Tips for Successful Christian Marriages

[Loving]

Good day ladies,

I am not engaged yet but have been dating for a little while now and my SO and I have been discussing marriage for some time. We both love God and each other very much and are committed to each other. We also know that marriage is a whole different ball game from dating.

I see so many marriages on a whole which are failing BUT there are many that are successful. My parents for example have been married for 35 years. I have seen the highs and lows of their marriage but they stuck through it all. I know the most important factor in their marriage is their faith in God, coupled with love and commitment. They are from a different age though....they are in their late 50s and early 60s.

I need some tips for this 'generation'. What are your tips for a successful Christian marriage?

 

[LucieLoo12]

Well I am not married........

But I have alot of successful marriages that surround me, so I will share what they do and things they share with me

1). Love God more than yall love each other
2). Praying, fasting, studying the word together
3). Love is not based on a "feeling". He may iritate you or vice versa but just because that happens does not mean he doesn't love you or vice versa.
4). Before you get married, sit down with your pastor and discuss EVERYTHING. Put everything on the table including goals, kids, jobs etc, then line it up with the word of God. I know in marriage there are surprises but somethings can be avoided ahead of time.
5). As a woman, submit to your husband. I know in 2012 "Independent Woman" Era that is shunned away from, but the bible speaks about being submissive. Submissive doesnt mean doormat. But be willing to let your husband lead you and your household. Let him be able to be a man. Support your husband. Wives are help meets, we are there to assist them in their walk with God, not make it difficult.
6). Compromise! Compromise Compromise! You wont win every decision or argument. But that's the thing, it's not about winning, but it's about you and your husband being a team, being one as the bible states..Expect hard times, you are bringing two people together and you are making them ONE. It won't be easy, but just remember a disagreement does not mean the love is not there
7). Go in with the mind that divorce is not a option. It is until death do you part.
8). Don't tell everyone all your business in your marriage.

9). And it's bolded because it's the most important one. Everything you ever learned about marriage from the world, Tv, books, movies, your own thoughts,family, friends..any "wordly" wisdom, throw it out the window. And tell yourself, I will order my marriage strictly by the word of God..


Soooo...once again I know I am not married, so it may not hold any weight, but this is the godly advice I have been given

 

[Galadriel]

Hi Loving

I've been married 8 years. LucieLoo gave some great advice up top.

I would also add:

1) Don't underestimate communication. Men and women do not think alike and a simple misunderstanding could (unnecessarily) turn into a huge argument simply b/c you never thought to voice/express your feelings and communicate.

2) I agree with centering your marriage on God and His will for your lives. Pray together.

3) Don't try to involve 3rd parties when you have a disagreement/argument. It's a recipe for drama.

4) Go to premarital counseling, and be open about discussing everything from child-rearing to household chores and finances.

 

[Shimmie]

I tagged Laela, Nice & Wavy, mrselle, Health&hair28

Adding: Supergirl

 

[Loving]

Thanks ladies! Keep them coming!

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

Well I am not married........

But I have alot of successful marriages that surround me, so I will share what they do and things they share with me

1). Love God more than yall love each other
2). Praying, fasting, studying the word together
3). Love is not based on a "feeling". He may iritate you or vice versa but just because that happens does not mean he doesn't love you or vice versa.
4). Before you get married, sit down with your pastor and discuss EVERYTHING. Put everything on the table including goals, kids, jobs etc, then line it up with the word of God. I know in marriage there are surprises but somethings can be avoided ahead of time.
5). As a woman, submit to your husband. I know in 2012 "Independent Woman" Era that is shunned away from, but the bible speaks about being submissive. Submissive doesnt mean doormat. But be willing to let your husband lead you and your household. Let him be able to be a man. Support your husband. Wives are help meets, we are there to assist them in their walk with God, not make it difficult.
6). Compromise! Compromise Compromise! You wont win every decision or argument. But that's the thing, it's not about winning, but it's about you and your husband being a team, being one as the bible states..Expect hard times, you are bringing two people together and you are making them ONE. It won't be easy, but just remember a disagreement does not mean the love is not there
7). Go in with the mind that divorce is not a option. It is until death do you part.
8). Don't tell everyone all your business in your marriage.

