I am highly annoyed. Does this happen to you?

[NuMe2004]

I find it very upsetting that people still think that you have to be mixed to have long hair. Does anyone question your blackness just because you have luscious locs?

I just came back from visiting a new stylist today, and she kept commenting on how thick and nice my hair is. She was telling me about all the mixed people in her family, and then asked me what I was mixed with. I said, "Black and black." She was then like, "No way, you must have some other blood in you, like Indian." Now, my great great grandparents were native American, but I'm still black. I think it's been proven many times, esp. on this board, that we too can have long, luscious hair if we simply take care of it.

A similar situation happened to me not too long ago. I was at a party and was introduced to some people. One of the ladies I met said, "You're so cute. Are you mixed with anything?" So, I have to be mixed to be cute????!!!

I'm not dissing any mixed people on this board. If you're mixed, that's great. But why is it that so many of us feel that we have to be mixed to be attractive or have long hair?? I guess all these music videos promoting the more "exotic" looking women has really messed with our heads. I'm just wondering why we can't get love for being 100% African American.

Sorry this is so long. I just had to vent y'all.

 

[msjones]

This happens to me all the time. Just b/c my hair grows longer, and its thick and healthy, and just b/c I had red undertones, I MUST be mixed.... I get comments like that all the time! I too get comments about being cute and how I must be mixed...my question is...since when were African Americans EVER all ugly???? I dont get it.

 

[NuMe2004]

I too get comments about being cute and how I must be mixed...my question is...since when were African Americans EVER all ugly????

THANK YOU!

 

[neonbright]

Really girl we are all mix, some have the mix blood more immediate and others a little far back. But hey we grow it on how we take care of it. My cousins whose mom is what they call in Louisiana Full Blooded Creole, had the most thick pretty hair and so did they. Now it is up to them how thick, healthy and long it may be.

Shot, my dads mom was full blooded creole and his dad native american and creole and I didn't get any of that rich, thick, pretty hair.

 

[PaperClip]

There are worse problems to have.

So how do you respond to such inquiries? With annoyance? Or do you make it a teachable moment?

If Black folk keep expecting love from this racist society, many will remain disappointed. Better cultivate that love at home, keep supportive, healthy, positive folk around you so when you have a negative encounter, there's no room for annoyance.

I gotta admit (once again) that such threads of this subject matter are an unconscious call for compliments, attention....

 

[NuMe2004]

I gotta admit (once again) that such threads of this subject matter are an unconscious call for compliments, attention....

Ummm, I dunno about that. If it is, it's very unconscious, because this is really an issue that I've been dealing with for a long time. It's sad to me, really, that we as black people have trouble loving our true selves. I really think that's what comments like the one I mentioned above stem from.

 

[PaperClip]

Ummm, I dunno about that. If it is, it's very unconscious, because this is really an issue that I've been dealing with for a long time. It's sad to me, really, that we as black people have trouble loving our true selves. I really think that's what comments like the one I mentioned above stem from.

Ok... let's explore this....

I re-read your original post. In two instances you mentioned, these were new encounters with folk, e.g., your new stylist and the people you were introduced to. So I'm presuming that this is the first time they've ever met/seen you. So it's not completely out of the realm of reality for a person to be curious about somebody's heritage and they were bold/curious enough to inquire. The dumbest question is the unasked question, yes?

Secondly, your thingie says you're in California. I don't know if you're a native of that state or what, but I'm imagining, with the wide range of populations living in that state, the intermingling occurs more often THAN IN other states, say Michigan, and so more multi-racial folk are produced. It is what it is....

On one hand, it's more peaceful to give folk the benefit of the doubt or if they show themselves ignorant, then you got a choice to make a teachable moment or walk away or wear a hat if you don't feel like dealing with the hair issues.

And now that I think about it, I could answer "yes" to your original question now that I wear my hair in its naturally textured state(length not considered), my "blackness" gets questioned, as if to say that now that I don't have a relaxer anymore, my "blackness" must have multiplied....

My answer: My "blackness" has not changed. My "consciousness" has....

 

[Missi]

i get it too: but the bad thing is.....wen someone asks me if I'm mixed....they cut me off before I can answer and say well i already kno cuz ur light-skin. Are u spanish?.....i'm like no, I'm afro-american.....it can only get worst the longer out hair gets

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Unfort. it's part of the 'long hair game.' It comes with the territory for a lot of women.

I say, there is nothing you can do but get used to it. In addition to that you can 1. think of spicy retorts or 2. start educating every last grown person that say that to you (which is very unrealistic that you will change a person who was raised on those beliefs).

