To Be Content Alone

[discobiscuits]

APOLOGIES FOR LONG POST

May I ask a question, ladies are all these men you meet/date chrisitians. The reason that I ask is that alot of what is being discussed I would find that the non-chrisitian male would not be that receptive to it. Most of the males that I have dated have been non-chrisitian although they were raised in a christian household but do not practice per se. I am just wondering how do you brooch a subject that you will not participate in any sexual encounters outside of marriage with said person. TIA

Let's see. I go out with/date/"fellowship" (LOL) with both. My intent is not to marry anyone who is not a Christian. With that said, the non-Christian men that I do go out with I keep at arm's length so to speak. I let them know from jump that we can only be associates or what have you.

Currently I have two men interested in me. One is a self proclaimed non-religious type who states that he does not believe in Jesus or the bible but does believe that there is a God. We've had prolonged discussions on religion and now he wants to visit my church because some of the things that I've said in relation to God, Jesus, marriage, religion, etc. he has never heard and he is really interested.

Now, do I think that he is interested in going to church and specifically my church so that he can get to me? I doubt it. I've had that happen before and I can tell the ones who say that to try to get closer to me (or draw me away) vs. someone with a genuine interest. My experience has been that the ones who are trying to get to me through attending church will only go to my church and only with me. He wants to attend whether I go or not. He has genuine curiosity and interest. He even went and looked for his unused bible to verify some of the things that I said while we talk on the phone. We broadcast our services on tv and online so I did point him to those resources as well. My hope is that he becomes a believer.

I also told him the night before last that I don't want to waste his time as we have nothing of substance in common and he can only be an acquaintance -not even a friend- to me and nothing more.

As for the Christian men. WOW. I sometimes feel that the NC ones (that I've met) have more sense than the C ones I've met. I actually got more respect and more honor from the NC men regarding the no-sex thing than some C men. I actually give the side eye to some C men. The C men that I've encountered (from my church or not) start off okay then the truth comes out. Nearly every one of them has tried to have sex with me or at least be physically intimate in some way with me whereas most, not all, of the NC men respect my decision and even more so if they "test" me and I pass. Meaning, like Ms.Honey said: I keep all my body parts to myself (hands, mouth).

The most disappointing part was the C men I've dated from my church who behaved that way and I KNOW what is taught there so I KNOW that they know they were wrong.

NOTE: I do not want to give an incorrect image of my church or the men there - this was just my experience and it was only 3 men out of over what?, 15,000-20,000+ members. Those same three men are still unmarried and one even sent a written apology out. Man, when I learned the truth about him & his ways (not gay or bi) my jaw was on the floor. Thank God for people who give you the rundown ahead of time. (I have a male BFF who was friends with said man and was there when the man hit on me and told me "Don't do eeettt!!!").

So I said all that to say, you never know and I do not turn down a man strictly b/c he is a NC as God may have put us on the same path for that period of time b/c He may want one of us to learn something or to use me as a seed planter. I've done that in the past and years later I run into the guy and he's saved.

Oh! Just remembered - true story. My 1st relationship or real BF was when I was 19. He was seven years older than me and Catholic (non-practicing) . I told him from day one I'd never marry him b/c he was Catholic and that we were on different pages and I did not want to take the chance of having children with him and the Protestant/Catholic thing be an issue. He said the kids could go to both churches and make up their own minds. I said no that is confusion. We were together 4 years and generally happily so. He asked me to marry him. I said no. He was still Catholic. We stopped communicating. About another four years passed and he got married - to a Protestant and after he had converted. I was never happier for him. We had two conversations, one a week before his wedding and one about two years after cause he was in the hospital recovering from a heart attack. He told me that he converted partly because of the things that he and I had discussed about Christianity and that the seeds had been planted but when his wife came along they were watered and grew.

So I know that God does work and I don't not talk to a guy b/c he is a NC, I just categorize the type of or nature of our dealings and keep it moving.

This is so true! My husband told me of a friend of his who was a pastor on campus back in university (incidentally I knew the guy through mutual friends) who got married to this girl he was courting just because they couldn't wait to have sex.
...
I also know another christian couple who because they were 'burning' went ahead and got married in court
...
Now what is the difference between these 2 couples? Even though they married because they were 'burning' with hard to control passion for each other, the second couple obviously did some getting-to-know-you-indepth-studies of themselves and I believe had their spiritual radar tuned to God's will for their lives.

Interesting & wow.

 

[Mis007]

APOLOGIES FOR LONG POST


Let's see. I go out with/date/"fellowship" (LOL) with both. My intent is not to marry anyone who is not a Christian. With that said, the non-Christian men that I do go out with I keep at arm's length so to speak. I let them know from jump that we can only be associates or what have you.


I also told him the night before last that I don't want to waste his time as we have nothing of substance in common and he can only be an acquaintance -not even a friend- to me and nothing more.

