Christian Dating subject matter: finances

[IRIESKY]

Okay, this my first post. I have been lurking for quite some time. So here is my story. I meet this guy online, and we have been talking for almost two and a half months. We share a lot in common as for our beliefs when comes to God‘s principles, such as but not limited to waiting before marriage and also, the man being the leader of the household. He has everything I am looking for in a Godly man. But there are a couple things that I am just concerned about. I have been praying about this but I just need some Christian advice. Here is some background information on me. I have degree and working on getting an advanced degree. I do have a full-time job, and I am financially stable. But as for the guy, he is currently being laid off from his job; he doesn’t have a college degree, and doesn’t plan on going to back to school. Also, he lives at home with his parents and he is in his early thirties. For example, if I marry him the question that bogs my mind are we going to be financially stable? I know finances can be a very big issue in marriage. Another thing I notice lately overall, at least for me, a lot of women seem to be climbing the corporate latter and making more money than their male counterpart or husband.

So my questions for you, married or single ladies please chime in… How important is finances in a Christian relationship. Could that make or break the relationship? What if the woman makes more money? If you have scriptures on this subject, that would be great!

 

[Guitarhero]

Christian women shouldn't be expected to settle for less. A bit of sound advice that crosses all religious traditions and cultures...(to women) "never marry lower." I don't think he's ready. He might change and I'd be very open about it with him. Give it a little time but if a man wishes to be a good provider, he should be equipped to do so and in this day and age, education and pro-active decisions should be leading the way. You obviously have more education than him and a marriage based upon belief in Jesus-only might not make it. Christ doesn't expect us to be miserable. I'd address this very seriously with him.

 

[Shimmie]

Okay, this my first post. I have been lurking for quite some time. So here is my story. I meet this guy online, and we have been talking for almost two and a half months. We share a lot in common as for our beliefs when comes to God‘s principles, such as but not limited to waiting before marriage and also, the man being the leader of the household. He has everything I am looking for in a Godly man. But there are a couple things that I am just concerned about. I have been praying about this but I just need some Christian advice. Here is some background information on me. I have degree and working on getting an advanced degree. I do have a full-time job, and I am financially stable. But as for the guy, he is currently being laid off from his job; he doesn’t have a college degree, and doesn’t plan on going to back to school. Also, he lives at home with his parents and he is in his early thirties. For example, if I marry him the question that bogs my mind are we going to be financially stable? I know finances can be a very big issue in marriage. Another thing I notice lately overall, at least for me, a lot of women seem to be climbing the corporate latter and making more money than their male counterpart or husband.

So my questions for you, married or single ladies please chime in… How important is finances in a Christian relationship. Could that make or break the relationship? What if the woman makes more money? If you have scriptures on this subject, that would be great!

In the beginning of a relationship it's 'always' perfect in everyway ....



on the surface.


But God is speaking to you about what underlies, which is why you have these questions and they are not going away until the situation meets with your expectations. This man, not having a job, higher education, his own home, is not what you personally expect in a man who is to be in your life.

"You" [generalizing the use of 'you'] already know what you want in a man financially and what will 'work' for you and no matter how nice he is, his niceness cannot outweigh the burden upon your spirit if it's all or mostly on you.

Finances in any relationship, be it Christian or non Christian is all the same...a major block or cornerstone. The 'honeymoon' becomes bitter herbs, face to face with reality.

So......... Basically it depends on you and what you are 'willing' to live with. Period. If you have concerns about his financial status now, the future only holds more concern, doubt, dissappointment, resentment, and wishing you were elsewhere.

God has called you to peace, He has ordained 'peace' for us (that's His 'Word'), therefore if there is no peace with this particular area of your relationship with this man, you have your answer. The only scripture you'll ever need is 'God's Peace' in your heart about this situation.

Now I would ask the Holy Spirit to show 'me' why he is in this fiancial position. He'll give you the answers in crystal form and clarity.

I think you have your answer. It's what you have peace with. If God's peace is not in it, than you'll never make it in this relationship.

I wish you all the best of God's Blessings.... :Rose:

 

[Vonnieluvs08]

IRIESKY I thank you for bringing this up. I to have an advanced degree, a good job, my own apt (leading to a home), and my own car. I find that many of the men I meet or are in my church have very shaky backgrounds and make it hard for me to see them Leading a household (wife,children,home) if they lack this obedience or motivation in their current life.

I pray that the Lord will send a man that he deems is right for all of our needs not just the needs we think of but the ones deep in our hearts that the Lord knows have to be met both now and in the future.

Shimmie- Thank you for your words of encouragement and wisdom. The Lord continues to bless you with the thoughts and grace to mentor to us and walk with us here on the CF. Thank you for explaining the need for God's peace in our lives. I always felt as though I was a bad/condemned person for thinking about a man's finances/education or lack thereof and not praising his "Godliness" above all else. I know personally I could not be at "peace" in my life if a Man is not Leading in all aspects of his life including his personal/financial life and not just his spiritual life with the Lord.

 

[lana]

The thing with dating is that the man shouldn't even consider dating or proposing marriage, unless he is financially stable. Nowadays people date just for fun and companionship. But dating is actually the first step on the road to engagement and marriage. That's why old folks call it "courting".

Here is an example: My friend is a teacher, but she decided the schoolroom isn't for her anymore so she went back to school to become a ultra-sound technician while her husband sweeps floors for a living. She decided that she could finish her degree in two years and "take care of the family". Her husband supported her idea (he did not disagree and tried to help her with her schedule) and now she has her new degree and got hired at a great hospital and she works full time supporting her family and her husband sweeps floors for a living.

The problem? Her husband has no intention or desire to ever do anything else. She wants to be financially secure and she married him the way he is....sweeping floors for a living...so now she's stuck for the forseeable future with a man that's okay with settling. They are Christian and attend services regularly. He's a spiritual man and she's a spiritual woman. They are living a Christian life, but there is a scripture that talks about a man presiding over his own household in a fine manner. Read 1 Timothy, Chapter 3: 1-6

So all I'm saying is...her husband obviously read that part of the bible and ignored it! And she did too, because they are married, she's not happy, working her butt off and he....sweeps floors for a living and plans to retire off that one day.

Nothing wrong with sweeping floors...but if the wife wants more she's not going to be content.

So all I'm saying is be prepared to live at your future husband's standard of living OR to do your own thing regardless of the consequences.

In our household, we live off his income and try to save the rest. Me likey! But that's just the way my Christian husband rolls.