat.
Blessings, always!
ETA: You cannot not speak about submission when it comes to marriage and ministry...the two goes together, always...from both partners.
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Aviah
Well-Known Member
We know that God isn't a God of confusion, therefore we should understand that whom God has joined together, let no man put asunder....even in the ministry.
As a husband and wife, we must always be reminded that one calling isn't greater than another....it all should lead someone to the foot of the cross and their hearts to Jesus Christ. That's the whole plan. As I said before, anything out of order, would be catastropic in a marriage.
If, and I say if, there is a conflict within the marriage because of where the ministry is taking a husband and wife in ministry, and they are not able to resolve it by fasting and prayer, then they should reach out to their pastor for counseling. Out of the mouth of 2 or 3 witnesses, God's Word shall be established. It's important then to allow the Father to work on "BOTH" hearts and those hearts must be humble to hear "thus saith the Lord" for the both of them. Because the Father desires that all come unto repentance and no one to perish, He will make a way for them...and they will work it out
I hope this helps somewhat.
Blessings, always!
ETA: You cannot not speak about submission when it comes to marriage and ministry...the two goes together, always...from both partners.
Thanks a lot for that
