I'm Torn

[mizbtown2]

My daughter is six years old and has beautiful natural hair. It has never been relaxed and since age four has been straightened maybe five times. I usually keep it braided or in two strand twists. I can manage it well and know how to detangle. I must admit I have slacked on the washing lately going perhaps three weeks. I also don't moisturize or seal her ends regularly. Still her hair continues to thrive. Her stretched her reaches her tail (behind, butt) and unstretched its mid back.

I would like to learn to care for her hair so that she can wear it out sometimes with well defined curls. The only time it hangs is in braids or twists. I want her to love her hair and never relax.

Problem: I'm not a good example. I have relaxed hair and love it. It's thriving as well. How can I expect her to remain natural when she likes to see my hair hang? And although I relax, I prefer to wear curly roller sets. I've thought about going natural but don't know how I would manage or transition. I don't wear wigs or braids. When I was taking swimming lessons I would wear braidouts though.

Help? Tips? Advice?

Thanks!

 

[*CherryPie*]

Transitioning without BC support thread
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/ha...ansitioning-without-bcing-support-thread.html

Transitioner's support thread
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/ha...-new-*2011*-transitioners-support-thread.html

LOT'S OF HELP HERE!

 

[NicWhite]

Hi OP,

Not quite sure what you are asking. Do you want to go natural? and need advice about how you should go about it?

ETA: ok I see, you want to know how to transition. Well the links provided by Cherrie Pie are a great place to start.

I applaud your willingness to change so that you can be an encouragement to your daugther.

 

[FebeeSigns]

The children's hair care forum might be able to help you out a lot more this if the problem is your child's hair. There's a lot of lovely mothers in there, some of who are relaxed and have children with natural hair.

 

[bride91501]

I know others may disagree with me, but I don't know if it's possible to have her *truly* love and be content with her natural hair when her biggest female role model is relaxed.

I have 3 daughters, all of whom have gorgeous natural hair as well. I have always told them how beautiful their own hair is, all the while bone-relaxing my own every 6 weeks. I saw how they envied my straight weaved up locks, and would sometimes suggest as a "reward" for some good behavior they exhibited that they get to wear their hair straight "like mommy's". This bothered me because I know they saw my straight hair as an "ideal" that they were not living up to on a daily basis.

And so, I did the BC. And it's been one of the best decisions I've made in my life....both for their self esteem and for my own.

Hope this helps.

 

[Loveygram]

Don't fret . In time, you will most likely learn to style her hair in ways it is capable of being styled. I liked what Kimora S. did with her girls. They have to be natural until a certain age. Then they get a straightening session. Still they are natural most of the time. She wears her hair straight also but I think the way she fusses over their natural hair (in a good way) makes them feel good with it.
Fussiing and complaining at a child about how hard her natural hair is to do IMO, is the main reason people grow up thinking the way they do. You keep making the good talk around hair fixing time and she'll more than likely be OK until she is old enough to decide for herself.

Meantime sounds like you know what your doing in maintaining her hair. 3 weeks shouldn't destroy your good work but ya know ya gotta stay on it

Blessings HTH

 

[Curlykale]

For the hanging factor have you ever tried to style her hair on dry hair VS wet?
That's basically how I get my natural hair to hang (in braidouts or twistouts) .
I leave in any thick moisturizing conditioner that is not supposed to be rinsed out (tightlycurly.com method) in order to add weight and clumping, and I then air dry in braids for at least one night. I then style my hair the day after my wash day or later, so that my hair is 100% dry.

I lightly wet section by section, re-saturate with my thick conditioner (my hair loves cetyl alcohol as an ingredient for weight and clumping, BTMS is another good one), this time I seal with a natural styling pomade instead of sealing with oil, and I braid or twist.
I then wear my braidouts, adding conditioner and braiding every night (5 braids are enough). If I want a stronger hold, I also apply a thick homemade flaxseed gel on dry hair before the pomade, sometimes as a substitute for the conditioner.
If I want a "fake, elongate wash and go look", after undoing my braids or twists in the morning I apply either water + conditioner, or flaxseed gel, with my head upside down, saturating my ends so that they curl in a natural way.

So, basically what gives me a hanging factor is: tightlycurly method + a pomade / gel or both + styling on dry hair + stretching my hair at night. I avoid humectants in all my styling products because, depending on the humidity, they give me shrinkage.

