Supergirl, you're one of my hair idols, so I am very sorry you're having issues finding someone to care for your lovely tresses as much as you do.
I lucked out big time. I was determined to use Phytorelaxer and found a salon to do it. I went for a rollerset at said salon, hairstylist was stank and unprofessional so I decided to nix the relaxer there and do it myself. Disaster, point blank. Then I decided to try another salon I'd heard of and was leery of because the stylist was a white man, but after my Phyto disaster, I decided to just go to him for a treatment and see what happened. Oooh, chile, this man is a KEEPER. He had me when after the treatment, he whipped out his OWN wide-tooth comb for detangling! I was like, "OMG, you're not gonna try to take out every hair on my head with a rat-tail comb?" He looked at me like I'd just tried to set my shoes on fire. He was like, "WHO tried to use a rat-tail comb on your hair?" He was too scandalized! And he did an amazing job. Went to him today for a Phyto touchup, and my hair is amazing. Plus, we worked out a schedule where I'll get a dusting each time I see him to take off the damaged ends. He cuts, shows me how much he cuts, then goes ahead with it. No turning me away from the mirror bullshizz ... I am just so sorry I didn't find this man sooner.
Personally, if I were you, I'd give this hairstylist another shot. Your story tells me two things about her: One, that she's very honest. Only an honest person would feel reluctant to take the same amount of money for doing much less. Also, she seems to really want you to be pleased with her work, otherwise she would told you just WHERE to stick that Humecto. I would try the standing up thing briefly.
Have her show you the comb after she makes a couple of passes. If it's not to your liking, then you'll say, "Well, we tried. I'd rather do it my way and finish up myself because I am more comfortable." Great luck, and regardless, your hair is STILL beautiful!