I'm a 4a/4b natural, and I think I want to texlax

[strands.of.gold]

Background info:
I'm in college, I transitioned for approximately 10 months, and BC'd myself with a decent sized twa--that was 5 months ago (January 2010). Since then, I think that my hair has grown a little, but I'm not sure exactly how much. And I'm a 4a-4b (NO CONFUSION ABOUT IT).

After 5 months, I hate to say it, but I'm seriously considering texlaxing my hair.

-my texture is extremely extremely thick (obviously), the crown of my head is probably a 4ZZZ because no matter what I do, use a denman/wide tooth comb, slap on tons of slippery conditioner, detangle under the shower head...IT WILL NOT DETANGLE, PERIOD. The crown locs on its own, and I can't take it anymore
-Single strand knots are the bane of my existence. They come no matter what, even with twists/twists outs. I've lost more hair as a result of ssk's than I should have.
-the shrinkage is out of the world and nothing I do (henna, coconut milk/lime, etc.) will help that. My hair is collarbone length stretched and I can hardly enjoy it like I want to. Hell, I can barely enjoy ear length!
-straightening....no. I've tried numerous times to do it myself, I've tried to get my mom to help me, I've tried different techniques, nothing. Even blowing it out is a 2 hour battle that doesn't even make straightening easier.
-I like twist-outs/braid-outs, but I'm sick of them, number 1. Number 2, because I still have a twa that is really dense, it takes forever to finish the twists because my hair isn't long enough to do 10 big twists and call it a night. I'm in school and always working, and I hate spending hours and hours on my hair, regardless of the style/texture. I'm just not one of those girls. I've tried to maintain a simple regimen, but detangling or twisting takes me entirely too long.
-On top of that, my twists don't last very long. Some women I know here can keep in twists for days or weeks, but I can't because anything longer than 3 days gives me locs. I've had to literally cut through twists that have turned into tight locs, and twist outs shrink very quickly and still give me ssk's.

Ok what am I doing wrong?

I feel like I've done so much research and tried so many different techniques but I honestly don't have time for this right now. Perhaps I didn't learn things correctly, because everything that I just KNEW would help me out (shea butter, henna, DCing, detangling/stretched styles) haven't been cutting it, and I can't spend another dime buying overpriced products for "natural hair" online that don't work for me. I'm frustrated! I hate the idea of putting chemicals in my hair again, and I know that many natural haired people that I know will judge me (I already get it ), but I need a break. "heat-training" is not an option, because I want to wear my hair curly most of the time and that just spells damage, I'm not getting braids because I'm not in a position to kick out $100+ every other month to get them put in. What do I do? If I feel like this at the end of the month, I'm texlaxing (but someone talk me out of my frustration please!).


this was WAY longer than I thought it would be! Sorry! Please read anyway and help me out!

 

[laurend]

How about BKT?

 

[NEWYORK20004]

I just did a thread about this. I would say wait a while your still a newbie, you can always heat train your hair or try the bkt treatment.

eta: heat training won't drastically change your texture, if it's done correctly, you can have heat trained air and still do wash and go.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

Here's the bottom line.

If the techniques you're using right now aren't working, and are resulting in knots, then they're the wrong techniques for your individual hair type and they need to change. It doesn't matter if you're 10z. If you're using the wrong techniques and products then you'll get undesirable results. This is one of the best resources for info on our hair, all thats required is a simple search and you can get hundreds of threads on your issue. The Newly Natural thread comes to mind.

If you want to texlax then go right on ahead, but a relaxer is not the one and only route to manageable hair.

It seems that whenever sista's are having difficulty with their natural hair and are using the wrong techniques and products on their hair they immediately default to slapping a relaxer in it rather then figure out what they're doing wrong.

If you feel that you'll be the most happy with texturized hair then go for it. If you truly want to stay natural, you'll do the research to find out what you're doing wrong.

 

[Creatividual]

Here's the bottom line.

If the techniques you're using right now aren't working, and are resulting in knots, then they're the wrong techniques for your individual hair type and they need to change. It doesn't matter if you're 10z. If you're using the wrong techniques and products then you'll get undesirable results. This is one of the best resources for info on our hair, all thats required is a simple search and you can get hundreds of threads on your issue. The Newly Natural thread comes to mind.

If you want to texlax then go right on ahead, but a relaxer is not the one and only route to manageable hair.

It seems that whenever sista's are having difficulty with their natural hair and are using the wrong techniques and products on their hair they immediately default to slapping a relaxer in it rather then figure out what they're doing wrong.

