OH no she didn't!--Coworker said my hair looks like...

[Jaegermany]

IMO I think homegirl is rude.

She knew when she saw you she didnt like your hair so she should not have mentioned your knew hair at all.

That goes back to if you dont have anything nice to say dont say anything at all.

Its not as if you paraded over to her desk/cubicle sporting your new do soliciting her input. It was only after she made mention of it and her comments were awkward did you ask her what she meant. So I personally dont think you are wrong. I dont care if you asked all day long you never would have if she didnt broach the subject! She is rude.

At this age its no reason to walk around being painfully honest. She shouldnt have made reference to your hair at all!

If we ask our husband/boyfriend how we look we dont expect his *** to say FAT! Or SLOPPY. There is a right and a wrong way to say everything. And to use the excuse you said be honest isnt appropriate past a certain age, when you are an adult expected to have the ability to reason.

True Story: My son is 6 years old and he asked his classmate "what happened to your hair" and she said "nothing, why?" and he said "you must be having a bad hair day then"...His teacher wrote me a note and he was reprimanded.
So lesson WASNT to the little girl that she shouldnt have asked him WHY if she didnt really want to know. The lesson to my son is that wasnt a nice thing to say!

The same lesson your opinionated co-worker needs to learn as well.

 

[Jaegermany]

Further more familiarity breeds hostility.

Some how, some way you've gotten a little "too close" to your co-worker and now she feels its appropriate to talk to you like that. And obviously it isnt because it wouldnt have been so awkward afterwards.

Had she been a friend of yours you might have appreciated it more even if it hurt your feelings a little bit.

Its probably best to stop being so friendly with her. Not saying you have to be mad or rude. But she definitely needs to feel uncomfortable telling you how she feels about how you look one day to the next!

Unless she is your supervisor in which case Im going to need you to get in that bathroom and bun up your hair, before close of business. LOL

 

[beans4reezy]

This is why I don't ask anyone for their input on my hair. In general, I find that many people lack tact. If I were you- my conversation with this coworker would have never gotten that far.

 

[shocol]

Wow...I'm just SMH at some of the comments on this thread.

I can't believe that I feel like I have to justify my feelings for why I may have been just a little bit offended at my co-workers comments!

Some of you are acting like you wouldn't be the least offended if you told someone to give their "honest opinion" and they started to insult something as touchy as your hair....or what if it were weight/religion/looks/etc?? I mean, where do we draw the line? Just because someone asks for honesty it doesn't mean (IMO) that it gives the other person the free liberty to be completely insulting.

I'm over the whole incident (I didn't even mention it to her today, and I just acted normally as usual when I got to work), but I'm just surprised that some of you would be *seemingly* "okay" with someone saying those comments to you, even if you ASKED for their honesty. Sometimes honesty isn't the best policy I guess.

There's tact, and then there's being insulting.

Oh well... [*rant off*]

Awww... I get why you're offended even with asking for her honest opinion. More to the point, it seems as if the answer you got was well in line with her general character. She was not the person to ask an honest opinion if you're expecting sensitivity, tact, and positivity.

I keep thinking about those old sayings...1) A leopard can't change its' spots and 2) Don't act surprised when you're bitten by a snake, it's in their nature.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I think you need to consider the source on this one. First of all, she is white, second she is a rude person in general from what you said. IMO a white person and/or a black person that doesn't like or isn't familiar with big, natural looking hair would respond the way she did. You might of gotten a different response from somebody else so I wouldn't be offended at all. My white co worker is always wondering if my hair is a weave and I say no. She must not be familiar with wigs

Yeah, that's true. It wasn't so much the fact that she was white that bothered me (although that did strike a nerve), but more so because of the type of PERSON that she is, and how she comes across in general.


PS--BTW, your little puppy in your siggy is so CUTE!! I have a yorkie too!

Girl it is not that serious shoots some people dont know style.

when i do my WNG's my hair gets curly and all cute and some people has made the comment that i put my hand in a socket but it doesnt bother me because i know my hair gets really big. I also have a good guy friend that calls me crusty from the simpsons when he sees my big hair.

Dont get offended its not that serious if you thought it looks cute then why worry

Well, yeah...it would be one thing if I thought it looked cute. In the morning it did look cute. But by 4pm (the time she made the comment), my hair had fallen and wasn't looking as good as I wanted it to, but I thought I could get away with it. But when she made her comments I was like: "Well gee...tell me how you REALLY feel!"

Plus, she did it in front of others. It's one thing for someone to say a rude comment in private to you, but when someone does it out loud in front of other co-workers, that's just uncalled for IMO. Even a fellow black female co-worker was hearing the whole conversation and just shaking her head.

