The Gift of Singleness

[Bunny77]

Woo hoo... Candice brings it again! Apparently, this is an excerpt from her new book...

http://www.boundless.org/2005/answers/a0001622.cfm

Better Together

by Candice Watters


DEAR BOUNDLESS ANSWERS

In a recent Boundless Answers, you said you should only be in a relationship if you determine that you can "better serve the kingdom" together than apart. I have a question about what that means.

It seems that, in every case, single people can surely serve the kingdom better, since marriage usually takes away time, energy, emotions, money and other resources from a person that are given to his spouse, instead of to churches or ministries. He can, for example, spend more time Bible reading, instead of spending time with his wife. What do you mean that people can better serve the kingdom together?

REPLY

They can, but do they?

While singles have the potential to devote more time, energy, emotions and money to the kingdom, singleness is not inherently kingdom-oriented. There is no guarantee that never marrying will translate into the fully expended celibate service Paul talks about.

When I was single I had lots of discretionary time, even with a demanding job. I could have devoted hours to charity work. But I didn't. Instead I spent it at a tiny table at Borders sipping iced hazelnut lattes, reading books and writing in my journal. I'm not saying it's a sin to do that, but it wasn't the stuff of "undistracted devotion."

I wasn't even doing as much to serve the kingdom as my married friends were. Sadly, that's not unusual. While 29 percent of married people told Barna Research that they had volunteered to help a church in the past seven days, only 14 percent of never married people had. The time today's singles have available for spiritual service is the same time the leisure and entertainment industry demands from them.

In our culture, it's more likely that for every weary mother, daily sacrificing her own time, energy, and resources for her husband and children, there are singles that are virtually indistinguishable from their unbelieving friends.

After telling the Corinthians that someone who is unmarried can have "undistracted devotion to the Lord," he clarified in a letter to Timothy that unmarried women are vulnerable to "idleness." He warned that young widows pledging themselves to celibate service may later find themselves wanting to break that pledge because of their sensual desires:


At the same time they also learn to be idle, as they go around from house to house, and not merely idle, but also gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention. Therefore, I want younger widows to get married, bear children, keep house, and give the enemy no occasion for reproach. (1 Timothy 5:13-14 NASB)

Paul explained to the Corinthians that a married woman is concerned with how to take care of her husband (a statement of fact, not a criticism). But he didn't stop there. His letter to Timothy showed he also believed that the responsibilities of marriage are honorable and an antidote to idleness. This is consistent with the Proverbs 31 description of a wife of noble character who "watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness" (Proverbs 31:27).

Surveying the overarching themes of Paul's writings, it's clear that he believed an unmarried woman has the potential to serve the kingdom in a greater way, but if she is not gifted to overcome her vulnerability to sexual temptation and idleness, it is better for her to marry and serve God in marriage.

It's true the kingdom ushered in by Jesus brought new esteem and opportunities for celibate service, but not a spiritual fig leaf for any and all single lifestyles. When Paul said he wished others could be like him, he didn't just mean his marital status. He meant his undistracted devotion to God.

What did that look like? In his second letter to the Corinthians he gave us a glimpse:


We put no stumbling block in anyone's path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything. (2 Corinthians 6:3-10)

This is the high calling that accompanies kingdom-benefiting celibate service. Interestingly it's the same high calling that patriarchs like Moses, prophets like Isaiah, apostles like Peter, missionaries like Jim Elliott, evangelists like Billy Graham and scores of other people have followed over the years while also taking on the responsibility of marriage and children. Both the call to celibate service and the call to marriage are of high value in God's eyes when they are submitted to His purposes.

Marriage is not a compromise. It is not a spiritually inferior path. Most believers are called to marry, and for them finding a spouse with whom they can serve God is a high call — their call. For them, to remain single would be a loss to the kingdom. When I raised the "better together" test, I wasn't suggesting a choice between "stay single or get married," but "marry this man or marry another."

Sincerely,
CANDICE WATTERS

 

[Bunny77]

Hey Bunny! Happy belated birthday:birthday2

I hear what you're saying but at this point in my life and looking around me, I wouldn't encourage anyone to be single at any age. I can't wait to have children so I can encourage them to get married one day. I have been around so many mothers of sons who encourage them to play the field and not get involved with anyone

Thanks for the birthday wishes!

