SO doesn't like nappy hair

[me-T]

I asked him what he thought about natural hair (didn't tell him i was x-sitioning):

Him:"if its curly, that's ok, but that nappy sh... need a perm on it"
Me: "i got nappy hair, so if i came in here w/ an afro, what would you think?"
Him:"i mean i dont know. i just dont like that dry, nappy, rolled-up sh..."
Me: "well what if they take care of it?"
Him:"well if they take care of it, maybe, i don't know. but that dry nappy sh... need a perm on it. most folk w/ nappy hair have it all dry and rolled up."

mind you he's a 4a who keeps it cut, and when its not cut, it rolls up lol. anyhoo, i got kinda discouraged. i know i know, just do me, make myself happy, but still kinda got to me.

 

[TCatt86]

Well he's entitled to his opinion as crazy as it is. You have to do what you feel is best for you though. If you want to transition then do it. My ex likes my hair straight, but I primarily wear it in its natural state or wigs. He didn't really care how I styled my hair as long as it looked healthy. So even though he prefers straight hair, he loved my Afros and puffs!!! Hopefully he will come around when he sees how beautiful your hair can be straight and in it's natural state.

 

[likewtr4chklit]

@ "need a perm on it" that's some ish my DH would say. But no really, the male opinion of hair ranks pretty low on my scale b/c if most of them could have their way all of hair would be done like the video models.

 

[hopeful]

You just got a little training to do. Does he love you? Is he very attracted to you? Does he not want to lose you? Does he want you to be happy? Just keep transitioning and see what happens. You may discover that you don't even like being natural or you may love it. Your hair will likely be thick and coily and soft and simply beautiful. Be patient with him and yourself and tell him to not call anyone's hair nappy sh** because that's really ugly language. My dh didn't like me natural at first although he didn't say anything. Now that I'm texlaxed he's adjusting--I think he had really started lovin' my natural hair. Don't worry about him though, most men lovvve soft hair and most adore twist-outs too.

 

[natstar]

Well he's entitled to his opinion as crazy as it is. You have to do what you feel is best for you though. If you want to transition then do it. My ex likes my hair straight, but I primarily wear it in its natural state or wigs. He didn't really care how I styled my hair as long as it looked healthy. So even though he prefers straight hair, he loved my Afros and puffs!!! Hopefully he will come around when he sees how beautiful your hair can be straight and in it's natural state.

Maybe I think he hasn't seen healthy looking natural hair on people everyday or something. I agree that once he sees that you are different with yours he will appreciate it more. (I hope at least)

 

[runwaydream]

lol. my bf said the same exact thing when I told him I was going natural. even said he hopes I'm happy being bald and single. but I BC'd my hair and he's still here. granted my hair's in braids and he's never seen the whole thing since I did it but still.. he might not be too happy at first but he'll adjust.

 

[me-T]

he's seen old pics of my natural hair before, but didn't have much of a reaction. i know for sure, long as we're together, i cant get those "nappy knot things" (dreads), or get a short cut.

really, as long as i have some length, he shouldn't bother me much. he doesn't have a place w/ my haircare outside of lookin at it, so *** him! hmph!

 

[me-T]

Maybe I think he hasn't seen healthy looking natural hair on people everyday or something. I agree that once he sees that you are different with yours he will appreciate it more. (I hope at least)

true, most people haven't. outside of this site, i haven't either!

 

[MyAngelEyez~C~U]

he's seen old pics of my natural hair before, but didn't have much of a reaction. i know for sure, long as we're together, i cant get those "nappy knot things" (dreads), or get a short cut.

really, as long as i have some length, he shouldn't bother me much. he doesn't have a place w/ my haircare outside of lookin at it, so *** him! hmph!

I like how you think! Remember it ^^, stick to it^^!

 

[Country gal]

Some men only like natural hair if it is like 3 or 2. There are other men that love natural hair. You have to do what is best for you. I tend to sport different styles so any man that deals with me knows he will get a different style.

 

[kandake]

What does "rolled up" mean.

Screw him. I know that your man but... screw him

 

[me-T]

lol when it makes those lil beedy bee's. imagine 4b hair totally dry, and in dire need of a denman!

