Praying for your enemies? HELP!!!

[Butterfly08]

God put it on my heart to pray for my biggest enemy middle of last week. (It had to have been Him because it certainly wasn't me or satan)!

Anywhoo, within a day of me writing the thought to do this down in my journal, I suffered a HUGE attack. I had also been ministering to a woman who strongly feels that God has forsaken her. My faith had been in a good place and then all of a sudden I was doubting God, bawling my eyes out for several days, and angry at Him for not answering prayers in my life. The attack came so fast and hard that it took me a minute to put together what preceded it. (This is why I love keeping a journal).

So after some enlightenment and encouragement from ladies on the CF I realized that God really wants me to do this, and the enemy is mad.

So earlier today I recommitted to praying for my enemy again. Within a couple hours of my recommitment, he emailed me 2 ugly and threatening emails. Just the thought of praying for somebody who has DELIGHTED in hurting me in every way imaginable, killing my dreams and continually making my life miserable brings tears to my eyes.

Nevertheless, this must be confirmation that I am to pray for him.
So I am BEGGING for your help. I literally want to say "Lord, banish him from this earth. Break his fingers, toes, legs and arms slowly, then drop each piece into h*ll one by one." :burning:

Sorry, I know that was graphic, but I'm being honest.

PLEASE HELP ME with some scriptures that I can pray over him. So far I have only been able to bring myself to pray that he is delivered, because without going into detail, he has SERIOUS heart and integrity issues as it relates to his treatment of me. Am I really supposed to ask God to bless him in his mess and lies? I have particularly enjoyed listening to the Psalms that talk about beating your enemy as fine as the dust. So I am seriously needing some help on how to pray for him in a balanced way that truly honors God.

Thanks in advance ladies.

 

[Butterfly08]

Forgot to subscribe.

 

[LovingLady]

I hope these verses will help you. I got them from this link: Praying for your husband


Ephesians 4:32

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Hebrews 12:15

See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

Psalm 51:2-4

2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity And cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,And my sin is ever before me.
4 Against You, You only, I have sinned And done what is evil in Your sight, So that You are justified when You speak And blameless when You judge.

Philippians 2:3-4

3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

 

[Ije4eva]

Hi there,

First I have a verse for you to encourage you in this journey of praying for him. PLEASE understand that God knows exactly how hard this is for you. Jesus Himself had to do it and I'm sure that was very very difficult, especially as they were busy mocking Him in the process. GOD BLESSES US TREMENDOUSLY WHEN WE PRAY FOR OUR ENEMIES. Don't let the devil lie to you, God will do great things in your life as a result.

Matthew 5:7
"Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy."

Now for your ex:
Matthew 5:44
"Love your enemies, BLESS them that CURSE you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you".

Clearly you don't feel like blessing him, but just know that its not in vain.

Romans 14:4
"Who are you to judge another's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. Indeed he will be made to stand, for God is able to make him stand".

Whatever oppression your ex is operating under try really hard to seperate that from the man himself. God can make Him stand the day He decides to. No matter what your ex is presently choosing to do, God is teaching YOU something, and you need to go ahead and get your blessing.

I pray that the Lord lifts you up as you go through this journey and MIGHTILY honors your great faith! Let Him lead you in your prayers, don't fall into condemnation or striving, God will direct you.

 

[Butterfly08]

As usual you ladies have come through. I also posted a request for scriptures on FB and got a lot of good responses. I am going to come back after work and compile all the scriptures I found in this thread. I'll also respond to you guys directly (I'm on a quick work break).

Thanks again! I prayed for him last night. Ironically, he responded to one of my emails this morning that he would pray for me. I know him well enough to know that he was being sarcastic , but I'm going to respond that I appreciate his prayers and I will pray for him as well.

One more quick thing, I have been pleading the blood and God's protection, and donning the armor of God - I know that I am entering into spiritual warfare and I don't want to go in unarmed.

 

[mscocoface]

I don't know your details and they are not necessary, I do know much about this type of situation. I was in a similar one.

