What if God says no?

[inthepink]

I finished reading Lady in Waiting and Choosing God's Best - both talked about godly dating/courtship. I love these books but yet...

There's all this talk about what to do when you do meet "the one." The books might have a sentence or maybe at most a paragraph that maybe you weren't meant to be married. That's it.

Well, ok, not exactly. Maybe there is a little more that goes on to say to keep focused on God just as you always have been. Now, that's it. Back to courting.

Why isn't there anything more mentioned about those who get No for an answer? Why isn't this considered to be as challenging as marriage can be?

It just does not make me feel very good. When we hear of the next person who got engaged. Or the next person having a baby. Or see that swollen stomach? Or see those tiny feet? See a birth announcement. Get a wedding invitation. What are we supposed to do? We are just told be happy and content. But how?

 

[Bunny77]

Did you get "No" for an answer?

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Ive found that those that remain single are truly content (not for fake) in being single and serving the Lord. If its that big of a challenge then may not have said God didnt say no (even though is feels like it). He's probably saying, "Not now" or "Get ready".

Just find the joys in singleness and before you know it, he'll give you the desires of your heart.

 

[inthepink]

Did you get "No" for an answer?

I am still praying on it but I worry the answer might be no. I've never gotten an indication my entire life that I would marry or have love from a man. It makes me really sad but I'm trying to think that the future isn't necessarily predicted by the past. I just want to know that if it's "no" I'll still be ok.

 

[inthepink]

Ive found that those that remain single are truly content (not for fake) in being single and serving the Lord. If its that big of a challenge then may not have said God didnt say no (even though is feels like it). He's probably saying, "Not now" or "Get ready".

Just find the joys in singleness and before you know it, he'll give you the desires of your heart.

I sure hope so.

But why do so many books/pastors/etc. prepare us for marriage but not lifelong singleness? Of course, it seems like the worse thing in the world. No one talks about it but yet you are just supposed to be happy about it.

 

[Love Always]

I am still praying on it but I worry the answer might be no. I've never gotten an indication my entire life that I would marry or have love from a man. It makes me really sad but I'm trying to think that the future isn't necessarily predicted by the past. I just want to know that if it's "no" I'll still be ok.

You sound exactly like me.

 

[Ramya]

Well I got a no. I was going to enter a courtship about a year ago and God said no. I'm not sure why but I didn't question it. I hadn't given this gentleman my heart so it wasn't hard to turn away. I was disappointed but not hurt. The purpose of courtship is to protect your heart and remain pure. It is not pseudo dating. When God said no, I said Ok and kept it moving. We are still friends but know that friends is all we'll ever be.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I am still praying on it but I worry the answer might be no. I've never gotten an indication my entire life that I would marry or have love from a man. It makes me really sad but I'm trying to think that the future isn't necessarily predicted by the past. I just want to know that if it's "no" I'll still be ok.

I think you'll be fine and marry the man God has for you. He'll be fine, humble, and most important, godly. But if not, everything will be ok. God will take care of you. But dont focus on not marrying if your godly desire is to marry.

This is one of my favorite scriptures. I hope it blesses you the way it always blesses me:

Philippians 4



6 Be anxious [dont worry] for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Meditate on These Things


8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. 9 The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.

 

[inthepink]

Well I got a no. I was going to enter a courtship about a year ago and God said no. I'm not sure why but I didn't question it. I hadn't given this gentleman my heart so it wasn't hard to turn away. I was disappointed but not hurt. The purpose of courtship is to protect your heart and remain pure. It is not pseudo dating. When God said no, I said Ok and kept it moving. We are still friends but know that friends is all we'll ever be.

I mean, a BIG FAT FOREVER NO. I am totally ok to hearing a no on a particular person. I want to be protected in that manner.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I sure hope so.

But why do so many books/pastors/etc. prepare us for marriage but not lifelong singleness? Of course, it seems like the worse thing in the world. No one talks about it but yet you are just supposed to be happy about it.

I understand.

