You're hair is not growing, stop lying to yourself...

[MsLizziA]

Why is it when you try to help somebody out w/ their hair, ( not saying that i am this is just an observation) because YOU KNOW there hair has been the same length for over 2 years and YOU KNOW they could progress much faster if they make simple changes, they say things like.
"Well i've been growing it all this time and " .. um NO YOU HAVEN'T!

NEWS FLASH! Your hair has been the SAME LENGTH for lord knows how long and why is it everybody around you can see that but you erplexed. Is your mirror broke or something?? I just don't get the amount of denial.....

EDIT:
I only use the term "growing" b/c that's how i talk. I am actually referring to retaining. I'm aware of the difference

 

[fitnessmommy]

Because it's probably very embarrassing to them to realize that other people are noticing that their haircare practices are inhibiting length retention.

Unless they are insane they know that there hair hasn't grown and are likely VERY aware of it.

People usually deflect and defend themselves if someone else is in their ear and bringing a sensitive (and probably hurtful) issue that they are having to light.

 

[Windsy]

NEWSFLASH: If you are alive and breathing, your hair grows; now she may not be retaining lenght but her hair IS growing.

 

[Poohbear]

I agree with Windsy.

MsLizziA - has she received any hair trims or hair cuts over those two years?

 

[My Friend]

Ummmm...their hair has grown they have not retained it

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

Some people are very slow growers and unless I've known them at a time when they had really long hair, or that their hair practices are just very damaging to the hair---then I'm not going to comment unless they ask for advice.

If I give advice to someone and they don't take it, I will leave them alone.

 

[MsLizziA]

I only use the term "growing" b/c that's how i talk. I am actually referring to retaining. I'm aware of the difference

 

[Windsy]

Ummmm...their hair has grown they have not retained it

Before LHCF, my hair never went pass the length it was despite having new growth.

Maybe the OP could let this person know that although your hair grows, you are not retaining length and maybe that will spark an interest in what she has to say.

Some women are very sensitive about their hair and for you to tell her her hair isn't growing is probably like cursing her.

 

[LadyRaider]

What do you think she's doing wrong, Ms.L?

 

[Cherokee-n-Black]

My guess is they're aware they're not retaining either, they just have no idea why. I think growth vs. retention is just semantics. If the hair isn't growing at a faster rate than it's breaking off, it's the same end result.

 

[MsLizziA]

Windsy LadyRaider She is very sensitive about her hair so i don't bring the subject up at all anymore. I have tried to give her advice about retaining length. She's not really interested in hearing it because in her mind, her hair is getting longer.

She doesn't have a regimen, doesn't moisturize and seal, uses heat too often, and doesn't take any advice. Idk.. i'm not just growing my hair out anymore just for me, i do it to inspire other people as well so i would think my advice would be worth something since i actually do what i suggest.. ~shrug~

 

[Windsy]

@Windsy @LadyRaider She is very sensitive about her hair so i don't bring the subject up at all anymore. I have tried to give her advice about retaining length. She's not really interested in hearing it because in her mind, her hair is getting longer.

She doesn't have a regimen, doesn't moisturize and seal, uses heat too often, and doesn't take any advice. Idk.. i'm not just growing my hair out anymore just for me, i do it to inspire other people as well so i would think my advice would be worth something since i actually do what i suggest.. ~shrug~

Oh yes I completely agree; I found this site because a co-worker saw my hair and said, "have you heard about this site?" I said no and she showed me. I was instantly WOW'd; lurked for a while, applied some of the methods and noticed a dramatic hair change and then subscribed.

Maybe you could suggest the site for her to see for herself; it may come off differently to her. Seeing other black women with hair textures of all types was very encouraging for me as oppose to someone I knew personally giving me suggestions.

 

[GulfCoastChica]

I have to be honest and say that I might be a bit offended if someone just came out of nowhere saying my hair isn't growing etc.

People tend to be more receptive when they are actually seeking out information on a particular subject matter. It's the same thing with weight. If I put on some pounds and I go ask my very fit friend how to get in shape - I will be open to her suggestions. But, if I haven't mentioned my weight and my friend comes out and says you need to go the gym and this that and the other, I am going to get an attitude. Same concept.

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

Unless someone just came up to me and said "Do you think my hair is growing?" I would not make a comment at all. If they made a comment about how much it's growing, I'd say not a word.

They either already know it's not growing and are trying to fake the funk or they are oblivious. And me butting in will not help unless they are willing to acknowledge what's going on.

 

[MsLizziA]

Oh yes I completely agree; I found this site because a co-worker saw my hair and said, "have you heard about this site?" I said no and she showed me. I was instantly WOW'd; lurked for a while, applied some of the methods and noticed a dramatic hair change and then subscribed.