9). And it's bolded because it's the most important one. Everything you ever learned about marriage from the world, Tv, books, movies, your own thoughts,family, friends..any "wordly" wisdom, throw it out the window. And tell yourself, I will order my marriage strictly by the word of God..


Soooo...once again I know I am not married, so it may not hold any weight, but this is the godly advice I have been given

Wise words.

Happily married 5 years. We do all this. We do a Daniel fast together every January.

And yes, your words carry a lot of weight. Married or not, wisdom is wisdom.

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

Hi @Loving

I've been married 8 years. LucieLoo gave some great advice up top.

I would also add:

1) Don't underestimate communication. Men and women do not think alike and a simple misunderstanding could (unnecessarily) turn into a huge argument simply b/c you never thought to voice/express your feelings and communicate.

2) I agree with centering your marriage on God and His will for your lives. Pray together.

3) Don't try to involve 3rd parties when you have a disagreement/argument. It's a recipe for drama.

4) Go to premarital counseling, and be open about discussing everything from child-rearing to household chores and finances.

Our pre-marital counseling was serious but hilarious. Best thing we ever did. And we did group classes before the wedding. We learned that our relationship was very mature compared to what other couples were struggling with.

 

[LucieLoo12]

Our pre-marital counseling was serious but hilarious. Best thing we ever did. And we did group classes before the wedding. We learned that our relationship was very mature compared to what other couples were struggling with.

It's a requirement through our church to get pre-martial classes.

They get nitty gritty too lol..By the time you done, you are going to know almost everything about that person.


Can you explain the group classes? What's that?

naturalgyrl5199

 

[mrselle]

Well I am not married........

But I have alot of successful marriages that surround me, so I will share what they do and things they share with me

1). Love God more than yall love each other
2). Praying, fasting, studying the word together
3). Love is not based on a "feeling". He may iritate you or vice versa but just because that happens does not mean he doesn't love you or vice versa.
4). Before you get married, sit down with your pastor and discuss EVERYTHING. Put everything on the table including goals, kids, jobs etc, then line it up with the word of God. I know in marriage there are surprises but somethings can be avoided ahead of time.
5). As a woman, submit to your husband. I know in 2012 "Independent Woman" Era that is shunned away from, but the bible speaks about being submissive. Submissive doesnt mean doormat. But be willing to let your husband lead you and your household. Let him be able to be a man. Support your husband. Wives are help meets, we are there to assist them in their walk with God, not make it difficult.
6). Compromise! Compromise Compromise! You wont win every decision or argument. But that's the thing, it's not about winning, but it's about you and your husband being a team, being one as the bible states..Expect hard times, you are bringing two people together and you are making them ONE. It won't be easy, but just remember a disagreement does not mean the love is not there
7). Go in with the mind that divorce is not a option. It is until death do you part.
8). Don't tell everyone all your business in your marriage.
9). And it's bolded because it's the most important one. Everything you ever learned about marriage from the world, Tv, books, movies, your own thoughts,family, friends..any "wordly" wisdom, throw it out the window. And tell yourself, I will order my marriage strictly by the word of God..


Soooo...once again I know I am not married, so it may not hold any weight, but this is the godly advice I have been given

Happily married for 11 years and I whole heartedly agree with everything you said.

 

[Laela]

YES..this! ITA ... and everything Galadriel also said.. Marriage is work and commitment...

7). Go in with the mind that divorce is not a option. It is until death do you part.

 

[Rainbow Dash]

Happily married 12 years and I agree with the wisdom that has been posted.

1. God centered marriage.

2. Communication....we are best buds and we talk about most things with one another. Listen to one another!!

3. Time...spend quality time together. Continue go on dates when the children come. Also, allow space for your girl time and his guy time.

4. Weather the storms of life as ONE. Draw close and uphold one another.

5. Do not allow anyone to come between you and your spouse.


6. Forgive and have grace.

 

[LucieLoo12]

Health&hair28

12 years!!!!! ...Congrats!!!

