Mom & DH Went In on Friend for Hair...

[kimpaur]

At first glance, all I could think was how TRIFLING these folks are, particularly the mom... but after reading some of the last few comments, I would have to agree that this is probably bigger than hair and he really is destraught over missing his wife. My advice would be like some of the other ladies have mentioned- join lhcf for support, and embrace the hair. Also, talk to ger husband and tell him she's sorry for not talking about it with him first but he needs to consider her circumstances. She also she reaffirm him of how much she loves him or something to reassure him cuz he obviously going through some coping issues with her absence. As for the mom...she needs to be honest and tell her to mind her bidness (and tell the husband to stop running to her).

 

[NIN4eva]

I would come home, and these people would never see me again. He'd get the divorce papers in the mail. And she could just call me for money or whatever when she needed it. I am not exaggerating.

 

[nakialovesshoes]

This isn't foreign to me either. I have a girlfriend who decided to go natural a few years ago. When she BCed & started rocking natural styles, her husband became very upset. Mind you, his mom & sisters have locs. His take on natural hair was that if you don't have "Halle Berry" type hair, then you need a relaxer. She was a type 4. He also felt like he had been bamboozled since she always wore her hair in nice straight styles when they met & before they got married & that he didn't sign up for natural hair.

She battled back & forth with him for a few years. She BKTed. She became a straight haired natural but he was not satisfied until she did what he wanted, got a relaxer. She told me that her hair was not more important than her marriage.

They have a little girl & she doesn't have Halle Berry hair either. I asked her what was she going to do when he starts demanding that she relax the little girl's hair. She says that they have an understanding & that is where she puts her foot down & she will not be relaxing her daughter's hair. However I feel like if she couldn't win for herself how can she win for someone else?

I think the issues are deeper. I think that black people have a lot of self hate & they don't even realize it.

I feel bad for your friend as I did mine but I try to stay out of married folks' affairs & I think the mother should've taken the same road. I would listen but I wouldn't be quick to give out marital advice. Ultimately she has to make the decisions about her marriage and her hair.

 

[empressri]

Husband is a little witch with a B and needs to grow a pair. I know men hate change but ffs your wife is over there serving her country and putting her life on the line and all you can worry about is some damned hair??

And who the hell has the time to be calling up folks in different time zones going 'Oh btw babe, I was thinking about cutting my hair and wanted to know what you thought...'

*STAHP*

Matted hair is frustrating as HELL to deal with and I can picture her in some tiny bathroom or whatever trying to rip a comb through, and she most likely made a split decision that moment to cut off her hair. The end. No one has time to be calling to other folks to run things by. Go somewhere with that. I'd cuss them both out for even bothering me with some bullish like that.

What?? Priorities, priorities, we tend to mess that up a lot.

eta: Sometimes the only issue is that people are shallow, the end. No deeper issues. I have spoken to multiple men who had a problem with women wearing their hair the same length as them. One arsehat ex was like how some guy in the car next to him and his then gf did a double take because her hair was short and he probably thought it was a guy and he broke up with her.

Shallow little ****ehead.

 

[Petal26]

This isn't foreign to me either. I have a girlfriend who decided to go natural a few years ago. When she BCed & started rocking natural styles, her husband became very upset. Mind you, his mom & sisters have locs. His take on natural hair was that if you don't have "Halle Berry" type hair, then you need a relaxer. She was a type 4.

I never thought about it, but I don't think I've ever seen Halle's natural hair.



Anyhoo, the mom and hubby should be ashamed of themselves. She's fighting for our country, putting her life at risk everyday and they're only thinking about her hair, and what's "she's done to him"? I hope she writes back and tells him to stop being a little b1tch and stop involving the MIL in their business. I hope she dumps his stupid, shallow as$ and puts her mom in her place (I did)

 

[Nazaneen]

I would come home, and these people would never see me again. He'd get the divorce papers in the mail. And she could just call me for money or whatever when she needed it. I am not exaggerating.

I . I don't blame you in a way. It's just so rude that they don't seem concerned about the fact that her life is in danger.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

This isn't foreign to me either. I have a girlfriend who decided to go natural a few years ago. When she BCed & started rocking natural styles, her husband became very upset. Mind you, his mom & sisters have locs. His take on natural hair was that if you don't have "Halle Berry" type hair, then you need a relaxer. She was a type 4. He also felt like he had been bamboozled since she always wore her hair in nice straight styles when they met & before they got married & that he didn't sign up for natural hair.

She battled back & forth with him for a few years. She BKTed. She became a straight haired natural but he was not satisfied until she did what he wanted, got a relaxer. She told me that her hair was not more important than her marriage.

They have a little girl & she doesn't have Halle Berry hair either. I asked her what was she going to do when he starts demanding that she relax the little girl's hair. She says that they have an understanding & that is where she puts her foot down & she will not be relaxing her daughter's hair. However I feel like if she couldn't win for herself how can she win for someone else?

I think the issues are deeper. I think that black people have a lot of self hate & they don't even realize it.

I feel bad for your friend as I did mine but I try to stay out of married folks' affairs & I think the mother should've taken the same road. I would listen but I wouldn't be quick to give out marital advice. Ultimately she has to make the decisions about her marriage and her hair.

I don't think I've ever even seen Halle's natural hair. WTF he talking about?

 

[londonfog]

This email just made me want to throw up in my mouth!! My momma would have chicken choked him for calling her to "tell" on me! Then she would've did a sneak attack on his momma too just for good measure! We not gonna even talk about what MY brother would've done to him for crying behind some hair! I hope that everything works out for your friend & I'm glad that you are trying to find loving & encouraging words for her. Someone has too since her family all but acted like the hair was their family member instead of her. She should be the one that is hurt by this nonsense. She just needs to know her worth & that it doesn't lie in her hair. Her momma & hubby need to listen to that song by Indiarie (sp?) "I am not my hair."