What can you do...(long)

[inthepink]

when people change their mind...

The other night, I met up with a Christian girlfriend for dinner. Throughout the dinner, she mentioned a couple of things to me that made me a little concerned. I even woke up several times last night thinking about it and ultimately decided that I am not responsible for others' salvation. But is that true? Do you really just not do anything...well, other than pray?

My girlfriend basically said she doesn't really feel excited about going to church anymore. She's tired of waiting on a Christian guy so she's just decided it's ok as long as he's a good person. And throughout the meal, she cursed and didn't seem to think anything of it. Though I've noticed that before.

The thing is that what can you do? I tried to encourage her and I gave her some things to think about as far as dating a non-Christian. She kind of asked why it even mattered so I told her a few simple things like - raising children, and attending church together.

I also feel like she hasn't been "fed" enough to be hungry enough. Know what I mean? I gave her one of my bibles a few months ago b/c she doesn't own one (she's been a Christian for about 3 years, I believe).

I just feel like I want to tell her - read your bible. Read God's word. Get to know HIM and you will get hungry for HIM and you will want HIM and HIS ways. But I don't know how to do that without offending.

I don't think there is anything I can do or say.

See, when I first became a Christian, I had a friend who was also seeking. She really jumped right in but as quickly as she jumped in, she jumped out citing that God was just another person for her to obey. I never said anything or did anything b/c I didn't really know anything b/c I was so new myself.

But now I do know more. Do you just let the person go?

 

[Rainbow Dash]

I would continue to encourage her in the faith and pray for her. It's ultimately up to her but if I was weak I would want someone to encourage me to get up and go forth in Christ. When she does not want to hear you just pray for her. Pray and ask God for wisdom in this situation.

 

[trenise]

I also feel like she hasn't been "fed" enough to be hungry enough. Know what I mean? I gave her one of my bibles a few months ago b/c she doesn't own one (she's been a Christian for about 3 years, I believe).

I just feel like I want to tell her - read your bible. Read God's word. Get to know HIM and you will get hungry for HIM and you will want HIM and HIS ways. But I don't know how to do that without offending.

I don't know if that's the problem because there are fairly new Christians that can be absolutely ravenous for Christ...and then there are those who have been Christians a long time and lost their appetite.

As far as offending, I hate to offend people, but sometimes you have to stick it to them. See, I even feel bad about saying that. But sometimes the more harsh, direct things can be the most powerful and helpful with getting someone on track. I've had to be direct and confrontational before and it's led to deliverance. But it depends on the person, situation, your own motives, and the power you are walking in. Let God lead you in speaking to this person who has already shown a desire to live for Jesus.

It's just my opinion though that she's feeling discouraged about not having a man. I pray and believe that God is going to bless her with direction, clarity, and fufillment in singleness first. Then her man will come along.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Did she become a Christian so God can bless her with a "Christian" man?

 

[inthepink]

Did she become a Christian so God can bless her with a "Christian" man?

I really don't know. She and her then live-in boyfriend became Christians at the same time and were even baptized together so I don't think that was it. But if you have a boyfriend, then she probably didn't really have to think about "getting" one since many people don't like to think that way (oh, we'll break up, you know?).

I just know that the church she attends (where I used to attend) preaches feel-good how-funny-can-i-be messages. I don't even know what the pastor's bible looks like b/c he never brings it on stage. And there are no avenues for feeding outside of small groups. The women's ministry is pretty much non-existent. The small group that I was in with her was being led by someone I felt was far less than godly (as I mentioned in a thread about small groups - no authority checked on these groups and so I left b/c I couldn't handle listening to this male leader speak vulgar terms in front of women & men and having no clue whatsoever. And yes, I did confront him on this issue.) These are some of the reasons I left to go to another church.

I feel badly b/c it doesn't seem she's been anywhere to get really good bible teaching so she doesn't know what she's missing and what it could really be about.

 

[daydreem2876]

You can be honest with your friend. Based on what you have said here, it sounds like she may not be getting what she needs spiritually but may not recognize thats the problem ( I hope that makes sense). Especially if she is a new Christian and all she has seen of Christianity has been within this church, that you, yourself, eventually outgrew, she may be coming to a fork in the road with her walk. Does she continue to seek to grow spiritually or does she just stay complacent with where she is to justify her actions.