I thought you was like 25-28yrs old. I don't know why but I did....

 

[Supergirl]

My biggie for successful Christian marriage has to do with building the foundation for your marriage, as in everything you do before you get married.

1. Make sure you are the right you before you try to integrate your life with someone else's.
2. Short dating periods are a no-no. I can't necessarily give you an exact number for how long to date, but rushing in is a sure fire way to build an unstable marital foundation. Let's just say if your courting period lasted X amount of months, maybe you need some more time.
3. Don't get married until you have God's peace about it. You can be with the right person, but get married at the wrong time and probably mess things up really badly.
4. Try not to feel pressured because of what's going on around you as in all of your homies are getting married.
5. Conflict during dating is not a bad thing. In fact, I recommend that you don't marry someone until you know how they handle conflict.
6. Don't do wifey things before you get married. Sex we know is off limits, but you should also not be cleaning his place, cooking his meals, and hanging out with him late at night.
7. And we hear this all the time: Don't think you can change a man once you guys get married.
8. Stop listening to people that say "marriage is hard." It doesn't have to be. It is what you and he make it. This is why you must marry someone that is willing to make it just as spectacular as you're willing to.

 

[mblake8]

I ran across this lady today
http://heatherllindsey.blogspot.com/

great tips!

 

[MrsHaseeb]

My biggie for successful Christian marriage has to do with building the foundation for your marriage, as in everything you do before you get married.

1. Make sure you are the right you before you try to integrate your life with someone else's.
2. Short dating periods are a no-no. I can't necessarily give you an exact number for how long to date, but rushing in is a sure fire way to build an unstable marital foundation. Let's just say if your courting period lasted X amount of months, maybe you need some more time.
3. Don't get married until you have God's peace about it. You can be with the right person, but get married at the wrong time and probably mess things up really badly.
4. Try not to feel pressured because of what's going on around you as in all of your homies are getting married.
5. Conflict during dating is not a bad thing. In fact, I recommend that you don't marry someone until you know how they handle conflict.
6. Don't do wifey things before you get married. Sex we know is off limits, but you should also not be cleaning his place, cooking his meals, and hanging out with him late at night.
7. And we hear this all the time: Don't think you can change a man once you guys get married.
8. Stop listening to people that say "marriage is hard." It doesn't have to be. It is what you and he make it. This is why you must marry someone that is willing to make it just as spectacular as you're willing to.

Best advice I've read. Thank you for this post.

Sent from my 4G HTC Thunderbolt using LHCF

 

[menina]

9). And it's bolded because it's the most important one. Everything you ever learned about marriage from the world, Tv, books, movies, your own thoughts,family, friends..any "wordly" wisdom, throw it out the window. And tell yourself, I will order my marriage strictly by the word of God..

Soooo...once again I know I am not married, so it may not hold any weight, but this is the godly advice I have been given

@ the bolded all the way!

i did @ the underlined only cause it would mean this lovely quote, but i understood what you meant. 'worldy' wisdom against the word of God, lol.

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

It's a requirement through our church to get pre-martial classes.

They get nitty gritty too lol..By the time you done, you are going to know almost everything about that person.


Can you explain the group classes? What's that?

@naturalgyrl5199

Our church has a Married & Engaged couples ministry. We met every Sunday morning before service and had bible study and we discussed marriage and relationship issues. It didn't get down to the nitty gritty but we learned that we'd come a long way. It was interesting to see younger (newer) couples talk about stuff we'd grew past years prior. IMO I think they should have separated the groups so the married couples could get into more intimate issues. JMO. It was really nice though. We were able to help some other couples while we were there.

 

[Reminiscing]

My biggie for successful Christian marriage has to do with building the foundation for your marriage, as in everything you do before you get married.

