I DUMPED DATING - Choosing God's Best...Wisdom to Lifelong Romance

[BeautifulFlower]

I have recently read Choosing God's Best by Dr. Don Raunikar. It's about the principles of godly courtship, the destruction that dating has caused on society, marrieges, families and God's people, and how to go about preparing your life for courtship and God's choice of a mate for you. After ending my last relationship of 4+ years and facing how much I have ignored (blatantly ignored) God's warnings, I have decided to dump dating.

Please dont think of courting and dating as basically the same because they are totally different. What most people are taught about courting is wrong. Courting is God's way of protecting us from counterfeit oneness with men who are not his choice for you. Courting puts God fully in the center at the beginning of the relationship and not throw in after you decided that you want God to bless something He never ordained in the first place.

This book was recommended to me by a women in my church. She has blessed me tremedously. She got me the job I currently have and she introduced this principle to me. She and her husband went through a godly courtship and are now married and very happy. They did not even kiss until their wedding day.

I recommend this book to ALL Christian Single Women on LHCF. It will bless you and protect you while you wait for the man God has choosen for you. Remember, God is the Perfect Matchmaker. He will teach you about principles such as putting God first, being in ministry, remaining physically, emotionally, and spiritually pure, acccountability through family and others, the different stages from friendship to marriage, and sooo much more.

Anyway else read this book? What are your thoughts.

 

[moonglowdiva]

I might have to get this book. I have been reading Lady in Waiting. Thanks.

 

[msa]

Thanks for the book recommendation! I'll have to get this...and Lady in Waiting.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Sounds like a great book. That one may be next. However, I've been biased about reading relationship books by women....terrible I know. Women dont give you the best advice when it comes to men. Men know men so I tend to go to men. I may have to stop being so biased.

I might have to get this book. I have been reading Lady in Waiting. Thanks.

 

[Ms.Honey]

I have recently read Choosing God's Best by Dr. Don Raunikar. It's about the principles of godly courtship, the destruction that dating has caused on society, marrieges, families and God's people, and how to go about preparing your life for courtship and God's choice of a mate for you. After ending my last relationship of 4+ years and facing how much I have ignored (blatantly ignored) God's warnings, I have decided to dump dating.

Please do think of courting and dating as basically the same but they are totally different. What most people are taught about courting is wrong. Courting is God's way of protecting us from counterfeit oneness with men how basically are not his choice for you. Courting puts God's fully in the center at the beginning of the relationship and not throw in after you decided that you want God to bless something He never ordained in the first place.

This book was recommended to me by a women in my church. She has blessed my tremedously. She got me the job, I currently have at Lockheed Martin and she introduced this principle to me. She and her husband went through a godly courtship and are now married and very happy. They did not even kiss until their wedding day.

I recommend this book to ALL Christian Single Women on LHCF. It will bless you and protect you while you wait for the man God has choosen for you. Remember, God is the Perfect Matchmaker. He will teach you about principle such as putting God first, being in ministry, remaining physically, emotionally, and spiritually pure, acccountability through family and others, the different stages from friendship to marriege, and sooo much more.

Anyway else read this book? What are you're thoughts.

Amen!!!!!

 

[aribell]

Sounds like a great. That one may be next. However, I've been biased about reading relationship books by women....terrible I know. Women dont give you the best advice when it comes to men. Men know men so I tend to go to men. I may have to stop being so biased.

I understand what you mean. I tend to do the same thing, at least when the woman is still single herself.

 

[moonglowdiva]

Sounds like a great. That one may be next. However, I've been biased about reading relationship books by women....terrible I know. Women dont give you the best advice when it comes to men. Men know men so I tend to go to men. I may have to stop being so biased.

This book is not about finding the right man, but being the right woman. It focuses on ten qualities of a godly woman and it gets it foundation from the Book of Ruth. Which by the way is a very power book if you look at it from a courting point of view.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

This book is not about finding the right man, but being the right woman. It focuses on ten qualities of a godly woman and it gets it foundation from the Book of Ruth. Which by the way is a very power book if you look at it from a courting point of view.

It's not about finding the right man but then how does one find a man to court? Can somebody explain what that entails?

