Please stop me from relaxing my little girls hair!

[shinyblackhair]

Hi There Ladies!

I'm at my wits end here! /images/graemlins/wallbash.gif Let me just preface this by saying that my hair has been relaxed since I was 8 years old. I'll be 26 in 2 weeks! I have very thick, dense, course hair. It does grow very long when given the chance tho.

My little girl has BEAUTIFUL hair, actually the kind that really doesn't need to be relaxed however, it TANGLES so easily!!! If I had to describe it I'd say she a type 3 straight when wet (reaches her waist line) then goes very springy and culy when dry. It reaches her shoulder blades or maybe a bit above that. My daughter screams bloody murder! I really don't want to put chemicals in her hair but, it's so thick and dense (like mine), it's not coarse though (like my sister). I avoid washing her hair like the plague. I've tried detanglers, grease oil, etc...I can't braid worth a /images/graemlins/censored.gif so cornrows are out of the question. Doing her hair is a major source of frustration because she screams and cries. The thing is that she's got the type of hair that most would call "good hair" meaning very silky, wavy. It's just the tangling that is so hard to deal with. Right now when I do wash her hair I use Cream of Nature which has been the best so far for dealing with her hair. Do any of you ladies have suggestions on what to do with girls hair? Thanks so much in advance! /images/graemlins/kiss.gif

 

[pebbles]

Hi shinyblackhair,

I understand your frustration, but please don't relax her hair. I'm positive some of the other natural heads here can give you some sound advice. How old is she? /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[Crysdon]

Thank you God for giving me a son /images/graemlins/angel.gif. My cousin has TWINS with the exact same hair...length and all.

OK now, back to your daughter's hair. Have you tried conditioner washes? That could help with the detangling and also since you can't do the cornrolls, I would suggest immediately after washing, before it gets dry, to make 4 ponytails (2 in front, 2 in back) nd braid the ponytails.

Just don't put the perm in her hair...PLEASE!

 

[ms_kenesha]

Have no fear LHCF Friends are here!!!

Which Creme of Nature are you using? Hopefully the detangling one (green/yellow bottle)
I also recommend you get Paul Mitchell's The Detangler: INSTANT DETANGLER
For medium to coarse and chemically-treated hair
Makes hair super-smooth and soft
Diminishes static
Protects hair from UV damage
Have you used Wildgrowth Hair Oil on her hair, this helps if you are going to heat style her hair.
Make sure to always use a WIDE tooth comb when combing and detangling.
As for styling I suggest that you do a bantu knot type twist on her hair and let it dry while like this, it'll result in large spirally curls.

If I think of anything else I'll write back!
HTH /images/graemlins/scratchchin.gif

 

[NayNay]

GIRL don't do it! Don't relax the baby's hair!!!!!
I think the women have suggested excellent ideas. Wash with Creme of Nature or Break Thru. Condition with choloesterol-great detangler. For a detangler try Aussie Slip-very inexpensive and good. You can put it in wet or dry hair. Try putting Aussie and oils on the wet hair and let it sit for like 5 minutes before combing. This will soften the curls and allow the hair to be easier to comb. Comb it and braid while wet and spritz the hair to keep it wet while you work with it. Let her hair air dry. You can do a couple of pony tails, or two. You can french braid her hair or twist the front and let the back be loose. My mom use to set my hair with rollers and stick me under the hair dryer and my hair straightened fairly easiliy and I had curls!
Just don't perm that hair. I use to scream when my mom combed my hair too! Why dont you detangle with fingers as much as you can and with a wide tooth comb detangle/comb the bottom first and hold the hair right above where you are combing it to lessen the tugging on the scalp. I know it is time consuming but start teaching her good hair habits and the fact that RELAXERS are not the only way to go to work with the hair!
Also you can try a braidout. I am not a good cornrower but you put in gel and oils on wet hair and cornrow it. I do about 8 braids. When the hair air dries (must be very wet) you will have nice little curls that require no combing! Can last 1 week depending on the hair, gels, etc. Don't comb the hair just wash it to take the curls out.
Check out some of the links to the natural hair boards too!

 

[NayNay]

ooops I forgot perhaps combing her hair in sections will be better. part it and braid the part that is detangled and start with another section!

 

[JerseyGirl]

This is what I do for my daughter’s hair. She is Type 3 also.
Wash with Dudley’s Shampoo or Nexxus Therapee
Deed Condition with ORS Mayo Conditioner or Dudley’s Hair Rebuilder

I usually leave the plastic cap on her head for about an hour

Rinse and put oil (WGO or Kemi Oil)
Comb with a wide tooth comb and put small braids her hair (airdry – no blowdryer)

After her hair dries, I usually cornrow her hair. This week, I boxbraided her hair using hair extensions. It took me 7 hours but I did it and she looked at her hair and said “Not bad for an amateur”. She is only 7.