Not only was praying for him and forgiving him beneficial but I also realized for a time we would have to keep communication to a bare minimum until I was strong enough. This is challenging since we had a child together but we only discussed the child and visitation.

Now years later we can talk and he will actually say can you pray for me but this did not start out this way.

If you can or are able one suggestion would be to hold your communication to a bare minimum or not at all if possible until you are strong enough. I don't know if he is still capable of hurting you (not sure if that is physical and/or emotional) but this is another reason to keep your communication short and sweet, if at all.

Keeping you in prayer. Take care of yourself.

 

[HeChangedMyName]

Thats a good thing, it means God is recognizing that you're growing in Him. Count it all joy and pray for that person, even if all you can muster is a simple prayer for them to walk in God's blessing. I pray for my enemies often now. nearly everytime i see them. and because of that, i no longer deal with that feeling of disgust that I use to carry around toward them. It's gone, i'm happy and they get the benefit of prayer from a person who wouldn't otherwise be praying for them.

 

[Butterfly08]

On a quick break so I'm posting some other Scriptures I've gotten. I have read you ladies notes and I will respond individually tonight.

Luke 6:28 Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.

Matthew 5:44 "But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.


PSALM 64. Hear my voice, O God, when I complain. Protect my life from a terrifying enemy. Hide from the secret plots of criminals, from the mob of troublemakers. They sharpen their tongues like swords. They aim bitter words like arrows to shoot at innocent people from their hidding places. They shoot at them suddenly, without any fear. They encourage one another in their evil plans.


But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you. (Matt 5:44)

Not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing. For He who would love life And see good days, Let him refrain his tongue from evil, And his lips from speaking deceit. (1 Peter 3:9-10)

Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do you. (Colossians 3:13)


“And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. (Mark 11:25)

Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy. If you are reproached for the name of Christ, blessed are you, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. On their part He is blasphemed, but on your part He is glorified. (1 Peter 4:12-14)

 

[Butterfly08]

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

1The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

2He makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters,

3he restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness

for his name’s sake.

4Even though I walk

through the valley of the shadow of death,a

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

5You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

6Surely goodness and love will follow me

all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord

forever.

 

[Prudent1]

Really excellent advice and scripture here already. Your journaling will continue to be a huge help to you also. Just to reiterate what someone here has already said. Pray for him whether you feel like it or not. I would say especially when you don't feel like it. Why did you look at the emails? Why haven't you blocked him? Ms Cocoface is right, unless you have some legit reason keep the communication to a 'as needed' only basis. Here are some passages that help me when dealing with my ex-husband.
I don't pray any elaborate prayers. I do pray for them what I would pray for someone near and dear to me. 3 John 1:2 2Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.
and Luke 10:2 2He told them, "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest (life) field. It took me years to get to this point b/c I wasn't fully aware I still had bitterness and anger in my heart towards him. I heard a sermon one Sunday that bothered me. It was such a freeing thing to let those feelings of hurt and disappointment go. I can see him now and not get violent.
For my own encouragement I remind myself:
Heb 10:30
30For we know him that hath said, Vengeance belongeth unto me, I will recompense, saith the Lord. And again, The Lord shall judge his people.
Heb 13:5
5Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.
Psa 37:25
25 I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread.
Matt 28:20
20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

 

[Ije4eva]

As usual you ladies have come through. I also posted a request for scriptures on FB and got a lot of good responses. I am going to come back after work and compile all the scriptures I found in this thread. I'll also respond to you guys directly (I'm on a quick work break).

Thanks again! I prayed for him last night. Ironically, he responded to one of my emails this morning that he would pray for me. I know him well enough to know that he was being sarcastic , but I'm going to respond that I appreciate his prayers and I will pray for him as well.

One more quick thing, I have been pleading the blood and God's protection, and donning the armor of God - I know that I am entering into spiritual warfare and I don't want to go in unarmed.