And hey, I know where you're coming from. I don't discourage folks who want to get married just because of age. I knew a few couples who married a few weeks after college graduation and a lot of my peers questioned that. I thought, hey, they've been together 3-4 years, why not?

That's sad to hear about some of these mothers today and what they're teaching their sons. What is we gon' do????

 

[Bunny77]

Already! lol I've been in Michigan 26 of my 29 years. lol I even stayed here to go to college. I gotta get out of here. Just time for a change.

See, I thought you had just moved here or something!

That's cool though that you're going to try something else. I loved the time I spent in Florida and I'm glad I did it. When do you plan to move to Tennessee?

 

[janiebaby]

Wow, Mrs. Watters was definitely on point! I wish my pastor would get with the program. He is starting to minister more to married couples and righfully so but he should also include creating opportunites for singles to meet and get married instead of just telling single folks to marry. Alot of being single isn't even about keeping a man it's about being found in the first place.

 

[Bunny77]

Wow, Mrs. Watters was definitely on point! I wish my pastor would get with the program. He is starting to minister more to married couples and righfully so but he should also include creating opportunites for singles to meet and get married instead of just telling single folks to marry. Alot of being single isn't even about keeping a man it's about being found in the first place.

I KNOW!!! This is indeed the issue!

And also... these days, you can put X number of men in a room (or singles ministry)and Y number of women, but it doesn't mean they will all end up together! Men these days almost have to be told to "find" women for marriage, even if they're in plain sight.

Someone wrote that there seems to be a missing piece in churches today. We jump from "If you're single, here's how to prepare yourself for marriage," to "Okay, so you're married, here's how to hold your marriage together." Nothing about helping the single people meet and then stressing the importance of mariage between them!!!

 

[Bunny77]

Okay, I think I'm going to have to start donating to Boundless.org, because they are ministering to me SO much!

Here is an article written by a man, to men, but I think it's good for we women to read to know what type of man we should be looking for. Reading this let me know that I was dealing with the WRONG type of men.

Even for women who aren't Christian/religious, this is the truth. It's called "Stop Test-Driving Your Girlfriend."

I've just pasted some excerpts, but you can read the whole article here...
http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001306.cfm

Think like a servant, not a consumer

In 1 Thessalonians 4:6, Paul warns the Thessalonian Christians against "taking advantage" of their brothers or sisters. The larger context in the first eight verses makes clear that what Paul primarily has in view is sexual immorality, in which you take from one another a physical intimacy not rightfully yours.

But the text also suggests that there are other ways you can take advantage of one another in a dating relationship. And one of the primary ways men do this is to elicit and enjoy all the benefits of unending companionship and emotional intimacy with their girlfriends without ever committing to the covenant relationship of marriage.

Too often in dating relationships we think and act like consumers rather than servants. And not very good consumers at that. After all, no one would ever go down to his local car dealership, take a car out for an extended test drive, park it in his garage, drive it back and forth to work for several weeks, maybe take it on vacation, having put lots of miles on it, and then take it back to the dealer and say, "I'm just not ready to buy a new car."

But so often, that's exactly the way men treat the women they're dating. Endlessly "test driving" the relationship, without any real regard for the spiritual and emotional wear and tear they're putting her through, all the while keeping their eyes out for a better model.

The Scriptures are clear. We are not to take advantage of one another in this way. Instead, as Paul says in Romans 13:10, "Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law."

Remember that love is never easy

One of the myths out there is that if you just spend enough time searching, if you can just gather enough information, you'll find a woman with whom marriage will be "easy." The fact is, such a woman doesn't exist, and if she did, she likely wouldn't marry you. And that means that you don't need as much information as you think you do.

No matter how long you've dated, everyone marries a stranger. That's because fundamentally dating is an artificial arrangement in which you're trying to be on your best behavior. Marriage on the other hand is real life. And it's only in the context of day-in, day-out reality, with the vulnerability and permanence that marriage provides, that we learn what another person is really like. Some of the things we learn about each other aren't easy. But who ever said that love and marriage were supposed to be easy?

Men, the point of marriage is that we learn to love our wives as Christ loved the church. Yes, as Revelation 21 and Ephesians 5 tell us, one day, Christ's bride will be perfectly beautiful, without spot or blemish, altogether lovely and loveable.

