My Neighbor's Daughter is in My Daughter's Hair

[HairPhoenix]

My neighbor's daughter is a few years older than my daughter and they love to play together. Of course being little girls they love to play dress up. A part of this is that the older girl likes to do my daughter's hair. Now it took me a long time to figure out what works for my daughter's hair and I try my best to keep her hair in protective styles. My problem is that the older girl rocks the boat and it makes me angry. She likes to take my daughter's hair a loose and put hair products, like pomades and gels, in her hair (only in small amounts). And there's the brushing and combing and hair accessories.

When my daughter gets home and I see that her hair has been tampered with, there is a part of me that gets very angry. There is also a part of me that feels like I am over-reacting. I mean, they are just children for goodness sake. The girl isn't a bad kid at all. She is actually quite sweet. I want to say something to the girl and her mother, but I don't want to come off as the mean old witch of the neighborhood.

Has anyone else been through this? Am I wrong for getting upset? How should I handle this?

 

[Synthia]

Give'em some wigs to play with.

Tell'em to use those instead.

I think they'd love it.

 

[bludacious]

They are being little girls but if I was in the situation, If I was to get mad at anybody it would be my daughter. The daughter needs to tell the little girl no. Tell your daughter not to let her friends play in her hair. I know how hard I worked on my hair and I am sure you worked twice as hard on her hair.

 

[goldensensation]

My mother always told me to never let people play in my hair, so I didnt. But I can understand the peer pressure effect so perhaps (like another poster said) wigs would be a good substitute.

Just curious, does she let your little daughter mess in her hair?

 

[HairPhoenix]

They are being little girls but if I was in the situation, If I was to get mad at anybody it would be my daughter. The daughter needs to tell the little girl no. Tell your daughter not to let her friends play in her hair. I know how hard I worked on my hair and I am sure you worked twice as hard on her hair.

I have tried that and it's just not happening. I don't know if my daughter doesn't want to say no or if she is afraid to say something because the other girl is older.

 

[bludacious]

I have tried that and it's just not happening. I don't know if my daughter doesn't want to say no or if she is afraid to say something because the other girl is older.

I figured you had. I can just imagine when I was little and my mom telling me to keep people out of my head. Perhaps she is afraid to tell the older girl no. Have you talked to the little girls mother?

 

[HairPhoenix]

Just curious, does she let your little daughter mess in her hair?

If she does, it's not much messing around because the other girl's hair is usually in braids or cornrows. She may gather up the other girl's braids to make ponytails I guess.

 

[Lady_Lioness]

If she does, it's not much messing around because the other girl's hair is usually in braids or cornrows. She may gather up the other girl's braids to make ponytails I guess.

Maybe that could be a good idea...How about braiding up your little girls hair right b4 she goes over to play?

 

[HairPhoenix]

I figured you had. I can just imagine when I was little and my mom telling me to keep people out of my head. Perhaps she is afraid to tell the older girl no. Have you talked to the little girls mother?

No, I haven't talked to the girl's mother yet. I have been trying to decide if it was even worth the bother, partly thinking that I was over-reacting. I never had this problem when I was little because I was into tomboy things, none of that girlie dress up stuff.

I also don't want my neighbor to think that I'm being like "my daughter is too good for your daughter". The next thing you know she won't let the two of them play together. I just don't want things to escalate. We have enough "Wysteria Lane" drama going on around here as it is.

 

[qtgirl]

If you have told your daughter that people shouldn't play in her hair and perhaps she is afraid to tell the girl. I would talk to the girl's mother and tell her "Hey, I don't want to make a big to do about this. However, I'd really like it if 'Jane' wouldn't play in my daughter's hair. " If she looks crazy at you, I'd add something in like "You know how much work it is to keep little girl's hair looking nice."

Her daughter probably wants to play in your daughter's hair since she can't play in her own since it's always in braids.

 

[hopeful]

Just tell the daughter and the mother that you don't want her combing or brushing her hair, putting anything on it or in it, just please don't do anything to her hair when they play. Tell them you love them being friends but prefer that her hair be left alone and would appreciate their compliance. If they question you then just say it's your personal preferance as her mother, you don't have to explain all you do to her hair and how important her hair is to you, etc. cuz it's none of their business. If they take offense, well tough. Most people of color would understand. If this happened with my daughter's hair I would be highly pissed.