If you feel that you'll be the most happy with texturized hair then go for it. If you truly want to stay natural, you'll do the research to find out what you're doing wrong.

I couldn't agree more.

Being a newbie is fun and frustrating all at the same time. If you really want to be natural, you just have to keep trying things and different techniques. Don't give in. I'm practically 1.5 years in the natural game and am just now in tune with my hair and what products and techniques work for it best. Finally! Lol. So it takes a lot of patience and just continuing to try different things till something works.

Can you cornrow? You could do them yourself or have a friend do them for you and do your own crochet braids. I swore by them last year. Also, are you not interested in locs? They are pretty fuss free. Most that I know just get the roots re-twisted every month and that's it. Of course you have to maintain them but you know what I'm saying.

Stay strong. We've all been where you were before. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to keep walking towards it.

 

[LilMissRed]

^^ co-signin w/the ladies above.. my last relaxer was 10/08.. I'm JUST NOW finding what my hair likes/dislikes... Ive learned first hand that theres alot of trial/error when it comes to dealing w/natural hair.. trust me I considered chemicals again, BUT I refused and buckled down to learn to love my hair... and I'm glad I stuck in there

hang in there if u REALLY want to be natural... if not..hey u can always try again when ur ready.. either way.. good luck to u

 

[peachfuzzz]

I agree with all the ladies above. Have you tried braids, wigs, cornrows or a combo of protective styles to change the look up until summer. Then during the summer, unless you are in school, you'll be able to play around w/products to find what your hair likes. Hang in there and use all the info on the forum. It's really helpful. Also, texture (not curl type) and porosity are what has helped me narrow down the types of products that my hair likes.

edited to add: I find that my hair tangles/knots less when it is properly moisturized and when it's in a stretched state.

 

[RubyWoo]

What is your regimen (ex. how often do you moisturize, how often do you DC, products you're using, etc) and how long have you been using it?

 

[westNDNbeauty]

anytime i ever got frustrated with my hair, i put in some braids (kanekolon hair). you can use that time to research while giving your hair a break and reducing your frustration. you may become anxious about taking out your braids b/c you miss your hair...and start to appreciate and understand its texture better.

the new relationship you now have with your hair is one that is going to take some time to understand and appreciate.

I've always been natural (except for the 1 year of insanity my mom had slapping a perm in my hair) and its only now that I understand and appreciate it. I haven't had braids in my hair due to frustration in the last 4 years...

 

[tada1]

i don't think it's a good idea to relax out of frustration. trust me, i went to a salon to get my hair relaxed last week but the stylist talked me out of it and DC then straightened my hair instead. total cost? $40. Granted my hair lasted 4 days and fro-ed right back up but I knew and I still know that I would have regretted relaxing if i did-not because relaxers are evil, but because i was doing it for the wrong reason (the reasons BMP touched on in her post above)

my only recommendation is this buy some kinky twist hair and LEARN how to put in kinky twists yourself. that way you're not shelling out $100 to anybody. i learned how to twist my hair from watching beautiful brown baby doll's videos on youtube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NeQXp5fX_o&playnext_from=TL&videos=ZtJ9df2VbQE

and now, I'm a PRO! people find it difficult to believe then i tell them i do my hair myself. I've even graduated to doing my own full head weaves. Everybody has to start from somewhere. it wont look perfect the first time. in fact they might look so bad that you'll have to put the braids in a headband and bun until you have to take it down but guess what? your hair is safe, protected and growing.

don't relax out of frustration. put in some braids or a weave and let your hair have time to grow while you learn what your options are. if you hit the length where your natural hair is long enough to fit into a bun and you still cant take it, then by all means, call your stylist and put some creamy in it

 

[Stormy]

Have you tried flat twists? If not try those! Just like you would cornrow your hair, but only twist it. Once I started this my ssk issue disappeared! When my twa started growing out I was getting those things and my hair shed so badly. I used to loooove wearing twist outs and had to stop. Wearing wash-n-gos... had to stop. I too was frustrated and lost a lot of hair, but now that I've simply found a hairstyle that works so that I get better retention it's back on the road to recovery.

 

[Stormy]

I forgot to add (in case you don't wanna wear the flat twists all the time) I wear a wig too. Sometimes I wear the flat twists out. Since the flat twists straighten my hair, other times I'll do a little tuck and roll. I'm gonna try one braid going down the back next. You can try different stretched styles. Roller setting helps a lot.

 

[supermodelsonya]

If you want to texlax, there's nothing wrong with it. I'm lightly texlaxed and I have the best of both worlds.

