The Gift of Singleness

[Iammoney]

bump...........................

 

[janiebaby]

Ladies!!!

I have been reading a terrific book titled "His Rules: God's Practical Road Map for Becoming and Attracting Mr. or Mrs. Right" by Christopher L. Burge and Pamela Toussaint.

This book is wonderful and I must warn you that it focuses less on the relationship with a potential spouse and mostly on cultivating the relationship between you and God. This is not a "something is wrong with you" book nor is it a "gift of singleness" book, this is just what the title says a "road map" to entering a relationship with God that will mirror your relationship with your spouse.

If you buy it or borrow it please let me know what you think.

 

[star]

Ladies!!!

I have been reading a terrific book titled "His Rules: God's Practical Road Map for Becoming and Attracting Mr. or Mrs. Right" by Christopher L. Burge and Pamela Toussaint.

This book is wonderful and I must warn you that it focuses less on the relationship with a potential spouse and mostly on cultivating the relationship between you and God. This is not a "something is wrong with you" book nor is it a "gift of singleness" book, this is just what the title says a "road map" to entering a relationship with God that will mirror your relationship with your spouse.

If you buy it or borrow it please let me know what you think.

AMENNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!

 

[Iammoney]

hello ladies
i have been reading this thread i think for about 3 days. i really dont respond to threads because most of the time these ladies are reading my mind and they respond accordingly. i have really enjoyed reading this thread and i feel blessed just to have read thru all of the opinions and statements regarding being single.
i think the reason why churches teach that we should wait is because either they don't know how to address the situation or because they are married and figure you must be impatient that's why its hasn't happened to you yet. we dont live in a society that believes in marriage anymore. Most of us come from single family homes where the woman is the head of the household. these young men cant really learn by example because they dont have an example to emulate. most of these guys see there friends dating hundreds of women at the same time. to them its cool, its and ego thing it makes them feel good for the moment until they can find someone new and the cycle keeps repeating itself. as far as some of the women are concerned when we get married, some of us dont have a clue as to how to behave as a wife. our work it cut out for us. i have a really good friend of mine. her husband was a classmate of mine and he was one of the biggest dogs in school

 

[Iammoney]

and i remember when my friend came to me for something and he walked over to me and said " she's going to be my wife". just like that. i was like boy please first of all she's three years older than you and she's is going away to school. he was like i dont care. as long as live i will never forget what he said.
fast forward 3 years. he gets accepted to the same school and they start to date after a string of dead end relationships. they start dating and finally they get married in in i think 1998, its pure bliss for them. he adores her,worships the ground she walks on. his parents have been married for over 40 yrs and the same goes for her. they both had a history of how a married couple are supposed to behave. they put God as the head of their household and if you see them together you would think they just got married. im still shocked.
i've mentioned this more than once in other threads that i have been single for 10 years. i would not wish this on my worst enemy but at the same time it wasn't for nothing. i do have a closer relationship with God. i've had time to reflect on my life. i have learned that i don't need a man to complete me and that my son is my biggest priority and no man should come between us.
im sure there's much more that i have learned i dont want to bore you ladies reading this.
like most of you ladies reading this thread i was told by numerous people to wait and wait. it works for a while and then i feel sorry for myself because i feel like maybe the women in my family are not deserving of a good husband and a happy marriage. i only know of one good marriage in my family. that's really sad because all of us are educated,smart,pretty,church going and most of us can cook and clean are a$$es off. i've got everything except for the cooking down packed. lol

 

[Iammoney]

i fall and stay down for a while and eventually i would get up. i believe part of my problem lies in the fact that i dont go out much and i have let myself go in the weight,hair etc go. i did that because i felt like nobody wants me why should i bother and besides i work around a bunch of women i could care less about how i appear to them. i dont want to be that woman anymore. most of my co workers think im a nut and good person i just need to take more pride in myself. im working on that. i believe that scratch that i know that i am more than worthy of my soul mate. i have so many qualities. im a good person im old school i know some of what it is to be a wife. im learning. i want to be the best wife i can. i want to cater to my husband,uplift him when he needs it etc. i talk to God on a daily basis about the situation. He knows where i stand. im contemplating on purchasing the books that you ladies mentioned but at the same time the path that i should take is not clear to me.