 

[shortness]

Just tell the daughter and the mother that you don't want her combing or brushing her hair, putting anything on it or in it, just please don't do anything to her hair when they play. Tell them you love them being friends but prefer that her hair be left alone and would appreciate their compliance. If they question you then just say it's your personal preferance as her mother, you don't have to explain all you do to her hair and how important her hair is to you, etc. cuz it's none of their business. If they take offense, well tough. Most people of color would understand. If this happened with my daughter's hair I would be highly pissed.

My mom always told me never let people play in my hair. One day in 1st grade I did. Two girls with short hair told me that they allways cut their hair themselves. They asked me if they could cut a little of mine (my hair back then was THICK and long). Stupidly, because I wanted to be their friend, I said "Okay". and they cut a chunk off frmo the middle. Kids are going to do things that are not particularly smart and until they feel the consequences they will continue in their behavior.

Point is: My mom was pissed but did not say anything to the girls or their parents because I was the one who made the mistake. I needed to know when to say no. After then, nobody could touch my hair. Also, my mom made sure my hair was braided up after that. I think that is what you should do. I do not feel there is a need to get adults involved in these children's play

 

[HairPhoenix]

Thank you, ladies, for letting me know that I should be concerned. Yes, I will be highly upset if someone cuts her hair.

I guess I can find a way to put the topic into our don't talk to strangers type talks. We'll see what happens. The next step will be to talk to the girl and her mother, if necessary.

 

[caligirl]

My mom used to tell me not to let anyone play in my hair. She would even be mad at me if I took some of my braids down. But as I got older, around middle school, it was ok to allow my friends to do my hair. I was old enough to insist that they didn't put any products or heat on my hair. They could only use their fingers or my comb.

 

[LuvLiLocks]

Phoenix, you basically just need to tell the little girl that she can use dolls if she wants to play hairdresser.Just tell her that when you do your daughter's hair that is the way you want it to stay. Just try to be gentle about it because she is a child.........but ohh I'd be mad as hell if some messed with my child's hair, although she just tells people straight out, "you can't play in my hair. And where does lil mama get off putting gel in someone elses hair??????

 

[HairPhoenix]

And where does lil mama get off putting gel in someone elses hair??????

Trying to be grown, I guess...

 

[ultrasuede]

My mother also told me not to let other people play in my hair. One day when I was about 5 or 6 years old I was talking to an older girl. She was standing inside of a first floor window and she took a pair of scissors and cut off half the length of one of my braids. I didn't even know it until my mother asked me what happened to my hair. I would definitely speak up in a nice way because you don't want any scissor incidents involving your daughter's hair.

 

[HairPhoenix]

I had no idea this was such a common thing with random people cutting other people's hair. I have seen people posting about this a lot in LHCF over the past couple of weeks. I think if that happened to me when I was little, someone would have had to die. That is just horrible!!

 

[Cheleigh]

If at all possible, I'd try to keep the other mother out of it. When I looked at this from the other side, I could see how the mom might get a little put out, depending on your relationship. I can't imagine a mother coming up to me asking me to ask my daughter not to touch her daughter's hair. My hair was nothing like your daughters, but I had pretty long hair as a child, and I was never told not to let my friends play in my hair. Usually it was in plaits, but sometimes it was in a press. My friends would brush it and braid it. It wasn't a big deal, but then it was a different era, I guess.

I would allow your daughter to handle this (after telling her that all the gels, etc. can make her hair damaged and harder to comb, etc).--if she can't do it now, she won't be able to do it when she gets more friends who want to play in her hair. You might mention something casually (or more forcefully) to both girls while at your house before they go and play together about leaving the hair alone.

 

[Isis]

Give'em some wigs to play with.

Tell'em to use those instead.

I think they'd love it.

I like this idea of wigs. Cheap wigs with mannequin heads. Maybe the girl has dreams of becoming a hairstylist or something.

I would be very firm in telling the girl not to play with my daughter 's hair or put anything in it but use the wig instead to play with.

 

[SexySin985]

I like the first idea of giving them wigs to play with.

I also dont think you should get the other mom involved. But I do think that you should have a talk with both your daughter and her friend at the same time about the situation.

Just my 2 cents