But the church is not there yet. First, Christ had to commit himself to us, even to death on a cross. This is the model we're called to follow. It's not an easy model, but it is worth it.

So your goal should not be to date her long enough until you're confident marriage won't be hard, but to date her just long enough to discern if you're willing to love her sacrificially, and if she's willing to respond to that kind of love.

 

[SEMO]

So your goal should not be to date her long enough until you're confident marriage won't be hard, but to date her just long enough to discern if you're willing to love her sacrificially, and if she's willing to respond to that kind of love.

Wow, I've never heard anyone put it quite like that, but he's so right. I think it is unfair and selfish for a man to take the best years of a woman's life "test driving the relationship" only to say later that he doesn't want her. I have a cousin who has been with her boyfriend for the last 10+ (not sure how many) years of her life, since they were in college, and he still has not married her . I honestly don't think he ever will and I don't know why she's content to just stay in this limbo with him.

Thanks Bunny77 for the articles you posted. You always post such great links (along w/ RR) . I will have to check out the entire article b/c he sounds like a man who knows what he's talking about. And you're right, boundless.org has been putting out some great articles, I have since added them to my favorites list.

And thank you Lauren450 for your response. I can definitely see how a person would be more serious and motivated while dating when they know they are making an investment in their future. There's no reason for pretenses in that situation. You guys sound like you really did it right, and that's so encouraging to hear in a time when so many people are seemingly getting it wrong.

 

[PaperClip]

Wow, I've never heard anyone put it quite like that, but he's so right. I think it is unfair and selfish for a man to take the best years of a woman's life "test driving the relationship" only to say later that he doesn't want her. I have a cousin who has been with her boyfriend for the last 10+ (not sure how many) years of her life, since they were in college, and he still has not married her . I honestly don't think he ever will and I don't know why she's content to just stay in this limbo with him.

Thanks Bunny77 for the articles you posted. You always post such great links (along w/ RR) . I will have to check out the entire article b/c he sounds like a man who knows what he's talking about. And you're right, boundless.org has been putting out some great articles, I have since added them to my favorites list.

And thank you Lauren450 for your response. I can definitely see how a person would be more serious and motivated while dating when they know they are making an investment in their future. There's no reason for pretenses in that situation. You guys sound like you really did it right, and that's so encouraging to hear in a time when so many people are seemingly getting it wrong.

Yay! (thanks for the shout-out!) Bunny's takin' the wheel on this thread!

Per the bolded: how much accountability belongs to a female who ALLOWS such a thing to go on for YEARS? Which is why I asked (and kinda got ridiculed a bit) in my earlier posts about HOW LONG/HOW MUCH does it take to determine if a relationship is worth pursuing for the long-term? I'm sure your cousin has expressed that she wants to be married but dude has not responded EITHER WAY: YAY OR NAY, has he?

So is a non answer worse than a no?

 

[SEMO]

Yay! (thanks for the shout-out!) Bunny's takin' the wheel on this thread!

Per the bolded: how much accountability belongs to a female who ALLOWS such a thing to go on for YEARS? Which is why I asked (and kinda got ridiculed a bit) in my earlier posts about HOW LONG/HOW MUCH does it take to determine if a relationship is worth pursuing for the long-term? I'm sure your cousin has expressed that she wants to be married but dude has not responded EITHER WAY: YAY OR NAY, has he?

So is a non answer worse than a no?

You're right when you talk about the woman's part in allowing a man to string her along for years w/o marriage being a serious goal. Honestly, I believe that a lot of what people do in life is based on fear. Fear of what will happen, may not happen, etc. But the Bible says that God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.

I refuse to let fear overtake me in my life. I try to live my life with as few regrets as possible.

I believe a person should know within 1-2 years of dating whether or not a person is someone they want to marry. And after that time they should either become engaged or move on. If they don't know after that time then they are either ignoring red flags and/or need to grow in discernment. In a year's time someone will show you who they are if you're looking to see it (and willing to believe what they show you about themselves).

ETA:
I think my cousin stays with him (esp. after all this time) b/c she's scared of change and the possibility of having to find somebody new. Plus, like other women, I think she views her relationship with him as an investment (which I think is a bad one). She's already sunk so much of her time, life, emotions, hopes, dreams, etc. into this man, and to give up on him now would be admitting that she'd made a bad decision and wasted all those resources on him. So instead of cutting her losses and moving on, she sinks even more resources into the relationship to convince herself that it's a good investment worth hanging on to.