Fact is 90% of all singles will marry in their lifetime. So its the majority that books, sermons, and preparation for marriage books, cater to.

For those that choose to remain single, they focus on service and the challenges of service. They commit to a life of celibacy (nuns, priest, monks mostly). No one is writing books for them I think...

Carnally, our desire for romantic love and sex drives us to marry. But if you believe you have the gift that you dont desire those things as much, then maybe remaining single is for you.

BUT I know THAT AINT MY GIFT
I'll keep it tight for now, but on my wedding day its on and poppin'

 

[inthepink]

Thanks. I am going to try my best to do that.
Same to you...

I think you'll be fine and marry the man God has for you. He'll be fine, humble, and most important, godly. But if not, everything will be ok. God will take care of you. But dont focus on not marrying if your godly desire is to marry.

This is one of my favorite scriptures. I hope it blesses you the way it always blesses me:

Philippians 4



6 Be anxious [dont worry] for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Meditate on These Things


8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. 9 The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.

 

[Ramya]

I mean, a BIG FAT FOREVER NO. I am totally ok to hearing a no on a particular person. I want to be protected in that manner.

Oh if you desire to marry God wouldn't tell you no. He encourages marriage. Paul was the one hollering about forever celibacy and singleness but even he knew that people desired to marry.

 

[inthepink]

I understand.

Fact is 90% of all singles will marry in their lifetime. So its the majority that books, sermons, and preparation for marriage books, cater to.

For those that choose to remain single, they focus on service and the challenges of service. They commit to a life of celibacy (nuns, priest, monks mostly). No one is writing books for them I think...

Carnally, our desire for romantic love and sex drives us to marry. But if you believe you have the gift that you dont desire those things as much, then maybe remaining single is for you.

BUT I know THAT AINT MY GIFT
I'll keep it tight for now, but on my wedding day its on and poppin'

It ain't my gift either!!!!!!!!! Would God give me that desire and then not fulfill it? God doesn't owe me anything and he can do whatever he wants. I'm supposed to trust.

So, I have to trust that God will give me the desires of my heart. and I just have to believe. Even though I've never had a clue. Ok, I know you are right - I will try.

 

[Shimmie]

I finished reading Lady in Waiting and Choosing God's Best - both talked about godly dating/courtship. I love these books but yet...

There's all this talk about what to do when you do meet "the one." The books might have a sentence or maybe at most a paragraph that maybe you weren't meant to be married. That's it.

Well, ok, not exactly. Maybe there is a little more that goes on to say to keep focused on God just as you always have been. Now, that's it. Back to courting.

Why isn't there anything more mentioned about those who get No for an answer? Why isn't this considered to be as challenging as marriage can be?

It just does not make me feel very good. When we hear of the next person who got engaged. Or the next person having a baby. Or see that swollen stomach? Or see those tiny feet? See a birth announcement. Get a wedding invitation. What are we supposed to do? We are just told be happy and content. But how?

In the beginning, God made a declaration, a perpetual (unending) decree which He will never rescind (take back or take away).

"Man is not meant to be alone, therefore I will make a help meet suitable for him.". God created Eve.

Somewhere in this world is a man, who was not meant to be alone. You are his Eve.

Believe it! :Rose:

 

[Shimmie]

I understand.

Fact is 90% of all singles will marry in their lifetime. So its the majority that books, sermons, and preparation for marriage books, cater to.

For those that choose to remain single, they focus on service and the challenges of service. They commit to a life of celibacy (nuns, priest, monks mostly). No one is writing books for them I think...

Carnally, our desire for romantic love and sex drives us to marry. But if you believe you have the gift that you dont desire those things as much, then maybe remaining single is for you.

BUT I know THAT AINT MY GIFT

I'll keep it tight for now, but on my wedding day its on and poppin'

And Gifts can be returned.

 

[inthepink]

In the beginning, God made a declaration, a perpetual (unending) decree which He will never rescind (take back or take away).

"Man is not meant to be alone, therefore I will make a help meet suitable for him.". God created Eve.

