To the persons who say that she has a good support system, I'm not really sure whether this is the case, as I feel that it's something people say when they want to make themselves feel better about the decisions that they're making. Her husband is a lawyer as well, so whose to say that he picks up the slack? The fact that her daughter took it so hard when she missed that birthday party spoke volumes, (esp. since she only booked the date to gain a competitive advantage for her case). Also, when her son had to resort to saying that he was proud that she was a lawyer, I felt bad for her as the other children could definitely point out instances where they saw their mother/parent doing for them, while he could not. Having a 'support system' isn't the same as having your mother there when she's needed/wanted.
#BIGFACTS
Who is to say that she doesn’t? I feel that is something people say to judge mothers who don’t parent the way they think they should.
If a child crying means that she’s not doing it right then I’m also guilty, and If missing a birthday party here or there is one of the worst offenses then I think the kids will be ok.
People need to get a clue about why they want to have children in the first place, and stop treating that as something go check off on the “life to do list”. Family comes first once you created it. Men and women included. Kids don’t care about your accolades at work, neither does your spouse. They are happy for you, but it doesn’t replace what they want and need from you.
My mom told me this as a child all the time. She said what it takes to succeed in the workplace is the opposite of what is required to build relationships. I didn't realize it then but she was talking about my dad. And I had to watch the consequences of this play out in my parent's marriage. My mom was a stay at home mom, but she went back to school twice and obtained a professional license while raising multiple children, and now she's back at work while my dad's retired. Any project, paper or anything school related I needed help with, she was there. At the same time, I was usually one of the last kids picked up, even if I needed to come home because I was sick. My dad was a successful surgeon for many years, provided his family a wonderful life but my relationship with him is not as strong as it could be. There was a time he came in the house when I was 4 and I didn't know who he was.To me the real issue is that to get ahead at work you have to basically give up your life outside of work. She really shouldn’t have to choose between being present in her life and advancement in her career. As for the choices she made if she is at peace there is nothing more to say.
All this. Motherhood and career is a tricky one for women and we're already scrutinized so much I don't want to add to it. BUT, I am curious about the bolded, because as you said, I don't understand. It reminds me of this post from Humans of NY:I don’t think that is what is making people uncomfortable. She chose to have kids but she also chose to put her own desire for success in her career above her children by her own admission. That’s what gives me pause. Not saying she is wrong for what she does but I don’t understand her choice. One reason it has taken me so long to pursue motherhood is because I was not able/didn’t want to make the sacrifice that come along with it.
I don’t believe motherhood is the end all be all for women. I think that the choice to have children is just as valid as the choice not to have children. But I do scratch my head at the idea of having not one but two children and deciding that they come second to your wants and needs.
If someone adopted a dog and explained that they just didn’t not have the time to adequately take care of it would give most people pause. We definitely would question their decision to get a second pet if their job/social life was not conducive to caring for the pet or that for long chunks of time the dog was boarded and cared for by someone else.
People need to get a clue about why they want to have children in the first place, and stop treating that as something go check off on the “life to do list”. Family comes first once you created it. Men and women included. Kids don’t care about your accolades at work, neither does your spouse. They are happy for you, but it doesn’t replace what they want and need from you.
I know of senior manager’s wife whom left him as soon as the last child was out of the house. He was a workaholic.My mom told me this as a child all the time. She said what it takes to succeed in the workplace is the opposite of what is required to build relationships. I didn't realize it then but she was talking about my dad. And I had to watch the consequences of this play out in my parent's marriage. My mom was a stay at home mom, but she went back to school twice and obtained a professional license while raising multiple children, and now she's back at work while my dad's retired. Any project, paper or anything school related I needed help with, she was there. At the same time, I was usually one of the last kids picked up, even if I needed to come home because I was sick. My dad was a successful surgeon for many years, provided his family a wonderful life but my relationship with him is not as strong as it could be. There was a time he came in the house when I was 4 and I didn't know who he was.
I'm thinking about this topic as I get closer to getting engaged to SO and we plan our life together, since we do want children.
All this. Motherhood and career is a tricky one for women and we're already scrutinized so much I don't want to add to it. BUT, I am curious about the bolded, because as you said, I don't understand. It reminds me of this post from Humans of NY:
The comments were crazy. I'm a big believer in to each her own. My only question was her motivation to have children in the first place. But people saw red just for asking that.
I live by this in my career.
Saw this quote/saying that if you died today, your employer would probably have your position filled before your obituary is printed.
