To Be Content Alone

[Ms.Honey]

Confused, because you said the LORD told you not to get a divorce , and you both were saved, I dont know, I just saw that as a blessing, 22 years later, you must feel somewhat the same?

I went to the altar as a child but didn't repent for my sins until 28 or so and then was converted. Dh was an atheist. He converted about a year before I did while we were going through a bitter divorce. We were separated in the midst of a divorce when we converted. We lived together for years without being intimate because we still didn't like each other, well actually we hated each other
I love my DH but we married out of season, we did not listen to the warnings God gave us and we suffered and our children sufferered.

 

[Ije4eva]

Tell me about it! lol. I've definately learned how to get on my knees and "pray continually" and depend on God for all things. When I look back at the past few months, I'm reminded of people like David and Joseph, who God revealed his will and promise for them early on. Little did they know the testing they would have to endure to be ready. God is soooo very good. By the time He takes you through the fire, you understand that His wisdom overshadows any ideas you ever had.

 

[Irresistible]

I went to the altar as a child but didn't repent for my sins until 28 or so and then was converted. Dh was an atheist. He converted about a year before I did while we were going through a bitter divorce. We were separated in the midst of a divorce when we converted. We lived together for years without being intimate because we still didn't like each other, well actually we hated each other
I love my DH but we married out of season, we did not listen to the warnings God gave us and we suffered and our children sufferered.

I see , but you are blessed, God worked it all together for you good.

I think there is always some suffering, in season and out, for many reasons, us, process, the enemy

I see your situation as blessed none the less and a testimony that God is good and God is able , AND I am blessed by it so much!

 

[Ms.Honey]

I see , but you are blessed, God worked it all together for you good.

I think there is always some suffering, in season and out, for many reasons, us, process, the enemy

I see your situation as blessed none the less and a testimony that God is good and God is able , AND I am blessed by it so much!

Yes, He forgave us for our disobedience in marrying along with our other sins when we got saved. If we disobeyed as Christians who already knew Him it would have been a totally different issue.

 

[Ije4eva]

And just to chime in on this point, I'm honestly coming to learn first hand that many types of suffering can be avoided if we just stay in His will and obey His teachings. There are too many things we bring on ourselves that simply aren't necessary.

 

[PaperClip]

The Lord spoke to me this morning. He told me to say that He hears a lot of, "I want a husband and children prayers, I'm praying for my FH future DH prayers, binding and releasing" prayers for men you all have never met, yet He he hears no, "I want to be a wife and a mother" prayers. He said to say it's a difference in priorities, the difference is ones priorities. He also told me to repost this scripture:

James 4:1-10
1 From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members?
2 Ye lust and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and can not obtain: ye fight and war, Yet ye have not because ye ASK not, ye ask, and RECEIVE not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.

Seems like there are times when we don't get what we want because we haven't asked God some questions and sometimes it's something we're doing. Easily solved by a simple prayer to the Father but I digress.

Why do you want a husband and children? Why aren't you praying to be a wife and a mother? Why aren't you praying to be a servant (they want, they need) but instead praying to consume upon your own lusts (I want, I need)?

Ohhhh... Ms.Honey... Ohhh... my GOD!

I don't think I've EVER prayed about being a wife and a mother.... I don't think I've ever asked the Lord to make me a wife and a mother.... My God....

I weep now for real.... It makes Proverbs 18:23 even more real: He that findeth a WIFE findeth a good thing and obtaineth the favor of the Lord....
I was socialized to think that (all) a wife is is someone who can cook and clean (and has to be super skinny with long hair and a little on the light-skinned side)....

Of course a wife (a human being) should be able to cook and clean, but the wifely submission is a HEART THING!

My prayers are going to change...evolve... not out of some routine, but because it increases the revelation of how serious marriage is.... Clearly I wasn't ready for marriage before now because I did not have that insight.... but that's just like the Lord to bring illumunation RIGHT ON TIME.... The Lord is ON TIME!

I have some SERIOUS REPENTING TO DO....

You heard from the Lord, Ms.Honey.... I thank you for being steadfast in the faith concerning this topic. The truth does set us free.... I wish I could express my gratitude to you about this insight you've shared here.... maybe one day I'll have the words....

:blowkiss:

 

[Irresistible]

I too have been very blessed by this thread

probably not in the ways one might think but in ways I cant put into words, in ways exactly as I needed!

love all you ladies

 

[sexyeyes3616]

I understand where you're coming from but it's not negative, it's true. A single has to be content being alone (not lonely) before the Lord will move them to the next state. If singles can't be content in the state that they are in the Lord can't use them to their fullest potential because they are distracted by getting married which I notice alot with the sisters in Christian forum.