As for the Christian men. WOW. I sometimes feel that the NC ones (that I've met) have more sense than the C ones I've met. I actually got more respect and more honor from the NC men regarding the no-sex thing than some C men. I actually give the side eye to some C men. The C men that I've encountered (from my church or not) start off okay then the truth comes out. Nearly every one of them has tried to have sex with me or at least be physically intimate in some way with me whereas most, not all, of the NC men respect my decision and even more so if they "test" me and I pass. Meaning, like Ms.Honey said: I keep all my body parts to myself (hands, mouth).

The most disappointing part was the C men I've dated from my church who behaved that way and I KNOW what is taught there so I KNOW that they know they were wrong.

So I said all that to say, you never know and I do not turn down a man strictly b/c he is a NC as God may have put us on the same path for that period of time b/c He may want one of us to learn something or to use me as a seed planter. I've done that in the past and years later I run into the guy and he's saved.

So I know that God does work and I don't not talk to a guy b/c he is a NC, I just categorize the type of or nature of our dealings and keep it moving.


Interesting & wow.

Thank you 1star for taking the time to offer your advice I agree whole heartdly with what you have written. I to have found a significant difference between the C/NC male and it's not all good. I hear what you are saying about not wanting to marry a NC, the thing is that I would hate to narrow my choices of eligable men NC or otherwise. I have hear d from most of my christian female friends that the church has slim pickings of eligable C men so for many of us our search will often take us beyond the church.

Thanks again I have noted some pointers...

 

[Ms.Honey]

Thank you 1star for taking the time to offer your advice I agree whole heartdly with what you have written. I to have found a significant difference between the C/NC male and it's not all good. I hear what you are saying about not wanting to marry a NC, the thing is that I would hate to narrow my choices of eligable men NC or otherwise. I have hear d from most of my christian female friends that the church has slim pickings of eligable C men so for many of us our search will often take us beyond the church.

Thanks again I have noted some pointers...

Ladies, DO NOT fellowship (date) unsaved men or unconverted Christian men What does the light and darkness have in common? Be ye not unequally yoked with unbelievers. They do not live by the same standards God has set for us. These relationships begin with a deficit. That includes those who convert Monday and ask you out on Thursday. They are not ready.

Also, there is not a shortage of Christian men to fellowship with and marry. If Jesus can feed the multitude with a few fish and a few loaves of bread you mean to tell me that out of ALL the men in the world He can't find one to marry you? And please realize He's been planning your life before the foundation of the world. He's not shocked nor phased by this "shortage."

The problem is not a Christian man shortage. THEY JUST DON'T WANT SOME OF US!!!! Sorry. Talking to single Christian men 9 times out of ten they say they want to ask the sisters out but they feel pressured into entering into relationships when all they wanted was to ask you out to dinner or a play every now and then and get to know you. We think we are being calm and content but content and non pressed people can spot a non content and pressed person, especially a woman, from a mile awayerplexed Your speech betrays you. Learn to be content and let the Lord tweak your plans. He's far better at it than we are

It is a misinterpretation of what Paul is saying that causes folks to make that excuse to marry to keep from fornicating. Even if it was what Paul meant, the Lord told them not to marry or told them to wait. Lust isn't only sexual either.

 

[Mis007]

Ladies, DO NOT fellowship (date) unsaved men or unconverted Christian men What does the light and darkness have in common? Be ye not unequally yoked with unbelievers. They do not live by the same standards God has set for us. These relationships begin with a deficit. That includes those who convert Monday and ask you out on Thursday. They are not ready.

Also, there is not a shortage of Christian men to fellowship with and marry. If Jesus can feed the multitude with a few fish and a few loaves of bread you mean to tell me that out of ALL the men in the world He can't find one to marry you? And please realize He's been planning your life before the foundation of the world. He's not shocked nor phased by this "shortage."

The problem is not a Christian man shortage. THEY JUST DON'T WANT SOME OF US!!!! Sorry. Talking to single Christian men 9 times out of ten they say they want to ask the sisters out but they feel pressured into entering into relationships when all they wanted was to ask you out to dinner or a play every now and then and get to know you. We think we are being calm and content but content and non pressed people can spot a non content and pressed person, especially a woman, from a mile awayerplexed Your speech betrays you. Learn to be content and let the Lord tweak your plans. He's far better at it than we are

It is a misinterpretation of what Paul is saying that causes folks to make that excuse to marry to keep from fornicating. Even if it was what Paul meant, the Lord told them not to marry or told them to wait. Lust isn't only sexual either.

Thank you.

 

[Love Always]

Ladies, DO NOT fellowship (date) unsaved men or unconverted Christian men What does the light and darkness have in common? Be ye not unequally yoked with unbelievers. They do not live by the same standards God has set for us. These relationships begin with a deficit. That includes those who convert Monday and ask you out on Thursday. They are not ready.

Also, there is not a shortage of Christian men to fellowship with and marry. If Jesus can feed the multitude with a few fish and a few loaves of bread you mean to tell me that out of ALL the men in the world He can't find one to marry you? And please realize He's been planning your life before the foundation of the world. He's not shocked nor phased by this "shortage."