My mom told me this as a child all the time. She said what it takes to succeed in the workplace is the opposite of what is required to build relationships. I didn't realize it then but she was talking about my dad. And I had to watch the consequences of this play out in my parent's marriage. My mom was a stay at home mom, but she went back to school twice and obtained a professional license while raising multiple children, and now she's back at work while my dad's retired. Any project, paper or anything school related I needed help with, she was there. At the same time, I was usually one of the last kids picked up, even if I needed to come home because I was sick. My dad was a successful surgeon for many years, provided his family a wonderful life but my relationship with him is not as strong as it could be. There was a time he came in the house when I was 4 and I didn't know who he was.
I'm thinking about this topic as I get closer to getting engaged to SO and we plan our life together, since we do want children.
All this. Motherhood and career is a tricky one for women and we're already scrutinized so much I don't want to add to it. BUT, I am curious about the bolded, because as you said, I don't understand. It reminds me of this post from Humans of NY:
The comments were crazy. I'm a big believer in to each her own. My only question was her motivation to have children in the first place. But people saw red just for asking that.
The comments were crazy. I'm a big believer in to each her own. My only question was her motivation to have children in the first place. But people saw red just for asking that.
My dad says kids bring perspective to your life bc the focus is no longer just about you.
I’m like well thanks for dragging me into this hellhole to straighten out your existence.
We had different upbringings then because my mom was always crystal clear that raising children is one of the hardest things in the world. Maybe people around me talked about motherhood with rose colored glasses and it went in one ear and out the other but motherhood was never idealized by anyone I paid attention to.It is possible that her motivation to have children was the same as others. She wanted children. She was obviously older, educated, married and financially stable. Which is the perfect time and condition to bring children into the world.
It could be that it wasn't until after having a kid that she felt like this isn't what she expected. Her kid isn't bringing her joy as she thought and was told having a child would, and this isn't how family, friends, and society make people believe it is the best thing in life and the mother is going to feel so much love and happiness. Well what now when that doesn't happen??
I’m sorry but whose kids really needed deep emotional therapy bc their parents missed a few birthdays?
I didn’t see my dad a whole lot growing up bc he worked the night shift until I was a teenager and I used to be afraid of him bc he was very serious and had a bit of a temper until he aged out but as we got older our relationships are great. I spent a lot of time with my grandma and aunt in my younger years after school until I could stay for after school activities and started gymnastics. My parents even tried to get me into chess then didn’t play with me and I had to basically learn and play by myself. I know that’s my own personal anecdote but I guess only children are used to figuring things out on their own and being by themselves a lot.
There a lot of adults who have trouble forming healthy relationships because of the way that they were raised.People tend to think of the kids are well adjusted and don’t need therapy they are “all right”. The parenting classes I had to take really shed light on how issues adults have in relationships when they grow up can be affected by their relationships as kids.
Children with damaged attachments to the adults in their lives have issues with their partners and friends when they get older. They tend to be overly independent or overly needy. Just because a child understands why mommy and daddy are not present doesn’t mean they have the emotional maturity to handle the disappointment without learning unhealthy coping skills.
It doesn’t mean your child can never be disappointed or you have to be at their beck and call. It just means that as a parent you need to look at your child’s emotional maturity in these situations.
Good for her!
I'm just wondering why children become messed up if the mother isn't 'there' but no one says boo if the father isn't around because he is 'working'. Is it because it fits into the mother as nurturer, father as provider roles? Why is okay for the father to miss the school plays and the birthday parties but the mom is treated like dirt when she does?
Today's parents want to give their children the best of everything and that costs money. If you have a high paying job, chances are you'll be working long hours and times when you would rather be doing something else ( because of the poor work- life balance in this country). There are going to be times when you have to miss the school play or the occasional birthday party. There are times that the father of the child can and should be there for the child.
Each family has to figure out this balancing act of work and family for themselves- what works for my family might not work for yours. I'm not going to declare the women in the article a bad mother because she made different choices than I might have. There are enough people pointing at mothers and saying that 'you aren't doing it right' and I won't add extra guilt on a mother..
Do what you think is best for you and yours.
People absolutely criticize workaholic fathers as well. The workaholic father/neglected kid who is desperate for his father’s attention is a pretty common trope in movies and books as well.I'm just wondering why children become messed up if the mother isn't 'there' but no one says boo if the father isn't around because he is 'working'.
There a lot of adults who have trouble forming healthy relationships because of the way that they were raised.
People seem to think that child abuse/neglect is a black and white issue. Either you were abused or you were not. But it is more of spectrum. The woman in the OP is not a good parent and is damaging her children.
Re-quoting for emphasis.
This is the kind of uncomfortable truth that one tries to suppress when one’s the mom with a pile of law school or med school loans, or the single mom who has to make ends meet. Younger generations of professional men are starting to feel it too.
Hopefully our society will tip over to the point where we make work-life balance a parenting problem rather than a women’s problem.
Not holding my breath though, especially in the legal field.
So yeah, to each family its own, but IMO that’s a cop-out from addressing the insurmountable elephant in the room.