Other Races Appreciate Our Hair? + Natural Hair and Professionalism

[lovenharmony]

It's the typical "grass is always greener" syndrome! Most people want what they don't have. Some women who are skinny want to be big and vice versa. some women with itty biddies want big boobs and vice versa. It goes on and on...It's also about nature vs nurture as well. Different parts of the world consider many different things physically attractive.

 

[Neith]

Skimmed through this thread.

To be honest, something about the whole tone of it bothers me.

For one, just because you have experiences, whether they be positive or negative, how can you make a judgement of millions and billions of people's personal likes/dislikes? They are as much of an individual as you or me are.

I mean, just because a few white guys you met liked your hair doesn't mean that white men have a thing for kinky hair... just the same as if you met a couple of white guys that didn't like your hair... doesn't mean that they all dislike your hair.

I guess what I'm saying is that it should be OBVIOUS that some people will like your hair and some will dislike your hair, REGARDLESS of race and for many different reasons.

You don't see non whites worrying about how other races view their hair. It shows a level of insecurity imo. Why are we so worried about this?

I'm sure there are people who like and dislike every single hair type from type 1 down.

 

[Neith]

Also... I don't see why naturals are so afraid of the workplace.

As long as your hair is neat, healthy and you wear professional styles... I would DARE an employer to say something to me about it.

I would love to have some discrimination lawsuit money

Okay, maybe that's because I am the way I am, but still. Who are they to tell you you can't wear your hair the way it grows out of your scalp?

 

[Lucie]

In my experience having lived in various parts of the US and having traveled over seas, my hair texture has elicited the following from the following groups:

Korean men:

Mexican, Guatemalan, Honduran men:

Chinese men:

Japanese men:

German men:

American Caucasian Men:

Peruvian Men:

Spanish Men:

African men: erplexed

Black American men:/

Jamaican men:

Samoan men:

Nigerian men: erplexed/

Black American women:

Nigerian women:

Japanese women:

Chinese women: /

Korean women: /

Jamaican women:

German women: erplexed

Spanish women:

Mexican women:

American Caucasian women:

Black women:

What about Haitian women? You left us out!

 

[Muse]

Skimmed through this thread.

To be honest, something about the whole tone of it bothers me.

For one, just because you have experiences, whether they be positive or negative, how can you make a judgement of millions and billions of people's personal likes/dislikes? They are as much of an individual as you or me are.

I mean, just because a few white guys you met liked your hair doesn't mean that white men have a thing for kinky hair... just the same as if you met a couple of white guys that didn't like your hair... doesn't mean that they all dislike your hair.

I guess what I'm saying is that it should be OBVIOUS that some people will like your hair and some will dislike your hair, REGARDLESS of race and for many different reasons.

You don't see non whites worrying about how other races view their hair. It shows a level of insecurity imo. Why are we so worried about this?

I'm sure there are people who like and dislike every single hair type from type 1 down.

Ok maybe I should rephrase that, the white men I have come in contact with love kinky hair. We can only speak from our own experiences and I think that's what everyone is doing just throwing in their own experiences. Some say other races loved their hair and others say they didn't so it balances out. I think we are all smart enough to know that not ALL white men love afro hair. So yes maybe we should be careful not to make broad statements and make it clear that this is our experience.

And um yes, a lot of black women are insecure about their hair.If there is ever a place I'd feel comfortable admitting it it would be here. Our hair is always described as difficult and problematic. If that's the description you always hear how can you not be? Believe it or not not everyone on the board is comfortable with their hair. Hopefully we will all get to that point but until we do we just need to support each other. If it weren't for places like LHCF to correct this thinking there would be even more women insecure about their hair.

 

[Neith]

Ok maybe I should rephrase that, the white men I have come in contact with love kinky hair. We can only speak from our own experiences and I think that's what everyone is doing just throwing in their own experiences. Some say other races loved their hair and others say they didn't so it balances out. I think we are all smart enough to know that not ALL white men love afro hair. So yes maybe we should be careful not to make broad statements and make it clear that this is our experience.

And um yes, a lot of black women are insecure about their hair.If there is ever a place I'd feel comfortable admitting it it would be here. Our hair is always described as difficult and problematic. If that's the description you always hear how can you not be? If it weren't for places like LHCF to correct this thinking there would be even more women insecure about their hair.

If we know that, then what is the point of having this discussion? That's what makes me feel a little strange about the subject... there is no real point to be made. We all know that some will like our hair, some won't. Why are we making broad statements if we know they aren't true?

I know that a lot of black women are insecure about their hair, but especially here at lhcf I thought that we mostly are over it, or learning to get over it and be able to check ourselves before we fall into that way of thinking again.

 

[Muse]

If we know that, then what is the point of having this discussion? That's what makes me feel a little strange about the subject... there is no real point to be made. We all know that some will like our hair, some won't. Why are we making broad statements if we know they aren't true?

I know that a lot of black women are insecure about their hair, but especially here at lhcf I thought that we mostly are over it, or learning to get over it and be able to check ourselves before we fall into that way of thinking again.

I don't know for the sake of discussion I guess. A lot of threads don't make sense to me on this board either but I think some subjects pop up that probably crossed a few people's minds and since some of us don't have anyone in the real world we can talk about hair issues with we bring it to cyberspace to the board (however ridiculous it may seem to others)

As for being insecure there are a lot of people newly joined (me-long time lurker) and lurkers. Heck there are even some people who have been around for a while that go through bouts of insecurity, I would venture to guess. I never assume everyone here has it together or even close-this is evident by the questions that pop up. But you said it *learning* to get over it, not quite there yet.

I don't want to highjack this thread and I don't wanna be a pain in the butt so I'll go play somewhere else, lol!