 

[SEMO]

i fall and stay down for a while and eventually i would get up. i believe part of my problem lies in the fact that i dont go out much and i have let myself go in the weight,hair etc go. i did that because i felt like nobody wants me why should i bother and besides i work around a bunch of women i could care less about how i appear to them. i dont want to be that woman anymore. most of my co workers think im a nut and good person i just need to take more pride in myself. im working on that. i believe that scratch that i know that i am more than worthy of my soul mate. i have so many qualities. im a good person im old school i know some of what it is to be a wife. im learning. i want to be the best wife i can. i want to cater to my husband,uplift him when he needs it etc. i talk to God on a daily basis about the situation. He knows where i stand. im contemplating on purchasing the books that you ladies mentioned but at the same time the path that i should take is not clear to me.

Thanks for joining our discussion. I appreciated hearing what you had to say. Just so you know, Bunny77 and I are definitely buying the book "Get Married" by Candice Watters and will probably start a thread about it or add our thoughts to this thread. I've read some of her articles online and I like what she has to say. So if you want to have reading buddies you could get that one and join us .

 

[Iammoney]

then i will be hitting barnes and noble when i get up

 

[Iammoney]

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[Browndilocks]

So umm err uhhh -


Last weekend I went to church and winded up going to the single women's meeting after service. The group leader asked me if I had anything to share about my past year, etc. I told them that I thank God for allowing me to fire the last guy I was talking to (who took me for granted), and that I think "The Gift of Singleness" is not what God has in store for us.

I got the look

 

[Bunny77]

So umm err uhhh -


Last weekend I went to church and winded up going to the single women's meeting after service. The group leader asked me if I had anything to share about my past year, etc. I told them that I thank God for allowing me to fire the last guy I was talking to (who took me for granted), and that I think "The Gift of Singleness" is not what God has in store for us.

I got the look

I owe you a PM... sorry I've been MIA... I was out of town for the past 10 days!!!

And I love that you said this! What was the response?

 

[caligirl2385]

"Singleness as a gift..."

Uh... heck yeah?!! It's as easy as breathing to accept singleness... well, when you're secure in yourself and know there's nothing else out there that will make you happy but yourself and God.

Man was I miserable years ago when I would look for that "special person" to share my time with (I blame it on R&B oldies ). Turned out that I didn't have a life of my own and I was in turn living his. What a crazed nut I was . I truly enjoy singleness and the thrill I get from telling the foinest men in the world that I'd rather not date now (I'll date when I'm ready for marriage) and instead interested in friendship. It's these men that I'm friends with that will be watching me over time and who knows, maybe have me in mind for a wife one day down the line--but my mind right now is only on me myself and I. It feels good, it feels great! Not everyone on earth will get married, and not everyone will stay married. So why not see marriage and relationships as the "icing" on the cake (the cake being yourself and God). I suggest people learn to have many many friendships with both men and women. I'm my happiest when I'm single, so why not keep it that way

I'M PRESSING TO FEEL THE WAY YOU DO

 

[Browndilocks]

I owe you a PM... sorry I've been MIA... I was out of town for the past 10 days!!!

And I love that you said this! What was the response?

Their response was an initial and then after I was finished they took somewhat of a sigh of relief. It seemed as if they were happy that I wasn't extremely frank with my words. I think a majority of the ladies there were in shock that I actually made reference to my dating life - and the fact that I had one.

I believe that another huge facade in singles ministries is the perception by some that you should have no dating life; or pretend to not have one. Just be holy while you're waiting/preparing for your husband to drop out of the sky, smile, and sit up under all of the married older ladies until God "promotes" you.