But I think this will backfire. It makes me think of those women who spend years of their life trying to mold and change a man into their perfect ideal, and once he seemingly gets it together, he takes all he's learned and finds some other woman erplexed.

 

[motherx2esq]

Yay! (thanks for the shout-out!) Bunny's takin' the wheel on this thread!

Per the bolded: how much accountability belongs to a female who ALLOWS such a thing to go on for YEARS? Which is why I asked (and kinda got ridiculed a bit) in my earlier posts about HOW LONG/HOW MUCH does it take to determine if a relationship is worth pursuing for the long-term? I'm sure your cousin has expressed that she wants to be married but dude has not responded EITHER WAY: YAY OR NAY, has he?

So is a non answer worse than a no?

I know so many women that are in this situation and would rather be in a "long term" marriageless relationship than to be alone. I would rather be alone (as much as I really do not want to lol) than to be with a man who will not marry me. My step mother had to tell my father after about 7 years that she will no longer be his girlfriend. Lord, I don't want to be in that situation but I don't think I will let things go that far. 10+ years.

 

[Bunny77]

Yay! (thanks for the shout-out!) Bunny's takin' the wheel on this thread!

Per the bolded: how much accountability belongs to a female who ALLOWS such a thing to go on for YEARS? Which is why I asked (and kinda got ridiculed a bit) in my earlier posts about HOW LONG/HOW MUCH does it take to determine if a relationship is worth pursuing for the long-term? I'm sure your cousin has expressed that she wants to be married but dude has not responded EITHER WAY: YAY OR NAY, has he?

So is a non answer worse than a no?

Thanks girl! You going bowling this weekend? I think I'll be there!

Anyway, I agree that the woman does have a responsibility in this situation if she flat-out knows that this man doesn't want to get married and she does. Like SEMO said, 1-2 years is enough time... and many men I know knew in less time (like, in 3 months) that they wanted to marry the woman who became their future wife, and they proposed by the end of the year or within that 2-year time period.

Sometimes too (and this was my weakness), it's not even about being in a relationship for years and being "test-driven." I seem to run into a lot of men who start dating me and say they want to "take it slow." Funny, they don't mean that in a sexual way -- no problem moving fast there erplexed -- but in terms of defining you as a girlfriend and making that sacrifice of their time and emotion, they want to move "slow."

I have SO many female friends who would say, "Well, just be his friend and see if he comes around." And they'll say to hang in there for 6-9 months or so of some undefined flirtatious friendship/relationship/not really a relationship thing.

But in the meantime, I'm already feeling dude and it's soooo hard to hold my emotions in while he takes his time figuring out if he wants to be serious or not.

And each time, he usually didn't.

FINALLY over the summer, I realized that I deserved better. If you wanna be with me, be with me. Don't "take it slow" (which usually means, he still wants his freedom) and don't try to be my friend, yet you want to flirt and sleep with me.

No longer am I going to wait it out. There are plenty of men who wouldn't even imagine doing such a thing, so why should I settle?

 

[PaperClip]

Thanks girl! You going bowling this weekend? I think I'll be there!

Anyway, I agree that the woman does have a responsibility in this situation if she flat-out knows that this man doesn't want to get married and she does. Like SEMO said, 1-2 years is enough time... and many men I know knew in less time (like, in 3 months) that they wanted to marry the woman who became their future wife, and they proposed by the end of the year or within that 2-year time period.

Sometimes too (and this was my weakness), it's not even about being in a relationship for years and being "test-driven." I seem to run into a lot of men who start dating me and say they want to "take it slow." Funny, they don't mean that in a sexual way -- no problem moving fast there erplexed -- but in terms of defining you as a girlfriend and making that sacrifice of their time and emotion, they want to move "slow."

I have SO many female friends who would say, "Well, just be his friend and see if he comes around." And they'll say to hang in there for 6-9 months or so of some undefined flirtatious friendship/relationship/not really a relationship thing.

But in the meantime, I'm already feeling dude and it's soooo hard to hold my emotions in while he takes his time figuring out if he wants to be serious or not.

And each time, he usually didn't.