1. Make sure you are the right you before you try to integrate your life with someone else's.
2. Short dating periods are a no-no. I can't necessarily give you an exact number for how long to date, but rushing in is a sure fire way to build an unstable marital foundation. Let's just say if your courting period lasted X amount of months, maybe you need some more time.
3. Don't get married until you have God's peace about it. You can be with the right person, but get married at the wrong time and probably mess things up really badly.
4. Try not to feel pressured because of what's going on around you as in all of your homies are getting married.
5. Conflict during dating is not a bad thing. In fact, I recommend that you don't marry someone until you know how they handle conflict.
6. Don't do wifey things before you get married. Sex we know is off limits, but you should also not be cleaning his place, cooking his meals, and hanging out with him late at night.
7. And we hear this all the time: Don't think you can change a man once you guys get married.
8. Stop listening to people that say "marriage is hard." It doesn't have to be. It is what you and he make it. This is why you must marry someone that is willing to make it just as spectacular as you're willing to.

I'm not married or in a relationship right now but I want to say thank you to Supergirl for always being honest about the dating process not being easy and that conflict is normal and necessary to the growth of a relationship. My issue with most of the christian dating books is that they mainly focus on the struggle of being single and then summarize the moment of meeting and courting your husband as an easy thing that magically happens over night. There's little to no mention of the conflicts and hard times faced during courting, which gives us single ladies (or me at least) the fall pretense that if your Adam is not perfect when he appears then he's not your Adam. Of course if there's too much struggle during courting that may be a sign that the marriage should not happen, but we shouldn't be afraid of a little struggle. We hear often that marriage is hard but the reality is that courting is hard too. After all if the union is truly ordained by God, the devil will definitely try to stop it.

Hope I didn't hijack the thread. Just really wanted to say thank you for keeping it real.

 

[auparavant]

Always be of good character and when you make a mistake, apologize. You may find someday that you are the only one worthy of the marriage, but if both would heed these words, you will have the keys toward successful marriage. If only one followed this advice, they will have nothing to be sorry about in the event that the marriage did not succeed. I say this to say, not all "good" marriages will make it. But if both man and woman developed a good character and humbled themselves, they would have the tools for a lasting, kind and loving marriage until death did them part.

 

[Loving]

Thanks so much ladies. Now I am even more convinced that there is hope!!!

 

[Loving]

I ran across this lady today
http://heatherllindsey.blogspot.com/

great tips!

Thanks so much! I love this one!

 

[windblownhair]

I keep some of my favorite scriptures printed out on my nightstand. I like rereading them on a regular basis.

Proverbs 15:23
Proverbs 25:11
Proverbs 19:13,14
Proverbs 21:9,19
Proverbs 31:10-31
Titus 2:4,5
1 Peter 3:1-6

They really help me when I get riled up. Stop me from saying stuff just because I'm angry

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I strongly agree with loving God more than you love the other person because God is the foundation on which a successful marriage is built. God IS love. As Fulton Sheen said, it takes three to get married and three to make love.

The man, as the head of the household MUST have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, and be able to hear from the Holy Spirit, much like Joseph did about his betrothed Mary.

Forget what society and feminists say: there is beauty in submission and service. And if that man is doing what he's supposed you, you will want to submit to him.

Preparation for a successful Christian marrige begins before you even meet the other person. Praying for that person (and connecting in the spiritual world), becoming the best you can be, understanding your future role, and pouring out yourself to God and others is excellent preparation.

Disclaimer: I am not married

 

[Galadriel]

“It takes three to make love, not two: you, your spouse, and God. Without God people only succeed in bringing out the worst in one another. Lovers who have nothing else to do but love each other soon find there is nothing else. Without a central loyalty life is unfinished.”

― Fulton J. Sheen, Seven Words of Jesus and Mary: Lessons from Cana and Calvary

 

[Belle Du Jour]

“It takes three to make love, not two: you, your spouse, and God. Without God people only succeed in bringing out the worst in one another. Lovers who have nothing else to do but love each other soon find there is nothing else. Without a central loyalty life is unfinished.”

― Fulton J. Sheen, Seven Words of Jesus and Mary: Lessons from Cana and Calvary

I'm reading Three to Get Married. It's deep stuff!