I know it sounds cliche but you got to let it roll off your back. In their own little way they are complimenting you (not the way I wold go about it but still). Just say "I will take the long hair part as a compliment." And keep it moving. There is not enough time in the day to be upset and "sad" about the state of Black Americans from a few people here and there's comments.

 

[naijamerican]

There is not enough time in the day to be upset and "sad" about the state of Black Americans from a few people here and there's comments.

Yes, what she said. There isn't even enough time in a lifetime to combat such ignorance so just smile and say thanks and peace out.

 

[NuMe2004]

I know it sounds cliche but you got to let it roll off your back. In their own little way they are complimenting you (not the way I wold go about it but still). Just say "I will take the long hair part as a compliment." And keep it moving. There is not enough time in the day to be upset and "sad" about the state of Black Americans from a few people here and there's comments.

I know what you mean about letting it roll off my back, and I'm not saying that I'm walking around with steam coming out the top of my head. However, I will never stop thinking that it's sad that a lot of us find it difficult to acknowledge our own beauty as BLACK people. Have you ever seen this documentary: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqSFqnUFOns? The hair and beauty issue is so deeply ingrained in us that even our children think that black is "bad".

If folks were really trying to compliment me, why do they have to question my race to do so?

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I know what you mean about letting it roll off my back, and I'm not saying that I'm walking around with steam coming out the top of my head. However, I will never stop thinking that it's sad that a lot of us find it difficult to acknowledge our own beauty as BLACK people. Have you ever seen this documentary: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqSFqnUFOns? The hair and beauty issue is so deeply ingrained in us that even our children think that black is "bad".

If folks were really trying to compliment me, why do they have to question my race to do so?

Tis is the million dollar question. I don't know babe, I really don't.

I remember I posted my pic on a (white) message board, and I got every guess for my race EXCEPT Black American. It really did hurt.

But like I said, I just let it go. Just accept the compliment (if you want to). I bet you have hella things in your life that you could be focusing your energy on instead of this.

 

[Tamrin]

Really girl we are all mix, some have the mix blood more immediate and others a little far back. But hey we grow it on how we take care of it. My cousins whose mom is what they call in Louisiana Full Blooded Creole, had the most thick pretty hair and so did they. Now it is up to them how thick, healthy and long it may be.

Shot, my dads mom was full blooded creole and his dad native american and creole and I didn't get any of that rich, thick, pretty hair.

I have a question please explain to me what a creole is. Because, from what I get is they are of mixed blood or of african ancestry. I never really got it when people like beyonce are talking about being creole is it the light sking colored eyes thing? cause I have light skin and hazel eyes and it runs generationsin my fam and when you ask me Im black nothing else. To me a mixed race person is a mixed race person. Does full blood creole mean you only marry or reproduce with those of your own kind? Im confused.....


To me hair is hair and We all have the potiential of having beautiful long hair no matter what the texture or race. Its all in how we take care of it We as black women need stop identifying ourselves other than what we are. I get annoyed when I hear black women talk about im 1/8th indian a 1/5 th this and 1/16 something else to explain the "good hurr theory". Come one lets be proud of being black women.

 

[NuMe2004]

We as black women need stop identifying ourselves other than what we are. I get annoyed when I hear black women talk about im 1/8th indian a 1/5 th this and 1/16 something else to explain the "good hurr theory". Come one lets be proud of being black women.

Thank you! My point exactly!

 

[Evazhair]

Please excuse the novel. I thought it was just me.

I am so sick of the mentality that leads people to make these kinds of statements about hair, skin, etc.. I hear those kinds of comments from Ethiopians, Hispanics/Latinos and worst of all, Black people who are the descendants of american slaves, and I hate when people especially my own black people say that kind of mess.I think it stems from the fact that because of slavery, we don't know all of our lineage. Many of these "american Black" people who say such things don't know that they more than likely have white, native american blood or whatever in them, due to slavemasters, and coupling of "other race slaves". It shows a lack of knowledge of self or self hatred. I AM BLACK AND I"M PROUD!!! Yes I have some Cherokee/Blackfoot in me, but all of the other ancestors were black, and it was sooo long ago. I am talking 1800s and before and is documented. I have relatives who technically have more "native amer. blood" in them, yet they are dark, not brown skinned with 4z hair. I just happen to look the way I do. It is hurtful and a slap in the face of my African ancestry when people make those statements, because I am proud of my roots. I want to tell them don't project your self hatred onto me. It takes all I have not to cuss people out and give them a quick biology lesson. It wasnt until a few years ago that I really started to experience this. I had an African man try to argue with me saying I was white. My hair was natural then 3c/4a. Now if you saw me, you wouldn't see no white. Since then, I have come across half white people with 4z hair and dark skin, so I understand that it is possible, but why are people so quick try to make you something else other than black? Others get an attitude, when I don't speak to them in spanish or whatever lang, they are assuming I should speak.People need to stop the superficial judgments. I think biology should be required for all people, like reading or writing. Then they would know that black is dominant and that black can produce the gamit of skin tones/hair textures. The fact is that we are a random, spontaneous combination of all of the possible "features" that are within our DNA.