Thanks for starting this thread because you actually reminded me of something. Today God was dealing with me about the fact that I'm still holding bitterness/resentment towards someone and at first I felt so discouraged because its seems so impossible to not feel the way I do (I can definitely relate to the wanting God to jack the person up and not bless them feeling! lol). Then I remembered that's exactly why you're supposed to pray for your enemies and "bless and not curse", that's how you start to release the unforgiveness and resentment. So I'll be working on the same thing. Especially because I know that if you carry unforgiveness in your heart, as natural as it seems to be to feel that way, you're actually setting up a snare for yourself. You can hinder some of the blessings that are meant to come your way because of unforgiveness (maybe that's why God is having you pray for your ex?). So I'm going to keep working on this, I actually just looked up Deuteronomy 28 (the first part about blessings) to see if I could pray those verses.

 

[mrselle]

This thread is right on time because I am going through a very similar situation with a family member. I know there are no coincidences with God. Yesterday's OT reading in church was Psalm 23 and what Psalm do I see posted in this thread? Psalm 23. I totally understand where you are coming from. It is so very hard to pray for someone when you know they can't stand you and wish you nothing but evil, but I know that is what I need to do.

 

[Guitarhero]

PLEASE HELP ME with some scriptures that I can pray over him. So far I have only been able to bring myself to pray that my ex is delivered, because without going into detail, he has SERIOUS heart and integrity issues. Am I really supposed to ask God to bless him in his mess and lies? I have particularly enjoyed listening to the Psalms that talk about beating your enemy as fine as the dust. So I am seriously needing some help on how to pray for my ex in a balanced way that tryuly honors God.

Thanks in advance ladies.

Luke 6:27 "But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,


But delivered from what? His heart and integrity issues? The bible says to simply pray and do no harm for him...maybe "in mind, heart, strength, physically and financially" so it covers most all bases. I don't think God expects you to think about him all day long and doing him good doesn't mean making yourself vulnerable by being in contact with him at all. Just say a quick and sincere prayer and then set yourself free. Remove all contact with him and do not allow him to access your email or telephone anymore. Sounds like he was and is abusive in some way. You don't have to put up with him at all. Say a prayer and move on. Do not allow him to trip you up.

That, by the way, is how a manipulator works. They know instinctively when to mess with you and can smell vulnerability in the air. It might have been God telling you to do something and then again, it might just have been your psyche influenced by his evil (don't ask me how I know teehee). Doing right is always from God but He doesn't expect you to dwell on your enemies. Forget him. Say a prayer and then move on with your life. If you dwell on him, even in a prayer meant to help him, you become his victim all over again. There will always be some kind of hurt feeling from the failure of that relationship and the resultant disrespect but trying to put him back into your mind in a favorable way is not freedom and completeness. Again, say a quick prayer and ask God for deliverance from the influence of his evil, especially guilt for being hurt by him and harboring resentment. I don't think the solution to that is dwelling on him. Father says, "tell the devil to go to hell."

 

[Butterfly08]

I hope these verses will help you. I got them from this link: Praying for your husband


Ephesians 4:32

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Hebrews 12:15

See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

Psalm 51:2-4

2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity And cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,And my sin is ever before me.
4 Against You, You only, I have sinned And done what is evil in Your sight, So that You are justified when You speak And blameless when You judge.

Philippians 2:3-4

3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Thank you! I will mediate on these Scriptures, especially the first one. I also appreciate the reminder to seek God's purification for myself constantly so that I am blameless when He executes judgment.

 

[Butterfly08]

Hi there,

First I have a verse for you to encourage you in this journey of praying for him. PLEASE understand that God knows exactly how hard this is for you. Jesus Himself had to do it and I'm sure that was very very difficult, especially as they were busy mocking Him in the process. GOD BLESSES US TREMENDOUSLY WHEN WE PRAY FOR OUR ENEMIES. Don't let the devil lie to you, God will do great things in your life as a result.

Matthew 5:7
"Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy."

Now for your ex:
Matthew 5:44
"Love your enemies, BLESS them that CURSE you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you".

Clearly you don't feel like blessing him, but just know that its not in vain.

Romans 14:4
"Who are you to judge another's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. Indeed he will be made to stand, for God is able to make him stand".