 

[kblc06]

I co-sign with what everyone else said, lol.

There are also plenty of tutorials on youtube on how to braid your own hair (cornrows, and individual braids). I know another member here, Mwedzi with 4b MBL+ hair blows her hair out or straightens its very slightly so that it won't tangle as drastically. Perhaps, you can look her regimen. Another member you may want to take a look at is Sera (on youtube). She also has hip length 4b natural hair as well. And of course BlackMasterPiece

 

[JustSimplyTish]

I agree with the ladies above...give it time.....All it takes is the right regimen and you will be fine....Finding that right regimen just takes time, patience and experimenting with different products and styles until you find the one that works best. Not that there is anything wrong with texlax'n ...But I wouldn't make any drastic decisions when I am frustrated ...because you will probably regret it...and may end up having to do another big chop and you will be right back in this same spot in a few months.....

I would just personally exhaust all options before I made my final decision

 

[Miss AJ]

BlackMasterPiece pretty much tool the words right out of my mouth. What works for others may not work for you and running back to chemicals or chopping down to the new growth out of frustration is never the solution. Instead of taking the "easy" way out, give yourself at least a full year of learning YOUR hair before making any huge hair decisions. Take it from someone who has been at this hair thing for 7 years and has started over 3 times.

 

[Guinee]

I understand your frustration. I am having a hard time embracing my kinky natural hair also I never wear it out, so for me it has been braids and weaves for a little over a year now until I get to a comfortable length. Don't give up though, you have to keep experimenting to know what your hair likes.

 

[Uber]

Thanks. I've been trying to find this video

i don't think it's a good idea to relax out of frustration. trust me, i went to a salon to get my hair relaxed last week but the stylist talked me out of it and DC then straightened my hair instead. total cost? $40. Granted my hair lasted 4 days and fro-ed right back up but I knew and I still know that I would have regretted relaxing if i did-not because relaxers are evil, but because i was doing it for the wrong reason (the reasons BMP touched on in her post above)

my only recommendation is this buy some kinky twist hair and LEARN how to put in kinky twists yourself. that way you're not shelling out $100 to anybody. i learned how to twist my hair from watching beautiful brown baby doll's videos on youtube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NeQXp5fX_o&playnext_from=TL&videos=ZtJ9df2VbQE

and now, I'm a PRO! people find it difficult to believe then i tell them i do my hair myself. I've even graduated to doing my own full head weaves. Everybody has to start from somewhere. it wont look perfect the first time. in fact they might look so bad that you'll have to put the braids in a headband and bun until you have to take it down but guess what? your hair is safe, protected and growing.

don't relax out of frustration. put in some braids or a weave and let your hair have time to grow while you learn what your options are. if you hit the length where your natural hair is long enough to fit into a bun and you still cant take it, then by all means, call your stylist and put some creamy in it

 

[BostonMaria]

What products are you using? Not all natural conditioners are good for detangling our hair. I would buy online products when I first started, but I realized that I needed to buy cheap CVS conditioners too. That way I could at least return stuff that didn't work. I know that being newly natural can be frustrating. Took me about a year or longer to find products my hair liked.

BTW what tools are you using to detangle.

 

[vainღ♥♡jane]

the first time i went natural, i lasted almost a year, then relaxed. 4 months later, i was transitioning back to natural. don't do it girl.

i would follow all the other poster's advice and try something different. ♥

 

[strands.of.gold]

Thanks ladies for your advice! I'm gonna think about it some more and try some new techniques before I make any decisions.

Here's the bottom line.

If the techniques you're using right now aren't working, and are resulting in knots, then they're the wrong techniques for your individual hair type and they need to change. It doesn't matter if you're 10z. If you're using the wrong techniques and products then you'll get undesirable results. This is one of the best resources for info on our hair, all thats required is a simple search and you can get hundreds of threads on your issue. The Newly Natural thread comes to mind.

If you want to texlax then go right on ahead, but a relaxer is not the one and only route to manageable hair.

It seems that whenever sista's are having difficulty with their natural hair and are using the wrong techniques and products on their hair they immediately default to slapping a relaxer in it rather then figure out what they're doing wrong.

If you feel that you'll be the most happy with texturized hair then go for it. If you truly want to stay natural, you'll do the research to find out what you're doing wrong.