Somewhere in this world is a man, who was not meant to be alone. You are his Eve.

Believe it! :Rose:

I keep reading that over and over! I would feel as though I am being punished if the answer is no when plain as day in the first book of the Bible God says that!!

I am just going to have to believe it and have faith.

 

[cheetarah1980]

It ain't my gift either!!!!!!!!! Would God give me that desire and then not fulfill it? God doesn't owe me anything and he can do whatever he wants. I'm supposed to trust.

So, I have to trust that God will give me the desires of my heart. and I just have to believe. Even though I've never had a clue. Ok, I know you are right - I will try.

When the Bible says God will give you the desires of your heart, it's not saying that God will give you what your heart desires. Your desire to marry was given to you by God. He gave you that desire of your heart. So if he gave it to you, then he'll fulfill. Trust that. Live as though marriage is an expectation, not a hopeful "please, please, pick me!" type of thing.

 

[honeyflaava]

I believe that if God has given you the gift of singleness, He will remove the desire for marriage from you. Look at the Apostle Paul. He was a eunuch. He had no desire to marry and even stated that he wished that everyone was like him: given the gift of singleness so that they could be devoted to serving the Lord without the distraction of a mate. However, Paul went on to state that "it is better to marry than to burn with passion." I believe that if you have the desire to marry, it is because God has placed that on your heart and if you delight your self in Him, He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4). I agree with others who have stated that God isn't saying no, but rather, "not yet." I know that God has told me "not yet" because He wants me to be fully content in Him alone FIRST before He allows me to marry. I am one who would be burning with passion if I didn't marry, so I know that singleness is not in God's will for my life....

 

[Iammoney]

Did you get "No" for an answer?

i got "No" for an answer. Yup for the past eleven years

 

[Bunny77]

It ain't my gift either!!!!!!!!! Would God give me that desire and then not fulfill it? God doesn't owe me anything and he can do whatever he wants. I'm supposed to trust.

So, I have to trust that God will give me the desires of my heart. and I just have to believe. Even though I've never had a clue. Ok, I know you are right - I will try.

Thus, you have not been told "no."

 

[Bunny77]

i got "No" for an answer. Yup for the past eleven years

Wow, really? How did you know?

(I mean that in a honestly curious way! )

 

[inthepink]

Thank you. That makes total sense.

Have any of you guys ever played The Sims? Sometimes I picture myself being a Sim standing in the yard and waving my arms up to God going "Hello!?" You know how the Sims do when you ignore them and don't feed them or something.

So, I'm totally screaming "pick me pick me"

The thing is I KNOW I am currently not READY for marriage. I don't even think I am ready for a godly friendship with a man or courting. But I am working on becoming the godly woman so that when he finds me, I WILL be ready.

When the Bible says God will give you the desires of your heart, it's not saying that God will give you what your heart desires. Your desire to marry was given to you by God. He gave you that desire of your heart. So if he gave it to you, then he'll fulfill. Trust that. Live as though marriage is an expectation, not a hopeful "please, please, pick me!" type of thing.

 

[inthepink]

I agree with others who have stated that God isn't saying no, but rather, "not yet." I know that God has told me "not yet" because He wants me to be fully content in Him alone FIRST before He allows me to marry. I am one who would be burning with passion if I didn't marry, so I know that singleness is not in God's will for my life....

Thanks - Not Yet. I am remembering that. In the meantime, I'm concentrating on getting ready. And good for you for knowing and trusting. I am working on it.

 

[Bunny77]

The thing is I KNOW I am currently not READY for marriage. I don't even think I am ready for a godly friendship with a man or courting. But I am working on becoming the godly woman so that when he finds me, I WILL be ready.

How are you not ready for these things?

 

[inthepink]

Well, from reading Choosing God's Best, it identifies some things that you should have a foundation for. Now, I'm not saying that should God send me someone tomorrow that I am going to say "Go away. I'm not ready." But I can understand if He says "not yet."