Whatever oppression your ex is operating under try really hard to seperate that from the man himself. God can make Him stand the day He decides to. No matter what your ex is presently choosing to do, God is teaching YOU something, and you need to go ahead and get your blessing.

I pray that the Lord lifts you up as you go through this journey and MIGHTILY honors your great faith! Let Him lead you in your prayers, don't fall into condemnation or striving, God will direct you.

Thank you! Can you explain the bolded scripture? Does it basically mean for me to mind my own business about when and how God deals with my ex? What does it mean to make him to stand? Make him stand for judgment? Maybe I need to read the whole passage so that I can understand the context.

I also appreciate your words that God blesses us when we pray for our enemies. I wasn't seeking a blessing through this, I just want to obey God's unction. But one of my FB friends sent me this scripture which discusses the blessing....

1 Peter 3:9 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.

I asked for scriptures because I have started off by speaking them aloud and then I'll let God lead me in any specific prayers.

 

[Butterfly08]

I don't know your details and they are not necessary, I do know much about this type of situation. I was in a similar one.

If you can or are able one suggestion would be to hold your communication to a bare minimum or not at all if possible until you are strong enough. I don't know if he is still capable of hurting you (not sure if that is physical and/or emotional) but this is another reason to keep your communication short and sweet, if at all.

Keeping you in prayer. Take care of yourself.

*deleted* My circumstances dictate that we must remain in contact but I am doing all I can to minimize the communication. Thank you for this and I definitely agree.

 

[Butterfly08]

Thats a good thing, it means God is recognizing that you're growing in Him. Count it all joy and pray for that person, even if all you can muster is a simple prayer for them to walk in God's blessing. I pray for my enemies often now. nearly everytime i see them. and because of that, i no longer deal with that feeling of disgust that I use to carry around toward them. It's gone, i'm happy and they get the benefit of prayer from a person who wouldn't otherwise be praying for them.

Once again this is why I love this forum, I gain a new way of thinking. That idea didn't cross my mind. You're right though, I've struggled with sheer hatred for him. I'm not gonna tell the whole story but he did everything he could to destroy me and hold me back from my potential. I am only recently getting to the point where my spiritual ears could even HEAR God telling me to pray for him and actually do it.

Really excellent advice and scripture here already. Your journaling will continue to be a huge help to you also. Just to reiterate what someone here has already said. Pray for him whether you feel like it or not. I would say especially when you don't feel like it. Why did you look at the emails? Why haven't you blocked him? Ms Cocoface is right, unless you have some legit reason keep the communication to a 'as needed' only basis. Here are some passages that help me when dealing with my ex-husband.
I don't pray any elaborate prayers. I do pray for them what I would pray for someone near and dear to me. 3 John 1:2 2Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.
It took me years to get to this point b/c I wasn't fully aware I still had bitterness and anger in my heart towards him. I heard a sermon one Sunday that bothered me. It was such a freeing thing to let those feelings of hurt and disappointment go. I can see him now and not get violent.
For my own encouragement I remind myself:
Heb 10:30
30For we know him that hath said, Vengeance belongeth unto me, I will recompense, saith the Lord. And again, The Lord shall judge his people.
Psa 37:25
25 I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread.
Matt 28:20
20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

At the bolded, yes I have committed to praying for him and I expect there to be opposition, so I am gearing up for it. But I also expect a blessing as well.

Like I replied earlier, the judge ordered that all our communication be in writing. The threatening emails he sent were related to our daughter. We don't communicate about anything except what is related to our daughter, but he still finds a way to be nasty even about that.

Thank you Prudent and MsCocoface for sharing your stories. It is encouraging to know that things can get better. It's been almost a year though and still no improvement. So let's see what praying for him will do!

 

[Butterfly08]

Thanks for starting this thread because you actually reminded me of something. Today God was dealing with me about the fact that I'm still holding bitterness/resentment towards someone and at first I felt so discouraged because its seems so impossible to not feel the way I do (I can definitely relate to the wanting God to jack the person up and not bless them feeling! lol). Then I remembered that's exactly why you're supposed to pray for your enemies and "bless and not curse", that's how you start to release the unforgiveness and resentment. So I'll be working on the same thing. Especially because I know that if you carry unforgiveness in your heart, as natural as it seems to be to feel that way, you're actually setting up a snare for yourself. You can hinder some of the blessings that are meant to come your way because of unforgiveness (maybe that's why God is having you pray for your ex?). So I'm going to keep working on this, I actually just looked up Deuteronomy 28 (the first part about blessings) to see if I could pray those verses.