The problem is not a Christian man shortage. THEY JUST DON'T WANT SOME OF US!!!! Sorry. Talking to single Christian men 9 times out of ten they say they want to ask the sisters out but they feel pressured into entering into relationships when all they wanted was to ask you out to dinner or a play every now and then and get to know you. We think we are being calm and content but content and non pressed people can spot a non content and pressed person, especially a woman, from a mile awayerplexed Your speech betrays you. Learn to be content and let the Lord tweak your plans. He's far better at it than we are

It is a misinterpretation of what Paul is saying that causes folks to make that excuse to marry to keep from fornicating. Even if it was what Paul meant, the Lord told them not to marry or told them to wait. Lust isn't only sexual either.

Ms. Honey this is my second official post in the Christian Forum. You're definitely telling the truth about some Christian Men do not want some of the Christian woman. This might take a turn but I want to know this question if you can answer this or bring some perspective. OK, here it goes...it appears that it's OK for a single brother in the church to date a non-Christian woman and bring her to church however when it comes to a Christian woman dating a non-Christian man it's unnacceptableerplexed. The church frowns upon the second scenario I just gave...any insight?

 

[Bunny77]

Ms. Honey this is my second official post in the Christian Forum. You're definitely telling the truth about some Christian Men do not want some of the Christian woman. This might take a turn but I want to know this question if you can answer this or bring some perspective. OK, here it goes...it appears that it's OK for a single brother in the church to date a non-Christian woman and bring her to church however when it comes to a Christian woman dating a non-Christian man it's unnacceptableerplexed. The church frowns upon the second scenario I just gave...any insight?

Not Ms. Honey, but I wonder if it's because of the idea that the man's leadership can bring her to Christ, but in the other scenario, an unsaved man leading the way isn't acceptable.

Although in reality, I've seen more women lead men to Christ than vice-versa... I don't personally think one pairing should be acceptable over another.

 

[Ms.Honey]

Ms. Honey this is my second official post in the Christian Forum. You're definitely telling the truth about some Christian Men do not want some of the Christian woman. This might take a turn but I want to know this question if you can answer this or bring some perspective. OK, here it goes...it appears that it's OK for a single brother in the church to date a non-Christian woman and bring her to church however when it comes to a Christian woman dating a non-Christian man it's unnacceptableerplexed. The church frowns upon the second scenario I just gave...any insight?

Double standards? IDK. Maybe they feel the woman should know better than pick a fool to have to submit too.

We HAVE to witness. Bringing an unsaved person to church is what we all need to do. USUALLY when I've seen it the men were witnessing and the women were trying to get someone saved in order to marry them because they were talking/dating. Women usually bring unsaved women to church rather than unsaved men because they know the men's intent is not to know more about Jesus but to try and hook up with them

Now, I HAVE seen brothers bring unsaved women or sisters from other churches to fellowship with. I think a lot of times they want someone who doesn't know what they've been taught and can't hold them accountable for their mess like a sister from their own church would. Pertaining to the unsaved women they bring, alot of times their fornicating with them or hoping to and are trying to impress them with their standing in the church.

 

[Love Always]

Double standards? IDK. Maybe they feel the woman should know better than pick a fool to have to submit too.

We HAVE to witness. Bringing an unsaved person to church is what we all need to do. USUALLY when I've seen it the men were witnessing and the women were trying to get someone saved in order to marry them because they were talking/dating. Women usually bring unsaved women to church rather than unsaved men because they know the men's intent is not to know more about Jesus but to try and hook up with them

Now, I HAVE seen brothers bring unsaved women or sisters from other churches to fellowship with. I think a lot of times they want someone who doesn't know what they've been taught and can't hold them accountable for their mess like a sister from their own church would. Pertaining to the unsaved women they bring, alot of times their fornicating with them or hoping to and are trying to impress them with their standing in the church.

I do believe it's a double standard. I agree with you on this. This has never been my experience but I have seen this far too often and I've wondered about this. Thank you for answering.

 

[discobiscuits]

Not Ms. Honey, but I wonder if it's because of the idea that the man's leadership can bring her to Christ, but in the other scenario, an unsaved man leading the way isn't acceptable.

Although in reality, I've seen more women lead men to Christ than vice-versa... I don't personally think one pairing should be acceptable over another.

In general, I agree w/ Ms.Honey about not dating unsaved/NC men. I do not see dating NC men as being unequally yoked since dating is not marriage and marriage is the yoke not dating/courting. The dating process is the weeding out process. Additionally, the concept that you mentioned in your post is Paul's opinion about married couples where one spouse is a believer and one is not (scriptures @ bottom of post).

I agree with my pastor that there is a best way of dating which is to fellowship in groups with only C people and only unmarried with unmarried and marrieds can only fellowship with marrieds. However, he also knows and teaches that people are weak in different areas and have different sins that easily cause one to fall. To that end, he said that some people are able to date one-on-one without falling and the mature can do so. I choose to date one-on-one and I will date NC men as per my previous since it is not being unequally yoked. I will have to add more later.