Tell her your opinion with love, share with her your experience of what you needed to do to grow in Christ, and how you deal with the same issues she is through Christ. But do so with the understanding that it is her choice how she responds, you are nit responsible for that. But sometimes all we need to do is put a bug in someone's ear and plant a seed within their hearts.

 

[inthepink]

You can be honest with your friend. Based on what you have said here, it sounds like she may not be getting what she needs spiritually but may not recognize thats the problem ( I hope that makes sense). Especially if she is a new Christian and all she has seen of Christianity has been within this church, that you, yourself, eventually outgrew, she may be coming to a fork in the road with her walk. Does she continue to seek to grow spiritually or does she just stay complacent with where she is to justify her actions.

Tell her your opinion with love, share with her your experience of what you needed to do to grow in Christ, and how you deal with the same issues she is through Christ. But do so with the understanding that it is her choice how she responds, you are nit responsible for that. But sometimes all we need to do is put a bug in someone's ear and plant a seed within their hearts.

I didn't really get the impression that she wanted more. erplexed Unfortunately, it seems as if she may be happy with one foot in and one foot out. I am going to pray on it.

This is also partially selfish, I must admit. I don't have any Christian friends here - she and another girl were two that I had recently met. The other one - was a short friendship (she was courting and is now engaged and we were never close enough for me to be involved once the relationship grew that much.) And then this was my only other Christian friend here and now to lose her as that...makes me sad.

But I am going to a new church now and I'm meeting people. Still...

Thanks for the opinions/suggestions. I think maybe this week, I will at least email her and ask her about the weekend. If she felt some inspiration after attending church.

 

[Evolving78]

i think you just need to let go and let God. just keep being a good example of what a practicing Christian is and the rest will follow. it sounds like she is hitting a wall, like she is starting to feel like she is has to give up too many things(or losing out) in order to be a Christian. a lot of folks come to a point where they feel like there is no fun in being a Christian.

i hope she doesn't start to date men that are not saved. she will have a lot of problems later on down the line and will end up compromising herself and her salvation. men that are not saved don't and won't understand her convictions and will make her start to question her beliefs and love for Christ. what she thinks is a good man, will just be the set up that the devil needs to lead her astray. good men that are not saved are just men with good intentions, but with no righteous, spirit-filled leg to stand on.

from what you stated, she is going down that path with using foul language again and not being convicted or aware about it. and she is starting to comprise her standards and settling. she doesn't want to read her bible because she wants to stay in the dark and not be convicted of her thoughts and actions. also, it seems like she was just going to church to meet men and not really fellowship. like i stated before, just pray for her, be kind, and keep a certain distance. she is going down a path that you don't need to follow.

 

[inthepink]

i think you just need to let go and let God. just keep being a good example of what a practicing Christian is and the rest will follow. it sounds like she is hitting a wall, like she is starting to feel like she is has to give up too many things(or losing out) in order to be a Christian. a lot of folks come to a point where they feel like there is no fun in being a Christian.

i hope she doesn't start to date men that are not saved. she will have a lot of problems later on down the line and will end up compromising herself and her salvation. men that are not saved don't and won't understand her convictions and will make her start to question her beliefs and love for Christ. what she thinks is a good man, will just be the set up that the devil needs to lead her astray. good men that are not saved are just men with good intentions, but with no righteous, spirit-filled leg to stand on.

from what you stated, she is going down that path with using foul language again and not being convicted or aware about it. and she is starting to comprise her standards and settling. she doesn't want to read her bible because she wants to stay in the dark and not be convicted of her thoughts and actions. also, it seems like she was just going to church to meet men and not really fellowship. like i stated before, just pray for her, be kind, and keep a certain distance. she is going down a path that you don't need to follow.

This is very helpful. Thank you.

 

[kayte]

Do you just let the person go?

why?

do you know what it's like go to a really inspiring movie and you can't stop talking about it..because some how it miraculously changed the trajectory of your life in such a way you could not possibly have imagined the good and you are so excited you cant stop talking about it......

LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH GOD LIKE THAT

maybe? rather than focusing on the other person's spiritual fallacies
we all have them..lol..you do too
yours are just different...

You..really fall in love with God
You... hunger for His word and
and you won't be able to help but bring Him up as example and evidence
inyour life like that movie.... naturally...and the Holy Spirit will help

you say pray for her?...as a kind of default.....but prayer is the
very fiber of communication with our Lord
YES! pray for her fervently...

empathize with her apathy it sounds like you are relating
more than you'd like
to on that ...

but trying to indoctrinate some one is tricky
especially if you have your own motive for it....then that's not just for her sole welfare
if as a byproduct of her being Christian.... you are protecting even in a small way
your companionship with her on that level...
that kind of conditional caring might actually hinder your "help" ....

maybe ..invite to her to your new church..etc
but respect she has that ultimately she has her own relationship with God
most likely... He's in on this...

ETA
ITA with the above poster if the cursing is a problem for you or you feel your own relationship with the Lord will be in jeopardy..GOD comes first..
and that relationship is to be protected before all others

 

[blazingthru]

She probably wasn't getting the truth, the truth is convicting. Or if she was getting the truth it was for her to difficult to take. But if the pastor wasn't even using his bible, what truth was he given. I truly can understand peoples frustration when they are getting the word of the pastor and not the word of God which is common place today. If she was my friend I would talk to her about it in dept to see what she is looking for or what she expects from service and serving God.
on a side note I am learning so much from my youngest daughter although she has not fully embraced what we now practice she keeps all that she learns. One of the things the pastor does is at the start of the message he gives out a word and the young people have to write down how many times he saids the word and if they come close to or have the exact numbers they get something special and you should see the young people in service listening to the message. Anyway when we shop we always think closely about what we want or what we decide to buy. Our saying is its going to burn anyway so why spend a lot if you can get it cheaper or do we even really need it. My daughter is great for saying that and she is struggling. She is learning to build her treasures in heaven not here on this earth. I was thinking about this because she (your friend) is looking for a companion, her heart has to be seeking God and not man and in that case the only thing you really can do for her is pray for her.

 

[Allandra]

when people change their mind...

The other night, I met up with a Christian girlfriend for dinner. Throughout the dinner, she mentioned a couple of things to me that made me a little concerned. I even woke up several times last night thinking about it and ultimately decided that I am not responsible for others' salvation. But is that true? Do you really just not do anything...well, other than pray?

My girlfriend basically said she doesn't really feel excited about going to church anymore. She's tired of waiting on a Christian guy so she's just decided it's ok as long as he's a good person. And throughout the meal, she cursed and didn't seem to think anything of it. Though I've noticed that before.

The thing is that what can you do? I tried to encourage her and I gave her some things to think about as far as dating a non-Christian. She kind of asked why it even mattered so I told her a few simple things like - raising children, and attending church together.

I also feel like she hasn't been "fed" enough to be hungry enough. Know what I mean? I gave her one of my bibles a few months ago b/c she doesn't own one (she's been a Christian for about 3 years, I believe).

I just feel like I want to tell her - read your bible. Read God's word. Get to know HIM and you will get hungry for HIM and you will want HIM and HIS ways. But I don't know how to do that without offending.

I don't think there is anything I can do or say.

See, when I first became a Christian, I had a friend who was also seeking. She really jumped right in but as quickly as she jumped in, she jumped out citing that God was just another person for her to obey. I never said anything or did anything b/c I didn't really know anything b/c I was so new myself.

But now I do know more. Do you just let the person go?

I say continue what you're already doing - praying for her, encouraging her and giving her things to think about. You can only 'feed' her so much. She has to want to be hungry for it. Just don't force feed her as this can make some really turn on one.

 

[inthepink]

I say continue what you're already doing - praying for her, encouraging her and giving her things to think about. You can only 'feed' her so much. She has to want to be hungry for it. Just don't force feed her as this can make some really turn on one.

Forcing anything is not even a part of my personality so you don't have to worry about that one.


I think I'm just leaving it alone at this point -outside of prayer. I also have to pray that God puts more godly women into my life.