Yeah, we gotta let the bitterness go. The sermon Sunday was that we can't take this baggage with us to our Promised Land. I really agree with your whole post. My bitterness (which is mainly riled up whenever I get one of his obnoxious emails ) has GOT TO GO. I TRULY need to the love of God because I don't have the human capacity to do this, especially because the disrespect and failure to meet his obligations happens OVER and over. I need God's help.

This thread is right on time because I am going through a very similar situation with a family member. I know there are no coincidences with God. Yesterday's OT reading in church was Psalm 23 and what Psalm do I see posted in this thread? Psalm 23. I totally understand where you are coming from. It is so very hard to pray for someone when you know they can't stand you and wish you nothing but evil, but I know that is what I need to do.

Amen, I will pray for all the ladies here that God strengthens us to do what is only possible through His love. After all, He loved us in our imperfections, so surely we should extend mercy as well.

Luke 6:27 "But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,


But delivered from what? His heart and integrity issues? The bible says to simply pray and do no harm for him...maybe "in mind, heart, strength, physically and financially" so it covers most all bases. I don't think God expects you to think about him all day long and doing him good doesn't mean making yourself vulnerable by being in contact with him at all. Just say a quick and sincere prayer and then set yourself free. Remove all contact with him and do not allow him to access your email or telephone anymore. Sounds like he was and is abusive in some way. You don't have to put up with him at all. Say a prayer and move on. Do not allow him to trip you up.

That, by the way, is how a manipulator works. They know instinctively when to mess with you and can smell vulnerability in the air. It might have been God telling you to do something and then again, it might just have been your psyche influenced by his evil (don't ask me how I know teehee). Doing right is always from God but He doesn't expect you to dwell on your enemies. Forget him. Say a prayer and then move on with your life. If you dwell on him, even in a prayer meant to help him, you become his victim all over again. There will always be some kind of hurt feeling from the failure of that relationship and the resultant disrespect but trying to put him back into your mind in a favorable way is not freedom and completeness. Again, say a quick prayer and ask God for deliverance from the influence of his evil, especially guilt for being hurt by him and harboring resentment. I don't think the solution to that is dwelling on him. Father says, "tell the devil to go to hell."

The heart issues I'm talking about is constant lying. He lied in court over and over, but because I didn't have substantive proof he got away with it. There was one point when I looked at him and it almost took my breath away how he effortlessly he was able to lie under oath. And call himself an Assistant Pastor.

BUT YOU ARE RIGHT. I don't believe I should be meditating on him, but on Jesus, the Problem Solver. Meditating on him leaves me angry, bitter, resentful and depressed. Unfortunately I still have to communicate with him but I'm trying to decide the best course of action with regard to his behavior. I have *NO* faith in the court system here, I feel like it totally let me down.

My pastor told me afterwards that man's system is unjust, so rely on God's justice system. This is why I don't feel moved yet to go back through the courts. I'll continue to pray for him and see how God leads me to react.

 

[alicianicole]

Butterfly08 I want to let you know that I will be praying for you. I also want to thank you for starting this post as it has been a true blessing to me. I am dealing with a situation very similar I completely understand what you're going through. What has helped me has been to try not to dwell in the negative feelings, (it's hard!) and to move on. A verse that has helped me to realize that this is all with a purpose and a part of His plan is Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (NIV) While it may be his plan to bring you down, remember God's plan is what matters and He will lift you.

 

[Guitarhero]

Assistant Pastor?????

Oy boy! Maybe you can cut your losses and not go to court??? I know they will work your last darned nerve. Um, I hope and pray you have found a new church home on the other side of the planet. erplexed I know...people hide behind religion. I will super uber pray!