A style can last for days without the need to do anything but reapply the flaxseed gel if I pineapple at night.

Sorry for the long talk lol I just love this method. Hope it helps!

 

[BostonMaria]

Don't feel guilty. My 2 daughters have been natural all their lives (they're 21 and 12) and I've only been completely natural for the past 3 years. I taught them to love and embrace their curls and I was slapping a relaxer on my head every 16 weeks LOL

There are lots of transitioning threads here that can help you if you decide to make that transition. Oh and please don't put a relaxer on your baby's hair (not sure if that was a question on your end)

 

[mizbtown2]

Thanks guys for the enocuragement and information. I think I'll look into transitioning. I'm only about four weeks post now.

Off to read!

 

[ms-gg]

I vote go natural mommy! lol

 

[mg1979]

That is quite a dilemma. If I could go back in time, I would tell my younger self not to ever relax and my hair was beautiful as it was! However, I'm not sure that my younger self would believe my older self, probably would just laugh, especially since every black woman was relaxed at that time! Things are different now that more women are natural. It will definitely be more encouraging if you go natural, but you must be prepared that even if you do, she still may not want to remain natural. Is that something you can handle? Because transitioning is not always easy, so you need to be okay with this no matter what her decision may turn out to be.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[naturalTAN]

That is quite a dilemma. If I could go back in time, I would tell my younger self not to ever relax and my hair was beautiful as it was! However, I'm not sure that my younger self would believe my older self, probably would just laugh, especially since every black woman was relaxed at that time! Things are different now that more women are natural. It will definitely be more encouraging if you go natural, but you must be prepared that even if you do, she still may not want to remain natural. Is that something you can handle? Because transitioning is not always easy, so you need to be okay with this no matter what her decision may turn out to be.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

I agree with this. You can still have your relaxed hair, but just make sure she knows the beauty in all hair especially hers.

 

[thecurlycamshow]

There's a great youtuber, ninapruitt, who transitioned very well. You are setting a great example for your daughter since you've taught her to love her hair. Good luck on your hair journey

 

[Solitude]

As a parent, I applaud you for trying to do what's best for you and your daughter. My sister went natural for this very reason and has not yet regretted it. She transitioned with sew-ins for 8 months before chopping.

At first, it was a big adjustment and she clung to the weaves, but now she rocks her natural hair and her daughter seems to appreciate it.

Good luck to you!

 

[Lynnerie]

Do as I say and not as I do....

Your daughter is only 6 so her hair styles should be different from yours. Once she is old enough she can decide what she wants to do with her hair. If your hair is thriving and you enjoy having a relaxer I think thats fine. Plenty of moms are relaxed and have natural kids.

 

[SqrpioQutie]

OP, there is nothing wrong with wanting one thing for your child and doing another for yourself... if you would like for her to love her natural hair, then help to instill that love in her... continue to compliment her hair, tell her how beautiful it is, etc... i don't think you have to be a walking billboard for natural hair in order for her to love her own (especially if you're currently happy with your hair - who's to say that you'd like being natural).... it's one thing if you were mandating that she MUST be natural for ever and ever all while relaxing your own head.... but you're not...

to me, what you want for your child is no different than wanting your child to be a doctor/surgeon, while you're happy being a nurse....

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

I know others may disagree with me, but I don't know if it's possible to have her *truly* love and be content with her natural hair when her biggest female role model is relaxed.

I have 3 daughters, all of whom have gorgeous natural hair as well. I have always told them how beautiful their own hair is, all the while bone-relaxing my own every 6 weeks. I saw how they envied my straight weaved up locks, and would sometimes suggest as a "reward" for some good behavior they exhibited that they get to wear their hair straight "like mommy's". This bothered me because I know they saw my straight hair as an "ideal" that they were not living up to on a daily basis.

And so, I did the BC. And it's been one of the best decisions I've made in my life....both for their self esteem and for my own.

Hope this helps.

Your story is similar to mine

My DDs had beautiful natural hair, but I was retouching a relaxer every 6-8 weeks. Telling them to love their hair while I was altering the texture of mine.

So I decided to cut off my relaxer and sport my natural hair proudly, so that I could be an example to them.