12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

But I am also torn , he is willing to get married NOW, its me that keeps pushing it back, because I dont want us to get married just to 'relieve my spiritual anguish and anxieties' about this, he does not feel like I do about Marriage, he feels he is LOVING me and married to me already in his heart, well let me rephrase that, I feel that way too, but he doesnt have the mixed messages and anguish like I do



Ladies I have an even deeper question, is it going to the court house that makes it an honorable union in the Lord's eyes, I mean we almost did that a million times, how does a piece of paper make it all right, in the days of old didnt they just have a 'ceremony' or celebration and take their vows before the LORD, can you take those vows without the piece of paper?

You are so torn by this all. It's so much to bear. But do you think now would be a good time to make the decision to marry when you two just had a very serious situation happen? You should definitely take your time and not allow his influence to "rush" things. I'd advise you to keep learning right now...of everything in the relationship, good/bad. Marriage won't solve things but can make them very concentrated.

Court House. The way I see it, from Judaism to Christianity, marriage has been spiritual as people are married under G-d and with all the community's faithful in witness. Obviously, G-d honors all marriages whatever the religion..but if you are a christian, you are of a faith community and you should honor that. Who in the Court House will bless you?

 

[Ms.Honey]

In general, I agree w/ Ms.Honey about not dating unsaved/NC men. I do not see dating NC men as being unequally yoked since dating is not marriage and marriage is the yoke not dating/courting. The dating process is the weeding out process. Additionally, the concept that you mentioned in your post is Paul's opinion about married couples where one spouse is a believer and one is not (scriptures @ bottom of post).

I agree with my pastor that there is a best way of dating which is to fellowship in groups with only C people and only unmarried with unmarried and marrieds can only fellowship with marrieds. However, he also knows and teaches that people are weak in different areas and have different sins that easily cause one to fall. To that end, he said that some people are able to date one-on-one without falling and the mature can do so. I choose to date one-on-one and I will date NC men as per my previous since it is not being unequally yoked. I will have to add more later.

What would be the point of dating a man who does not believe in your God? Why do you think unequally yoked only means to be engaged or married? It includes friendships with both male and female also. Unequally yoked means being yoked with someone who does not believe what you believe, how you believe it. That does not say someone of the opposite sex only or someone you would want to marry.

 

[discobiscuits]

well, the dictionary definition of yoke refers to marriage. our church refers to it as marriage. i'm referring to it in marriage. i do not consider friendships or dating yokes. a yoke is bondage to another and i'm not bound to my friends or to a date but based on our beliefs we are bound in marriage and that bond is only broken in death. dating and friendships, not so. just my opinion. and if dating is a yoke then i definately don't agree with your opinon on non-monagamy before marriage because then i'd be yoked with multiple suitors. *shrug*

 

[Ms.Honey]

well, the dictionary definition of yoke refers to marriage. our church refers to it as marriage. i'm referring to it in marriage. i do not consider friendships or dating yokes. a yoke is bondage to another and i'm not bound to my friends or to a date but based on our beliefs we are bound in marriage and that bond is only broken in death. dating and friendships, not so. just my opinion. and if dating is a yoke then i definately don't agree with your opinon on non-monagamy before marriage because then i'd be yoked with multiple suitors. *shrug*

Our church does not refer to yoked as being marriage only. Fellowship is fellowship and we are yoked to each others in Christian fellowship male or female which is a good thing. We pray to the Lord to bind us (yoke us) together with our brethern, make us one in our hearts.
I'm yoked to my girlfriends because I've chosen to enter into a relationship with them and they've chosen the same. I also have associates that I've chosen NOT to be yoked to I like them but we can't fellowship because they're not Christians. I'm yoked to my children.

 

[Raspberry]

Ok, now that we've discussed the plight of unsaved women, historical marriage and marriages of women of other gods etc. let's talk about the people called after HIS name. I know women who have said the Lord has told them NOT to marry. I personally know of a few who say He has told them no. Are they lying on Jesus? Why would they lie on God about a something "promised" to all people?

And since as it has been said here that we are all Christians, what about the thousands upon thousands of Catholic sisters who the Lord has called to remain unmarried? Some are moms, divorced and widowed but I believe most have never married (a Catholic sister can better answer that) are THEY lying on God?
What about sisters who never wanted to marry and those who wanted to marry but never have children but the Lord instructed them to?

I would bet that most of those women had deep desires related to devoting themselves fully to the work of the ministry apart from typical marriage and family life - and they realized at some point that their desire was a gift that could be used by God.

I guess the thing that makes many uneasy about is this idea that God will tell someone He does not want them to marry though they have a strong desire to do so. That sounds like a burden rather than a gift - and it really has no precedent in scripture.

The words of Jesus below illustrate how individual choice is primary when it comes to marriage in society:

Matthew 19:3-12
3Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" 4"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,'[a] 5and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'[b]? 6So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."


Please note that Jesus doesn't frame a man's desire and action to marry as being dependent on God's explicit will for an individual, but simply because we are created male and female - the tendency towards marriage is a part of our God given DNA.

7"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"
8Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."
10The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry."
11Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage[c]because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.

