Third Visit to the white stylist...

[LadyRaider]

I had my third trip to the white stylist on Friday. I wanted to do a length check and I can't get my hair as straight as she did the first time I went to her.

She kind of ticked me off. I went in looking kind of crazy because I'd tried one of my patented "wash and nos" that day and my hair was WILD. So okay... next time I won't experiment before going in there.

Another white lady was nearby as she was blowdrying my hair and my stylist said something about all the work she was doing. And the other white lady (I believe she was the massage therapist) said something about it being quite a challenge.

Now, my hair is NOT that much of a challenge. I don't tangle easily and it's not THAT thick or THAT long. She was bragging like she was dealing with some deep dark jungle and that's just not my hair.

I said, "Challenge. My hair's no challenge. I'll go find you a challenge."

She said, "Well, I haven't run away from anyone yet."


Anyway... that kinda bothered me. Maybe that's how she keeps all us high-paying black clients to herself... by scaring the others away.

Anyway... she also talked about another black client she has. Some other white salon put a permanent color on top of just relaxed hair and her hair came out in patches. So they are trying to nurse her hair back to health.

She said that this other woman complains she doesn't put enough "Grease" in her hair.

The stylist said she started mixing seyani butter with something (I gave her a little sample jar on my second visit) and using it on this lady, but she tells this other lady that she doesn't do "grease."

My stylist said she has to wash her hair several times to get out the layers of hair product that are gunked on to her hair.

She does do a good job, I think. And I like her. I just didn't appreciate her using my hair as the boogeyman.

 

[Minty]

erplexed

I guess I just feel away with the title. I'm sorry she even mentioned the other client to you.

 

[LadyRaider]

Me too. I wonder if white stylists and African American hair can ever get together and race NOT come up.

 

[LiqueXX]

Race is going to come up because white people usually don't know about black people's hair. Also, our hair is different.

It's funny, I just gave my white client a tutorial about black hair last night. She has nieces who are mixed and was curious. After I finished she said the same thing your stylist said.

 

[LadyRaider]

What did you say in your tutorial? She's your stylist and you are giving her a tutorial?

 

[Foxglove]

She probably doesn't get many black clients so I'm sure your hair is a learning experience for her
It probably is a challenge for her bc even relaxed AA hair behaves differently from white hair and has different needs
She was just being up front with you. Sounds like she's willing to learn how to care for your hair though

 

[Minty]

No. what I mean is HAIR IS HAIR. It is not about race, not the race of the stylist or the race of the client but rather the behavior of the hair.

- and trust me, no matter how much you will believe this to be the contrary, but your hair is not the most challenging hair. I think many times black people have the worst complex about hair to begin with, so any remark is a problem - even if its a straight complement.

If you ask alot ladies (whom many revere believing their hair to be easy to grow and beautiful) who have type 3 hair - they will tell you how challenging their hair is. It tangles badly, the frizz factor is at times seemingly uncontrollable and so on.

Sometimes I just wish we could disconnect ourselves from our personal issues and thought processes.

 

[LadyRaider]

Oh, I agree, hijabfly! I KNOW my hair isn't all that challenging. My hair is very well behaved. That's why it kind of bothered me.

To see her in the best light, which I have no reason not to, she might have just been proud that she DOES work with hair that is different. "Look what I can do." You know...

 

[Minty]

Right, right. And perhaps she was talking about the other "greasy" client for you to give her tips how to help her? You just never know. Sometimes people try to find ways to simply "connect." I'm happy that you found someone and I definitely wouldn't let some random person's comment keep you from that joy. Find a 500lb man and ask him to schedule an appoint with the massage therapist.

 

[Vashti]

Well many black stylists act like they can't do much with black hair without relaxing/blowdrying/cutting the daylights out of it so comments like that from a white stylist don't surprise me. Although, if I was in a bad mood I probably wouldn't appreciate it either but if she generally does a good job with your hair I wouldn't read too much into it.

