I can't take it anymore.I'm done. Any advice? Anything ..a hug? I need something

[BlackHairDiva]

UPDATE: I can't take it anymore.I'm done. Any advice?

Since I last wrote to all of you, I have gotten some legal help for my mom's situation. Everything is still very stressful and well, I'm still tired and I dread waking up because I dread the idea of dealing with all the things i need to do.

As I mentioned in my original post. I was going to take a trip ( small vacation) and I was going to rest and travel to my favorite city. I told my mom 4 weeks in advance about my trip and I reminded the day before the trip. The day of the trip, I saw her before I left, told her about when I will be back and at what time. Gave her a hug and a kiss. Told her that I would take pictures for her. I told her that I will call at what time I would call while I was on my trip.

Well, the trip was beautiful and my hair look a lot better. Its shorter cause i had to cut the bad ends...but It's healthy now. I walked and took pictures during my vacation. I loved it , I was happy, it was peaceful. I enjoyed walking a lot in the city. The people are kind over there. I have been wanting to move there since 2002. During my trip I called home 5 times. No answers.

I got home and I was excited to get home cause I was able to make it earlier... I couldn't wait to see mom and tell her about my trip.

Well folks....I'm a fool. A big ridiculous dummy. I can't help but wonder Why I'm here. I came home and mom greeted me and then mom signal me that she was gonna fake towards my older bro and sister in law. She was like:" Why didn't you tell me you had meetings? I was worried sick, I couldn't sleep!! Tell everyone where you were. There I am a 31 year old fool, who was supposedly/ unbeknown to me sneaked out of the house for days, now how those that make me look? Why couldn't she just said to my sibling BlackHairDiva is gone in so and so city she'll be back saturday at 11PM.

I'm so sick to the stomach, I don't even wanna see anyone. I've had it. As I'm typing I'm looking for a full time job and an apartment. I'm tired of being a fool. Just tired of being played like that.I'm a damn fool. It's timet o pack and not turn back.

My mom got a call from her bank and they claim she opened a credit card back in 1995. She doesn't remember opening a card. The thing about the date they mentioned is that its too familiar to me. I graduated High school in June 1995, so I remember pretty well that summer. I'm suspecting two things mom was out of country when this happened. Cause I noticed some pics she took while she was in africa. The bank is currently taking out any money that appears in the account. Mom can't even buy her medication and she has no income. I wish I could find her old passport or something that can prove she was out of the country but I can't.

Last week, the entire week, I have been on the phone with bankers, etc. I have been sleeping with my head right next to the phone...to make sure i don't miss no calls.

My dad passed a way 3 years ago, ever since he passed...its been hell.
I moved in with mom Took care of her and granny. Both have health problem. I'm working part time , at night. Im trying to apply for mba. Im attempting to study my gmat and toefl ...its hell and I rarely get to study cause Im busy with all the drama. I barely have time to myself and when i do...Im usually exhausted.

I have dealt with mom's house being robbed, vandalized, her being sicker than usual, other family death( both grandfathers on mom's side and an aunt on mom's side), financial issues mom had i help sort that out looking for answers, laws,etc. Doctors appointments i let her know when , where wake her up. On top of doing the laundry fixing meals, etc. I work part time , during evenings, I come home usually close to midnight...tired...I wake up exhausted, and go to bed exhausted.

Right now....I feel like an animal...my body is shaking I'm tired mentally, physically, emotionally and i feel hopeless. I'm sick of being in a situation where no one helps. I just want to crawl in a hole rumble and not come out! I super tired and I have had it....sorry folks for venting like this.

I'm tired!!!! Its been 3 years of doing everything for everyone and barely anything for me. I cant take it anymore. I'm hoping on the bus Friday, I will take a 12 hours bus ride. when the bus stops I will get my hair done then come back...I wish I didn't have to come back I'm tired...I just want to be stable and have a family of my own. I'm sick of this !! Sometimes I wonder why me!?!? What did I get to deserve this.

Any word of encouragement? any advice? anything... I'm desperate. I can't take it.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

I hope someone with more wisdom will be able to respond to your post.

My heart goes out to you b/c I am just recovering from a situation with my family where I felt like I had to be superwoman and if I wasn't then things would fall apart. I took the burdens of all of my family members and felt like it was my responsibility to solve all their problems and rescue them when they were about to fall. But, I had to realize that I CAN'T FIX EVERYTHING! There's a lot of stress and worry that comes along with carrying other people's burdens and it can make you sick and depressed.

My advice to you is to give it all up to God. TRUST Him for everything that you need. Ask God how to take care of the situation with the credit card, ask God to make a way for someone to take care of your mother/grandmother. DON'T GIVE UP! He will listen, He sees you and is only waiting for you to come to HIM for help. YOU CAN'T FIX EVERYTHING! Cast all your care upon HIM, for he careth for you (1 Peter 5:7)

On another note, you mentioned that the bank seizes all funds from your mother's account, if possible try to get any checks cashed at a check cashing place. I've never heard of a credit card company seizing funds for nonpayment. I don't think that's normal or legal. I'm pretty sure a whole lot more people would be complaining of this if it was, but I'm not a lawyer or specialist in this area. Also, can they show you credit card statements or something showing old transactions? And I'm guessing that you are trying to open a fraud case.