 

[Anew]

The lady was trying to avoid saying how she truly felt 3 times, but OP pushed her for her honesty. I don't think its rude. She genuinely wanted to know the truth and the lady told her the ugly truth, no pun...

And although I wasn't there, as I'm reading it I could tell that the lady was gonna say in so many words she didn't like the hair style. Something like reading in between the lines

 

[BonBon]

CIQ: I want the truth!
Colleague: [shouts] You can’t handle the truth!











j/k

 

[Charz]

Honesty can sometimes hurt.

You asked her to be honest. So did you really want her to sugar coat her honest opinion?

....If so next time ask her to.

"Gimmie the honest truth, but sprinkle some sugar on it."

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Further more familiarity breeds hostility.

Some how, some way you've gotten a little "too close" to your co-worker and now she feels its appropriate to talk to you like that. And obviously it isnt because it wouldnt have been so awkward afterwards.

Had she been a friend of yours you might have appreciated it more even if it hurt your feelings a little bit.

Its probably best to stop being so friendly with her. Not saying you have to be mad or rude. But she definitely needs to feel uncomfortable telling you how she feels about how you look one day to the next!

Unless she is your supervisor in which case Im going to need you to get in that bathroom and bun up your hair, before close of business. LOL

I do agree...familiarity does breed hostility in some cases.

The interesting thing about this particular co-worker though is that when I first met her I was very nice...very sweet...as I am with ALL people that I meet for the first time. I was being my normal self all the time.

However, about a week or two into this new job I started realizing that this particular co-worker in particular lacks professionalism, and I don't really care for how she talks to other fellow co-workers either. SHE doesn't think she's being rude (I'm sure ), in her eyes, she's just being "herself". I bet nobody has really told her that her cynical, sarcastic, sometimes even harsh tone of voice (even on the phone w/clients! ) is quite rude and disrespectful.

So, I never really got "close" to her. I think she's just this way in general. Sad to say, I don't think she'll change, so instead of reprimanding her, I just kind of let her know yesterday that her comments were not the nicest ,and that she better quite while she's ahead because she might not like the outcome if she continued on with her conversation.

I bet next time she will think twice before asking me about my hair! LOL!

But yeah...she's interesting. She doesn't even seem really happy w/her life. She can hide behind a smile, but she doesn't seem like a happy person. A happy person wouldn't be saying some of the things she says. I know quite a bit about her because she talks and talks and talks... so it seems like she is probably unhappy in her life. People who are unhappy usually take it out on others in some small way whether they even realize it or not.



Thanks for the input ladies...even the ones who felt like the co-worker was justified in her comments. I'm over it now...but it just taught me a lesson. Don't ask for clarification if you're not in the "mood" to deal with a potentially insulting remark!

 

[fletches]

You did ask for her honest opinion, and she did try to soften the blow somewhat

You took that conversation waay too far. I would've just said thank you when she said my hair looks different and kept it movin. Asking a co workers honest opinion of my hair is just too personal for me, but it looks like you've learned from the experience.

As long as you were ok with the way your hair looked then don't let her comments bother you. You can't please everybody.

 

[ShantWhite]

[/QUOTE]Well, yeah...it would be one thing if I thought it looked cute. In the morning it did look cute. But by 4pm (the time she made the comment), my hair had fallen and wasn't looking as good as I wanted it to, but I thought I could get away with it. But when she made her comments I was like: "Well gee...tell me how you REALLY feel!"

Plus, she did it in front of others. It's one thing for someone to say a rude comment in private to you, but when someone does it out loud in front of other co-workers, that's just uncalled for IMO. Even a fellow black female co-worker was hearing the whole conversation and just shaking her head. [/QUOTE]

~~~~~~~~
Unfortunately OP, It looks as if you are a PMS'ing Sweetheart that just needs a big .
However, on the flip side... it seems as if you were seeking some sort of "validation" from her as if it would be equal to or better than the compliment you might expect from the "hot date" you were looking forward to; simply because you knew she would be a harsh critic and it would make your decision to wear it or change it easier. I've been here before, but have grown mute to caring about it...so next time, listen to YOUR conscience


Also, unless it's somebody you're married to, dating or trying to get with, questions like these:

Me: "Well, be honest...does it look good or does it look bad? Please just be honest."

Me: *trying not to get upset* "Wow...well gosh! Ugh...I wanted to get my hair done yesterday but my stylist couldn't do it, so I put bantu knots in it and took them out this morning. It looked a lot better this morning."

Co-Worker: "It's just not how you normally wear your hair. I actually prefer it up in the buns...."
Me: "Really?? You actually prefer it up??"

Should NOT be asked! Who gives a RATS ANUS about how she prefers it??? Or justifying why it looks like that.

With age comes maturity....just keep being your sweet self, attend to your own business and stay professional. Because that sista who shook her head and grunted knew not to go there!