 

[diva24]

I guess I'll play devils advocate. Maybe she doesn't style type 3 or 4 hair often. Maybe the other client does have product caked in her hair. Maybe she doesn't use grease. There are indeed many women that come to this site unable to care for their type 3 or 4 hair. Just as well, there are many women on this site that do not use grease. And Im most definitely sure there are plenty of women on this site or off this site that cake product onto their hair. Washing your hair every 2 weeks is a common practice I have seen amongst women of color, especially ones that are trying to preserve a style, usually until the next appointment/paycheck. Although it can be un-nerving to hear these comments from someone of another race I wouldn't be offended.

And if the other stylists are that easily intimidated, I'd rather them not work on my head anyways.

 

[luvn_life]

Well... My stylist ( I only go for cuts and color) Is Mexican. And I love her. One time i went in for a wash go gone wild and she just sat there and did it with no complaints. And now that I am transitioning, I know my 12 months post hair is a challenge but she never says anything negative and just says that its good that I am no longer relaxing.

P.S. my siggy are both after my visits with her!!!

 

[Solti]

Well its going to be sideways stuff falling out her mouth concerning race because race relations in America SUCK. Ahem. That being said I'm amazed that she straightens your hair well! I expect them to be able to color and cut but straighten? Interesting.

 

[IDareT'sHair]

Years ago I went to this W/B at an all Black Salon........

Who Focused on Healthy Hair Care And He was Excellent in Blow Drying, Flat-Ironing all the techniques...and he had an all black clientele.

It was an All Male Salon. The Black Guys in the Salon was always looking to learn his techniques in cutting, relaxing, coloring, blow-drying and flat-ironing.

He was definitely way ahead of his time.erplexed

 

[Danniquin]

I went to a white stylist before and had a really good experience. The only time race came up is when he said "see this is why I like working with ethnic hair it stays were you put it" I was happy because that was my first time going to any stylist so it was good...sorry about your stylist

 

[Esq.2B]

Oh Lord, some of you overthink things WAY too much. It's not that serious. Everything doesn't have to be all PC all the time. It's a hair forum, not a congressional debate...

 

[LadyRaider]

Well its going to be sideways stuff falling out her mouth concerning race because race relations in America SUCK. Ahem. That being said I'm amazed that she straightens your hair well! I expect them to be able to color and cut but straighten? Interesting.

She does a great job. In fact, I remember now that she also said, "I LOVE straightening natural hair." She said it like it was cool to see if go from curly to straight... BUT... I still think she was acting like doing my hair was like climbing mount everest. Lol.

 

[Sasha299]

I understand what you are saying but think about this - many AA's think dealing with our own natural hair is akin to climbing Mount Everest in the dead of winter. Because of her ethnicity it made an impact but would it have made the same impact if she was AA?

 

[Twix]

Me too. I wonder if white stylists and African American hair can ever get together and race NOT come up.

I think that this is an impossiblity; however, I believe it is better for us to be able to discuss our differences and to educate one another than to look the other way and wallow in isolation. That's where misunderstandings crop from.

The stylist that I had from a beauty school who was the ONLY person to ever get my hair to do what I wanted it to, aside from my mother, was this white punk rock chick. I miss her so much.

 

[Twix]

Well its going to be sideways stuff falling out her mouth concerning race because race relations in America SUCK. Ahem. That being said I'm amazed that she straightens your hair well! I expect them to be able to color and cut but straighten? Interesting.

Wow.

 

[LadyRaider]

Find a 500lb man and ask him to schedule an appoint with the massage therapist.

Okay... I woke up this morning and finally got this.

 

[longhairlover]

see this is why I don't want "them" touching my hair, white folks eventually always say something out of character, even when you have them as friends/associates/co-workers. our hair is not a challenge, there are some white girls out there with thick long sometimes coarse hair and hair considered a challenge. you don't say that to a client it can be offensive. she wants to do AA hair but then comes out of her mouth. If it were me this would be the last visit to her. she should've said "this isn't a challenge at all her hair is lovely".

