What if God says no?

[inthepink]

Oh, and my comment earlier about two decades of preparation was kinda tongue-in-cheek. I was thinking that if you lived in ancient times, you probably would have been married at 16 and maybe had a baby by that time too! Now I'm glad we don't have to get hitched and settled that quickly... but my semi-joke was that you've had two decades of preparation because women were historically considered "ready" to be wives and mothers at age 16, if not earlier, so at 36, you are beyond ready, girl!

And I get ya on your definitions of waiting and sent. I guess I'm just kinda weary of the way I often hear it used, so I kinda react to those terms pretty quickly when I see them.

Have a great day!

Yes, I totally laughed at that when I read it. Heck, I'd be 55 "waiting" twenty more years.

 

[inthepink]

I got my crappies too. However, if I had standard than like I do now he would have never made the cut. I think he was just different and I spent 4.5 years trying to figure him out (helped that he was fine and had a nice body ). I'll never be a sucker for a pretty face again because he has issues. Major issues.

Being around christian men is so enlightening. Esspecially if they used to be dogs. They can tell you some things about yourself that regular men probably wont tell you. (Stop acting desperate, have godly standards, dont have sex at all, godly men want virtuous women, dont dress like that, your boyfriend just wants to hit, etc...)

I did "date" a guy from match.com for 6 months and he had a pretty face and a nice body. Let me tell you - that was his 100%. There was nothing else.

I have not had a "date" with a Christian man ever. I used to have a wonderful Christian male friend. But it was such an example of why women and men shouldn't just be friends all willy nilly. In the end, I was left hurt but I still am grateful to him b/c he brought me to Christ. He was a great guy and treated me like a queen - trying to earn my affection. I never gave him a chance b/c he was only 5'2".

 

[Aviah]

IMHO, God doesn't just say no, at least, not just like that.
Firstly Psalm 34:7 says:
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
I know it has to be in God's will for Him to give it to you, but marriage IMO is desireable for most people who are ready for it, or prepared enough in God's eyes. He may want us to get to a certain place first, who knows. Not to say that we must "qualify" to be married, but I'm sure God knows what he is doing in orchestrating things...

Secondly I believe marraige is a choice, though the verses below from 1 Corinthians 7: 1-5 and 8 may seem out f context, I personally feel it illuminates the fact that we have a choice to get married or not. Secondly, I think it shows God understands what people want to have sex. (Obviously never marry just for sex) The verses also illustrate its importance of marraige in reducing sexual immorality:

"1Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.[a] 2But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

8So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better.[b]

I feel the following also shows that we have a choice in the matter, but some are made eunuchs. IMO these are naturally asexual people.

Matthew 19:12
For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."

So in the end of it all I do believe marriage is desireable for most people in God at some point in time. But after all it is between you and God. If he tells you "no", though I have never heard of this, surely there is a reason and what seemed good to you wasn't right for you anyway. In the meantime, if God hasn't said anything to you on it, you may well have nothing to worry about.
In short we can say what we want- but let him tell you
All the best

 

[Aviah]

Another off topic moment: ffrant:

Have you heard this story before..."God told me he's gonna be my husband!" ? Only to find out that he marries someone else.

I heard it from several different women and see them so hurt when they find its not them.

Its annoying to me. I wanna yell..."God aint tell you nothing." But I cant. You gaining soul ties with men you dont even know that well, or arent in a relationship with at all. Stop jumping the gun.

Only way you'll know if he's your husband is if he proposes marriage. Other than that, you just like him alot.

I wanna laugh but that's not funny... I'm not sure how that one happens, but it does... God really does tell some people ahead of time though...

 

[Aggie]

I am still praying on it but I worry the answer might be no. I've never gotten an indication my entire life that I would marry or have love from a man. It makes me really sad but I'm trying to think that the future isn't necessarily predicted by the past. I just want to know that if it's "no" I'll still be ok.

I understand exactly how you feel hairlove. I am now 40 years old and I finally met someone that I am actually "in love" with. My desire has always been to fall in love and get married one day. Part one of this desire is finally achieved. I believe that God Himself puts desires in our hearts and if you have the desire to get married I would recommend what PrettyfaceANB said, stay happy in your singleness for now, pray, get ready for it, and wait faithfully on God's timing. He will grant you the desires of your heart, just remain faithful and continue to pursue HIM with all your heart. Let go of the anxiety (Phil 4:6) and allow God's peace to quiet your heart as you wait on HIS timing.