 

[Evazhair]

I gotta admit (once again) that such threads of this subject matter are an unconscious call for compliments, attention.... [/quote]


The above statement never has, would, or will apply to me. I am not one of those people who "needs" attention.

 

[neonbright]

I have a question please explain to me what a creole is. Because, from what I get is they are of mixed blood or of african ancestry. I never really got it when people like beyonce are talking about being creole is it the light sking colored eyes thing? cause I have light skin and hazel eyes and it runs generationsin my fam and when you ask me Im black nothing else. To me a mixed race person is a mixed race person. Does full blood creole mean you only marry or reproduce with those of your own kind? Im confused.....


To me hair is hair and We all have the potiential of having beautiful long hair no matter what the texture or race. Its all in how we take care of it We as black women need stop identifying ourselves other than what we are. I get annoyed when I hear black women talk about im 1/8th indian a 1/5 th this and 1/16 something else to explain the "good hurr theory". Come one lets be proud of being black women.

Oh I am black as far as I am concern, but when people see my dad, his mom or his dad they ask and I tell. They look at me and go how come you are so dark, I say we come in all shades.

The full blooded creole means, that they only marry of their own kind, like you said. In some cases to keep the line pure some will marry cousins 4th cousins and so on. (yuk) But creole is a mixture of French, African American, and Native American blood, most still speak the broken french language. What is funny to me, my grandma on my mom side is the same has the same mixture, but I feel because most of the family is medium/dark she was never called or claim to be creole.

 

[Evazhair]

Thank you! My point exactly!

AMEN!!! That's what I'm saying. In my experience, back in the day, we were satisfied with being Black.

 

[NuMe2004]

I gotta admit (once again) that such threads of this subject matter are an unconscious call for compliments, attention....

The above statement never has, would, or will apply to me. I am not one of those people who "needs" attention.[/QUOTE]

I totally agree with you Evazhair.

That statement doesn't apply to me either. I was simply voicing my concerns about an issue that has been prevalent in my life. If that's the case, everyone who ever starts a thread can be seen as trying to get attention. I thought the point of LHCF was so that we could share comments/questions/concerns, etc.

 

[PaperClip]

The above statement never has, would, or will apply to me. I am not one of those people who "needs" attention.

I totally agree with you Evazhair.

That statement doesn't apply to me either. I was simply voicing my concerns about an issue that has been prevalent in my life. If that's the case, everyone who ever starts a thread can be seen as trying to get attention. I thought the point of LHCF was so that we could share comments/questions/concerns, etc.[/quote]

We both shared, yes? Yes. You shared that the statement didn't apply to you. So own that and maintain the courage of your conviction on the matter.

And you're right. Everyone who does start a thread is doing the same thing you did: to share comments/questions/concerns. And hopefully the attention is for healthy reasons.

 

[Barbara]

Yes, what she said. There isn't even enough time in a lifetime to combat such ignorance so just smile and say thanks and peace out.

I agree. I’ve been asked the same questions. Let them figure this out on their own.

 

[Evazhair]

Unfort. it's part of the 'long hair game.' It comes with the territory for a lot of women.

I say, there is nothing you can do but get used to it. In addition to that you can 1. think of spicy retorts or 2. start educating every last grown person that say that to you (which is very unrealistic that you will change a person who was raised on those beliefs).

I know it sounds cliche but you got to let it roll off your back. In their own little way they are complimenting you (not the way I wold go about it but still). Just say "I will take the long hair part as a compliment." And keep it moving. There is not enough time in the day to be upset and "sad" about the state of Black Americans from a few people here and there's comments.

You are so right. It bothers me more when I think about the origins of that type of thought. But I know, this thinking didn't start overnight and will unfortunately be around for a while. I get frustrated when I think we are in the year 2007 and with civil rights mvmt., Black Pride mvmt, NOI, Panthers, etc, that the mentality even exists, hence my going off on a tangent when I vented.

 

[spiceykitten]

How many times is this topic/issue going to be brought up or discussed?

 

[Naturallong81]

Next time someone says you have nice hair just say i take good care of it.