Anyways, I think I need to mature spiritually, develop godly character, better my emotional health (can't you tell!?), financial stability (almost there), and parent training. I also need to get involved in something where I sacrifice regularly such as a ministry. I have not done this9want to badly) and it's hard now that I'm in between churches.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Disclaimer: Not directed to any one just something I wanted to share.

We ought not to make marriage our idol. That we lust and covet after it as though it is the source of some happiness that we will never know unless we find a mate. I hear alot of the "woo is me" from women (not directed on here, I hear it in church too) as if marriage is some secret club and only the participants get this true sense of completion. It is true, if you are unhappy before marriage you will be unhappy and probably completely depressed after marriage once you realize your mate will not make you suddenly oh so satisfied.

You find that ONLY in Jesus. You find content ONLY in Jesus. You find joy, peace, love ONLY in Jesus.

Your mate serves his purpose but make sure there are parts of you reserve only for the Lord.

I love you all.

 

[inthepink]

That is exactly right! And a lot of what I have been reading latley!!

I have always heard that people generally always have the same level of happiness throughout their lives no matter what happens to them. That's one reason I don't "just" desire to be married but I desire to be happy and content.

Of course, the media makes marriage seem to be the end all be all of everything. Media makes all of those things so important so I can understand the women who do feel the woe is me attitude. I try to snap out of it as soon as I feel it coming on. But I do understand it and it is exactly the point of my post! No one tells us how to NOT put this marriage thing on a pillar. We are just constantly told what to do for marriage, how to prepare, what it's like or not like, etc etc. On and on we hear about marriage. But we don't hear much about being content being single if you get a no.

I am trying to have faith that I do have a Yes and in the meantime, I am hoping to learn and grow. I am grateful that I am not married just yet!

I am VERY grateful for books like Choosing God's Best and Lady in Waiting - especially if the answer is yes for me (I hope so!). But for those whose answer is No - I wish there was a little more support.

In general, I just wish all single people were just respected and regarded a little bit more!

Disclaimer: Not directed to any one just something I wanted to share.

We ought not to make marriage our idol. That we lust and covet after it as though it is the source of some happiness that we will never know unless we find a mate. I hear alot of the "woo is me" from women (not directed on here, I hear it in church too) as if marriage is some secret club and only the participants get this true sense of completion. It is true, if you are unhappy before marriage you will be unhappy and probably completely depressed after marriage once you realize your mate will not make you suddenly oh so satisfied.

You find that ONLY in Jesus. You find content ONLY in Jesus. You find joy, peace, love ONLY in Jesus.

Your mate serves his purpose but make sure their are parts of you you reserve only for the Lord.

I love you all.

 

[Bunny77]

Well, from reading Choosing God's Best, it identifies some things that you should have a foundation for. Now, I'm not saying that should God send me someone tomorrow that I am going to say "Go away. I'm not ready." But I can understand if He says "not yet."

Anyways, I think I need to mature spiritually, develop godly character, better my emotional health (can't you tell!?), financial stability (almost there), and parent training. I also need to get involved in something where I sacrifice regularly such as a ministry. I have not done this9want to badly) and it's hard now that I'm in between churches.

Okay, this part is now just my opinion... so you or anyone can take it or leave it...

We are imperfect people and will always be. Imperfect people marry all the time. We are constant works in progress and that work won't be completed while we are here on this Earth. There is always more that we can do spiritually, emotionally, financially, etc., and will be doing until the day we die.

You are 36 years old. Yes, I know that age doesn't equal maturity, but I just wonder why I hear so many "older" (I'll define older as older than 25) women who are not married/never been married continually think that they are not "ready" and that they have to do more work to be married.

Also, I don't hear any other group of Christian women continually worrying that they aren't ready for marriage except black women. So are all of these other races of women around the world "ready" at younger ages, but black women have to go through a two-decade long "readying" process? Really?

Are there instances in the Bible in which women were told that they were not "ready" to marry? Where they felt they had to jump through 7,000 hoops before they could marry? If anything, the men had to spend time working to marry (Jacob working for seven years to win Rachel/Leah), but I don't know of any situations in which women were made to spend decades to get "ready" to marry.

