I need a hug and some help.....

[MsLizziA]

So my sis is always complaining about how she wants to wear her hair down and straight and blah blah blah blah. Well, at one point she started to like her hair and then out the blue, she no longer likes it. So today i started thinking about texturzing it.

No offense to and texlaxed women or permed women( i need yall advice too) but i don't agree with chemicals even though i know i would know how to care for it with or without chemicals. I get so tired of seeing her unhappy about her hair.

Now whether is natural, relaxed, or texturized she is going to be wearing it up because she wants to wear it down. I was not raised like that n i won't raise her to have hers down all the time because i believe little girls should remain little girls. Its ok to wear it down sometimes but she is already tall and doesn't look 8 so im not feeding into that looking older image.

Anyway i am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I have shown her what other people say about their hair, shown her women with hair JUST like hers, and different styles as well. She just doesnt like it. Im starting to feel like im trying to force her to like something she just isn't feeling. I feel like if i DO texturize it, ill just be feeding into the negative image that she has towards her hair. So i really don't know what i should do.

Alot of the kids at her school don't wear their hair natural which is suprising considering they are only in the 2nd grade erplexed. On one hand im saying, i want her to be happy and feel confident about her hair. On another hand im thinking, she's only 8, what the hell does she know??

I have straightened it once for her and curled it and it was so pretty, she loved it but when she played outside, it rained so that was a wrap for that. Down here the weather doesn't really allow me to straighten her hair often and even if it did, im on a not heat regimen for her because she just had 2 inches chopped because her ends were horrible.

Some much needed advice would be appreciated. .... and a hug..

Signed
- a 23 year old who is being a mother figure to her strong willed 8 year old sister and this shyt is hard...

 

[ajargon02]

 

[mizbtown2]

I think you are right. She's not old enough to make those kind of hair decisions. My daughter is six and like to wear her hair down but not necessarily straight. She doesn't like the heat. Her hair is pretty long for her age (about bra-strap/ midback unstretched). Last night I washed it and twisted it up. This morning I untwisted and put a head band on and let her wear it "down."

 

[Skyfall]

I would wait till she was older like 12. And see if she still felt that way and do it then

 

[Meritamen]

I was gonna say to texturize her hair until I read that she's 8 in the 2nd grade part. I don't know. Maybe straighten it for her sometimes but I wouldn't feel comfortable texturizing an 8 year old's hair either.

 

[geejay]

Does she like extension braids? That can give that "down the back swing-y" feel and give both of you a break from her hair. I'm leaning more toward straightening it every once in a while rather than texturizing. But I realize it's hard when emotions are involved and you are in the trenches. So, if you can do something temporary to satisfy her and give yourself a break, I'd try that route first.

 

[MsLizziA]

I would wait till she was older like 12. And see if she still felt that way and do it then

Yea i was thinking maybe 11 or 12 to see if she still feels the same way.

 

[Meritamen]

I think you are right. She's not old enough to make those kind of hair decisions. My daughter is six and like to wear her hair down but not necessarily straight. She doesn't like the heat. Her hair is pretty long for her age (about bra-strap/ midback unstretched). Last night I washed it and twisted it up. This morning I untwisted and put a head band on and let her wear it "down."

That's a really good idea. I know that Beads, Braids and Beyond has some really cute age appropriate styles done with twists and braids where your sister can have her hair down.

 

[MsLizziA]

Does she like extension braids? That can give that "down the back swing-y" feel and give both of you a break from her hair. I'm leaning more toward straightening it every once in a while rather than texturizing. But I realize it's hard when emotions are involved and you are in the trenches. So, if you can do something temporary to satisfy her and give yourself a break, I'd try that route first.

She will be getting extension braids soon but she wants to wear it straight. No braids nothing, just straight. Like i said, the humidity down her doesnt really allow me to straighten and let it stay straight. In the winter, yeah but the weather right now?? I would be pointless

 

[MsLizziA]

That's a really good idea. I know that Beads, Braids and Beyond has some really cute age appropriate styles done with twists and braids where your sister can have her hair down.

Yea i steal her styles all the time .... im just not as good as cornrowing as she is ... but i am practicing

 

[LuvlyRain3]

Have you asked her why she prefers straight hair. I know I started getting perms around age 6. For the most part most of the girls in my class had perms too. She might just be overwhelmed by her surroundings. She constantly has to deal with girls her age whose hair doesn't look like hers.

I honestly would not want my daughter (if I had one) to get any type of chemical process until she was old enough to understand what would happen to her hair. Kids don't really understand the meaning of permanent.

 

[MsLizziA]

Have you asked her why she prefers straight hair. I know I started getting perms around age 6. For the most part most of the girls in my class had perms too. She might just be overwhelmed by her surroundings. She constantly has to deal with girls her age whose hair doesn't look like hers.

I honestly would not want my daughter (if I had one) to get any type of chemical process until she was old enough to understand what would happen to her hair. Kids don't really understand the meaning of permanent.

Yes i have and that was basically her answer. Because everybody else has one and she just "likes" straight hair.

 

[LuvlyRain3]

Yes i have and that was basically her answer. Because everybody else has one and she just "likes" straight hair.

Umm.... Yeah then she would just have to get over it. I would need a better reason than that to put a chemical in her hair.

