I Need The Comfort Of A Man Help Me!!

[BlkHoneyLuv2U]

I've been manless and sexless for six years now and these feeling that I have been experiencing for the past couple weeks are so out of character for me. I gave my life back to God six years ago and havent felt the need nor the want for a mans company. I dont date or anything like that. But lately, I just , I dont even know how to explain what I'm feeling except to say I find myself thinking about how much I would like to feel a manly embrace just someone to hold me and make me feel safe.

There has been much going on in my life lately and I know this is part of the problem but none of the things have to do with a man. I'm just so tired of carrying the load all alone. I know God is with me and on my side but lately, it just dosent seem to be enough. I need something I can hold on to, something I can feel, someone to say to me hush baby it will be alright. I'm tired and dont know which way to go, well I do know but lately it just dosent seem to be enough.

I'm sitting here crying as I write this because I dont like feeling this way. I'm 46 years old and will be 47 in August. All I see before me is a life alone never having known the love of a good man, leaving this world having never been loved outside my immediate family. I've been known to say, you want what you let your mind focus on. Lately thats all I seem to focus on is how much I miss the comfort of a man. Thats not me and I pray but the feelings are still there. Will you all pray with me that God will keep me strong and faithful.

I'm sorry but these feelings are making me feel like such a failure because I've never been the type to get lonely, as a matter of fact, I have always prided myself on my love for being alone and not lonely. But now, I'm alone and lonely. Pray for me please.

 

[star]

Don't give up. When you are at a breaking point that is when the miracle will come. I have been waiting a long time celibate too but I am determine in the name of Jesus to hold out for God's ultimate blessing. I rather wait and get what God has then to take something less the best. If you have waiting this long hold on the devil is trying to break you. I rather see you 47 and happy then 47 with someone who is not good for you. Let's pray together PM me. While waiting get and keep yourself together. Be sharper than sharper. My husband is going to be getting prize when he gets me I spend money and time on me.

Whenever God take a long time which is most of the time the end is so sweet and will be soooo worth the wait. I am waiting but I am happy because I stay close to God and on my down days I just remember that He will give me the desires of my heart which is to have a mate. I got everything else and everything came from God is it is all sweet and good. I know it is not easier but I will help you get through this I know God has someone special waiting for you He is not finish with His work with both of you yet but only that can change in A day. All it takes is a day and God will perform a quick work in getting you marry. No need for long engagement etc.

 

[BlkHoneyLuv2U]

But see thats what make this so out of the ordinary with me. I have never asked God for a mate, I've rather thanked Him that I did not have one or wanted one. I dont know why this is happening to me at this point in time. I dont want a man, but why do I feel the need to have one hold me. I'm a very strong willed person so why this. Its been said the enemy will only tempt you in your areas of weakenss and I've never been weak in this area so WHY!!!!! and where is this coming from?

 

[mkh_77]

Why are you equating being lonely and wanting the comfort of a man to being conterproductive to your walk with God? God made women for men and didn't intend for us to be alone.

 

[BlkHoneyLuv2U]

I guess because its new to me feeling this way and I feel that the time my mind is focusing on a man, I should be focusing on the goodness of God or other more important things.

I also feel as if I'm being pushed in a direction I dont want to go. A direction that will lead me right back to where I prayed so hard to get away from.

 

[mkh_77]

Well, maybe God is trying to get you in the right frame of mind to accept who He is going to put in your path.

Your glass can be half empty (negative thoughts about men and relationships), or half full (positive thoughts that God might have someone in store for you). It's up to you how you'd like to view the situation.

ETA: Thank God for what you have, and you might be surprised at what you get.

 

[kisz4tj]

Wow...I pray for your strength and clarity of mind. I wonder if these desires are coming from God. I wonder if he's preparing you for a mate :scratchch

 

[Crissi]

I don't know if this will help, but my auntie is 51. She broke up with her boyfriend 14 years ago (she also had 3 kids with him). Got saved 5 yrs ago, and waited, the love of her life came along. She didn't have the company of a man for 14yrs (no sex nothing), and know she's the happiest she has ever been, as God has blessed her with her husband

 

[honeycomb719]

Why are you equating being lonely and wanting the comfort of a man to being conterproductive to your walk with God? God made women for men and didn't intend for us to be alone.

I agree whole-heartly, and quite frankly get somewhat annoyed when some folks act like it something wtong to want a man in your life. It was the purpose GOD invented women aint it?

 

[TrustMeLove]

I just will refer you to some stories in the bible.

(Genesis 16:1-3, 15-16, 17, 21:1-2) I believe these are the verses.
Abraham and Sarai didn't have a baby until late in life. She had given up on having that part of her life fulfilled.