I give folks a small window of other races, as soon as they slip (and it will happen) they are cut, this one latin chick I worked with was asking how should she keep her blowout fresh, I told her to wrap it at night, she says "that's for black girls" she was cut after that. and um in nyc the latinas wrap their hair, this chick was from jersey (where ignorance breeds).

 

[Barbara]

Sometimes my manicurist--who is Vietnamese--will wash, deep condition, and detangle my hair if my stylist is running behind in the salon. She does a good job without tearing it out.

She knows about how fragile our hair is, and she's worked in the salon long enough to know that our hair can grow to mid-back length. She's asked me questions regarding my hair products, and she's seen my hair make magnificent progress in length. She was really impressed.

She wanted my stylist to order it for the salon, so they can use it for the other clients. However, they would charge $5 more.

 

[Minty]

wow thats great Barbara. Hold onto those ladies!!!

 

[NikkiGirl]

I had a vitenamese stylist who cut my hair in a bob a while back and I kept going to her to maintain. She never complained about my hair and she always did a great job. She actually told me she thought my hair was very pretty and commended me on being natural and not relaxing.

 

[FAMUDva]

She does do a good job, I think. And I like her. I just didn't appreciate her using my hair as the boogeyman.

Chile, I feel ya... I go to an ALL black, ALL natural salon and they did me the same way when I first started going. But I do have naturally thick hair (it's not all that long though). At first it would irritate the hell outta me, but now they don't say snide remarks about my hair anymore. I just don't like new shampoo people to comb me out because they ain't ready...

 

[FAMUDva]

I also should have added that it's probably relative as to what is "challenging" hair. If someone rarely deals with tightly coiled or course curly hair, then yes, even what you may consider as "managable" may be a challenge to them. I wouldn't take that personally... especially if the person making the comment doesn't have the same hair texture as me... white, black, or other. Like I said, I hear black stylist tell me that same thing all the time and I don't think I have difficult hair, but I know what they mean is it's so thick and it DOES take them more time than some of their other clients. I've timed them doing my hair vs. someone with a looser curl pattern or thinner hair.

Some things are relative and not personal....

 

[***BlessedMom***]

IA that black hair can be challenging. My own hair is a challenge to me sometimes. Naturally straight hair is most certainly easier to manage than natural curly or relaxed hair. I wouldn't take the comment personally.

 

[UrbainChic]

well the term challenge is relative.

Im not a stylist but lets say a friend asked me for help styling their hair-- if i had someone with baby fine, straight hair in front of me with no volume to it, i doubt i could produce any real style with it other than to leave it alone- limp and straight. i highly doubt that if someone was paying money that they would want me to have it come out looking the way it always does-- limp and straight. Theyd probably want some volume without a ton of product or a cut that gives them some body. That would be challenging for me. (i have a friend with this kind of hair, who struggles with rollers and hot irons to get the minimal amount of volume i had with my flattest straightest relaxed hair, i do not envy her at all)

In my mind a hair challenge really only means its not the usual set of challenges. I dont think there is an absolute definition of challenging, its always relative, to both the person performing the task and to other tasks.

 

[mscocopuff]

No. what I mean is HAIR IS HAIR. It is not about race, not the race of the stylist or the race of the client but rather the behavior of the hair.

- and trust me, no matter how much you will believe this to be the contrary, but your hair is not the most challenging hair. I think many times black people have the worst complex about hair to begin with, so any remark is a problem - even if its a straight complement.

If you ask alot ladies (whom many revere believing their hair to be easy to grow and beautiful) who have type 3 hair - they will tell you how challenging their hair is. It tangles badly, the frizz factor is at times seemingly uncontrollable and so on.

Sometimes I just wish we could disconnect ourselves from our personal issues and thought processes.

You are exactly right. I am a stylist and I worked in an predominately white salon. Hair is hair. You have white women that have hair that is overly curly just like you have black women that have straight hair. It is all about the dynamics of your hair, specificallly. I taught all of the white stylist that their misconceptions on black hair was the problem, it is not that black hair is more or less difficult. It takes an hour 1/2 to blow out their hair and flat iron and it is the same for us. I totally agree with you!