 

[empressaja]

I would just pray for her encourage her, and be that godly example in her life. The Holy Spirit is what is going to the work.

 

[hopeful]

Forcing anything is not even a part of my personality so you don't have to worry about that one.


I think I'm just leaving it alone at this point -outside of prayer. I also have to pray that God puts more godly women into my life.

Funny you wrote this, I was just about to post that you need more good Christian women in your life who can lift you up and encourage you.

 

[inthepink]

Funny you wrote this, I was just about to post that you need more good Christian women in your life who can lift you up and encourage you.

Thanks hopeful. I truly do.

Another thing that I thought of yesterday is that my friend's mother and sister (who has a family that lives nearby) are also Christians. I am hoping that being around them will help her, also. She has godly women close to her so I do hope that they are talking and helping her through.

 

[firecracker]

Oh well I guess all my Christian friends and the First Lady better dump me because I haven't beat the cursing curse and physical attacks quite yet. If you don't like the language she uses don't talk to her often or about things that will get her riled up. As far as her personal life decisions on romance etc all you can do is pray for her and yourself. Good luck with all that.

 

[inthepink]

Oh well I guess all my Christian friends and the First Lady better dump me because I haven't beat the cursing curse and physical attacks quite yet. If you don't like the language she uses don't talk to her often or about things that will get her riled up. As far as her personal life decisions on romance etc all you can do is pray for her and yourself. Good luck with all that.

She just curses as everyday language. Not because she is riled up about something. Just wanted to clarify.

 

[firecracker]

She just curses as everyday language. Not because she is riled up about something. Just wanted to clarify.

Wow! So do you think she is capable of expressing herself w/o the use of those words? She can't possibly curse in front of her parents, elders and in a professional setting? If every other word that comes out of her mouth is profane please dump her because that is disrespectful of you especially if she knows you are uncomfortable with that behavior. I say dump her and stay strong in prayer.

 

[inthepink]

Wow! So do you think she is capable of expressing herself w/o the use of those words? She can't possibly curse in front of her parents, elders and in a professional setting? If every other word that comes out of her mouth is profane please dump her because that is disrespectful of you especially if she knows you are uncomfortable with that behavior. I say dump her and stay strong in prayer.

I have been around people with a strong strong potty mouth and no, she is not that either. Just, certain words she will use when talking about things. I'd say the night of our 2 hour dinner, she cursed maybe 3-4 times. I don't think she realizes it's not such a nice thing to do...I just don't think anyone has ever said anything.

 

[tailormade84]

in short: Make your case for Christ and then shake the dust off your feet....

"when people tell you who they are, believe them" - you dont have to avoid her like the black plague (unless she become s a stumbling block), but treat her according to the title that she has chosen, non-Christian. We still pray for and love non-Christians, but its a different level of closeness.

 

[inthepink]

in short: Make your case for Christ and then shake the dust off your feet....

"when people tell you who they are, believe them" - you dont have to avoid her like the black plague (unless she become s a stumbling block), but treat her according to the title that she has chosen, non-Christian. We still pray for and love non-Christians, but its a different level of closeness.

Yes, this is where I am. I actually don't even see her very often. We used to be in the same small group but not since December. So, I've only even seen her two times this year. I won't be making a point to avoid her at all. I hope she is doing well and really hope that she gets convicted on waiting for a man from God.

 

[firecracker]

I have been around people with a strong strong potty mouth and no, she is not that either. Just, certain words she will use when talking about things. I'd say the night of our 2 hour dinner, she cursed maybe 3-4 times. I don't think she realizes it's not such a nice thing to do...I just don't think anyone has ever said anything.

Oh ok. I am sure she knows cursing isn't considered nice along with a host of other behavior many of us fall prey too as sinners and lovers of Christ. Loads of Christians pick and chose their variety of sin or behavior. Some mask it better than others and some have a bit more control with certain sins. Lets be real here.
I think you should tell her you don't appreciate her language along with her whole conversation that night if you really care about her. In this life you will be throwing alot of people away at different stages in your life for varied reasons. No one is perfect and without sin but her comments maybe a bit disturbing if you know what her old goals vs new goals in love etc were. Sounds like she gave up and gave in like many women have done, will do and is still doing.