1 Samuel 8 and 9

Saul becomes king. The Israelites (sp) just had to have a king, they wanted to be like the other nations. But in turn dissed God, when he was there true King.

Nothing is wrong with wanting to share the company of a man to have someone to live and grow old with. I understand you not wanting to commit the sin that the Israelites by wanting the tangible. But, the difference is that it seems as if you recognize that God is your provider and your comforter. However you just want one of his special children to live this life here on earth with and there is nothing wrong with that feeling. You aren't replacing God.

 

[sithembile]

Lady

I know how exactly how you feel, before I was saved, I always had a boyfriend, so I found it so hard being single. I was single for 2 years before I started dating the man I'm with now. I know 2 years is nothing compared to 6, but I also felt the need to share my life with someone, and I don't believe that it is a sin. As the other ladies have said, God created us for companionship, but yet, it doesn't mean that we are incomplete when we are single. Maybe the feelings you are experiencing now are God actually putting those desires in your heart so that you are prepared for the man He has for you. Begin to pray to God for guidance, wisdom and to prepare you.I will also pray with you.

 

[BlkHoneyLuv2U]

I agree whole-heartly, and quite frankly get somewhat annoyed when some folks act like it something wtong to want a man in your life. It was the purpose GOD invented women aint it?

The reason I feel something is wrong is because as I said earlier, this is a first for me. I dont believe there is a man out there for me. Every one I've had in the past were jerks. So I resolved to quit the game and was well satisfied with my decision. But now, I'm realizing it was out of fear that I quit the game. I'm struggling over do I want back in the game or no. I feel that I can only attract jerks so its best to stay out of the game. Up to a few weeks ago, I was perfectly happy being alone. Now all of a sudden its all changed. I dont believe GOD invented me for a man but to be the butt of a secret joke.

 

[BlkHoneyLuv2U]

Nothing is wrong with wanting to share the company of a man to have someone to live and grow old with. I understand you not wanting to commit the sin that the Israelites by wanting the tangible. But, the difference is that it seems as if you recognize that God is your provider and your comforter. However you just want one of his special children to live this life here on earth with and there is nothing wrong with that feeling. You aren't replacing God.

Thanks TML, I never thought of it this way. I'll go back and study out the scriptures you suggested. Thanks. And also thanks to the rest of you ladies for your input. I guess I'm just feeling old and need a change from the usual. I need to feel like I am more than just a mother. I need someone to make me feel like a woman for a change.

 

[shalom]

Ladydee, I know exactly how you feel, although my situation is not exactly like yours it's similar and worse to me. I don't really know what to say about how you feel, but what I want to say is never give up on God. I don't know what his will is for you any more than I know what his will is for me, but I want to say don't give up. God is all we have. I'll be praying for you and please pray for me because I'm tired of thinking about a man all the time too.

 

[honeycomb719]

The reason I feel something is wrong is because as I said earlier, this is a first for me. I dont believe there is a man out there for me. Every one I've had in the past were jerks. So I resolved to quit the game and was well satisfied with my decision. But now, I'm realizing it was out of fear that I quit the game. I'm struggling over do I want back in the game or no. I feel that I can only attract jerks so its best to stay out of the game. Up to a few weeks ago, I was perfectly happy being alone. Now all of a sudden its all changed. I dont believe GOD invented me for a man but to be the butt of a secret joke.

If there is one thing Ive learned about life is things CHANGE, including your feelings. The way you used to feel was sufficient for THAT time, but you have grown as a women, and emotionally. You cant feel bad that now you have come to a point where you feel like a man would make life on this earth a little more interesting. I for one dont. I was well and find while I was focused on my education, and getting myself together. A man wasnt really a concern for me. But, know that I have grown, Im thinking about it more.
I think what you are feeling is natural. My only suggestion would be to let your past experiences be just that PAST, and go from where you are now. You have grown so Im sure your interactions with men will reflect that, Dont count yourself out, unless that is where you feel comfortable...out.

 

[charmingt]

Awwww.... Ladydee. I am sorry you feel sad. Things have a way of working out. It must mean you are going to live a loonnng life! Sometimes the things you may have missed out in the beginning are coming in the middle. You are probably about to be blessed!!

 

[star]

But see thats what make this so out of the ordinary with me. I have never asked God for a mate, I've rather thanked Him that I did not have one or wanted one. I dont know why this is happening to me at this point in time. I dont want a man, but why do I feel the need to have one hold me. I'm a very strong willed person so why this. Its been said the enemy will only tempt you in your areas of weakenss and I've never been weak in this area so WHY!!!!! and where is this coming from?