 

[discobiscuits]

Thank you for your post/thread. IMO God is not a matchmaker, He does not choose mates for people. I do agree that He will ready people to be a good husband or a good wife. Thanks again for your book suggestion, many ladies here may benefit from it.

 

[discobiscuits]

It's not about finding the right man but then how does one find a man to court? Can somebody explain what that entails?

Girl, I'm STILL trying to correctly pronounce your name in my head. lol

Women do not find men to court (well to hear tell they are not supposed to b/c they are off somewhere waiting to be found).

I think that the book is about becoming a virtuous woman and becoming a good help-meet and if I understand correctly, the book discusses the concept of courting instead of dating. I don't think it tells women to find men to court.

Main Entry: 2court Function:verb Date:1567 transitive verb to seek the affections of ; especially : to seek to win a pledge of marriage from

intransitive verb
to engage in social activities leading to engagement and marriage


Dating:
transitive verb
to make or have a date with
intransitive verbto go out on usually romantic dates

Generally speaking, courting does not involve physical intimacy preferably including holding hands and kissing or hugging. It is preferred method is in groups or with chaperones. It is a method of getting to know the person on a real level w/o lust or physical or inappropriate emotional entanglements in the way. Courting is done with the specific goal of marriage. Usually, one courts the person that they desire to marry. It is not a serial behavior.

Dating is like two people go out and do things together and usually leads to physical intimacy (not necessarily sex or sexual situations) that will preclude intellectual or appropriate emotional intimacy. This method, in most cases does not lead to marriage with the person one is dating. A person usually has to date many people before finding 'the one'. Dating is a serial behavior.

I hope I did okay in trying to explain the difference.

 

[Southernbella.]

I didn't read this one, but I did read I Kissed Dating Goodbye, which has the same premise. That book blessed my life! I had just gotten out of a really soul-sapping relationship, and I told God I was done. I read that book, prayed, and told God I wouldn't go on another date until he sent me my husband.

I don't know that everyone should take that same path, but it definitely worked for me.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

So how did that work for you and how is your marriage now? Did it benefit or suffer from waiting? Did your husband appreciate it? Can you explain in more detail if you dont mind....

I didn't read this one, but I did read I Kissed Dating Goodbye, which has the same premise. That book blessed my life! I had just gotten out of a really soul-sapping relationship, and I told God I was done. I read that book, prayed, and told God I wouldn't go on another date until he sent me my husband.

I don't know that everyone should take that same path, but it definitely worked for me.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

It's not about finding the right man but then how does one find a man to court? Can somebody explain what that entails?

You dont do the finding. Thats God's job. He already knows who he has in mind for you. Next to your decision to follow Christ, choosing a mate is a major decision. DO NOT leave this to chance of random dating. God does not leave this to chance for you and has a unique and specific plan for you, that includes your marriege partner. Submit your will and desires to him, let him guide you. You can have a good choice in a mate, or a God choice in a mate. I choose a God choice. Get into ministry. Develop your identity in Christ, yourself as a woman, and a spirit of servanthood. God will prepare the man of your desires.

 

[Southernbella.]

So how did that work for you and how is your marriage now? Did it benefit or suffer from waiting? Did your husband appreciate it? Can you explain in more detail if you dont mind....

Well, I was about 19 at the time, so take that into consideration. I was at a point where I knew I had to heal from a destructive relationship and I knew I needed to get closer to God. I also knew that dating romantically would be a distraction from that.

I didn't even really want to date. I wanted to get married. My mindset was that it's a complete waste of time to have a boyfriend for a year, then break up, then have another boyfriend for a few months, then break up. It serves no purpose other than to expose you to temptation.

So I just stopped dating. No giving out numbers, no movies, no time alone with any man who wasn't a relative. I spent my free time with my friends, praying, studying, and just getting to know God and myself.

I met my dh when I was 22. There was another guy courting me, but I was getting ready to cut him off, because he kept pressuring me to date. (Sidenote: He just got out of jail. God knows what he's doing). My dh and I knew each other through mutual friends. We would all go out on group outings, like dinner, or going to movies or games. We also had potluck dinners. There were about 8 of us. We would sit around and talk about relationships and that's how my husband started to notice me.

He knew I didn't date, so found other ways to be around me. We eventually started talking on the phone, but we never let it get romantic. We really got to know each other and by the time he told me he wanted to marry me, I felt the same and that was it.