For the past 4 years, my sister-in-law has been telling me to put a perm in her hair. She put a perm in her daughter’s hair at the age of 3. Her daughter is now 10 and her is broken, damaged, bald spots and a complete mess. Why tell me to put a perm in my daughter’s hair when you see what has happened to your own child. I simply refuse to do this. I will just wait until my daughter reaches puberty and decide then what I will do with it.

I couldn’t cornrow either but with practice, you’ll get better.

 

[BrightEyes]

I agree with the ladies before me. Relaxers on 8 year olds are not good. Now about your child:

My mother didn't know how to cornrow either, but she practiced on me. No one is born knowing how to cornrow. I really think that you should try and learn instead of completely passing of what might be your best option. I would also like to recommend buying (or reading) "Kids Talk Hair" by Pamela Farrell. It's a basic hair care book for Black children, and it's pretty good.

When you wash her hair, comb out the tangles before you wash. You didn't mention anything about conditioning, but used one that is made to detangle as well.

Try sectioning the hair off before you untangle. My cousins have 3b hair and my aunt does 4 sections on their hair. But if she is tender headed, I would definitely try at least 6. Use gentle clips to hold the other sections in place. When you comb out a section, spray on some detangling spray and work from ends to roots using a wide-tooth comb. Try undoing the bigger snarls by hand, instead of using the comb.

The folks over at nappturality.com can probably help you more than me. Lots of them have children, so they have more experience than I do.

 

[londongirl3]

Don't relax that hair!!!

I think you should braid her hair when you wash it. Not tight braids but just two loose braids or four loose braids. Only wash the hair in one direction (usually downwards because it is easier) to avoid matting it up. Then when it comes to applying conditioner, gently unravel the braids as you condition. Again only smooth it in one direction. My sister has just below shoulder length hair and she does it this way.

She found this method from www.growafrohairlong.com

 

[Kitkat]

Cream of Nature is a good shampoo for her hair because it will leave her hair easier to comb out. Motions Lavish Conditioning Shampoo might be another option, coupled with the Moisture Plus conditioner.

Please don't perm her hair. I have 3 nieces. The oldest is 16 and the second oldest will be 13 this year. All 3 of them had thick, shoulder length 4a/4b hair. Now, because kiddie perms (code for no lye relaxer) broke their hair off, only the youngest one does. The 16 yr old's hair broke all the way to her neck, where it remains to this day. The 13 year old's hair broke to the point that she can barely put her hair in a ponytail. Their mother (my sister) is doing what she can to give their hair a break, and now the two youngest ones only get their hair pressed.

Why not try pressing her hair? I know that doesn't address the problem of combing her hair out after you wash it, but using shampoos that soften her hair helps a long way towards this.

 

[shinyblackhair]

Thank you so much EVERYONE for the suggestions. I really don't want to put the harsh chemical in my daugthers hair. She's only 6 (7 in June). I think the fact that I've had relaxed hair all my life, I've never had to deal with hair in it's natural state. So, I guess I'm going to have to. I have tried the cornrows before and even though they look terrible (you can tell by the looks I get from other black women) it really does help to keep her hair neat and helps me not to have to deal with it on a daily basis. I have Cream of Nature for Regular hair, but in the little blurb at the back it does say that it detangles...its almost done so I think I'll probably purchase the specific detangling kind. I've got Nexxus humectrus at home, would that be okay to use on her?

Also, how often should I be washing her hair anyhow? I'm embarassed to say how often I do it now, but am willing to strive for 1x per week.

Thanks again, you ladies are awesome /images/graemlins/grin.gif

 

[Leigh]

I say wash with Elucence moisturizing shampoo and use their conditioner too. After washing and conditioning put it in 4 or 2 braids (3 or 4 would be better that way it won't get tangled before you wash it again).

Leigh

 

[Jaquai]

hello you should try lekair or lustrasilk cholesterol for tangles. also pantene daily moisture renewal. these saved me from pulling out tons of hair when washing. when i do my hair or my daughters i pile the conditioner on and then use a wide tooth comb to untangle.

once i untangle each section i two strand twist it to keep it from getting tangled again then i rinse the conditioner out and most of the twists still are intact. then i just take a section at a time and braid up. if you dont want to learn to cornroll just plait it in about 5 or 6 braids.

a good leave in conditioner to use for detangling is paul mitchell the conditioner and nexxus humetress(my favorite) i usually buy the generic brand at sally beauty supply. you should definitely try the cholesterol though , it made a big difference in dealing with my child's hair. i used to be so close to chopping it all off because she would be frustrated and so would I.

also here is a link to a comb i just bought. this thing is so GREAT for detangling http://www.sallybeauty.com/shop/product.asp?pf%5Fid=183913&dept%5Fid=1810
hope this helps /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[moni]

I have that comb and I must say it does wonders for helping me detangle my hair. To think I used to comb out my wet hair with small tooth combs...ouch!! Elucence conditioner was an excellent detangler too.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

ShinyBlackHair,
I learned this technique recently and it makes A LOT of difference when dealing with tangles.
Work with your daughter's dry hair. Section medium to large sections
damp the hair with water
apply a small amount shampoo to the sectioned hair
gently comb through with a large tooth comb and massage her scalp
Braid the sectioned hair into a large, loose braid
Run lukewarm water over her hair until all the shampoo is out
Apply the conditioner and deep condition
Rinse the conditioner out
You can keep her hair in the braids or you can unbraid each section and style as usual (I suggests large plaits until her hair dries).