Thanks Alicianichole for Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (NIV)

If it's any consolation for you ladies on feeling guilt, well, I almost went jail over mine. I was THIS close to bashing in his head with a baseball bat or a stabbing. For real! I would have ruined God' plans for his life alright lolol. Thank God He had me in His hands because I was going to end his "insult the hell out of me and peacefully go to sleep leaving me hanging." Men should really learn about a scorned woman and the bitterness she can develop for their own safety (in my case) because there's nothing that brings clarity to a situation than a gaping stab wound - either that or an epiphany from the Lord to move on...which I did. Thanks God.

 

[Butterfly08]

Butterfly08 I want to let you know that I will be praying for you. I also want to thank you for starting this post as it has been a true blessing to me. I am dealing with a situation very similar I completely understand what you're going through. What has helped me has been to try not to dwell in the negative feelings, (it's hard!) and to move on. A verse that has helped me to realize that this is all with a purpose and a part of His plan is Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (NIV) While it may be his plan to bring you down, remember God's plan is what matters and He will lift you.

I love that scripture and also the context to which you applied it here. So even this frustrating situation will in some way prosper me in the future. Thank you for this insight.

Assistant Pastor?????

Oy boy! Maybe you can cut your losses and not go to court??? I know they will work your last darned nerve. Um, I hope and pray you have found a new church home on the other side of the planet. erplexed I know...people hide behind religion. I will super uber pray!

Thanks Alicianichole for Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (NIV)

If it's any consolation for you ladies on feeling guilt, well, I almost went jail over mine. I was THIS close to bashing in his head with a baseball bat or a stabbing. For real! I would have ruined God' plans for his life alright lolol. Thank God He had me in His hands because I was going to end his "insult the hell out of me and peacefully go to sleep leaving me hanging." Men should really learn about a scorned woman and the bitterness she can develop for their own safety (in my case) because there's nothing that brings clarity to a situation than a gaping stab wound - either that or an epiphany from the Lord to move on...which I did. Thanks God.

Lol, I'm glad you resisted the temptation to bash his head in.

Seriously I want God to get the glory out of how I deal with him. So I will be obedient and pray for him instead of what I FEEL like doing to him.

 

[MSee]

Assistant Pastor, HAh, please pray for double protection when he says he will 'pray for you'. My major troubles have been with a 'not so former Pastor' and believe me when God started showing up and revealing things I learned it's not everyone you want praying for you. Some people actually know how to use the word of God for evil, you better believe it. Never be afraid though. I learned the main tatics was to get fear in and offence. Whenever I got offended and angry some real spooky stuff would start happening, but I can assure you when I learned to commit vengeance to God an truly pray blessings (at first I did it by faith alone. Had to beg God to help me) and refocus on growing in God this start working to my advantage. Offence is an open door or as John Bevere puts it "The Bait of Satan". I learned that the hard way. He will purposefully do things to anger you because indeed it not only is a way to keep him on your mind (its HAARRRD to not think of someone your upset with ) but it is a way to give the Devil a foot hole in your life. Remember also, there is nothing wrong with asking God to 'avenge you of your adversary', check Luke 18. As one poster says, keep your prayers simple and try not to focus too much on him. From experience I was able to refocus when I used the thoughts that flashed in my mind as an indicator to pray, then move forward.

 

[Laela]

Butterfly,

This is on my heart to tell you and I pray that you receive this well...I'm really not in a place to assuage your anger towards someone you shared your life with for 12 years. Nor do I claim to be a marriage counselor or relationship expert.

But I can feel your pain through your posts, the resentment, the anger, the disappointment....

That your ex-husband is an assistant pastor has nothing to do with what really going on. He has his battles as well. I only hope and pray that as you seek to heal from your pain, you don't slander him or drag him through the mud in the process. There's no changing the fact that he is the father of your child. Nothing wrong with being angry; God says to be angry but to not sin.

I won't try to belittle how you feel .. your feelings are yours alone. I'm sure it hurts. But it's always family who keeps us in strife, right where the devil wants us. When we refuse to live in Strife, we're free from guilt, shame, condemnation, etc...all those chains the devil uses to keep us in bondage and outside the will of God.