Reminds me of that song by Tonex - "I just want to be real with you." God bless him. I find myself praying for Tonex. I don't know what he's going through but his music definitely ministers to my soul. I just want to be real in my love life with The Lord as well as with an actual man who is good for me. I'm serious.

But anyway, back on topic, I went on to say that I usually dred having to attend these types of meetings because they do not reach me in an effective manner. I said that preparing for/wanting a mate is fine and all, but I would rather discuss issues that affect me right now. Issues such the one I'm in, like firing a guy who took you for granted but now won't stop sending flowers to your house. The back & forth feelings and emotions you experience from just that. Or really diggin a guy and maybe even dating him for a while... but not really knowing why the situation fizzled, or didn't pan out the way you would have liked. You know... real stuff from a Christian perspective. Every day stuff that I can apply to my own real life: in real time.

The marriage talk is great and potential motherhood is lovely, but why is there such a disconnect between the practical issues of every day life for being a single woman versus being a fiancee? I feel like singles ministries are only interested in training you to be a fiancee, and not someone who can effectively identify a good suitor before you even get to the fiancee stage.

Why is it that as soon as you graduate from the youth choir, you're supposed to be cheerfully waiting for God to bless you with a man to marry? This is the part that I believe is hugely neglected in singles ministries. Let's talk about the NOW. Why do you think talkshows are so popular? They talk about things that are currently happening. No one graduates from high school with a Bachelor's degree. There's a process called college created to help you transition into responsible adulthood in the working society. Where are the collegiate level singles ministries? Feel me? Probably not cause I'm just a rambling toad today.

I was very well received in the end by the younger ladies. They were looking at me as if I said exactly what they had been thinking for a while now.

 

[TrustMeLove]

Of course I have read Pauls writings and I agree with them 100%.
If you have the gift of singleness than you can stay single happily. But, if you aren't happy single than obviously you have the gift of marriage. So get married.

Lets look at the gift of salvation. It is free and God says to in Matthew 11:28, "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

Now if this gift is to take away our burdens and give us rest (make us free) why would another gift (gift of singleness) that he gives us put the burden back on us.

If you arent' happy single and it is a burden than you don't have that gift. Plan and simple.



I'm 23 about to be 24 come May still being kept by the Lord to hold on my virginity. It's not easy trust me...but I refuse to marry just anybody. I know this person has to be God sent especially considering the things I've seen for us to do.

I don't do single ministry anything. I rather spend my time with the evangelist ministry, feed the homeless ministry, help out at the church ministry. Just me.

 

[sapphire74]

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I am struggling with GUILT from being angry/upset at being single. I feel guilty because I feel like there are worse things that could happen to me than be single, but it just seems like at this time in my life, it's not a good situation for me. I think friends and family are tired of hearing me lament on my singleness and just tell me to suck it up.

 

[browneyedgirl]

My heart goes out to you because I so identify with you. I feel like this is my little secret and that if I share how I am feeling about being single with others, they will not understand. Married people are quick to respond with Marriage isn't all that it is cracked up to be. Funny, I don't see any of those people trying to be single again. I know it takes a lot of hard work but I am so up for the challenge. I am a single mom and I haven't had a date in years. No one telling me that I look nice (no it's not the same when it comes from women), no one smiling when I enter the room (except for my excited 4 year old) and no sex (althought I really do want to wait on the one). I have decided to play a more active role in my dating life unfortunately things won't get rolling until I move back home (to cali) this summer. I realize I can't really date until I get babsitters and I have 3 sisters who are more than willing to help out. I was not meant to be single I have known this since I was very young. I just didn't imagine that I'd be in my thirties and still no prospects in sight.

 

[Browndilocks]

Excuse me yall -

Had to check myself & take that statement back. I'm not even going to put that type of energy out there...