Again, I hope a more seasoned lady can help.....

 

[MizzBrown]

I don't see how you do it. Makes me appreciate my own little problems in comparison to what you just typed.

God bless!

 

[runwaydream]

i agree w. what shaffawn said. i dont think thats legal.. at ALL. is this a major credit card company? and i find it kind of funny that she's owed money since 1995 but they haven't sent any warning notices or anything until more than a decade later. obviously they had her contact info for them to have called her now.

i agree w. getting the transaction history from these ppl and im sure there has to be SOME way that u can get proof of her having gone to africa. the internet is a wonderful thing and you can get plenty of help off of her.

I am praying for you and your family and i just know things will get better. i wish you the best.

 

[firecracker]

Sorry to hear about your mom and granny. Did you file a police report for the credit card situation? Do you belong and attend church? If so you might want to see if they have some kind of sick and shut in resources available to you. Have you tried the Department of Aging for resources and help also?

 

[charmingt]

My mom got a call from her bank and they claim she opened a credit card back in 1995. She doesn't remember opening a card. The thing about hte date they mentioned is that its too familiar to me. I graduated High school in June 1995, so I remember pretty well that summer. I'm suspecting two things mom was out of country when this happened. Cause I noticed some pics she took while she was in africa. The bank is currently taking out any money that appears in the account. Mom can't even buy her medication and she has no income. I wish I could find her old passport or something that can prove she was out of the country but I can't.

Last week, the entire week, I have been on the phone with bankers, etc. I have been sleeping with my head right next to the phone...to make sure i dont miss no calls.

My dad passed a way 3 years ago, ever since he passed...its been hell.
I moved in with mom Took care of her and granny. Both have health problem. I'm working part time , at night. Im trying to apply for mba. Im attempting to study my gmat and toefl ...its hell and I rarely get to study cause Im busy with all the drama. I barely have time to myself and when i do...Im usually exhausted.

I have dealt with mom's house being robbed, vandalized, her being sicker than usual, other family death( both grandfathers on mom's side and an aunt on mom's side), financial issues mom had i help sort that out looking for answers, laws,etc. Doctors appointments i let her know when , where wake her up. On top of doing the laundry fixing meals, etc. I work part time , during evenings, I come home usually close to midnight...tired...I wake up exhausted, and go to bed exhausted.

Right now....I feel like an animal...my body is shaking I'm tired mentally, physically, emotionally and i feel hopeless. I'm sick of being in a situation where no one helps. I just want to crawl in a hole rumble and not come out! I super tired and I have had it....sorry folks for venting like this.

I'm tired!!!! Its been 3 years of doing everything for everyone and barely anything for me. I cant take it anymore. I'm hoping on the bus Friday, I will take a 12 hours bus ride. when the bus stops I will get my hair done then come back...I wish I didn't have to come back I'm tired...I just want to be stable and have a family of my own. I'm sick of this !! Sometimes I wonder why me!?!? What did I get to deserve this.

Any word of encouragement? any advice? anything... I'm desperate. I can't take it.

No, darling you are not an animal. You are stressed. Remember in everything by prayer and supplication let your requests be made known unto God. He dearly loves you and your family. Father, in the name of Jesus I ask you to grant peace and stability to this precious child and her family. Please stop all of the satanic attacks on her and her family and let Your peace which passes all understanding come upon her. God is love and you are much loved. Let this situation work out to her pleasing and protect her and give her rest. In Jesus mighty name. AMEN! Remember there is nothing impossible with God.

 

[ElizaBlue]

Oh sweetie my heart goes out to you. I take care of my elderly parents and I know it can be hard.

Order mom's credit report to see what's on it. Go to www.annualcreditreport.com it's free. Look to see if anyone has been making payments on this card. If it was opened in 1995 and only used then, then challenge it based on the fact that the debt is over 7 years old.

Talk to your mom's doctor about getting a home health provider to come in and do the bathing, cooking and cleaning. Depending on her abilities she might be able to get a full 40 hours.

The doctor will have to write her a prescription and then you can select a home health care provider.

Also, try to find a support group for children who care for elderly parents. Sometimes just talking to someone else going through the same thing will help. I've learned a ton of stuff from others like myself.

It helps so much when you can just relax and enjoy being able to be with your parents as they get older as opposed to being so taxed you don't have time to enjoy them.

PM me anytime. I usually am up late anyway dealing with my dad who has Alzheimer's.

 

[Ms.Honey]

Hon you HAVE to ask your church for help, you don't have the option not too. If you don't get some help YOU are going to get sick and then what are y'all going to do? Someone can come and help you cook and clean and if you need financial services, they'll provide those too.

Where do you live? I can search online and help you make some calls. Your mom and grandma have to be eligible for elder care during the day, Adult daycare. Is there a sib or aunt that can sit with them for a while? Are they mobile? How much can they do on their own?

How are you managing at mealtimes? You may want to pick one day and prep and cook ALL of the weeks meals that day. Saving that time in the kitchen daily will give you time to rest.