I think we need to be careful to determine what teachings about marriage are truly of God and which are opinions of humans. Not that opinions are wrong, but there are too many women staying needlessly single because they're trying to reach some unnecessary standard in order to feel that they can have a mate.

You were probably "ready" a LONG time ago and probably still are.

 

[Bunny77]

That is exactly right! And a lot of what I have been reading latley!!

I have always heard that people generally always have the same level of happiness throughout their lives no matter what happens to them. That's one reason I don't "just" desire to be married but I desire to be happy and content.

Of course, the media makes marriage seem to be the end all be all of everything. Media makes all of those things so important so I can understand the women who do feel the woe is me attitude. I try to snap out of it as soon as I feel it coming on. But I do understand it and it is exactly the point of my post! No one tells us how to NOT put this marriage thing on a pillar. We are just constantly told what to do for marriage, how to prepare, what it's like or not like, etc etc. On and on we hear about marriage. But we don't hear much about being content being single if you get a no.

I am trying to have faith that I do have a Yes and in the meantime, I am hoping to learn and grow. I am grateful that I am not married just yet!

I am VERY grateful for books like Choosing God's Best and Lady in Waiting - especially if the answer is yes for me (I hope so!). But for those whose answer is No - I wish there was a little more support.

In general, I just wish all single people were just respected and regarded a little bit more!

An alternative view on marriage as an idol....

http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001661.cfm

 

[inthepink]

We are imperfect people and will always be. Imperfect people marry all the time. We are constant works in progress and that work won't be completed while we are here on this Earth. There is always more that we can do spiritually, emotionally, financially, etc., and will be doing until the day we die.

Absolutely true! I know I will never be a perfect person. The reason I say this is b/c I am thinking God must not think I am ready since He hasn't sent him yet. (Or maybe he just isn't ready yet. )

You are 36 years old. Yes, I know that age doesn't equal maturity, but I just wonder why I hear so many "older" (I'll define older as older than 25) women who are not married/never been married continually think that they are not "ready" and that they have to do more work to be married.

Same as above. I figure if I were ready God would send him and he hasn't. It's all I have. Otherwise, I will think "hmm, must just be something wrong with me." I have thought that way too much. I need something to believe in.

Also, I don't hear any other group of Christian women continually worrying that they aren't ready for marriage except black women. So are all of these other races of women around the world "ready" at younger ages, but black women have to go through a two-decade long "readying" process? Really?

Outside of the race issue, I know you're exaggerating with the two-decade-long process.... But what else can I do while I'm waiting? Since I have time to spare, may as well prepare so that I can be a better wife and mother, right?

Are there instances in the Bible in which women were told that they were not "ready" to marry? Where they felt they had to jump through 7,000 hoops before they could marry? If anything, the men had to spend time working to marry (Jacob working for seven years to win Rachel/Leah), but I don't know of any situations in which women were made to spend decades to get "ready" to marry.

You're probably right. But, the bible does talk about situations where the women are godly women and waiting for God to choose their mate. Not necessarily dwelling on it (or maybe we just don't see that in the accounts). I'm supposed to love God with all of my heart first and maybe I have been focusing more on finding a boyfriend than I have on getting to know God.

Hope that makes sense. Gotta do something with my time. Also, if I'm expecting to find a godly man, shouldn't I try to be a godly woman?

I think we need to be careful to determine what teachings about marriage are truly of God and which are opinions of humans. Not that opinions are wrong, but there are too many women staying needlessly single because they're trying to reach some unnecessary standard in order to feel that they can have a mate.

You were probably "ready" a LONG time ago and probably still are.

I am not just sitting around waiting to be perfect b/c I will never be perfect. But since I am single at this stage in my life, I should use my time to become a better person.

Sometimes I think, omg, I am so glad things did not work out with all of the losers I dated and that God protected me. I don't know why he hasn't ever sent me a good guy. If it were up to me, I'd be married by now - whether that would have been for the good or bad.