To sum all that up, I think our ages were a big factor. I can't say that I'd have done the same thing at 29 or 39 that I did at 19. Also, I was coming out of a relationship that had destroyed a lot of my spirit. I didn't know who I was or what I needed, and during my non-dating years, God restored my soul and spoke to me in ways that really haven't happened since. Even though it was lonely at times, I wouldn't change it for the world.

Coincidentally, my dh wasn't really dating when he met me. He was at a crossroads in his own life. I think we were just old souls. He knew he wanted to get married (he was 19), but since he wasn't in the position to do it, he decided to wait until he was to get serious with someone.

Our marriage is a typical marriage. Ups, downs, happiness, annoyance..the usual. We are in love and we know that the way we did it was exactly the way it was supposed to go for us. We know we were destined for this, so there isn't a fear of one of us going anywhere.

ETA: My dh definitely appreciates it. He told me that he's never had to work so hard at anything in his life. When he first heard me say I didn't date, he said he just sat there thinking, "She's going to be alone for the rest of her life". He called my best friend to ask her what to do, and she wouldn't tell him anything, so he knew he had to rely on God to lead him.

HTH!

 

[momi]

Well, I was about 19 at the time, so take that into consideration. I was at a point where I knew I had to heal from a destructive relationship and I knew I needed to get closer to God. I also knew that dating romantically would be a distraction from that.

I didn't even really want to date. I wanted to get married. My mindset was that it's a complete waste of time to have a boyfriend for a year, then break up, then have another boyfriend for a few months, then break up. It serves no purpose other than to expose you to temptation.

So I just stopped dating. No giving out numbers, no movies, no time alone with any man who wasn't a relative. I spent my free time with my friends, praying, studying, and just getting to know God and myself.

I met my dh when I was 22. There was another guy courting me, but I was getting ready to cut him off, because he kept pressuring me to date. (Sidenote: He just got out of jail. God knows what he's doing). My dh and I knew each other through mutual friends. We would all go out on group outings, like dinner, or going to movies or games. We also had potluck dinners. There were about 8 of us. We would sit around and talk about relationships and that's how my husband started to notice me.

He knew I didn't date, so found other ways to be around me. We eventually started talking on the phone, but we never let it get romantic. We really got to know each other and by the time he told me he wanted to marry me, I felt the same and that was it.

To sum all that up, I think our ages were a big factor. I can't say that I'd have done the same thing at 29 or 39 that I did at 19. Also, I was coming out of a relationship that had destroyed a lot of my spirit. I didn't know who I was or what I needed, and during my non-dating years, God restored my soul and spoke to me in ways that really haven't happened since. Even though it was lonely at times, I wouldn't change it for the world.

Coincidentally, my dh wasn't really dating when he met me. He was at a crossroads in his own life. I think we were just old souls. He knew he wanted to get married (he was 19), but since he wasn't in the position to do it, he decided to wait until he was to get serious with someone.

Our marriage is a typical marriage. Ups, downs, happiness, annoyance..the usual. We are in love and we know that the way we did it was exactly the way it was supposed to go for us. We know we were destined for this, so there isn't a fear of one of us going anywhere.

HTH!

What a beautiful testimony! Thanks for sharing

 

[aribell]

Thanks Southernbella for your story!

You know, I'm really considering committing to courting only. As much as "Christian dating" advocates criticize the approach, the stories that I hear of courting are always lovely and good and true and sweet. They seem to reflect, ultimately, a desire to be submitted to the Lord in all things, which is probably why they bear such good fruit.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Thank you so much for sharing. I love to hear stories about successful courtships. It gives me hope and reinforces my conviction in where God is pointing my life. And this is a common thread I find in courtship couples.... Whenever there are problems, they always remember that God destined for them to be together.

Well, I was about 19 at the time, so take that into consideration. I was at a point where I knew I had to heal from a destructive relationship and I knew I needed to get closer to God. I also knew that dating romantically would be a distraction from that.

I didn't even really want to date. I wanted to get married. My mindset was that it's a complete waste of time to have a boyfriend for a year, then break up, then have another boyfriend for a few months, then break up. It serves no purpose other than to expose you to temptation.