Try not to hold on to any resentment toward your ex. He is NOT the Enemy. The Devil is -- and he's using your Ex and your situation to get you to a place to be angry with God. Please see the devil's work for what it really is... we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against the powers of darkness. Eph 6:12

The enemy is seeking to destroy any remnant of family you have left... your daughter needs her father, too. She needs to stay in a nurturing and loving environment to thrive in the Love of God. If you two won't get along, she is the one who will suffer most. Tune in to her and listen to what she says when she speaks. It will surprise you what God may inspire her to say to you. I believe you're a good mother and clearly want the best for your daughter, which is why this is important to you.

I also see this as a great opportunity to enforce your prayer life, to turn to God, to cry your heart out to Him. He's there for you. Ask Him to speak to you and that you want to hear from Him. I promise you, Our Father will give you the answers you're seeking -- whether through His Word, through a sermon, a friend or even a stranger.

It's clear that you're heading for a breakthrough and the devil is trying his best to keep you from that blessing.

Don't let him.

Let it all start with YOU, not your ex. As you pray for your ex's deliverance, I hope that you also pray for yours. I'll keep you lifted up in prayer...

I speak this all in the Love of Christ.

 

[Prudent1]

Wow! Just wow. When we allow our emotions to take over things get so crazy. I didn't know there was a child involved at first. My ex-husband really slandered my name. STILL does-lol! He told ppl I had given him an STD, told them I had a substance abuse problem, and other stuff. I laugh now but it wasn't funny then. I would be at a store and ppl would come up and ask me how my treatment was going. I share this to say keep confessing the word over your situation. This too will pass.
OT: Ladies, please do not discount the importance of pre-marital counsel and making dbl sure God is bringing you two together.it is not a marriage if God has not done the joining. I did everything wrong. I did not seek God and did not invite him into my relationship (I still refuse to call that marriage). Please learn from my mistakes.

 

[Butterfly08]

Ladies, I am already seeing small results!

I am on my phone so I'll post more deets later.

 

[Butterfly08]

Wow! Just wow. When we allow our emotions to take over things get so crazy. I didn't know there was a child involved at first. My ex-husband really slandered my name. STILL does-lol! He told ppl I had given him an STD, told them I had a substance abuse problem, and other stuff. I laugh now but it wasn't funny then. I would be at a store and ppl would come up and ask me how my treatment was going. I share this to say keep confessing the word over your situation. This too will pass.
OT: Ladies, please do not discount the importance of pre-marital counsel and making dbl sure God is bringing you two together.it is not a marriage if God has not done the joining. I did everything wrong. I did not seek God and did not invite him into my relationship (I still refuse to call that marriage). Please learn from my mistakes.

WOW Prudent. That must have been very difficult to go through. Some of the lies my ex told on me are not even fit to post on this forum. Being able to laugh about it later takes time, supernatural healing and the grace of God. I totally agree with you on pre-marital counseling. I had some pitty pat counseling here and there but if we had submitted to a solid 6 month course I am fairly certain that I would not have still married him. I had stars in my eyes for real. erplexed

 

[Butterfly08]

So here's the update. My ex needed help with something big and I knew immediately after he asked I was to say yes. He was very grateful so I knew the time was right to let him know that I no longer wanted to be enemies. He said he did not want to be either. I apologized for my role in where we are now. He didn't apologize back but he said he was waving the white flag as well.

It's a small step but I'm claiming this ground and fighting for more. I never really thought it could happen before but it would be nice to be friendly again. Thanks for your prayers and encouraging words ladies!!!

 

[Butterfly08]

Butterfly,

This is on my heart to tell you and I pray that you receive this well...I'm really not in a place to assuage your anger towards someone you shared your life with for 12 years. Nor do I claim to be a marriage counselor or relationship expert.

But I can feel your pain through your posts, the resentment, the anger, the disappointment....