Singles need to stop seeking to be married and let the Lord send someone their way when HE feels they are ready to handle it. Who can FIND a virtuous woman. We are to be sought not the other way around. Otherwise there will be fornicating and folks marrying the first thing that says Lord, Lord that comes their way. Then once they are married they WILL long for their single state again and seek to regain it.

The divorce rate among Christians is alarmingly high BECAUSE of our preoccupation with leaving the single state. I see more prayers for future DH's(which is not a promise of the Lord by the way) than prayers to be holy women of God and witnesses of Christ in the earth. Something is very wrong with our priorities.

The duty of a single woman is to care for the things of the Lord. It is not a step that can be skipped just because we are praying for or currently have boyfriends. If it is not obeyed without distraction of seeking a mate, He will not progress them to marriage. He changeth not. We can marry whomever we please whenever we please and usually do but God will not bless our mess.

 

[aribell]

I too wanted to say that this thread has borne good fruit in my heart and I'm thankful that it has in others as well. Very edifying.

 

[discobiscuits]

You may want to listen to the Sanctified Singles and the Singles Enrichment tape series. Pastor talks explicitly about being yoked to and fellowshipping. You can borrow them free from church if you don't have them.
Not only do I have them I was in the ministry that taped them and a participant. A lot of my comments in this thread are based on those teachings.

Have you ever been a part of the Singles ministry at church? They teach it there also. We are not to fellowship with unsaved and unconverted people. As a matter of fact, pastor was teaching on this very subject Sunday and Tuesday. You can also ask him after service or one of the ministers.

Yes I have (unfortunately). I've mentioned it in this and other threads. We had a series a while back addressing this exact topic as well as women pursuing men, and how the single men would like the single women in our church to be more approachable and/or approach them (I said that a few pages back). I'm bad w/ names so I can't remember the Brother-now-Minister's name who was leading SSALT at the time but he even asked me to speak to the group b/c I said things there that I've said here that apparently they liked or agreed with *shrug*. This was like in the summer of 2005. I've never really liked our singles ministry (WAAAAAAY too many women & the poor men look like deer caught in headlights LOL) so I stay away unless asked to drop in (or if I'm in a ministry that is serving them and I can't avoid being there).

Yes, they have said in church to not be unequally yoked in friendships and dating but I've also heard it taught in our church that yoke means marriage or when you have sex with someone you are not married to and you "bond" and not friendships or fellowship.

Like you and I are not yoked right? Yet we discuss here and we PM each other. So in this medium, internet forum, wouldn't that be fellowship?

* I miss Tuesday bible study b/c of work & I can't always watch the live feed at work*


It is fine to be yoked to multiple people even in the fellowshipping with the opposite sex. The problem is being ONE FLESH with more than one person of the opposite sex.

I think this must be where my disconnect was.

I totally agree w/ the one flesh part and I said exactly that (only in my way) in one of the last posts I did.

But I was con-fruse-ed cuz I read your comments to say that we can't be yoked to more than one person but then you advocate multiple people in the dating/fellowship phase. I never misunderstood, I think I just lumped your comments all together. So okay, I'm back on the same page as you on this one thing.

The Encarta dictionary does not define yoked as being marriage only.

Sorry, I was using Merriam-Webster. I still say yoke is marriage only, not friendships or dating/fellowship. But again, just my opinion. I'll think on it.




I know you'll pray on it. I need to pm you chica. We need to talk about some church stuff. Only one location again?

yeah, i know right?

WOW. I have a lot of catching up to do in this thread plus I never finished my last post. I'm not well (something just does not feel right) so I doubt if I will get to it today. Plus I don't think I'm making any sense today so I'll shut up now.


(FYI to erry one: in our church they eschew the word dating and use fellowship but I use dating/fellowship here so that we can all be on the same page. HTH)

 

[Ms.Honey]

2Cr6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

He says yoked and fellowship are the same. For what fellowship has righteousness(the saved, converted) with unrighteousness( the unsaved, unconverted)What communion has darkness with light. We are light (believers) and we are not to fellowship with darkness(unbelievers)

2Cr 6:15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?


2Cr 6:16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in [them]; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.