The eunuchs of those days were castrated or mutilated men who were rendered without sexual desire as a result. But here Jesus also uses them as metaphors for people who do not marry. He puts them into 3 categories: The first being those who were born that way (perhaps both biological and personality related meanings here). The second being those who were mutilated by men - or outside of their own control. The third being those who chose to renounce marriage because they felt (and strongly desired) a higher mandate for their lives.

The phrase "the one who can accept this should accept it" tells us that a person should only forsake marriage if they are personally willing to accept that state of life. Nowhere in this passage does Jesus say that marriage may not be His will for someone who desires it.

 

[discobiscuits]

actually, they do. i've heard it taught in our church that yoke is bondage (marriage and to a sin/habit but not in friendship), but then i've only been hupokoe-ing in that ministry for 20 years or so, maybe i misheard what EPC was teaching. they also do not teach us that we cannot fellowship with unbelievers. they teach us to guard our hearts and that it is unwise to do so and that we should not but not that we can't.

anyway, u know i wub u so we can agree to disagree on "yoke". i still stand firm that yoke is a refernece to a type of bondage and not a reference to a type of relationship (outside of marriage which is a type of bondage).

i also still maintain (under your definition) that if one is non-monogamous premarital, then they are in multiple relationships ergo yoked to more than one person. unless i'm missing what you are trying to convey.

 

[Raspberry]

But while we do have the freedom to marry... the verse below illustrates my views on getting married, and really every other decision we face in life:

1Cor 10:23
23"Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive.

Outside of those things that are sinful we have freedom to do many things. But how do we determine what is the best and most constructive decision to make at any given time? As subjects of the Kingdom we have the privilege of having the Holy Spirit on the inside of us who seeks to lead us in all truth and to reveal the will of the Father. So this is where I absolutely agree with Ms. Honey - if we want the best things God has to offer for us as individuals, we must seek His face above all else. So I know that I could choose a man to marry but without the leading of the Holy Spirit, he would not be God's best for me.

But one thing that is often glossed over is the part about actually hearing from God. Many Christians struggle with the idea that they can actually experience the leading of the Spirit in their daily lives. So when there is perceived resistance from singles about letting God choose their mates, it's not always because of a rebellious attitude, but rather frustration from many who don't quite believe that God is speaking to them regularly in the first place, let alone about their desires for a mate. The church should be making it a first priority to teach believers how to hear from God, discern His voice, and develop their spirits. After that, all the questions we have about life, love, work, etc become matters of seeking, waiting, listening, hearing, and submitting. Learning to hear His voice has been my main desire these past couple years because everything done apart from Him is done in vain and since I have been created for fellowship with God, there is nothing greater than that. I will start a spin-off thread about this topic..

I have been single/celibate for 3 years but the first two years I had little desire to date and marriage seemed far-fetched. I needed that time to re-establish a spiritual identity after years of backsliding and disappointing relationships with men that left me feeling numb and cynical about meeting a man I could have deep feelings for. But over the past year I have started to desire marriage as I have become emotionally healthier and have had good teaching that has opened my eyes to what God intended the role of men to be.

One of the most important things I've prayed concerning marriage is that God would change align my desires to His will so I would recognize and want the one he has for me. I realized that my preferences in men had been shaped by worldliness and cultural expectations and that I needed God to renew my mind in this area because I might be blocking my own blessing. I spoke about this at length in another thread, but I do believe that God has shown me who my mate is and placed him in my path in a fascinating way. Everything should be cool then right? Well it turns out now that I sense the Spirit telling me not to "arouse or awaken love until it so desires".. and also that by interacting with this man insecurities and complexes I had suppressed have been making an appearance and God is using this waiting time to deal with them. If I had not decided to take things slow and seek God through this time I might have pushed myself on this man too quickly and miss out on important correction and healing God wants to impart to strengthen me for marriage and life in general.

Things haven't' been easy in my quest for love (or anything else lol) I'm learning that God uses the experiences in our lives to refine us and strengthen us in preperation for blessing- and just like muscles don't get strengthened without some discomfort and pain, neither do we become more like Jesus without some discomfort and trial.

 

[Irresistible]

You are so torn by this all. It's so much to bear. But do you think now would be a good time to make the decision to marry when you two just had a very serious situation happen? You should definitely take your time and not allow his influence to "rush" things. I'd advise you to keep learning right now...of everything in the relationship, good/bad. Marriage won't solve things but can make them very concentrated.

Court House. The way I see it, from Judaism to Christianity, marriage has been spiritual as people are married under G-d and with all the community's faithful in witness. Obviously, G-d honors all marriages whatever the religion..but if you are a christian, you are of a faith community and you should honor that. Who in the Court House will bless you?

Yes sweetie, I hear you, thats my point exactly the court house , the paper has nothing to do with it for me, as you stated so truthfully, the court house cant bless me ......hehe I LIKE THAT

God has dealt with both of us soooo much , we have worked through alot, the change in us both from whence we came to where we are is amazing, we were a mess, alot of fear has been worked out which was making us both do crazy-arse-shyt, him more, but me too. I am feeling very encouraged about him, his love, and us right now, it took me a looong time to feel this way about 'us' again. but I AM not jumping-no worries

 

[Irresistible]

What would be the point of dating a man who does not believe in your God? Why do you think unequally yoked only means to be engaged or married? It includes friendships with both male and female also. Unequally yoked means being yoked with someone who does not believe what you believe, how you believe it. That does not say someone of the opposite sex only or someone you would want to marry.