I appreciate your input, but I'm not "immediately defaulting" to anything. I'm airing my frustrations and trying to get some answers because I've spent alot of money (that I don't have) and time trying to make things work and I've considered it as an option. Also, your post reads as if you're angry about my being frustrated with my hair. If that's not the case, then perhaps I'm misinterpreting your tone. But the other ladies managed to say the same things in a nicer way, and to be honest, I get the feeling that you're insinuating that I'm lazy, I don't care, or I haven't done a "simple search" which is false. I come to LHCF for encouragement and advice, but I'm still new, and I don't see the point in telling me what "it seems like sistas always do". We're here to help each other and some things come easier to some more than others, and some are more ready and prepared to handle the process and all that it entails. Just my opinion.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

I think I probably did come off a bit abrupt. I've been annoyed with the general trend and took all my frustrations out on this thread and thats not fair. So for that I apologize.

I need to start my own thread on this subject lol

 

[MiiSS kECiia]

Natural hair isn't for EVERYONE.. Adora texlaxed and from what i can tell she loves it.. if you don't have the time or patience then do what best fits you.. Natural hair is not the only type of hair that can be healthy.. i do agree with take a break and do some research.. i hope everything goes well for you OP and no matter what you choose you have my support.

 

[Miss AJ]

Natural hair isn't for EVERYONE.. Adora texlaxed and from what i can tell she loves it.. if you don't have the time or patience then do what best fits you.. Natural hair is not the only type of hair that can be healthy.. i do agree with take a break and do some research.. i hope everything goes well for you OP and no matter what you choose you have my support.

You can't use adora as an example because she had been dealing with her natural hair for quite some time before deciding to texlax. I advise newbies to give their naps at LEAST a year before chalking it up to having unmanageable hair that they just cant deal with.

 

[theoneandonly]

Im a transitioning natural and I'm 4 a/b and I found that putting some type of oil on my hair before I blow dry helps with the tangles a lot. Try to use some argan or any oil that you like and it will help the comb/brush glide threw those tangles. You can also add a little oil to your deep conditioning treatment. before I was doing this my relaxed hair would tangle with my new growth and I was loosing a lot of hair.

 

[Harina]

I'm in the exact same boat and will probably eventually texlax. I'll leave it on for like 3 minutes. I agree with the ridiculous amount of time and money spent on the hair. I'm not a high maintenance girl but my hair is making me this way. The only time my hair stays moisturized for a moderate amount of time is when it is straightened or in twists and I don't have the time to this over and over again because my twists last approximately 3 days.

 

[Miss AJ]

Rivverock, whats your regimen for twisting your hair?

 

[Harina]

If you want to texlax, there's nothing wrong with it. I'm lightly texlaxed and I have the best of both worlds.

Does your hair have a curl pattern to it?

See what I'm wanting is my curl pattern to loosen just a tad so that it will hang a bit and not have so much shrinkage.

Rivverock, whats your regimen for twisting your hair?

Hi

After drying or stretching the hair either in a slightly blown out puff or bantu knots, I split my hair into 4 sections. Starting from the back, I take sections of my hair and put cantu leave in followed by either ecostyler or shea butter, then I twist. That's basically it. Should I start off with a braid then move into a twist.

At night, I'll bantu knot the twists and that gives it a curly look which will look nice for about 2 days. After that, it looks awful. My hair is incredibly fine but dense and it just looks raggedy.

I don't put anything else on the hair while it's in twists because my hair gets weighed down easily and I don't see the point because the hair is soft.

 

[AvaMilan]

I would either heat train, tex lax or get a full on relaxer. I have been natural for around 5 years myself and considering texlaxing just to loosen my curl a bit more. I am quite past the novelty of being natural LOL

 

[AvaMilan]

Thanks ladies for your advice! I'm gonna think about it some more and try some new techniques before I make any decisions.



I appreciate your input, but I'm not "immediately defaulting" to anything. I'm airing my frustrations and trying to get some answers because I've spent alot of money (that I don't have) and time trying to make things work and I've considered it as an option. Also, your post reads as if you're angry about my being frustrated with my hair. If that's not the case, then perhaps I'm misinterpreting your tone. But the other ladies managed to say the same things in a nicer way, and to be honest, I get the feeling that you're insinuating that I'm lazy, I don't care, or I haven't done a "simple search" which is false. I come to LHCF for encouragement and advice, but I'm still new, and I don't see the point in telling me what "it seems like sistas always do". We're here to help each other and some things come easier to some more than others, and some are more ready and prepared to handle the process and all that it entails. Just my opinion.

At the end of the day it is about what works for you, nothing more, nothing less. After being natural for a few years now I am over the militant aspect of it all. If I want to texlax because it makes my hair more manageable then cool. It just won't work for everyone and this is why we have options which have all been listed in the thread so far.