So I just stopped dating. No giving out numbers, no movies, no time alone with any man who wasn't a relative. I spent my free time with my friends, praying, studying, and just getting to know God and myself.

I met my dh when I was 22. There was another guy courting me, but I was getting ready to cut him off, because he kept pressuring me to date. (Sidenote: He just got out of jail. God knows what he's doing). My dh and I knew each other through mutual friends. We would all go out on group outings, like dinner, or going to movies or games. We also had potluck dinners. There were about 8 of us. We would sit around and talk about relationships and that's how my husband started to notice me.

He knew I didn't date, so found other ways to be around me. We eventually started talking on the phone, but we never let it get romantic. We really got to know each other and by the time he told me he wanted to marry me, I felt the same and that was it.

To sum all that up, I think our ages were a big factor. I can't say that I'd have done the same thing at 29 or 39 that I did at 19. Also, I was coming out of a relationship that had destroyed a lot of my spirit. I didn't know who I was or what I needed, and during my non-dating years, God restored my soul and spoke to me in ways that really haven't happened since. Even though it was lonely at times, I wouldn't change it for the world.

Coincidentally, my dh wasn't really dating when he met me. He was at a crossroads in his own life. I think we were just old souls. He knew he wanted to get married (he was 19), but since he wasn't in the position to do it, he decided to wait until he was to get serious with someone.

Our marriage is a typical marriage. Ups, downs, happiness, annoyance..the usual. We are in love and we know that the way we did it was exactly the way it was supposed to go for us. We know we were destined for this, so there isn't a fear of one of us going anywhere.

ETA: My dh definitely appreciates it. He told me that he's never had to work so hard at anything in his life. When he first heard me say I didn't date, he said he just sat there thinking, "She's going to be alone for the rest of her life". He called my best friend to ask her what to do, and she wouldn't tell him anything, so he knew he had to rely on God to lead him.

HTH!

 

[BeautifulFlower]

It's also funny you say you don't think you would do this at an older age because most women I hear do this Are in their late 20s n 30s. Pain of consistent failed relationships knows no age. I am 23 now and in grad school so I can hold off. I haven't been single ( or not have some man in my face) since I was 13 so I am really enjoying this time alone.

 

[inthepink]

Yes, I read that book a few years ago and I agree with a lot of what it has to say. But with internet dating, it is a little different.

However, I will not "hang out" with men without the intent of dating. I had to deal with that issue last year and I tried it and realized it is not something that I feel right about.

If I'm hanging out with some guy - everyone assumes he is my boyfriend so that is blocking other potentials from getting to know me.

And typically in those situations, one or the other is truly interested in the person and it just never works out in the end.

At my age though, it is so much harder to find "groups" of single people to hang out with.

 

[Bunny77]

However, I will not "hang out" with men without the intent of dating. I had to deal with that issue last year and I tried it and realized it is not something that I feel right about.

This is such an important point. I learned this as well not long ago. I had to specifically tell a good male friend of mine that we could not "hang out" anymore because he had no intentions of pursuing marriage with me. We were platonic, so it wasn't an issue of sex or anything like that, but he just enjoyed the benefits of my friendship and companionship while in turn keeping me out of circulation for men who potentially would be interested in courtship.

It has been very empowering to turn down "hanging out" offers, I must say!

 

[MrsHouston]

I highly recommend this book to singles.

I read this book when I was single and did in fact "kiss dating goodbye". I also went to a seminar that was held by Dr. Ron Raunikar. As a result, DH and I entered into a courtship before getting married and almost 6 years later we are very thankful for it. I will definitely teach and promote courtship for my kids.

I really don't think it's God intent for singles to enter into all these emotional dating relationships/rollercoasters before marriage. This book provides a way out for people who want to do it God's way. I can go on and on about how much this book blessed my life while single and changed my life.

I have recently read Choosing God's Best by Dr. Don Raunikar. It's about the principles of godly courtship, the destruction that dating has caused on society, marrieges, families and God's people, and how to go about preparing your life for courtship and God's choice of a mate for you. After ending my last relationship of 4+ years and facing how much I have ignored (blatantly ignored) God's warnings, I have decided to dump dating.