FINALLY over the summer, I realized that I deserved better. If you wanna be with me, be with me. Don't "take it slow" (which usually means, he still wants his freedom) and don't try to be my friend, yet you want to flirt and sleep with me.

No longer am I going to wait it out. There are plenty of men who wouldn't even imagine doing such a thing, so why should I settle?

Bunny! Yeah, I'm planning to be there.... I hope you can make it!

1-2 years is TOO LONG to know if he wants to marry me. Now it may take 1-2 years to plan the wedding... and yet planning a wedding doesn't have to take that long, either....

I'm probably saying this because I've gotten to a point where it's about being PURPOSEFUL.... Both people need to be praying and seeking the Lord about the potential of the relationship: what is the Lord saying? Seek godly counsel. In all thy getting, get UNDERSTANDING!

ETA: this is another reason to have MIGHTY MEN in our lives to cover us. I just remembered a situation where this dude I went to high school and college with came back into my life a decade later.... the PERFECT time for me because I had graduated with my master's degree that spring. We became reacquainted that fall. I was SO EXCITED. I liked this guy a lot. He was a really nice guy and he helped me registed for my first college classes and I thought he was smart and we had a lot in common (same major). So we get reacquainted. He says all the right things. He says he is in the ministry.... I remember he sings and writes songs and poetry and it seemed like it was a nice fit. My pastor (the bishop's wife) said that he was the male version of me. When I told her how we knew each other from high school, her words were "He may have known you longer, but we know you better". She was cautiously excited for me. She even went as far as to say he better not hurt me.... He started talking plans about the future...including having a church in the future....

So things proceeded from like that October through the holidays. My pastors had a Christmas party at their home and I knew I was gonna go because I'm family and I was bold enough to ask the bishop if I could invite the guy. He said yes. I thought, wow, this is great. So we're at the party, and the bishop calls me and dude to his office. Five minutes after polite greetings, my bishop asks dude: "What are your intentions toward my spiritual daughter"? So I'm sitting there thinking I know what dude told me and do you know this dude actually HEMMED and HAWWED before he finally made some mention about me being his wife? What kinda mess is that? My lips were REAL TIGHT after that. I was SOOOO EMBARRASSED!

Well, after that is when things went downhill. Dude got distant. A couple of months later (like the March of the following year), he stopped calling and answering my calls. I was disappointed and hurt, especially because I wasn't given a reason as to why he stopped talking to me. I'm telling you NOTHING. I remember that I prayed A LOT during that time. I cried a lot. I also thank God that looking back, I realized that I got over it kind of quick because there wasn't any soul ties and I do believe the Lord got me through it. So fast forward....

I heard he lost his job, lost his apt. and then a few years later, I heard he was sick and had subsequently...wait for it...













DIED.... Yep. I went to the funeral....
So what if I had married this dude? I might have been a widow today. Or, I could have been in a damaged position because of his irresponsibility and deceptive activities. Yeah, he did a little dirt....

I hope that testimony ministers to somebody....

 

[SEMO]

I agree Bunny77 that a man can know in just a few months whether or not he wants to make a woman his wife.

Now that I think about it our consumer society has messed up how people look at relationships. Take computers, it's sometimes hard to invest in a new computer (even if it has everything you want and need) when you know a newer better model may be out in 6 months.

I was talking to one of the guys that I used to go to church with (while in undergrad) the other week and we started talking about relationships. He asked me if I had met somebody (everybody was teasing me that when I went off to grad school I would meet my boo--I agree ). I said that I was looking for my husband and asked him if he was searching for his wife (not implying that I wanted it to be me). He said that he hadn't really been looking and that he was trying to focus on being friends first. He said he sometimes just missed having female companionship. I think he's just scared of having a grown up relationship with a woman. He graduated a few years ago, but is still living in the college town, floating from one job to the next. He even mentioned that he might go back for another degree b/c he didn't want to be in the real world yet.

He is in his late 20's (28 or 29) and I can see him as the kind of guy who will be trying to "find himself" until he is about 34 or 35, when he finally decides that he's grown enough to man up and be somebody's husband . We've had a lot of good conversations in the past, but when I think about it, I don't want to be his "tide me over" friend-girl. If he gets lonely enough maybe he'll agree with God that it's not good for man to be alone and get serious about finding a wife . But as for me, I've decided that I want to save major emotional investments in men for my husband.