 

[almond eyes]

I think that many natural afro-textured people don't have the whole moisture balance thing under control and mistake grease as a moisturiser. Our hair is too fragile to be completely naked (no products) without breakage. When this happens you see, hair that is dry, poofy and shrunken and to be honest it just doesn't look good worn out loose unless the hair is braided or plaited up. However, once a person is able to get that moisture balance in control and use braids or twists at night to hold the moisture and keep a curl pattern the hair looks completely different. I am natural as well and I can see the difference in my hair and styles when I did not know how to maintain moisture in my hair vs when I just used to use only grease and I won't lie when it was the latter my hair was just not attractive, and not because it did not have a curl pattern but because it looked dry and breaking. So, I understand what he means in a way.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[ShantWhite]

I asked him what he thought about natural hair (didn't tell him i was x-sitioning):

Him:"if its curly, that's ok, but that nappy sh... need a perm on it"
Me: "i got nappy hair, so if i came in here w/ an afro, what would you think?"
Him:"i mean i dont know. i just dont like that dry, nappy, rolled-up sh..."
Me: "well what if they take care of it?"
Him:"well if they take care of it, maybe, i don't know. but that dry nappy sh... need a perm on it. most folk w/ nappy hair have it all dry and rolled up."

mind you he's a 4a who keeps it cut, and when its not cut, it rolls up lol. anyhoo, i got kinda discouraged. i know i know, just do me, make myself happy, but still kinda got to me.

T, you have to listen carefully to what he is saying... "I don't know" Take it at face value. He obviously has never thought that deeply about it, so he cannot tell you exactly what you want to hear at this time. But what he DOES know is that he doesn't like dry hair that's unkept. And merely by your being a member here, I'm SURE you don't allow your hair to get "dry and unkept"

So give him the benefit of the doubt and continue your transition as you are because it's really not that deep for him

 

[me-T]

lol yea i noticed that too! not one direct answer.

 

[gissellr78]

LMAO!!!!!

how funny....i think he meant when is dry and not taken care of...but am sure you will look fab!!!!

 

[Nonie]

Me-T, do you. Be you. And be proud to be you. If you're happy in who you are, it'll catch on. Been there, done that. Hubby-mine who had never been around type 4 hair in its natural state hasn't got a negative thing to say about 4B hair. It's grown on him so much that even when I am unhappy about how it looks, he assures me it's fine. He also was was never into head wraps but he sometimes prefers them to caps or hats.

You'll get there too as long as you yourself appreciate your hair so much that no one can change your mind about it. Confidence is very magnetic and can sell anything.

 

[Neith]

It seems he has the wrong perception of natural hair.

He doesn't even KNOW what well taken care of natural hair looks like. I mean, before the hair boards the only person with nice natural hair that I knew of was Rudy Huxtable

At the end of the day I ultimately say *** him. If he doesn't like something about my appearance, move the heck on. I'm not going to sit there biting my nails worrying about how attractive I am to another person. I only really worry about what I think about me.

That might be a personality flaw, lol but that's how I think.

On another note, that level of ignorance in a grown man is a major turn off for me.

In all honestly if it were my man, he would not be getting any for a while AND I would make it a point to school him on natural hair.

Again... what can I say? Personality flaw

 

[TCatt86]

Some men only like natural hair if it is like 3 or 2. There are other men that love natural hair. You have to do what is best for you. I tend to sport different styles so any man that deals with me knows he will get a different style.

You sound like me. My coworker just told me every week I have a different style. With me wearing my afro, my puff, my twist, my twist out, coils, and coil outs, flexirod sets, halfi wigs, wigs, braids, and flatironing my hair, at some point I'm going to wear my hair how you like it. But ultimately I did it for me and the health of my hair. Bump what he likes, I look good and thats all that matters.

 

[kandake]

lol when it makes those lil beedy bee's. imagine 4b hair totally dry, and in dire need of a denman!

Oh ok. He is silly.

Well, maybe you can show him some pics. So he has an idea what you're talking about.

 

[me-T]

In all honestly if it were my man, he would not be getting any for a while AND I would make it a point to school him on natural hair.

lol!!! that oughta put him in shape huh!

 

[NuBraveHeart]

So give him the benefit of the doubt and continue your transition as you are because it's really not that deep for him

i want to believe shantwhite on this one. he may have never even thought about it, just because to many people, natural black hair inherently means dry and ragged. so i wouldn't put much thought into his actual feelings on the subject, because i'm sure you're taking care of your hair, and it won't be dry and ragged.

on the flip though, the issue that i think needs to be addressed is how he communicates it. i think a grown man would be wise enough to figure out you were asking questions in that sequence in a subtle attempt to get his opinion on something you were thinking about trying. maybe this was his way of discouraging you. i agree with the sista who said that it was "ugly" language. you don't like natural hair to your knowledge, fine. say, "i've never really preferred it," or "i don't find it attractive because it's usually so dry," if you wanna be honest. but, "put some perm on that sh**."? nah homie, there's no need to act and talk ugly about it. not cool.

