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The Rarely Recognized Route Into The Black Middle-class: Staying Single And Living Alone

naturalgyrl5199

Well-Known Member
Especially when that staying single for life means being in a relationship where you do everything as a married couple except make it legal. Everybody throws Oprah out as the new model for monied women in relationships but no doubt Steadman standard of living is subsidized by Oprah's. I don't care what kind of old money family dude come from, he wouldn't live how he live or play how he play if it wasn't on Oprah's dime but the difference between their dynamic and the average upwardly mobile middle class chick is every dollar that Oprah spends on Steadman (and Gail) is a tax write off.


Yep. But at the same time black women as a collective embrace struggle as a virtue so those folks are selling it to the right audience.
See my comment above about co-parenting. Divorce. When I told hubby (jokingly) that he could keep his lil child support-I want 50-50 custody. He got suuuuper quiet. Our kids are young so he knows what that means. #noskrugglemovement
 

naturalgyrl5199

Well-Known Member
I’m not arguing if black ppl should be judge by the same standards, but surly having negative wealth excludes anyone from the middle class.
I'm late but think of Dave Ramsey's target audience: Middle class white people in tens of thousands of dollars in debt. They have negative wealth. But they still live in big houses, drive expensive cars and send their kids to private school and the kids do camp, extra curricular activities, etc.....You can DEF be living middle class and be in deep debt and negative wealth. He and Suze have a cottage industry based on these folk...Middle class is too broad and needs to be redefined anyways. Meh.
 

Crackers Phinn

Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
But we waited 7 years before we had kids and that was by design. We had savings, learned a LOT about child-rearing, made plans, and established ourselves in our careers including choosing jobs that were extremely kid-friendly. We not rich but doing well. We both got promoted twice after we had the first baby DESPITE being off A LOT with her. I think--being established in our jobs, it was easy to transition to parenthood and then plan for the 2nd. We could be making way more in the private sector, but in our particular fields, where we are makes family possible while not hindering career goals.
There is a middle ground. I'm in travel groups where black couples and black families travel far and pretty regularly. And we not talking about lawyers and doctors. They regular degular folk.
This is something that I don't think people understand about getting married. There is no race to start a family the minute the ink is dry on the license. The most stable long term marriages that I have observed were folks who were married 2+ years before having kids.
 

naturalgyrl5199

Well-Known Member
This is something that I don't think people understand about getting married. There is no race to start a family the minute the ink is dry on the license. The most stable long term marriages that I have observed were folks who were married 2+ years before having kids.
I mean, you gotta get to know one another as married people. Enjoy married with no kids. Its a thing. Traveling, waking up late, sleeping in. Couples trips, couples dates. We had a ball. Saved good money and moved up into our jobs. So now that #kidsIZlife...we don't feel like we "missed much". We enjoy the kids and the wild days and nights most times--lol. AND...we. knew. what. we. were. getting. in. to.
Its also why were are stopping at 2. Cuz finances, age, nerves. We enjoyed the baby days...now its time to get to the next chapter of raising them, and planning their college. We already got those college funds rolling. All this information on how to plan plan plan. No one under age 35 who are child-less should be taken unawares about the cost of children, how to make them and how to prevent/delay. Many people do understand and birth rates are not so much dipping but the age of first time parents is increasing. "Certain folk" are getting the message.
 

LivingInPeace

Well-Known Member
My husband and I are middle class. No children. People we work with always make comments about “all this money” we have. We both work government jobs so we make the same as everyone else who started the same time we did. The difference is that we don’t have children. We don’t have a big house in the suburbs with big suburban taxes. We live in a small house in a neighborhood virtually none of our coworkers would consider living in. Therefore, we have money in the bank. Money in mutual funds. Money in retirement accounts. Little debt and spending money. When you’re a regular person you have to make choices. The 1 percenters can have it all. The middle class has to choose.
 