You know sometimes it feels that God is taking forever to answer our prayers concerning a mate (among other things) but I truly believe that HE is busy preparing our mate for us as HE is preparing us for our mate. And as soon as they are both ready, BAM! They meet.

This is not to say that because they are both saved, that there won't be challenges in the relationship because remember, we have an adversary that knows that iron sharpens iron and if two strong biblically sound individuals come together like this, it is a major threat to his kingdom. He is looking to devour a relationship such as this, so remain vigilant!

 

[inthepink]

Aggie - that is EXACTLY what I am doing!!

I am so glad you are in love!! Congrats to you. Is that "your man" in that pic? You two look very happy!

 

[Aggie]

I did "date" a guy from match.com for 6 months and he had a pretty face and a nice body. Let me tell you - that was his 100%. There was nothing else.

I have not had a "date" with a Christian man ever. I used to have a wonderful Christian male friend. But it was such an example of why women and men shouldn't just be friends all willy nilly. In the end, I was left hurt but I still am grateful to him b/c he brought me to Christ. He was a great guy and treated me like a queen - trying to earn my affection. I never gave him a chance b/c he was only 5'2".

Hairlove, I met my SO on www.christianmingle.com. Even on that site, you have to be careful of who you talk to, test the strength of the fruit in their lives, lots of talking, you will determine their motives within a week or so. I did. I knew what kind of man I wanted and thaose are the traits I was looking for when I visited that site.

My SO and I decided to go exclusive within 6 weeks and was no longer interested in the site, so we unsubscribed and now 6 months later, we are still holding on to each other, stronger than ever. It has not been an easy 6 months though but every minute of it was definitely worth it.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I wanna laugh but that's not funny... I'm not sure how that one happens, but it does... God really does tell some people ahead of time though...

I agree and if God does keep it to yourself because if he marries someone else you'll be looking dumb. And dont tell him, because thats weird and he'll run away from you. If you like him, try to get to know him and build a friendship.

 

[Aggie]

Aggie - that is EXACTLY what I am doing!!

I am so glad you are in love!! Congrats to you. Is that "your man" in that pic? You two look very happy!

Very good to hear hairlove and yes that is the wonderful man God blessed me with. He has such a great passion for the Lord and that's the number one thing I was looking for in a man. Yes we are very happy and I have God to thank for that.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Is that your SO in the picture? (thats probably a dumb question)

I used this site last night out of fun and they only result I got back was one guy and he was white and he fit me 100% with my requirements. I thought, "See, I knew I am going to marry a white man. I just knew it."


ETA: Just saw your answer thanks!

Hairlove, I met my SO on www.christianmingle.com. Even on that site, you have to be careful of who you talk to, test the strength of the fruit in their lives, lots of talking, you will determine their motives within a week or so. I did. I knew what kind of man I wanted and thaose are the traits I was looking for when I visited that site.

My SO and I decided to go exclusive within 6 weeks and was no longer interested in the site, so we unsubscribed and now 6 months later, we are still holding on to each other, stronger than ever. It has not been an easy 6 months though but every minute of it was definitely worth it.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I did "date" a guy from match.com for 6 months and he had a pretty face and a nice body. Let me tell you - that was his 100%. There was nothing else.

I have not had a "date" with a Christian man ever. I used to have a wonderful Christian male friend. But it was such an example of why women and men shouldn't just be friends all willy nilly. In the end, I was left hurt but I still am grateful to him b/c he brought me to Christ. He was a great guy and treated me like a queen - trying to earn my affection. I never gave him a chance b/c he was only 5'2".

Understandable no wants a man shorter than them.

 

[inthepink]

Hairlove, I met my SO on www.christianmingle.com. Even on that site, you have to be careful of who you talk to, test the strength of the fruit in their lives, lots of talking, you will determine their motives within a week or so. I did. I knew what kind of man I wanted and thaose are the traits I was looking for when I visited that site.

My SO and I decided to go exclusive within 6 weeks and was no longer interested in the site, so we unsubscribed and now 6 months later, we are still holding on to each other, stronger than ever. It has not been an easy 6 months though but every minute of it was definitely worth it.

That's awesome to here. I have used that site before - a lot actually. I was using it when it was still just "relationships.com" (still a Christian site - not sure why they changed the name.)