Ive met some ministers in the church as my suitors and I thought then it was the only way to go, and man I swear they had some of the most ugliest issues/hearts and ugly self righteousness in them , Ive met unbelievers with more beautiful hearts than that.....ugh

now Ms Honey think of your situation, you married before either of you were saved, but God saved you both. He was in it all along, he knew the end from the beginning

what if one of you got saved first and the Lord expected one of you to stand for the other and pray and later the other got saved.....you know you never know how God is going to work something out

God never said we should just stay in our amen corner and have no love/fellowship with others

I personally have seen greater love at times outside of believers or the church, but oh when it comes from a believer and its real LOVE its so incredibly beautiful, and its an even more awesome event to see real true love in the heart of an unbeliever, I personally could never shun love , and I think its the heart of the person that matters and they NEED our light, I have a friend that I have brought through so much, I would never trade that ministry and friendship because she was an unbeliever, or better yet to describe her, a professed believer, but no action behind it, a very lost believer, now she is walking closer and closer to him


I am chasing after only giving, and living in LOVE and following after God's heart, I cant say that will only lead me to fellowship with believers and cut everyone else off, in fact I already know it wont

 

[Irresistible]

oh and to explain the man in my life

he is the son of a very well known preacher, and the cousin of a very well known gospel singer, he grew up in the church, saved when he was 14, when they pulled him up the alter during a revival, Mother very influencial in his life and the church , lots of money, he got all messed up, raised in a bunch of RELIGION and watching all around him the hypocrisy, but he loves God, he doesnt have the same love affair that I have with him, but has watched me and saw God deal with him when he messed with me , hehe, and is very humbled in that experience at knowing what he cant just get away with, I am watching things transform before my eyes, so when you said 'dont be with someone that doesnt love Jesus' he does girl, and he is a work in progress, but you know what despite our downfalls and issues, here is the thing HE LOVES ME

Now I have walked with the high and mighty believers in the church that were my suitors and were in ministry , I tell you , yes they loved the Lord, to what degree I could never know or judge nor would it be my place, but I can tell you this, THEY DID NOT LOVE ME, they were drawn to the God in me and what I have walked through, and my testimony but when it all came out in the wash-nah there was no TRUE love, and their hearts couldnt be any more trusted than that of a man that is struggling in his belief, this has been my experience though solely, had I met a believer and had they not turned out to have some of the most ugliest issues in them ever, I would feel differently I am sure, but maybe this would help to explain why I am with the man I am with and I have different outlook on all those things now

see you got married, tried to get a divorce and then got saved, both of you, thats all you know , is him, both unsaved and saved. There is a big world out there of all kinds of mess even amongst believers, But God put two people that were a mess and unsaved together , he did it for you. He might do the same or something similar for others-keep that in mind , you never know what God is doing in the lives of others. He did something so beautiful for you, he restored what was desolate and broken and healed what was deeply wounded and renewed your marriage for you

no matter how it looks, you just never know what he is really going to do or what he is up to

because of what I HAVE seen I chose to go solely by the heart and the heart alone , not what comes out of ones mouth about their belief, trust and believe and I kid you not, so serious here, I MET DEVILS THAT WAY.

 

[Ramya]

What would be the point of dating a man who does not believe in your God? Why do you think unequally yoked only means to be engaged or married? It includes friendships with both male and female also. Unequally yoked means being yoked with someone who does not believe what you believe, how you believe it. That does not say someone of the opposite sex only or someone you would want to marry.

ITA. I'd rather start off with a man that is spiritually mature than to wait for him to be the "priest of the house." We CAN do whatever we want to but as Raspberry quoted it may not be beneficial to us. My inner circle is saved and spiritually mature. My loose associates are trying to get there. I love everyone as in agape love or God loving through me, BUT I guard my heart from corrupt fellowships.

ETA: I really wish people would stop thinking that God puts EVERYBODY you meet into your life. We have free will. That man could have just thought you were sexy and wanted to meet you. Yes, He can put people in your life but people abuse that thought. He has a plan but are we really asking HIM what HIS plan is for us? Or are we stuck on what WE want?

 

[Irresistible]

ITA. I'd rather start off with a man that is spiritually mature than to wait for him to be the "priest of the house." We CAN do whatever we want to but as Raspberry quoted it may not be beneficial to us. My inner circle is saved and spiritually mature. My loose associates are trying to get there. I love everyone as in agape love or God loving through me, BUT I guard my heart from corrupt fellowships.

ETA: I really wish people would stop thinking that God puts EVERYBODY you meet into your life. We have free will. That man could have just thought you were sexy and wanted to meet you. Yes, He can put people in your life but people abuse that thought. He has a plan but are we really asking HIM what HIS plan is for us? Or are we stuck on what WE want?