If you do this you will notice a big difference in the manageability.

by the way, I'm new here /images/graemlins/babyg.gif

 

[Julia]

I hear you shinyblackhair,

my mom could relate to you...she had to cut my hair before I was one because it was so bad. Growing up was the worst. I hated to get my hair washed. /images/graemlins/mad.gif /images/graemlins/mad.gif /images/graemlins/mad.gif

What I suggest for washing her hair is to comb it out BEFORE you wash it, parting it into 4 sections and twisting each section. Wash her hair by washing each section ensuring that each braid remains twisted (or plaited if necessary) during the entire process. You will still be able to massage her scalp and work the shampoo down the length of her braid. Rinse her hair the same way (btw do you have a hand held shower head? this will help also.) Apply a moisturizing conditioner the same way and again rinse the same way without taking out the braids. Then at least her hair will NOT be tangled at the end of the wash and hopefully there will be less screaming and tears because you will not have to comb out any knots. I use method this myself sometimes.

In stead of cornrows, you can consider doing some of those kiddy hair styles that are made with small plaits (not micro) just small enough so that they can be put into a little bun, a ponytail, 2 ponytails etc.

Hope this helps. I remember all too well how much both my mom and I hated when my hair had to be washed. /images/graemlins/baby2.gif

 

[Julia]

Good for you jersey girl. /images/graemlins/clap.gif

I refuse to believe that it is a good idea to perm little girls hair when they are so young. At that age one cannot even be sure that their hair type and texture won't change...plus can you imagine if they burn? I can hardly take the "burn" and I would not want to subject my child (any child) to this.

Just my 2 cents anyway

 

[freckles]

Now I'm afraid, I have an 11yr old whose hair I permed and
I'm following alot of the advise that I've gotten from the board (as fast as i can write them down!)and I've noticed a big difference in the texture and softeness of her hair. I did go through the breakage with her hair and was very frustrated that I didnt really know how to take care of it. If I could I would make the choice not to have done it, but now that I did, at least I have a better understanding of how to take care of it thanks to this board. My biggest concern are the ends, I trim ( when necessary)use Protect IV and Shea butter oil on the ends daily, and now that I treat them so often Im amazed at how little I took care of them before. I really appreciate everyones advise its truly amazing how much I've learned on this board! I also have a 7yr old who still has her natural hair and belive me it will stay that way for a loooooong time!
God Bless!

 

[CICI24]

Shinyblackhair, are you combing her hair in sections? Here are some products that should work.
I personally would recommend Gold medal products for your daughters hair they seem to be the best for natural hair. I have used them and will be using them again. There products are made for natural hair the shampoo is a little better than creme of nature's, it is very moisturizing and detangling, They have a product called Hair Silk spray which is awesome it is extremely detangling their website is www.goldmedalhair.com you can order their catalogue
at 1800-324-7136. Fantasia IC pure tea silky gel activator is very good on natural hair also. These work well on my hair I am 3c 4a.

 

[pebbles]

Welcome to the board SweetNic_JA! /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[JerseyGirl]

One other tip that I forgot to mention. This was suggested to me by my daughter (remember she is 7 and her birthday is also in June). I wash her hair in the shower. Her hair is not as tangled.

Because she is a 3c, I can tell you not to use PCJ Conditioner on her hair. I used that stuff on my daughter's hair and it was hard as a rock. I had to wash and condition her hair all over again. Another shampoo I would suggest is Patene(sp). That also seemed to work with her. Nexxus Humctress I also used on her hair and did absolutely nothing.

What I am going to do with my daugther's hair is leave the boxbraids in for three weeks. Take them out for 2 weeks and braid her own hair in cornrows. All of the girls in my daughter's class (7 years old) has hair down to their elbows (all natural none of them have perms). It upsets me that her hair is not that long. But she tells me "Mommy they may have the hair, but I have the looks." What I am going to do with this child.

 

[Blackndiangirl]

what ever you do dont relax your little girls hair, you might hate you did in the long run. Also i can say is a wide tooth comb and detangling spray and do what these ladys said.

 

[pebbles]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
All of the girls in my daughter's class (7 years old) has hair down to their elbows (all natural none of them have perms). It upsets me that her hair is not that long. But she tells me "Mommy they may have the hair, but I have the looks." What I am going to do with this child.

[/ QUOTE ]

Good for her!! Here's one girl that won't let what other girls might have intimidate her! /images/graemlins/clap.gif

 

[SweetNic_JA]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
Welcome to the board SweetNic_JA!

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks Pebbles it's good to be here

 

[LondonDiva]

Welcome to the board Nic.

Are you from the black haircare board many years ago. I remember e-mailing a few times a poster called Nicole on there who was from Kingston JA.