We have been built on purpose by God to have a void which can only be fulfill by Him but having a mate is wonderful and heavenly experience. It is nothing wrong with humbling yourself and asking God for the love of your life. I am strong will too but I know when to take the super woman thing off and be submissive helpless but strong woman at the same time for my man. God also has built us especially woman to desire relationships and this includes with opposite sex, with family, friends etc. No man is island to him or her self we have designed on purpose to love and want to be love. Compassion is what I miss the most from the opposite sex. Yes, I would to make love but more imporantly I want to feel safe and cover spiritualy, finacially and emotionally but a man while a same time I am able handle myself.

This is happening now because you are human and the queen/woman in you has needs just like the other characteristic about you. All these areas need to be feed in healthy way so you may continue to grow into the beautiful woman God made. Life is all about balance not being too much of anything but having balance with foundation of course being anchor in Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior.

 

[BlkHoneyLuv2U]

We have been build on purpose my God to have a void which can only be fulfill by Him but having a mate is wonderful and heavenly experience. It is nothing wrong with humbling yourself and asking God for the love of your life. I am strong will too but I know when to take the super woman thing off and be submissive helpless but strong woman at the same time for my man. God also has built us especially woman to desire relationships and this includes with opposite sex, with family, friends etc. No man is island to him or her self we have designed on purpose to love and want to be love. Compassion is what I miss the most from the opposite sex. Yes, I would to make love but more imporantly I want to feel safe and cover spiritualy, finacially and emotionally but a man while a same time I am able handle myself.

This is happening now because you are human and the queen/woman in you has needs just like the other characteristic about you. All these area needs to be feed in healthy way so you may continue to grow in the beautiful woman God made. Life is all about balance not being much of anything but having balance with foundation of course being anchor in Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior.

Thanks Star, as far back as I can remember, I've always been self sufficient even when I had a man. I could only depend on self. I remember years ago, I had some electrical work that had to be done in my house. I asked my man (my kids dad) to do it but it took him too long so I got a time life how to book and did the rewireing myself. I even did some plumbing in my house by myself.

I guess I'm feeling like a whimp now cause I want to be held and comforted by a man who in the end is more trouble than they are worth. My girlfriend is trying to get me to go on a double date with her and her man. I want to but theres a part of me that is scared as all git out. If I go, I let you all know.

BUT THERE WONT BE NO HOLDING!!! LOL

 

[melodee]

Aww, LadyDee I know things can be rough. But remember that it's okay to have these feelings, and you're right--we are designed to feel this way. I know that God wants you to be happy, feel loved, and live abundantly. (See John 10:10) Right now this is a heavy burden that you are bearing. We all carry burdens, and I believe that the Lord will deliver us from them in His good time.

Think of yourself as a strong, fearless woman of God who is running a "singles" marathon. You have hopes that at the finish line you will reach the love and security that a wonderful,Godly relationship with a man can bring. Part of the way through, you grow tired. Your muscles began to get sore. You feel winded and thristy and sweaty. So you need some refreshing to help your carry on. In Hebrews 12:1-3 we are encouraged to endure:

"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin that so easily ensnares us, and let us RUN with endurance the race that is set before us looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him, endured the CROSS, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls.

So you have called upon your friends for encouragement, or a bottle of water and some cheer to get you back on the path. And they has stepped forward to help you. This is a gift from the Lord.

Stay in the race, girl. And maybe you should bite the bullet and go on that double date. It worked for me, and God may be nudging you.

Take care

 

[cocoberry10]

The reason I feel something is wrong is because as I said earlier, this is a first for me. I dont believe there is a man out there for me. Every one I've had in the past were jerks. So I resolved to quit the game and was well satisfied with my decision. But now, I'm realizing it was out of fear that I quit the game. I'm struggling over do I want back in the game or no. I feel that I can only attract jerks so its best to stay out of the game. Up to a few weeks ago, I was perfectly happy being alone. Now all of a sudden its all changed. I dont believe GOD invented me for a man but to be the butt of a secret joke.

Dear Ladydee:

First of all, you are in my prayers. Second, I want you to know that sometimes "desires," especially those that seem so out of the ordinary for us are NOT the Devil, but instead, OUR HEAVENLY FATHER! Maybe God is trying to create a new "fire and desire" inside of you.

I am still in my early 20's, but God has put new fires inside of me to do things for His purpose. These things went against my "earthly" desires, or my natural personality, but it was definitely Him and not me (or Satan) that put these desires in me.