I think we all have to ask that question and be sure we listen for the truth at all times on all things

 

[Ms.Honey]

actually, they do. i've heard it taught in our church that yoke is bondage (marriage and to a sin/habit but not in friendship), but then i've only been hupokoe-ing in that ministry for 20 years or so, maybe i misheard what EPC was teaching. they also do not teach us that we cannot fellowship with unbelievers. they teach us to guard our hearts and that it is unwise to do so and that we should not but not that we can't.

anyway, u know i wub u so we can agree to disagree on "yoke". i still stand firm that yoke is a refernece to a type of bondage and not a reference to a type of relationship (outside of marriage which is a type of bondage).

i also still maintain (under your definition) that if one is non-monogamous premarital, then they are in multiple relationships ergo yoked to more than one person. unless i'm missing what you are trying to convey.

You may want to listen to the Sanctified Singles and the Singles Enrichment tape series. Pastor talks explicitly about being yoked to and fellowshipping. You can borrow them free from church if you don't have them.

Have you ever been a part of the Singles ministry at church? They teach it there also. We are not to fellowship with unsaved and unconverted people. As a matter of fact, pastor was teaching on this very subject Sunday and Tuesday. You can also ask him after service or one of the ministers.

It is fine to be yoked to multiple people even in the fellowshipping with the opposite sex. The problem is being ONE FLESH with more than one person of the opposite sex. The Encarta dictionary does not define yoked as being marriage only.

I know you'll pray on it. I need to pm you chica. We need to talk about some church stuff. Only one location again?

 

[Ms.Honey]

Ive met some ministers in the church as my suitors and I thought then it was the only way to go, and man I swear they had some of the most ugliest issues/hearts and ugly self righteousness in them , Ive met unbelievers with more beautiful hearts than that.....ugh

now Ms Honey think of your situation, you married before either of you were saved, but God saved you both. He was in it all along, he knew the end from the beginning

what if one of you got saved first and the Lord expected one of you to stand for the other and pray and later the other got saved.....you know you never know how God is going to work something out

God never said we should just stay in our amen corner and have no love/fellowship with others

I personally have seen greater love at times outside of believers or the church, but oh when it comes from a believer and its real LOVE its so incredibly beautiful, and its an even more awesome event to see real true love in the heart of an unbeliever, I personally could never shun love , and I think its the heart of the person that matters and they NEED our light, I have a friend that I have brought through so much, I would never trade that ministry and friendship because she was an unbeliever, or better yet to describe her, a professed believer, but no action behind it, a very lost believer, now she is walking closer and closer to him


I am chasing after only giving, and living in LOVE and following after God's heart, I cant say that will only lead me to fellowship with believers and cut everyone else off, in fact I already know it wont

We weren't converted and the Lord told us not to marry and we did it anyway. We suffered alot because of our disobedience. Our parents told us to wait too. They were our authority, God spoke to us through them, and we rejected it. Friends and strangers asked us if we were sure, STILL didn't listen. I KNEW IN MY HEART and still didn't listen. We still struggle to this day because of the choice we made. Yes, we have free will and yes we can marry who we want. Their are consequences for our choices, lifelong consequences.

NO ONE has ever entered into a jacked up situation, marriage, ungodly friendship or ungodly fellowship with the opposite sex without the Lord warning them. He means what He says. He makes no exceptions.

 

[PaperClip]

NO ONE has ever entered into a jacked up situation, marriage, ungodly friendship or ungodly fellowship with the opposite sex without the Lord warning them. He means what He says. He makes no exceptions.

It's not really much else to say behind this....

The Lord is speaking...we have to position ourselves to hear Him.... and He is SO MERCIFUL toward us that He keeps at us in His gentle way....

 

[hopeful]

Its interesting to hear you say you want an "active Christian". This is what I wanted when I was dating too. I must say though that a man pursues a woman. He who finds a wife finds a good thing. So It is the man who searches and finds. In my opinion a lot of us, out of desperation want to do what the man is suppose to do. Seek first the kingdom of God and He will bless you as He desires. Since it seems that you are a Christian, then you know this already. Let God take care of you and bring His best into your life. As soon as I stopped trying that is when I met and fell in love with the man God made for me. This all may sound old fashion but I believe that by taking charge of this matter ourselves we change the path of our lives. I cannot tell you how many men I let into my heart because I stopped letting God guard me.
In His love,
Nat

This quote was in another thread but I just thought it was a beautiful testimony and wanted to share with you ladies.

 

[Ms.Honey]

The Lord spoke to me this morning. He told me to say that He hears a lot of, "I want a husband and children prayers, I'm praying for my FH future DH prayers, binding and releasing" prayers for men you all have never met, yet He he hears no, "I want to be a wife and a mother" prayers. He said to say it's a difference in priorities, the difference is ones priorities. He also told me to repost this scripture:

James 4:1-10
1 From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members?
2 Ye lust and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and can not obtain: ye fight and war, Yet ye have not because ye ASK not, ye ask, and RECEIVE not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.