And there's no law in the books that tells someone how to define their blackness, we all see it as something diffrent that's the beauty of it. And i dont think people are being ignorant when they asked are you mixed their just seen the exotic generations of your linage comming thru on you. Its you granparent and great great granparnts they see in you.

 

[PapillionRouge]

I gotta admit (once again) that such threads of this subject matter are an unconscious call for compliments, attention....

Guts girl, GUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSS!!!!!!

I walked in this thread thinking the same exact thing after I read it, but decided to just shut my mouth, but I couldnt have put it better myself.

All I said mentally was another "Here we go again": thread. Any minute now I'm sure i'll see plenty of folks come here and try to sympathize while sneakily making commercials for themselves, lol.

Some topics just will never die....

 

[PapillionRouge]

I find it very upsetting that people still think that you have to be mixed to have long hair. Does anyone question your blackness just because you have luscious locs?

I just came back from visiting a new stylist today, and she kept commenting on how thick and nice my hair is. She was telling me about all the mixed people in her family, and then asked me what I was mixed with. I said, "Black and black." She was then like, "No way, you must have some other blood in you, like Indian." Now, my great great grandparents were native American, but I'm still black. I think it's been proven many times, esp. on this board, that we too can have long, luscious hair if we simply take care of it.

A similar situation happened to me not too long ago. I was at a party and was introduced to some people. One of the ladies I met said, "You're so cute. Are you mixed with anything?" So, I have to be mixed to be cute????!!!

I'm not dissing any mixed people on this board. If you're mixed, that's great. But why is it that so many of us feel that we have to be mixed to be attractive or have long hair?? I guess all these music videos promoting the more "exotic" looking women has really messed with our heads. I'm just wondering why we can't get love for being 100% African American.

Sorry this is so long. I just had to vent y'all.

Me too girl,...I'm very light skin with long ass wavy hair and people always thinking I'm mixed.
Whats up with that, why I gotta be mixed? Pisses me off!

 

[Poohbear]

All I have to say is ... EVERYONE IS MIXED and there's no such thing as "blackness" or "whiteness". In other words, Black people are not limited to just dark skin, nappy hair, big lips, and wide noses... there are Black people with light skin, curly/wavy hair, thin lips, and narrow noses. Same with White folks....Race is something that was made up to keep people separated and divided and put into categories....power vs. powerlessness... superiority vs inferiority... Intermingling has gone on since the beginning of time. We can't get mad if someone ask us if we are mixed. It's not like being mixed is a bad thing. And we can't assume that the Black people who question our race have an issue with loving themselves. That's a bit extreme. They were just merely asking since most Black people (naively) do not know that we can have a variety of hair textures, skin colors, facial features, and body structures. We are all mixed up and diverse. Some people (unconsciously) do not know about the diversity of the Black race because of the social conditioning of society and the stereotypes that have been ingrained in the minds of people.

 

[RubyWoo]

How many times is this topic/issue going to be brought up or discussed?

As many times as someone wants to address it and vent.

Anyhow, OP, I completely understand your frustrations and I can understand how annoying it can be. All I can say is brush it off and keep it moving. Letting folks know that you're a black woman with long hair will prove you to be an example and hopefully not the exception(in their mind).

 

[PinkPeony]

Let's give this thread another spin will we?
I'm mixed and you can see on my left siggy pic,heck even on my right one(taken today) that I never had long hair.
I'am mixed and I know once I have a hair length that will be seen as long by outsiders they will atribute it to me being mixed.This pisses me off to no end because I work very hard for my hair and being mixed doesn't equal having long *wavy* hair.

 

[Empress Yahudah]

All I have to say is ... EVERYONE IS MIXED and there's no such thing as "blackness" or "whiteness". In other words, Black people are not limited to just dark skin, nappy hair, big lips, and wide noses... there are Black people with light skin, curly/wavy hair, thin lips, and narrow noses. Same with White folks....Race is something that was made up to keep people separated and divided and put into categories....power vs. powerlessness... superiority vs inferiority... Intermingling has gone on since the beginning of time. We can't get mad if someone ask us if we are mixed. It's not like being mixed is a bad thing. And we can't assume that the Black people who question our race have an issue with loving themselves. That's a bit extreme. They were just merely asking since most Black people (naively) do not know that we can have a variety of hair textures, skin colors, facial features, and body structures. We are all mixed up and diverse. Some people (unconsciously) do not know about the diversity of the Black race because of the social conditioning of society and the stereotypes that have been ingrained in the minds of people.

have nothing to say i agree with what u have said totaly