 

[firecracker]

Yeah where do you live? They may have a meals on wheels program like they offer here via the Department of aging!

 

[BlackHairDiva]

Thank you all for taking the time to answer to my post. I live in Ontario Canada. I did check about my mom's case and they claim its legal. The card was given through a bank, the bank mom deals with. Apparently when we open an account with any bank, in the fine print it mentions that we agree to submit ourselves to the Right of offset. Meaning they can take everything out as they please if you have something owing.

I did pull her credit report and it has been more than 6 years so it doesn't appear. They are not allow to post back to her report but they are allow to claim funds for as long as they want.

 

[kayte]

My mom got a call from her bank and they claim she opened a credit card back in 1995.

Where..... and ...what.....
are the expenses..... they claim she incurred?

They have to show some evidence of transaction with monies owed.
Demand everything in writing ..document every cent they took.

In the US there's an organization called Legal Aid...a non-profit legal services......Why not ask them for international referrals of like legal asst in Canada
or an aggressive community activist based legal support
also I would want info on past histories & business dealings on the credit company and bank...because they claim fine print makes it legal does not make it so.. investigate their business track record...annd certainly begin a paper trail to file a complaint...

In the meantime as others have said no more money goes into that bank...until this is rectified
praying for you and co-signing on the support systems.
Don't sleep with the phone next to your head!...
this is not yours or your mother's existence...Christ is! Keep your eyes on HIM
some perspective...this is just a stupid mistake that will be resolved ...it's annoying ..it scared you at first...but it will dealt with....and until...no more money will be deposited in this bank....

do not let this take you over..

you took of the hair....with of all this ....you are stronger than you think
but God WILL get you through..
yes....BIG God-Sized Hugz
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[**Tasha*Love**]

Blackhairdiva everyone has given excellent legal advice. I do not have too much knowledge in that area but I do know what it is like to be a caregiver. You have to give so much of yourself to others that there is rarely anytime left for you. It can be so draining. I only dealt with my mother so I can only imagine how you feel with your mother and grandmother. Somedays I wanted to literally crawl up in a hole and die, that is truly how bad the pain was. My heart and prayers are with you.

Just hold on my strong sister. This too shall pass - nothing last forever. There will be some good days and some bad days. But rest in the fact that God see's your heart and your works. Enjoy your trip to the hairdresser, enjoy every minute of it. Use that time to pray, read or even cry. There's nothing wrong with shedding tears for they cleanse the soul. You are only human and there is only so much that you can handle. But our God is supernatural and he can deal with our problems much better than we can.

Galatians 6:9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. 10 So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

Thank you all for taking the time to answer to my post. I live in Ontario Canada. I did check about my mom's case and they claim its legal. The card was given through a bank, the bank mom deals with. Apparently when we open an account with any bank, in the fine print it mentions that we agree to submit ourselves to the Right of offset. Meaning they can take everything out as they please if you have something owing.

I did pull her credit report and it has been more than 6 years so it doesn't appear. They are not allow to post back to her report but they are allow to claim funds for as long as they want.

I don't know how it works in Canada, but, does your mother collect disability? My mother has been in this situation before and depending on where that money is coming from, they can't take it out. Is your mother working? It sounded like she was too ill to work.

Also, you might have to just close the account..

 

[discobiscuits]

BHD:

I thought I was the only one going through this situation. I am not a "natural encourager" and I wish I could offer words of encouragement to you. In fact, it is just the opposite. Your post, even though you poured out the frustrations in your heart, encouraged me. I've been doing my best to avoid moving back home and instead commuting for the very reason you stated: I wanted to have some semblance of my own life/my time. However, it is impractical. I even keep putting off pursuing further education using elder care and work as my "excuses". Your post made me feel some bit of shame because I feel selfish when I desire alone time and a break. I too have a family that does not help me physically or financially with elder care. I do it all myself. Constantly in and out of the hospital & having to take time off from work. You know.

I actually want to thank you for posting. I can "feel" your pain through your post but honestly, you have given me encouragement and you have put a fire under my butt to do more. Just know that you are not alone in spirit even though you may be alone in your situation.

Suggestions for you:
http://www.eldercarecanada.ca/

In my state, they have free legal aid for the elderly. There are also programs where people will do free home repairs for the elderly. Since you are in Canada, I have no clue how to guide you but try internet searches for elder care. Also, here medicare will give home nursing and help with food/meals.

As for the credit issue. Get power of attorney so that you can have full access to her information and make the bank supply a copy of the authorizing signature from the application. Can you check with the government and see if they have a record of her passport's history? Make sure you do everything in writing and get that account closed if you can.


I really wish you well and I hope and pray that you have people come into your life who have the tools and skills to help you.

 

[Farida]

What citizenship does your mother hold? I'm pretty sure the embassy knows who keeps records of entry and exit into the country. The swipe passports when you travel, they keep records. You might want to contact an embassy or maybe someone who works with immigration. There has to be a record somewhere of her travels. Or even if she used credit or debit abroad, you can request bank statements. I hope this helps. Stay strong sweetheart.