 

[SEMO]

RR, sorry to hear about what happened with the guy. But like you said, it's better that your bishop helped you weed him out early in the game.

I read a book once that talked about soul-ties. It was a book on courtship, and it said that along with maintaining physical purity men and women should be careful not to connect themselves emotionally and spiritually in ways only meant for husbands and wives. I wholeheartedly agree. Which is why I'm currently trying to practice being much more selective in what I say about myself, esp. with men.

 

[janiebaby]

 

[Browndilocks]

Hey Yall

Back from a much needed time out. I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving. I'm going to catch up on this thread.

Until then I have a question: How do you guard your heart? For real - how do you actually do it effectively? What are the practices of implementing such a thing when you're single and find yourself in a situation that has potential, but you do not want to get ahead of yourself? How do you keep your cool without letting your desires & feelings run amuck while being straight forward and open at the same time?

 

[janiebaby]

Hey Yall

Back from a much needed time out. I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving. I'm going to catch up on this thread.

Until then I have a question: How do you guard your heart? For real - how do you actually do it effectively? What are the practices of implementing such a thing when you're single and find yourself in a situation that has potential, but you do not want to get ahead of yourself? How do you keep your cool without letting your desires & feelings run amuck while being straight forward and open at the same time?

One of the things that has helped me is prayer. Another thing that helped me immediately before I even supplemented it with prayer for strength is not having sex with the person which helps me see things more clearly than I would have otherwise and helps keep me from putting them up on a pedestal.

Another things that has helped me is by seeing how much power I hold in the situation when I don't offer sex. Heavy petting and sex talk included because I don't want to come off as a tease. Men truly do respect a woman that respects herself although they will try you. Can't blame em for tryin.

Men are men and they are just as corny and insecure as anyone else. No one is perfect so that's how I view them and it has helped.

 

[browneyedgirl]

You are so welcome. And I am happy that you feel comfortable enough to talk and share. I'm moving to Tennessee and I've prayed about this move for years. And thank you so much!

You're welcome. How do you do it with two little ones? I have one (a boy) and he is a handful. His father has absolutely no contact with us and I don't really have any male role models around. This has really become a major concern for me. He is only four but, he really yearns for male attention. While I have no intention of letting just any man walk up into our lives. I do hope that one day someone will be man enough to accept the challenge with a genuine heart and a kind spirit. Ever since I found this thread I am constantly thinking about it. I am just so happy that I am not alone in my thoughts. Most of my friends have moved away, married or in relationships and don't understand the lonelyness and yes, even dispair that I sometimes feel over my situation. My mom's marriage is a mess so I can't even talk to her about this what about me feeling. Are your parents in support of your decsion to move back home?

 

[PaperClip]

Here's a link to some clips from Bishop Noel Jones re. singleness.... he's speaking on the point that it is not good for man to be alone....

http://www.faithmate.com/index.php?p=utterance

 

[motherx2esq]

BUMP BUMP BUMP

 

[wantingtogrow]

Wow, just watched the clips by Bishop Jones thanks RR, I am pleasantly surprised but you do not really hear sermons about the importance of companionship anymore because everyone is threading carefully, trying to make out like it is not that great and so people should not feel bad if they are not there.

Truth is so sad that there is a big gap between both the sexes in christiandom but it is only for providing solutions and actually discussing the disparity that measures can be taken to overcome it instead of trying to pull wool over people's eyes and telling them to be content instead.

I am really glad that ladies on this board actually are discussing because some many of us feel guilty about why it is so hard to 'enjoy' singleness and feel bad because we yearn for something more. Truth is there is a time and season for everything for a reason and as Bishop Jones says God wont meet certain needs for us but he will provide for those needs for us because he created us to be social beings. I remember reading a book about the ministry of angels and one of them said to the author that God is more than capable of providing people's financial needs but instead he blesses us through others and not from the sky. It is the same principle, we need to be bold and not be ashamed to question something in our faith because with questions come the answers but it shows a lack of faith in the faith if you are dissatisfied about something but no-one says anything for fear of condemnation.

Just saying again, always find this thread a blessing, thanks y'all....

 

[kally]

I will have to check this book out. Because I know singleness is not where it is at.