Please do think of courting and dating as basically the same but they are totally different. What most people are taught about courting is wrong. Courting is God's way of protecting us from counterfeit oneness with men how basically are not his choice for you. Courting puts God's fully in the center at the beginning of the relationship and not throw in after you decided that you want God to bless something He never ordained in the first place.

This book was recommended to me by a women in my church. She has blessed my tremedously. She got me the job, I currently have at Lockheed Martin and she introduced this principle to me. She and her husband went through a godly courtship and are now married and very happy. They did not even kiss until their wedding day.

I recommend this book to ALL Christian Single Women on LHCF. It will bless you and protect you while you wait for the man God has choosen for you. Remember, God is the Perfect Matchmaker. He will teach you about principle such as putting God first, being in ministry, remaining physically, emotionally, and spiritually pure, acccountability through family and others, the different stages from friendship to marriege, and sooo much more.

Anyway else read this book? What are you're thoughts.

 

[Southernbella.]

It's also funny you say you don't think you would do this at an older age because most women I hear do this Are in their late 20s n 30s. Pain of consistent failed relationships knows no age. I am 23 now and in grad school so I can hold off. I haven't been single ( or not have some man in my face) since I was 13 so I am really enjoying this time alone.

This is a good point. I guess I just always thought it was easy for me to say how well it works when I was 19 and not really at a marrying age. I'm sure I would have felt the same way about dating (not wanting to have pointless relationships), I'm just not sure if my path would have been exactly the same if I was older.

 

[Highly Favored8]

Sounds like a great. That one may be next. However, I've been biased about reading relationship books by women....terrible I know. Women dont give you the best advice when it comes to men. Men know men so I tend to go to men. I may have to stop being so biased.

What you said is so true.

 

[kweenameena]

great thread.....I never knew that courting was done in groups

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Well, its great you started young. I hope to inspire many young teenage girls to dump dating because it will save them alot of heartache. Its better to just wait until God sends you someone thats serious about you.

This is a good point. I guess I just always thought it was easy for me to say how well it works when I was 19 and not really at a marrying age. I'm sure I would have felt the same way about dating (not wanting to have pointless relationships), I'm just not sure if my path would have been exactly the same if I was older.

 

[Ramya]

I didn't read this one, but I did read I Kissed Dating Goodbye, which has the same premise. That book blessed my life! I had just gotten out of a really soul-sapping relationship, and I told God I was done. I read that book, prayed, and told God I wouldn't go on another date until he sent me my husband.

I don't know that everyone should take that same path, but it definitely worked for me.

I read the same book. Everything makes sense now.

 

[mellowmel]

I've been so enthralled by the idea of courting since I started on my spiritual journey. I just ordered Choose God's Best on Amazon. Dating isn't healthy especially when you're giving your all. It takes just as long for the heart, mind, and spirit to heal from a breakup and gain your sense of self back. I'm glad to say that I've been moving forward from the past and healing me for myself and my daughter thanks to God, church, Christian reading and you ladies.

 

[kayte]

Christian marriages can and do arise from Christian dating! One of the loveliest couples I knew began as a dating relationship and subsequently formally entered a courship..they did not kiss until the wedding ceremony...had their beautiful son at 40
Too many Christians date successfully..and marry....to isolate dating as a spiritual obstacle

it's easy to absolve responsibilty and say dating is culprit..that's like saying money is evil..but it's not.. it's the love of money... is the root of all evil..and so it is with dating
it is not the practice of dating per se..but the behavior, spiritual maturity, emotional balance and ethic of people who enter into it.

So...I agree wholeheartedly if a woman or man cannot handle dating without compromsing godly values ..and putting God first ...but instead embark on emotional upheaval after the next...then one certainly ought to dump that troubling practice and abstain from dating altogether....most definitely

However....in all fairness and honesty...many Christians do date..lol some even kiss and are firmly rooted in the holy arena of choosing God's Best and Wisdom to Romance...

Simply choosing not to date does not exempt everyone else who chooses to date from God's best or His blessing on that person or His miracles!!

Choosing not to date only means it happens to be best for that particular person in their particular intimate relationship and walk with God and that person's history and personal culture will empower them to do what the OP and others in this thread did ..seek out material to substantiate this need...that particular walk and that's all good!

((smiles)) Remember...many of world's Christian couples are comprised of all
different methods of coming together..not just one...
otherwise the world would be full of singles having discussion on being married....