 

[bride91501]

I think this is one of those situations where you as the "mom" have to put your foot down.

I often struggle with choosing between what will make my kids happy and what is best for them, but the latter is part of my job as a mother. My DDs used to ask to wear their hair straight all the time until they realized it wasn't even an option. My natural journey also helped immensely with this.

Keep giving her cute protective styles to wear, keep telling her how beautiful she and her hair is in these styles, and you know what? Eventually, she'll stop asking. I know that's hard for you to see right now, but believe me she will. She may even start to eventually refuse straight styles altogether like my oldest DD did, cuz why would she wanna change up such a beautiful thing?

Keep your head up...it'll work itself out. Their job is to try to break us, didn't you know? Don't let her

 

[itsjusthair88]

Umm...hmm...nope. I have a little cousin who lives in the house with me (her mom lives here too, my Aunt, but she works likes crazy and I like to help and blah blah blah) and she's 13 and she cannot I repeat CANNOT have a relaxer. Sorry, those are the rules in my house, I got a relaxer in my teens after begging my mom (who has had relaxers as long as I can remember...double standard, I guess) for years to let me have one and I regret it all the time. I still didn't understand the repercussions of a permanent and I was what? 14 or so...so I don't think at 8 she is qualified to make that decision.

On the other hand...

Peer pressure is a b**ch and I can understand why she wants her hair straight. Is her hair long? Do you think you can create styles that hang (like twists, or twist/braid-outs)? I can guarantee you, I got waaaay more compliments from other little girls when I would wear my natural hair in a "hanging" style (which I rarely did because my mom thought it was too grown-up) but in a curly state. It made me feel good, maybe try a few of those with her and let her get her hair confidence up.

Hope that Helps!!!

 

[MsLizziA]

itsjusthair88

Here his her hair photo album Rory's Hair | Elizabeth **Now on Youtube ..TheStrawberricurls** | Fotki.com, photo and video sharing made easy.

 

[itsjusthair88]

MsLizziA DON'T DO IT!!!!! Her hair is gorgeous!!! (and such a pretty girl), trust me, hold out until it's really long and she's a little older; when all of her classmates' hair is broken off from bad hair care and she is walking around whipping her WSL or MBL around THEN she will be thanking you. If not, come back and tell me and I'LL pay for the first chemical treatment. Scouts Honor.

 

[MsLizziA]

itsjusthair88
I will hold you to that!

IDK, i guess i was just starting to feel bad b/c she keeps mentioning so i figured maybe it was something that she feels really strong about and i didnt wanna just brush it off

 

[itsjusthair88]

@MsLizziA lol...hold me to it (but check my funds first LMAO) and you know how little girls are, everything is of the utmost importance to them for a few months or so, and then she'll get over it. If she doesn't, she'll be okay; I was mad at my mom for a minute or two, but then I got over it because she's my mom and she knew best for me. She'll still love you and she will love her hair, it's just a rough phase for her...

ETA: and PLEASE keep us updated on her growth!!!

 

[MsLizziA]

itsjusthair88

Trust me, i will!

 

[MsLizziA]

Thanks for all the help guys!

 

[Myjourney2009]

Tell her its not the right time.

My DD is 12 YO about to be 13 in Aug. and when I went back to relaxers last year she wanted one as well.

I told her NO plain and simple. I also explained to her that relaxed hair was more work than natural hair and I did not think she was ready for one. I point out to her that with relaxed hair you CANNOT scratch your scalp a few days before a relaxer or else you will get burned. WELP that QUICKLY changed her mind. She could not believe at that went into getting the hair relaxed until I sat her down and explained it to her.

I told her when I felt she was ready that I would most likely heat train her hair.

And

If I did relax her hair it would not be done bone straight because I believe it is healthier to leave some texture behind on top of the fact that I think it looks better fuller. She understands because I dont relax bone straight and she sees the difference btwn my hair and the young girls that are relaxed bone straight.

She is content right now with her hair and goes on and on about how soft it is LOL ( I am always telling her how soft it is) She even asks me why it is so soft as well LOL

 

[shenitab]

My daughter is 8, almost 9. I can relate to this. Keep talking to her about how beautiful her hair is and let her know that the way her hair is now, she has the option to wear it curly or straight and she should keep it that way. I try and alternate my daughter's hair between braided styles with extensions, braided styles without extensions, twists with just her hair, ponytails occassionally, and straightened hair occassionally. Most of the girls in her class do have relaxers. There are a few who have natural hair/or wear braids with added hair.
I would not texturize her hair at this age. Keep making positive statements about her hair and work with her to find some styles that she likes. Having braids with extension hair added gives my daughter the "swang" that she wants sometimes.
If needed, let her know that she is going to work with the styles that are within your scope for now. If there is something she wants to try let her know that you will try it, but you are not an expert in that style. I have learned that I have to keep it positive in regards to my kid's hair. I have to do this verbally, with my facial expressions, everything. I realized that I didn't have the best attitude about doing their hair (it is really thick).
Things will work out. Do what you can do. The girl is 7. If she was going to school with two neat ponytails everyday, she should be happy with that. It is good to try and work with her, here and there. But.. she won't die because her hair isn't texlaxed or relaxed like she wants it.