That your ex-husband is an assistant pastor has nothing to do with what really going on. He has his battles as well. I only hope and pray that as you seek to heal from your pain, you don't slander him or drag him through the mud in the process. There's no changing the fact that he is the father of your child. Nothing wrong with being angry; God says to be angry but to not sin.

I won't try to belittle how you feel .. your feelings are yours alone. I'm sure it hurts. But it's always family who keeps us in strife, right where the devil wants us. When we refuse to live in Strife, we're free from guilt, shame, condemnation, etc...all those chains the devil uses to keep us in bondage and outside the will of God.

Try not to hold on to any resentment toward your ex. He is NOT the Enemy. The Devil is -- and he's using your Ex and your situation to get you to a place to be angry with God. Please see the devil's work for what it really is... we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against the powers of darkness. Eph 6:12

The enemy is seeking to destroy any remnant of family you have left... your daughter needs her father, too. She needs to stay in a nurturing and loving environment to thrive in the Love of God. If you two won't get along, she is the one who will suffer most. Tune in to her and listen to what she says when she speaks. It will surprise you what God may inspire her to say to you. I believe you're a good mother and clearly want the best for your daughter, which is why this is important to you.

I also see this as a great opportunity to enforce your prayer life, to turn to God, to cry your heart out to Him. He's there for you. Ask Him to speak to you and that you want to hear from Him. I promise you, Our Father will give you the answers you're seeking -- whether through His Word, through a sermon, a friend or even a stranger.

It's clear that you're heading for a breakthrough and the devil is trying his best to keep you from that blessing.

Don't let him.

Let it all start with YOU, not your ex. As you pray for your ex's deliverance, I hope that you also pray for yours. I'll keep you lifted up in prayer...

I speak this all in the Love of Christ.

I agree with most of what you wrote - that he is not the true enemy; to be angry but sin not; to let go of resentment; and not to let the enemy get the victory in this situation.

The 2 issues I differ on are slander and biblical responsibilities of an Assistant Pastor. Re: slander, it took me years to gain the strength to divorce him, and even more time to have the courage to publicly talk about why. NOT speaking about what I went through is what kept me bound for years. I did not begin to heal until I began to talk about what I went through. I understand that there is a fine line between talking out and slander, and I agree that there is nothing to be gained by dragging his name in the mud. I don't plan on revealing any more personal details about my experience here since it will likely only rile me up again anyway. But my main purpose for sharing as much as I did was to explain why praying for him is (or was) SO DIFFICULT, and why I wanted scriptural support from you ladies to move forward in what I knew God was calling me to do.

Re: his role as Assistant Pastor, there are biblical mandates for overseers and deacons. According to 1 Peter 3:2-5:
2Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 4He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. 5(If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?)

Yes he certainly has his struggles, as do I, but my issue with him while we were married was how can you say one thing in the pulpit and come home and behave completely differently, and not even acknowledge that it's a problem? I'd say one of my biggest concerns was his failure to admit fault or apologize. It's different if you're struggling and trying, but if you can't even admit you're wrong, then how can you ever be willing to change?

Notice that when I apologized again yesterday, even though I felt like the wronged party, he didn't apologize back. That was the pattern for years. After a while it gets discouraging.

In this case though, I'm not going to let the enemy discourage me. I KNOW that my prayers are working, that I am finally gaining ground. I'm going to keep praying that we both be delivered from past hurts and our relationship with God is strengthened.

 

[mvonnesha]

Thank you OP for asking this question. I am in a similar situation right now. And thank you ladies for all of your amazing answers.

 

[Guitarhero]

Please know that working out that salvation is a process (not directed at anyone in particular), especially where there was spousal abuse. There are various levels and experiences of forgiveness and from failed relationships, it takes time. There is no one-minute perfection. If you can look back on yourself a year ago and see real improvement, then you're on the right track. Just keep on it and know that it is a process. Truly, only those who have been through it can know intimately how true that statement is. Don't beat yourselves up, take every opportunity to get back up again. The pain is real and will resurface at the most unlikely times. Just when you think it's all gone, something will trigger another side of it. That's catharsis. Like a two-edged sword, cutting away all the disease, whether your fault or not...it's a healer...over time.