2Cr 6:17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean [thing]; and I will receive you,

He is not talking about married people because he said that if you are married stay married and the unbelieving spouse is sanctified by the believing spouse. Paul is not telling married people to separate from their spouses. He is telling ALL saints to stop fellowshipping, communing and being yoked to ALL unbelievers. He will not receive us if we do.

2Cr 6:18 And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.

 

[discobiscuits]

I don't think I've EVER prayed about being a wife and a mother.... I don't think I've ever asked the Lord to make me a wife and a mother.... My God....
I did that a while back. Maybe that is why certain men are attracted to me (the ones looking for mates) and they react they way they do. I prayed that back when I was considering marrying a specific guy.

I was socialized to think that (all) a wife is is someone who can cook and clean (and has to be super skinny with long hair and a little on the light-skinned side)....
Please forgive me cause I know you didn't mean it that way, but this had me laughing so hard at the image in my head. You're not the only one who thought that way.

I'm slowly catching up (doing it in reverse order though).

 

[discobiscuits]

2Cr6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

He says yoked and fellowship are the same. For what fellowship has righteousness(the saved, converted) with unrighteousness( the unsaved, unconverted)What communion has darkness with light. We are light (believers) and we are not to fellowship with darkness(unbelievers)

Who's 'he'? Paul? I disagree with that. Just because fellowship and yoke are used in the same passage does not mean that they are synonymous imo. I have always believed that that text is used out of context.

I guess that means that of the three BFFs I have, the one who is a Jehovah's Witness I need to cut because of that right?

I see a PM from Ms.Honey coming.


eta: *smacks the back of my own hand*
sometimes i just like to be obstinate and disagree. must.stop.that.
Ms.Honey's comments are forcing me to go back and read and research some stuff.

In the meantime I would like a response to that BFF comment from y'all please. I used to agonize over being friends with her because of the above quoted passage. After some prayer and supplication, I believe that I have "permission" as it were to fellowship/be yoked with her in spite of the fact that we believe in God differently. (And it helps that I don't have to say "bless you" when she sneezes LOL).

 

[hopeful]

This thread has been very enlightening. Married 22 years this summer and I am still learning. God Bless all of you for sharing your views and thoughts.

 

[Ms.Honey]

Who's 'he'? Paul? I disagree with that. Just because fellowship and yoke are used in the same passage does not mean that they are synonymous imo. I have always believed that that text is used out of context.

I guess that means that of the three BFFs I have, the one who is a Jehovah's Witness I need to cut because of that right?

I see a PM from Ms.Honey coming.


eta: *smacks the back of my own hand*
sometimes i just like to be obstinate and disagree. must.stop.that.
Ms.Honey's comments are forcing me to go back and read and research some stuff.

In the meantime I would like a response to that BFF comment from y'all please. I used to agonize over being friends with her because of the above quoted passage. After some prayer and supplication, I believe that I have "permission" as it were to fellowship/be yoked with her in spite of the fact that we believe in God differently. (And it helps that I don't have to say "bless you" when she sneezes LOL).

It's in the SAME sentence Of course he's talking about the same thing

The Lord will soften our hearts to someone who may not know Him. He does that with me from time to time but we are not friends. I love them like my family but they aren't my friends. I do not yoke myself with unbelievers.

 

[HeChangedMyName]

This thread still going huh . . .wow.

 

[PaperClip]

I'm slowly catching up (doing it in reverse order though).

Yes... I'm glad you understood where I was coming from....

 

[tgrowe]

I will say I was one who desired to be married and had to learn to be content in the Lord, ALONE! There were times I was content and happy to be single and independent. There were times I was content, desiring marriage but waiting patiently. And there were times I called myself being content but I found myself reminding God of how I was serving him and keeping his Word and living holy but he hadn't sent my mate to me. I mean I would be downright sad, going home to a lonely house and empty bed.
I ended up buying this book that really helped me in learning to be content and I believe that book would be a great assest to ANY woman. It's called "A Lady in Waiting: Developing Your Love Relationships". An absolute love of mine. It gives Godly wisdom according to God's word about being a lady of wisdom, character, love, virtue, etc, and desiring to exemplify those things above all else.I learned not only to desire holy and godly but to desire God's will for my life. I know if I delight myself in Him he will give me the desires of my heart. But the revelation of that is I must seek him for his will and allow his will to become my desire so that I can house his will in my heart.
Did I desire marriage? Yes. It is truly nothing wrong with that. But I had to hear from God concerning this. Because desire or no desire, content or not content, only God knows what's best.
And you know what, all of a sudden but in His timing, I met, dated, and married my husband within a year. It didn't take 2, 3, 4, 5 years for me to see if he was my mate; God revealed it to me through prayer and through my Pastor. God did it right before my eyes and in a way that blew my mind. Thank you Lord. Tomorrow we celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary (Feb. 14). Thank you Lord again, because marriage is work, and that's another thread.