Maybe God wants you to learn to trust men again. Remember, we were all made in His image, and He doesn't want us walking around not loving each other or trusting each other. Believing that all men are bad is a great work of the Devil. The Devil has us walking around not trusting the very people right beside us, and this is how he destroys friendships, families, and people everyday.

Maybe God wants you to meet a wonderful man, not just to be married to him, but also to serve God. You probably know a lot of young people who have not seen a healthy couple (Black or otherwise). My parents have been married over 30 years, and while it hasn't been absolutely perfect (yes they still argue over the toothpaste cap ), they have been an example to me, and some of my friends, or people who come into my life.

Although I'm not married, and don't think I will be anytime soon, I do see marriage as a ministry of sorts, because you can help others see the value of relationships and family. Whether you want to be romantically involved or not, you do need a man (at least as a friend). I am a very independent woman, but there have been situations and times where I find myself thinking, I wish I had one of my guy friends here (i.e. I'm short, so when I'm in a store, and an item is up really high, I often wish that one of my tall male friends were there to help me). Yes, we need relationships with men and women. God meant for us to all live in love, not hate, mistrust, or animosity.

God wanted to be associated and love, that's why He made us! So, don't feel strange that you are feeling this way. I apologize if I'm rambling or if I confused you, but I think you understand what I'm saying!

 

[MissYocairis]

Wow...saw the thread title and immediately had Stephanie Mills playing in my head. *sorry to hijack*

 

[MissYocairis]

I guess I'm feeling like a whimp now cause I want to be held and comforted by a man who in the end is more trouble than they are worth.

That doesn't make you a whimp. It makes you human. Even the comment about him being "more trouble than he's worth" is just a human characteristic. Fear. It's okay. Allow yourself to feel what you feel. Allow yourself to explore it. Don't chastise yourself for wanting to live according to the nature that God made you in. He made you a woman. Embrace that. Part of that is allowing a wonderful man the opportunity to come into your life and to take care of you. THAT'S RIGHT! I SAID IT! Man is the provider in God's Stead for a woman. Your longings are just indication that you are ready to move into another realm and study other aspects of your own character and make some changes in order that there be room in your life for a man to come in and love you the right way! Take it girl! Embrace it!

I used to tell my friends, after my divorce and before I found my soul-mate, that I REFUSED to embrace the WORLD'S concept of who I should be...that so-called "strongblacksuperwoman" who don't need nobody, don't want nobody, can do everything, independent, not checking for a man, yada yada yada! God didn't create me to expect the very LEAST life has to offer a woman....He created me to expect the very BEST! If women of other cultures weren't expected to be the MULE of society, why was the BLACK WOMAN always being expected to be that? CAUSE I AIN'T THAT! And, that included everything from not doing home repairs, yardwork to maintaining the cars! Yeah, I bought a house....but, that was just for space and financial philosphy cause I damn sure never planned to live life without a man to protect and make me secure. I'm an old-fashioned woman and I needed a man created the way GOD intended for him to be to come around me and handle me like GOD created ME to be! And, don't get me wrong....it's been an adjustment. When you are independent and a real man comes around, you got to ADJUST to let that man BE. I know the first time my SO got up with me and started my car in the morning, I was paranoid, "what are you doing?" Didn't know why he was up....thought he was in my way, etc....it threw me off....but, now, I cannot imagine how I was functioning without the things he brings. REACH OUT AND TAKE IT!

Y'all done got me worked up in here. I'm sorry. Sister just embrace that soft-side of you. That "PINK" side of you. When you start to ADMIT your needs to yourself and God and when you ACCEPT that it's OKAY to feel that way, GOD will bless you with a man so outstanding, you will have to keep pinching yourself to see if this is real or a dream!

 

[star]

Thanks Star, as far back as I can remember, I've always been self sufficient even when I had a man. I could only depend on self. I remember years ago, I had some electrical work that had to be done in my house. I asked my man (my kids dad) to do it but it took him too long so I got a time life how to book and did the rewireing myself. I even did some plumbing in my house by myself.

I guess I'm feeling like a whimp now cause I want to be held and comforted by a man who in the end is more trouble than they are worth. My girlfriend is trying to get me to go on a double date with her and her man. I want to but theres a part of me that is scared as all git out. If I go, I let you all know.

BUT THERE WONT BE NO HOLDING!!! LOL

Please go out and have healthy expectations. I know what works for me is to keep a mind set of friends only it takes the pressure of everybody. Just look for friendship and if it evolves then so be it. Stop thinking too much about it and just be foot loose and fancy free. You are putting too much energy into it and please do not let your past haunt you. Each day is a new beginning give the person a chance to see who you are and vice versa. Just relax my dear. God(you Daddy) is in control.