 

[LilBrownied]

I asked him what he thought about natural hair (didn't tell him i was x-sitioning):

Him:"if its curly, that's ok, but that nappy sh... need a perm on it"
Me: "i got nappy hair, so if i came in here w/ an afro, what would you think?"
Him:"i mean i dont know. i just dont like that dry, nappy, rolled-up sh..."
Me: "well what if they take care of it?"
Him:"well if they take care of it, maybe, i don't know. but that dry nappy sh... need a perm on it. most folk w/ nappy hair have it all dry and rolled up."

mind you he's a 4a who keeps it cut, and when its not cut, it rolls up lol. anyhoo, i got kinda discouraged. i know i know, just do me, make myself happy, but still kinda got to me.

::sigh::

I could say a lot here, but I'll just sum it up like this--- Don't let him discourage you because life is too short for you to limit yourself for a man who needs some re-education!

 

[Keedah]

My SO didnt like natural hair either. I met him while I was transitioning and just showed up one day with an ear length fro. He admitted to me over the course of the years its grown on him and doesnt care as long as it looks good. He also said compared to most naturals hes seen (which isnt many in my area) that I keep mine looking good.

Maybe it will grow on him too.

 

[kandake]

::sigh::

I could say a lot here, but I'll just sum it up like this--- Don't let him discourage you because life is too short for you to limit yourself for a man who needs some re-education!

I agree

 

[drjo91]

I just recently did the BC, and i told my bf(he lives in another country) and he is like you aren't rocking an afro are you. I liked your hair better when it was straight( when i visit him i was wearing a weave and HE KNOWS IT!!). I am like i am going to get my hair straight once in a while, but when my hair gets longer i am going to rock it curly more than straight. Then he is like ok fine, i love your ideas. I am like THANK YOU!!!!
I think that guys can be so inmature when it comes to a lot of things. I think he will get happier to see me one day with straight hair...but that he can run his finger through it..because is going to be MY HAIR AND NOT A WEAVE LOL!!!

 

[LadyKaypnyc]

His view of natural hair is very sterotypical....I used to think the same way. To me, natural hair was always synonymous with FROS...Shrunken fros, stretched fros...which wasn't cool in my book. I thought that going natural meant that I would have to always wear my hair in braids or a fro

Now that I'm natural, I know better than that.

If you are going natural for you, than do you, and SHOW him that you can and will look just as fab with your natural texture.

I had family members say the same things to me, but now they are all up in my hair, asking me questions and thinking about going natural themselves

 

[Andy1979]

His view of natural hair is very sterotypical....I used to think the same way. To me, natural hair was always synonymous with FROS...Shrunken fros, stretched fros...which wasn't cool in my book. I thought that going natural meant that I would have to always wear my hair in braids or a fro

Now that I'm natural, I know better than that.

If you are going natural for you, than do you, and SHOW him that you can and will look just as fab with your natural texture.

I had family members say the same things to me, but now they are all up in my hair, asking me questions and thinking about going natural themselves

My sentiments exactly. I always thought natural meant dry and damaged looking. When I told my DH that I was thinking about it he reacted almost the same way, but it was more like " what are you going to do with it", "how is it going to look?", "are you sure you want to do that?"...and on and on.
I made a deal with him that if he did not like it, that I would make it a point to flat iron it to keep it straight, (but I knew he would like it )
Now, he LOVES it. I've even offered to straighten it for formal or special occasions and he prefers it curly. LOVE that man
I think guys get nervous when you decide to make a change that drastic because they are so used to being attracted to this version of you, that they can't imagine that you can still be beautiful if you change something.

 

[Kurlee]

::sigh::

I could say a lot here, but I'll just sum it up like this--- Don't let him discourage you because life is too short for you to limit yourself for a man who needs some re-education!

This is going to be an unpopular opinion but, I would go natural and get a new man. Everyone has their own standards, but a man who says curly is good and "nappy" is bad is very questionable, especially if he has the supposed "bad hair" he speaks of. It reveals so much about the way he thinks. With that said, its your hair, and embracing what naturally grows out of his and your head is up to you, whether he can handle it or not.

 

[jerjer29]

i've never seen a good relationship go sour over hair or anything to do with physical appearance. So with that being said..i really don't think he'll care.