pirtgirl

Well-Known Member
Real talk: I paid my debt off faster and my credit score hit the 800s shortly after we got married and before our careers took off.
But we waited 7 years before we had kids and that was by design. We had savings, learned a LOT about child-rearing, made plans, and established ourselves in our careers including choosing jobs that were extremely kid-friendly. We not rich but doing well. We both got promoted twice after we had the first baby DESPITE being off A LOT with her. I think--being established in our jobs, it was easy to transition to parenthood and then plan for the 2nd. We could be making way more in the private sector, but in our particular fields, where we are makes family possible while not hindering career goals.
There is a middle ground. I'm in travel groups where black couples and black families travel far and pretty regularly. And we not talking about lawyers and doctors. They regular degular folk.
Are there official travel groups like this? Would you mind sharing the names? We have two elementary aged children and often end up traveling alone because we don’t know many other black families who like to travel.
 

cinnespice

Hello is me your looking for?
Are there official travel groups like this? Would you mind sharing the names? We have two elementary aged children and often end up traveling alone because we don’t know many other black families who like to travel.
The traveling child on instagram is one. The also post pretty frequently in Black Travel Movement. If you follow Black Travel Movement you get a lot of ideas from families traveling. Also you can do a search on instagram or facebook. As you follow one more suggested pages come up.
 

naturalgyrl5199

Well-Known Member
Traveling with a child (children) seems awful. It’s one of the things holding me back from having any presently.
My oldest was the most rambunctious when she was 3. We did her first flight at night from Fl to Texas and she was angelic. We were more anxious than anything. And there were some terrible beasties on that flight. Speak to them about expectations and be flexible and patient. If you are a relaxed parent, firm, but fun, you’ll pass that down to the kids. It’s the same when they are in restaurants (my wild kid is good there as well) and in other public places. But check those travel groups and families with 2+ kids traveling.
 

naturalgyrl5199

Well-Known Member
It is easy with one small child and two parents. Two is harder and with three you might want to stay home until everyone is at least 5. :lol: My youngest is 5 and everyone travels really well.
Yeah my oldest is 5 but the baby is 1 and right now car trips are ridiculous. Stressful for me. We just did 2 and we have 2 more coming. But just short 4-5 hours max. We’ll fly again when she is 3.
My brothers kids have been flying regularly since she 1. But they are slightly more reserved and my sis in law is kinda on the firm/strict side. So it depends. She has her stories though.
But like us, my brother and his wife closed the baby shop at 2 kids too.
 

naturalgyrl5199

Well-Known Member
Traveling with a child (children) seems awful. It’s one of the things holding me back from having any presently.
Honestly, your kids will be good ones. I’ve been in the maternal child business 12 years and a lot of the problem is the unprepared parents. They flow through life thinking their kids will behave by osmosis rather than actual discipline, direction and guidance. And that’s the problem.
 

Theresamonet

Well-Known Member
I have had good experiences so far. But every kid is different. I was more anxious than anything.
It is easy with one small child and two parents. Two is harder and with three you might want to stay home until everyone is at least 5. :lol: My youngest is 5 and everyone travels really well.
Honestly, your kids will be good ones. I’ve been in the maternal child business 12 years and a lot of the problem is the unprepared parents. They flow through life thinking their kids will behave by osmosis rather than actual discipline, direction and guidance. And that’s the problem.
I mostly meant how am I supposed to have fun if I have to take care of kids while traveling/vacationing. :lol:
 

IslandMummy

Well-Known Member
I mostly meant how am I supposed to have fun if I have to take care of kids while traveling/vacationing. :lol:
Depends on the purpose of the vacation, when we go on family trips the priority is for the kids to have a good time. We pick places that won’t bore us to tears but still a good time for the small people.

If it’s anything you need a grandparent or a nanny to come with or leave them babies at home! I can’t wait for my MIL to get here.
 

naturalgyrl5199

Well-Known Member
I mostly meant how am I supposed to have fun if I have to take care of kids while traveling/vacationing. :lol:
Ah! Good point.
DH and I were talking about the difference between trips for the kids, then trips for us. We decided to travel to Europe and SAfrica or West Africa when they are school aged for the educational aspect. Then do European trips just for us like the South of France, and other Romantic things. Some families brings a relative or trusted friend or help. My sister is currently single with no kids and came with us when I had just gotten pregnant with the baby, and kept our then 3.5 YO for a few hours while we did some adult things. She enjoyed spending time spoiling her niece and took plenty of selfies and video snaps....making the other relatives jealous....It was a part business trip (investment) for us but we did have some fun as well. The rich do this...and bring trusted relatives or au pair. Why can't we?
 
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