Maybe you could suggest the site for her to see for herself; it may come off differently to her. Seeing other black women with hair textures of all types was very encouraging for me as oppose to someone I knew personally giving me suggestions.

Believe it or not i did that already didnt work..

 

[hothair]

You're nice, I don't go out of my way to offer hair care suggestions. If you ask I'd tell ya if you adopt it good if not *shrug*

 

[*CherryPie*]

OP, what you're doing borders on harassment.

Leave her alone and let her do her hair, her way. I'd be offended.

Why are you in such a need to make her listen to you?

 

[mzteaze]

Success generally comes from personal involvement and participation. That being said, unless she in personally invested in her hair journey and seeking advice, she won't be receptive to unsolicited advice. Few people are receptive to unsolicited advice on a personal subject matter (weight, hair, personal appearance).

 

[Myjourney2009]

Is this someone else in your family?

If so leave it be, they don't want your help

 

[MissErikaM]

I know people that consistently ask me about hair advice and what I do. I've told them 1000 times that what doesn't work for me may not necessarily work for them, but I give them links to certain blogs, advise them on certain techniques so they can find one that may work, hipped them to this site and much more but to no avail. You can only repeat the same advice so many times when solicited. However, unsolicited advice is a whole new can of worms and I would just avoid it.

 

[Cherokee-n-Black]

I know very few black women who do not complain about or wonder what they need to do with their hair at some point--particularly ones that don't have healthy hair care practices generally. If this is a friend I would be completely bowled over shocked if she has never ever brought up the subject of her hair.

 

[MsLizziA]

Honestly, i was just talking about it w/ her today . It was a simple convo and I didn't push anything on her, i was just saying how i thought certain styles would fit her personality ,IMO, but she was like she had been growing out her hair all this time and she wasn't about to do this or that to mess it up. And i just thought to myself " and your progress is where??? ". I didn't actually say it out loud, i just changed the subject... it really wasn't me trying to help her , i just shared what the thought that popped in my mind with you guys.

hothair
mzteaze
Myjourney2009
MissErikaM
Cherokee-n-Black

 

[Windsy]

^^Sounds like you struck a nerve; especially IF she's seen your hair make progress. Could be a little jealousy there.

 

[Whimsy]

@ The original post.....MsLizziA you are mean!!! LOL

there are fiftyeleven people on this board that have had the same length since I joined. I sometimes wonder what the heck they're doin, but I think the fact is their either doing nothing, or too much.

As for your friend, let her be. If she's not ready to take proper care of her hair so that she retains adequate length, mek her stay. When she's ready to make a change, she will. Then she'll likely welcome your help.

 

[MsLizziA]

@ The original post.....MsLizziA you are mean!!! LOL

there are fiftyeleven people on this board that have had the same length since I joined. I sometimes wonder what the heck they're doin, but I think the fact is their either doing nothing, or too much.

As for your friend, let her be. If she's not ready to take proper care of her hair so that she retains adequate length, mek her stay. When she's ready to make a change, she will. Then she'll likely welcome your help.

Whimsy girl don't chu come in here starting nothing!!

 

[Whimsy]

@Whimsy girl don't chu come in here starting nothing!!

Aw, no. I wasn't trying to I was trying to show that your friend's situation isn't new/unique. It's fairly common....even on a board devoted to hair care. You gotta just let her be.

 

[Poohbear]

Honestly, i was just talking about it w/ her today . It was a simple convo and I didn't push anything on her, i was just saying how i thought certain styles would fit her personality ,IMO, but she was like she had been growing out her hair all this time and she wasn't about to do this or that to mess it up. And i just thought to myself " and your progress is where??? ". I didn't actually say it out loud, i just changed the subject... it really wasn't me trying to help her , i just shared what the thought that popped in my mind with you guys.

MsLizziA - Has she gotten trims or cuts over the past two years that her hair has been the same length???

I am someone who's hair has stayed the same length and it's pretty much because of this. Does your friend get her hair trimmed and/or cut, or not???

 

[MsLizziA]

Poohbear everytime she gets a perm, every 4 weeks, she gets a trim

 

[Poohbear]

Poohbear everytime she gets a perm, every 4 weeks, she gets a trim

Thanks MsLizziA.That may be the answer then. She may not want to necessarily "grow" her hair longer than it is. She gets a trim once a month, that's 12 times a year so her hair will most likely stay the same length. Her hair is growing, it's just that she gets it trimmed off each month.

 

[MsLizziA]

Poohbear she does want to grow it out, but she doesn't know the trims are the problem. In her mind, if she doesn't get it trimmed everytime she gets a relaxer, it won't grow.