Maybe I will give it another try in the future. Anything has to be better than eHarmony.

 

[aribell]

Another off topic moment: ffrant:

Have you heard this story before..."God told me he's gonna be my husband!" ? Only to find out that he marries someone else.

I heard it from several different women and see them so hurt when they find its not them.

Its annoying to me. I wanna yell..."God aint tell you nothing." But I cant. You gaining soul ties with men you dont even know that well, or arent in a relationship with at all. Stop jumping the gun.

Only way you'll know if he's your husband is if he proposes marriage. Other than that, you just like him alot.

That rant is so justified. We had a thread about that: "God Told Me I Would Marry You." I wish more Christian authors confronted that attitude in Christian women, since not only is it wrong, but it really reflects a lack of discernment in knowing the difference between our voice and God's.

ETA: I 150% believe in the reality of prophetic words and that the Spirit does reveal to some ahead of time, but a whole lot of discernment is needed with that one!

 

[aribell]

Has anyone here read the book "How to Get a Date Worth Keeping"? It's by Cloud & Townsend, the authors of the Boundaries books, and hosts of New Life Radio, etc. I really enjoy their approach to Christian dating--it's immensely practical.

Anyway, How to Get a Date Worth Keeping begins with a conversation between one of the authors and a woman in her mid-30s or so, and her complaint of not having been on a date in ages. And so the author grills her about what she's doing to meet people, etc., and comes up with a "plan" to get her dating in 6 months or less...and he was successful. She ended up getting married like a year later. The subtitle of the book is "Be Dating in 6 months or less or your money back." It's tongue in cheek, but they are really very practical in laying out what you should be doing if you're serious about finding a mate, and in addressing other internal issues that keep people (particularly Christians) from dating well. At the very least, it's entertaining.

Their methodology is too involved for me, I don't have the energy to keep up with it. But I don't doubt that it would work if it were followed. And I have to say, that within 6 months of reading that book for the first time, I was indeed dating, whereas there had been nothing on the horizon before then. It's worth checking out.

ETA: The only caveat I would add about the book/their perspective is that the level of Christianity that they find acceptable in potential mates/dates may or may not match what you would consider fervent enough. If you only want to date men that are 100% on fire for the Lord, in Church every Sunday morning and evening, and Wednesdays too, then the dating pool is going to be smaller for you than what they're envisioning.

 

[hopeful]

I would also encourage some of you ladies to focus on a man's heart and how he lives vs. him "saying" yes I'm a Christian. Anyone can say this but few can show this. Focus on connecting with a kind and generous man, a loving man. I would take a less vocal man who displays Christian values vs. says what I want to hear but has a troublesome personality, habits, etc. Not saying you can't have both, but just a thought. Some Christian men aren't as vocal about their private thoughts as we women are. In other words focus on his actions and how he behaves on a day to day basis.

 

[cocoa2122]

I haven't read all the posts, so forgive me if this has already been stated, but Ps 37:4 says to Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. If your desire is to get married, He will fulfill it! He is the one who placed the desire in you. So to answer the question, I have not even contemplated a "no" answer because I believe what the word says to be true. I have a desire and it will be fulfilled!

 

[inthepink]

Yes, I have read that book but it's been a few years!

Those step by step things are way too over the top for me to follow but I am sure it had some good advice.

Has anyone here read the book "How to Get a Date Worth Keeping"? It's by Cloud & Townsend, the authors of the Boundaries books, and hosts of New Life Radio, etc. I really enjoy their approach to Christian dating--it's immensely practical.

 

[inthepink]

I agree and if God does keep it to yourself because if he marries someone else you'll be looking dumb. And dont tell him, because thats weird and he'll run away from you. If you like him, try to get to know him and build a friendship.

But oh so true!

 

[inthepink]

You are telling the truth. Are you walking the walk or just talking the talk?

I would also encourage some of you ladies to focus on a man's heart and how he lives vs. him "saying" yes I'm a Christian. Anyone can say this but few can show this. Focus on connecting with a kind and generous man, a loving man. I would take a less vocal man who displays Christian values vs. says what I want to hear but has a troublesome personality, habits, etc. Not saying you can't have both, but just a thought. Some Christian men aren't as vocal about their private thoughts as we women are. In other words focus on his actions and how he behaves on a day to day basis.