 

[Ms.Honey]

This thread has been very enlightening. Married 22 years this summer and I am still learning. God Bless all of you for sharing your views and thoughts.

O.T. Your hair is gorgeous.
I'm glueing some wefts in tomorrow. I can't wait til my hair grows as long as yours I want long, flowing hair right now

 

[sexyeyes3616]

I just want to add

Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalms 37:4
Tis all.

*quietly tip toeing out of thread*

 

[hopeful]

O.T. Your hair is gorgeous.
I'm glueing some wefts in tomorrow. I can't wait til my hair grows as long as yours I want long, flowing hair right now

Thanks for the compliment , how did your hair turn out? I bet it's pretty.

 

[Ms.Honey]

Thanks for the compliment , how did your hair turn out? I bet it's pretty.

Can't find my glue OR my weave thread and needleerplexed. I flat ironed so I'll be ready when I do find them.

 

[aribell]

This thread has inspired me to do a study on contentment in general, and I realized that that was probably the one thing that wasn't really discussed here.

I'd be happy to hear people's understanding of what contentment means from a scriptural perspective. Tryin' to dig a little deeper.

 

[PaperClip]

This thread has inspired me to do a study on contentment in general, and I realized that that was probably the one thing that wasn't really discussed here.

I'd be happy to hear people's understanding of what contentment means from a scriptural perspective. Tryin' to dig a little deeper.

This is a good question to think about....

The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines "content" as "feeling or showing satisfaction with one's possessions, status, or situation"

So in recent months, as the Lord has granted me so much grace and peace after several YEARS of DISCONTENT, I notice that I have tended to vascillate between content and discontent and so I have to catch myself so that I don't wallow or allow myself to snap back into the past. I have to constantly remind myself and keep myself built up in the faith by thinking positively and thinking on the goodness of the Lord.

I don't have to rebuild myself from the ground up, but I have to be careful and watchful that I don't allow myself to sink back into a depressed state. So I make sure to listen to uplifting, inspiring music, daily professions of faith, prayer, laughter, avoid sad, depressing movies, and definitely avoid toxic people.

This bible passage is a helpful explanation:

Philippians 4:11-13 (Amplified)

Not that I am implying that I was in any personal want, for I have learned how to be [a] content (satisfied to the point where I am not disturbed or disquieted) in whatever state I am.

I know how to be abased (defined as "to lower physically") and live humbly in straitened circumstances, and I know also how to enjoy plenty and live in abundance. I have learned in any and all circumstances the secret of facing every situation, whether well-fed or going hungry, having a sufficiency and enough to spare or going without and being in want.
I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who [b]infuses inner strength into me; I am [c]self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency].

 

[Mis007]

This thread has inspired me to do a study on contentment in general, and I realized that that was probably the one thing that wasn't really discussed here.

I'd be happy to hear people's understanding of what contentment means from a scriptural perspective. Tryin' to dig a little deeper.

Here goes; mine is to grow in Christ, allowing him to cover my life with his timings and desires. By allowing him to do so is allowing myself to prepare for my lifelong companion. But in the mean time I will love Jesus with all I have (1st John 4:12)

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

This thread came to my mind yesterday as I thought about a comparison of the desire of marriage to that of education and professional vocation. What's the difference?

People strive for many things in life and good desires are part of the personality G-d placed within the person. I don't think that anyone would suggest that a person who desired to become educated was not actually content with their present state of ignorance and was putting this desire before G-d. It's expected that people become educated. The brain, conscience and it's development are gifts from G-d. How much moreso the gift of marriage and children?

Contentment for one's place in life does not mean, IMHO, that one remains stagnant. One is to grow in every aspect of life throughout all life. As one desires to be balanced and content, one also strives to grow in various areas and obtain goals. Contentment should not mean that one has given up the right to dream. If there are no dreams, there are no devised means to obtain goals. Contentment with self can only be complete (IMHO) if one is truly balanced and that includes trust and faith that G-d desires good on His creation.

 

[Blossssom]

If you're alone, you may as well be content with it since it takes two to be in a relationship, Christian or not. I just hate to see women settle for a man who they know is not what they are looking for from the jump just to NOT be alone.