Seems like there are times when we don't get what we want because we haven't asked God some questions and sometimes it's something we're doing. Easily solved by a simple prayer to the Father but I digress.

Why do you want a husband and children? Why aren't you praying to be a wife and a mother? Why aren't you praying to be a servant (they want, they need) but instead praying to consume upon your own lusts (I want, I need)?

 

[Irresistible]

We weren't converted and the Lord told us not to marry and we did it anyway. We suffered alot because of our disobedience. Our parents told us to wait too. They were our authority, God spoke to us through them, and we rejected it. Friends and strangers asked us if we were sure, STILL didn't listen. I KNEW IN MY HEART and still didn't listen. We still struggle to this day because of the choice we made. Yes, we have free will and yes we can marry who we want. Their are consequences for our choices, lifelong consequences.

NO ONE has ever entered into a jacked up situation, marriage, ungodly friendship or ungodly fellowship with the opposite sex without the Lord warning them. He means what He says. He makes no exceptions.

Confused, because you said the LORD told you not to get a divorce , and you both were saved, I dont know, I just saw that as a blessing, 22 years later, you must feel somewhat the same?

 

[Ije4eva]

Wow, Ms. Honey I never post, but I just had to when I saw this. The Lord truly speaks. He gave me this scripture on Monday when I was upset and crying. God spoke to me last year regarding His will for me as far as marriage, and since then it seems like I've "suffered" so much for the purpose of learning patience and humility wihen it comes to the opposite sex and what I feel I "deserve". I can TOTALLY attest to the fact that God will prepare you for marriage if you ask for His will. I asked God his will a little over a year ago, when I got the answer I was overjoyed! He even revealed the man that would adore me for the rest of my life (this is what I'm thinking of course). Little did I know that after the revelation comes the refining. Boooooooy, has he shown me myself. I knew I had some issues, but I didn't think they were that bad! Now I can see how much I really did need to grow in order to be ready for the walk of marriage.

I don't believe that we do it intentionally, but as women we watch the movies and they make you feel that you'll meet and marry someone who should just accept you "just as I am without one plea"!!! But you don't know that your selfishness can be the end of your own fairytale. I'm so glad I'm learning all the things now through the trials I've faced in the past few months, and my older sisters in Christ who are married/divorced continue to confirm to me that indeed, they can see that I'm going through hardcore preparation!

Ms. Honey, that was just a reminder for me, that God is preparing a servant's heart in me. And if you can simply humble yourself, HE will exalt you in due time.

 

[Irresistible]

The Lord spoke to me this morning. He told me to say that He hears a lot of, "I want a husband and children prayers, I'm praying for my FH future DH prayers, binding and releasing" prayers for men you all have never met, yet He he hears no, "I want to be a wife and a mother" prayers. He said to say it's a difference in priorities, the difference is ones priorities. He also told me to repost this scripture:

James 4:1-10
1 From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members?
2 Ye lust and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and can not obtain: ye fight and war, Yet ye have not because ye ASK not, ye ask, and RECEIVE not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.

Seems like there are times when we don't get what we want because we haven't asked God some questions and sometimes it's something we're doing. Easily solved by a simple prayer to the Father but I digress.

Why do you want a husband and children? Why aren't you praying to be a wife and a mother? Why aren't you praying to be a servant (they want, they need) but instead praying to consume upon your own lusts (I want, I need)?

yeah because surely to become a wife and a mother , tis no longer about 'you' at all

 

[Irresistible]

Wow, Ms. Honey I never post, but I just had to when I saw this. The Lord truly speaks. He gave me this scripture on Monday when I was upset and crying. God spoke to me last year regarding His will for me as far as marriage, and since then it seems like I've "suffered" so much for the purpose of learning patience and humility wihen it comes to the opposite sex and what I feel I "deserve". I can TOTALLY attest to the fact that God will prepare you for marriage if you ask for His will. I asked God his will a little over a year ago, when I got the answer I was overjoyed! He even revealed the man that would adore me for the rest of my life (this is what I'm thinking of course). Little did I know that after the revelation comes the refining. Boooooooy, has he shown me myself. I knew I had some issues, but I didn't think they were that bad! Now I can see how much I really did need to grow in order to be ready for the walk of marriage.

I don't believe that we do it intentionally, but as women we watch the movies and they make you feel that you'll meet and marry someone who should just accept you "just as I am without one plea"!!! But you don't know that your selfishness can be the end of your own fairytale. I'm so glad I'm learning all the things now through the trials I've faced in the past few months, and my older sisters in Christ who are married/divorced continue to confirm to me that indeed, they can see that I'm going through hardcore preparation!

Ms. Honey, that was just a reminder for me, that God is preparing a servant's heart in me. And if you can simply humble yourself, HE will exalt you in due time.

This just makes me giggle, the fire is noooo joke! He does it his way, the best way, we ask and dont even have a clue what we are really in for, its funny

He is so good for making us look at ourselves and learn about ourselves, funny we only do that while in pain, so you know the pain has to come first. and we are going 'this is too much' untill we start to see just what he is doing and has done

and it is good!