I also echo OP in the other thread ..no desire to make debate ..

a (one only) counterpoint from a serious committed Christian centered in her own life
who loves the Lord..who actively happily enters into godly spiritual dating and is experiencing incredible blessings from the Lord pouring in her life..no doubt

 

[Southernbella.]

Choosing not to date only means it happens to be best for that particular person in their particular intimate relationship and walk with God and that person's history and personal culture will empower them to do what the OP and others in this thread did ..seek out material to substantiate this need...that particular walk and that's all good!

((smiles)) Remember...many of world's Christian couples are comprised of all
different methods of coming together..not just one...
otherwise the world would be full of singles having discussion on being married....

ITA!

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Sounds like your friends were just friends than they courted. If you had read the book, you could get a clear understanding of the differences between the PRINCIPLES of dating and courting (most people throw these words around but its the principles that count).

While many have successfully dated and gotten married, this is not the case for MOST without alot of pain to get there if they marry at all (do you know how many black women NEVER MARRY? its crazy). The principles in dating do not reflect the principles of Christianity therefore "Christian dating" is actually an oxymoron.
Its not impossible to find love and marry through dating obviously because people marry everyday that have not courted. However, do you know what their marriege is like? The problems they had while dating that they now have to deal with in a marriege. The obscene divorce rate that is going up because people are marrying people for all the wrong reasons. Wives dealing with their husbands lack of self-control or insensitivity. Husbands dealing with their wives neglect, etc...the list of problems go on and on. These problems did not start overnight, they started during their dating relationship. And whats the point of getting married if you get divorced? Defeats the purpose completely.

I am not saying that courting releases you from problems in a marriege. However, courting does give you a security that dating simply does not. God makes sure that this person will work for you. If you two follow his commands, God will bless your union with peace and longivity.

Most relationships come together and they fit God in there somewhere. Or you pick someone and ask God to bless it. God dont work like that. He has a plan for you and thats what he anoints. All things work together for the good but when you do follow the will of God, you're in sin, simple. You can have and do what you want, God doesnt force himself on anyone. However, if and when it doesnt work, its your fault not Gods because he never intended for you to married that person in the first place.

Regardless of your defense of dating, I am choosing God's best. I am tired of trying to control my life and take shortcuts with God. I surrender it all to him and I will let him have his way with me. He said to stop the madness and wait on him and thats what I am going to do and that is what this thread it about.

If ANYONE wants to date, by all means, DO IT. I judge no one. I am simple sharing my story and spreading the word God has put in my heart that it may bless someone and they too can make a change in their life if thats where they feel led.

Christian marriages can and do arise from Christian dating! One of the loveliest couples I knew began as a dating relationship and subsequently formally entered a courship..they did not kiss until the wedding ceremony...had their beautiful son at 40
Too many Christians date successfully..and marry....to isolate dating as a spiritual obstacle

it's easy to absolve responsibilty and say dating is culprit..that's like saying money is evil..but it's not.. it's the love of money... is the root of all evil..and so it is with dating
it is not the practice of dating per se..but the behavior, spiritual maturity, emotional balance and ethic of people who enter into it.

So...I agree wholeheartedly if a woman or man cannot handle dating without compromsing godly values ..and putting God first ...but instead embark on emotional upheaval after the next...then one certainly ought to dump that troubling practice and abstain from dating altogether....most definitely

However....in all fairness and honesty...many Christians do date..lol some even kiss and are firmly rooted in the holy arena of choosing God's Best and Wisdom to Romance...

Simply choosing not to date does not exempt everyone else who chooses to date from God's best or His blessing on that person or His miracles!!

Choosing not to date only means it happens to be best for that particular person in their particular intimate relationship and walk with God and that person's history and personal culture will empower them to do what the OP and others in this thread did ..seek out material to substantiate this need...that particular walk and that's all good!

((smiles)) Remember...many of world's Christian couples are comprised of all
different methods of coming together..not just one...
otherwise the world would be full of singles having discussion on being married....

I also echo OP in the other thread ..no desire to make debate ..

a (one only) counterpoint from a serious committed Christian centered in her own life
who loves the Lord..who actively happily enters into godly spiritual dating and is experiencing incredible blessings from the Lord pouring in her life..no doubt