 

[kayte]

This thread has inspired me to do a study on contentment in general, and I realized that that was probably the one thing that wasn't really discussed here.

But not for lack of entering as a topic!..contentment was brought up however,
preempted by most of those who posted in the thread....in favor of shall we say...
other directions and focus

 

[kayte]

Posting esamples as there were attempts made to discuss the idea of being contented
but in one of my posts... it was taken out of context
moreover the energy of the thread seemed to attract debate,perhaps as opposed to discussion,
but here is a few examples of attempts to bring that component of the thread into focus

excerpted frrom Life coach and author
V.Moran


Life-coaching tip on finding true love:

"Fall in Love with Your Life" --

Fall in love with yourself first. Create a life that is so rich and full and wonderful, you won't care if you're partnered right now or not (that alone is an attractor) and your rich, full, wonderful life will draw all sorts of interesting people (Ms. or Mr. Right among them) into your world.
Victoria Moran..

There's a misconception about what leading a full life means
and the notion that being autononmous as woman precludes
or is an obstacle in the desire or capacity for a couplehood is false
Love of God, a balanced full life love of self which includes
relationships... solitude.... enterprise ....ambition etc etc
opens opportunities...not ..blocks them

I found the most times I was engaged in meaningful relationships
was not on the internet ...I do that as one means to access guys
while I am still in seclusion... but leading/living my life...
.... men ..who were also leading involved happy lives...interesected with me naturally..organically...

it's been harder for me personally because my father died
and I've had a harder time being out there ...
but that is my truth
when I am happy balanced ..in my element..autonomous...
the men can't stay away..
autonomy doesn't mean I cant love...it doesnt mean I am not capable of receiving love
or opening..to the idea of marriage
what it does mean.... is that I have greater capacity to make room in my life
because I attended to caring for me first and set the bar to be treated accordingly ...


for the record Victoria Moran is an author with an impressive track record of several inspirational books... is a speaker and guested on Oprah..

and I happen to know her personally.

She's featured hired as the new Life Coach with her online blog
on Beliefnet...

she was living in Kansas
and had ambitious dreams that I had the privilege of watching come to
fruition so yah! she's a role model
one of those autonomous spritual strong ambitious
women that I aspire after

It's all so confusing.You're told to keep busy so you won't think about being single and hopefully in one of those activities maybe you'll meet someone.

Then you're told, don't be so busy that you don't have time to date.

It just seems singles are never doing the right thing

Here's what I think you should do. Seek out activities that you enjoy, where it doesn't seem like you're just "keeping busy" to keep busy.For example, I signed up to run a marathon to raise money for cancer research this year. This has been an excellent thing for me because it accomplishes three things.

1. I get to exercise in a way that is enjoyable for me, because I really really really like running.
2. I am working for a good cause and feel good that my fundraising will help others.
3. I get to meet other people for friendship, and our group has social outings in addition to running.

By the time this is over (late June), I will leave it having been enriched in multiple ways by the process, and hopefully, I will have made some wonderful new friends (men and women). Now, do I think that maybe I might meet someone with mate potential through this? Absolutely! But if I don't, that's okay because my main goal in this is completing the marathon. This activity won't keep me too busy to date and it won't isolate me either from meeting new people.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

Posting esamples as there were attempts made to discuss the idea of being contented
but in one of my posts... it was taken out of context
moreover the energy of the thread seemed to attract debate,perhaps as opposed to discussion,
but here is a few examples of attempts to bring that component of the thread into focus

The full quotes didn't appear..but quoting Moranm this is what I would consider to be general overall contentment with life in whichever desire one is seeking to fulfill whether education, career change, marriage, children etc. I agree with her. It's a good general formula for anyone's life.

What I found issue with is that, with the sheer mention of desire to marriage, many in this thread jumped to conclusions about the overall contentment of those who desire marriage. It was almost as though they imagined a depressed and desperate person who's only focus in life was securing a man in matrimony. I found it short-sighted and jumpy. When some individual religious preferences explaining how they viewed single women who desire marriage took over their posts in a spirit of self-righteousness, it shifted the focus of the OP's original.

I personally love my religious freedom minus many of the traditional hang-ups. It has given me much balance in various aspects of my life. And as anyone else, it's a work in progress. But I have found balance: faith + intellect. G-d doesn't mind my questions. I don't think a faithful life works well without the intellectual freedom to question. Maybe that is cultural. Yet, sometimes we are forced to accept something through sheer faith without a clear answer just as surely as we oftentimes question the situation in an attempt to work out a solution.