 

[Bunny77]

Wow, just watched the clips by Bishop Jones thanks RR, I am pleasantly surprised but you do not really hear sermons about the importance of companionship anymore because everyone is threading carefully, trying to make out like it is not that great and so people should not feel bad if they are not there.

Truth is so sad that there is a big gap between both the sexes in christiandom but it is only for providing solutions and actually discussing the disparity that measures can be taken to overcome it instead of trying to pull wool over people's eyes and telling them to be content instead.

I am really glad that ladies on this board actually are discussing because some many of us feel guilty about why it is so hard to 'enjoy' singleness and feel bad because we yearn for something more. Truth is there is a time and season for everything for a reason and as Bishop Jones says God wont meet certain needs for us but he will provide for those needs for us because he created us to be social beings. I remember reading a book about the ministry of angels and one of them said to the author that God is more than capable of providing people's financial needs but instead he blesses us through others and not from the sky. It is the same principle, we need to be bold and not be ashamed to question something in our faith because with questions come the answers but it shows a lack of faith in the faith if you are dissatisfied about something but no-one says anything for fear of condemnation.

Just saying again, always find this thread a blessing, thanks y'all....

Yikes! I've neglected this thread!

RR, great link you found there! (and nice to meet you the other week!) I wonder why folks like Bishop Jones and his message don't get more exposure.

Wanting to Grow, I agree with everything you said!

And Kally, welcome! Now that you've cut off that negative situation, you can make room for the right one to come into your life!

 

[Choclatcotton]

Thanks ladies, you have given me new courage to hope again, I almost threw in the towel

 

[Bunny77]

Thanks ladies, you have given me new courage to hope again, I almost threw in the towel

Alright now! There you go!

I don't know about you, but once I committed myself to the idea that I was going to be married, I never felt happier! I also feel more optimistic than ever.

But when I was trying to "accept" potentially permanent (or long-term) singleness, I always got depressed.

No more!

 

[prettywhitty]

Alright now! There you go!

I don't know about you, but once I committed myself to the idea that I was going to be married, I never felt happier! I also feel more optimistic than ever.

But when I was trying to "accept" potentially permanent (or long-term) singleness, I always got depressed.

No more!

I just did this!! I am committed to getting married. I feel so much better. This thread blesses me because I have been sooooo unsatisfied with singleness, and now I know that is not what God has for me.

 

[golden bronze]

DIED.... Yep. I went to the funeral....
So what if I had married this dude? I might have been a widow today. Or, I could have been in a damaged position because of his irresponsibility and deceptive activities. Yeah, he did a little dirt....

I hope that testimony ministers to somebody....[/quote]



Although there is nothing humorous about this untimely passing, you have to take note of the irony in life....God always answers prayers...and sometimes thankfully the answer is NO!


A woman once told me a similar story about a guy she was in love with and he abruptly broke off the relationship. She cried and cried and prayed to God why didn't you answer my prayer to send me this man as my husband.

Then one day she was at the post office mailing bills, about seven years later and she looks up and sees he is MOST WANTED.

She thanked GOD that he doesn't answer all prayers.

 

[golden bronze]

I'm in a strange place about marriage. I had a deep heartbreak about six years ago, and since then it doesn't seem too important. I don't ever want to put a man before God. It would be nice to find a suitable life partner, but I do not want to be one of the many stuck in misery because they made a bad choice.

 

[janiebaby]

 

[Sweetyb]

"Singleness as a gift..."

Uh... heck yeah?!! It's as easy as breathing to accept singleness... well, when you're secure in yourself and know there's nothing else out there that will make you happy but yourself and God.

Man was I miserable years ago when I would look for that "special person" to share my time with (I blame it on R&B oldies ). Turned out that I didn't have a life of my own and I was in turn living his. What a crazed nut I was . I truly enjoy singleness and the thrill I get from telling the foinest men in the world that I'd rather not date now (I'll date when I'm ready for marriage) and instead interested in friendship. It's these men that I'm friends with that will be watching me over time and who knows, maybe have me in mind for a wife one day down the line--but my mind right now is only on me myself and I. It feels good, it feels great! Not everyone on earth will get married, and not everyone will stay married. So why not see marriage and relationships as the "icing" on the cake (the cake being yourself and God). I suggest people learn to have many many friendships with both men and women. I'm my happiest when I'm single, so why not keep it that way