 

[tatiana]

I think the point of discussion is, at least in my way of thinking, my natural mates (black men and women) should love my hair texture the most not the least.

I have been a natural for over 1+ year and I normally wear it in a WNG. As yet no black American man has told me that "I look pretty with my curly hair" or my hair looks cute or "perky" but a plenty of Salvadoran (littlegoldenlamb you forgot them ) men has told me this. I have however been laughed at by young black females and was told by repeatedly by a black male to "get my hair done". I do see a problem with this.

 

[Neith]

I don't know for the sake of discussion I guess. A lot of threads don't make sense to me on this board either but I think some subjects pop up that probably crossed a few people's minds and since some of us don't have anyone in the real world we can talk about hair issues with we bring it to cyberspace to the board (however ridiculous it may seem to others)

As for being insecure there are a lot of people newly joined (me-long time lurker) and lurkers. Heck there are even some people who have been around for a while that go through bouts of insecurity, I would venture to guess. I never assume everyone here has it together or even close-this is evident by the questions that pop up. But you said it *learning* to get over it, not quite there yet.

I don't want to highjack this thread and I don't wanna be a pain in the butt so I'll go play somewhere else, lol!

Okay, I guess I won't understand every single subject. I dunno, I just want to know what the motivation is for it.

I should stop too... I already know I'm a pain in the butt

I think the point of discussion is, at least in my way of thinking, my natural mates (black men and women) should love my hair texture the most not the least.

I have been a natural for over 1+ year and I normally wear it in a WNG. As yet no black American man has told me that "I look pretty with my curly hair" or my hair looks cute or "perky" but a plenty of Salvadoran (littlegoldenlamb you forgot them ) men has told me this. I have however been laughed at by young black females and was told by repeatedly by a black male to "get my hair done". I do see a problem with this.

That's unfortunate, but do you really think that you don't/won't ever run into just as many black people who love your hair? Do you really think that you won't ever run into Salvadorian men who hate your hair? How do you even presume to know the percentage of black men and Salvadoran men who like/dislike your hair?

That's what I'm saying... for every person who doesn't like kinky hair, there are probably just as many who like it.


Alright, Imma take my crazy butt somewheres else. I said my piece, lol

 

[Kneechay]

..the matching colors between the posts are where I respond to the issue.

Skimmed through this thread.

To be honest, something about the whole tone of it bothers me.

For one, just because you have experiences, whether they be positive or negative, how can you make a judgement of millions and billions of people's personal likes/dislikes? They are as much of an individual as you or me are.

I mean, just because a few white guys you met liked your hair doesn't mean that white men have a thing for kinky hair... just the same as if you met a couple of white guys that didn't like your hair... doesn't mean that they all dislike your hair.

I guess what I'm saying is that it should be OBVIOUS that some people will like your hair and some will dislike your hair, REGARDLESS of race and for many different reasons.

You don't see non whites worrying about how other races view their hair. It shows a level of insecurity imo. Why are we so worried about this?

I'm sure there are people who like and dislike every single hair type from type 1 down.

Neith,
You shouldn't let the tone or the subject matter of this thread bother you; I think perhaps what was unclear is my reasoning for starting it in the first place. My goal was NOT to squash some hidden insecurity I had, or feel like any of the ladies on the board have, but to debate some things I have heard in past conversations and wanted to get some input from the ladies here.
I am studying towards a profession that already contain multitudes of biases and I had a mentor that told me and a friend that we should consider perming our hair or flat ironing it more because it was more 'professional'. Needless to say, we not only put her in her place, we gave her examples of why she should not assume that everyone is disapproving of our hair and I guess in haste, I failed to explain that connection in the original thread. Just like you said, surely, just because she feels that a few people thought a certain way at one firm, meant it was across the board.

I feel that the other ladies that mentioned their experiences were also giving examples of how mindsets are not general, if I'm making sense. Understandably, they would offer their more positive experiences in order to do so, but I don't feel anyone here was seeking validation or is insecure, rather, I feel they are the opposite.

Furthermore, supposing a lurker or someone considering going natural saw this thread, I think it would be a good thing to see some misconceptions squashed. Although WE on the board already feel positively about our hair, fact of the matter is, not every Black person does and we know our hair is the hair that usually, in this society is 'controversial'.

I hope I cleared things up Neith, and if something still seems a bit unclear, don't hesitate to ask. I just felt your post shows somewhat of a disdain for me starting this thread maybe because I may have been unclear.

 

[Kneechay]

Additionally, I mentioned the Asian classmate experience because I thought it was interesting that some of them liked/preferred our texture. We always hear about us wanting other textures, but rarely about other races wanting our texture.

 

[Neith]

..the matching colors between the posts are where I respond to the issue.

Neith,
You shouldn't let the tone or the subject matter of this thread bother you; I think perhaps what was unclear is my reasoning for starting it in the first place. My goal was NOT to squash some hidden insecurity I had, or feel like any of the ladies on the board have, but to debate some things I have heard in past conversations and wanted to get some input from the ladies here.
I am studying towards a profession that already contain multitudes of biases and I had a mentor that told me and a friend that we should consider perming our hair or flat ironing it more because it was more 'professional'. Needless to say, we not only put her in her place, we gave her examples of why she should not assume that everyone is disapproving of our hair and I guess in haste, I failed to explain that connection in the original thread. Just like you said, surely, just because she feels that a few people thought a certain way at one firm, meant it was across the board.

I feel that the other ladies that mentioned their experiences were also giving examples of how mindsets are not general, if I'm making sense. Understandably, they would offer their more positive experiences in order to do so, but I don't feel anyone here was seeking validation or is insecure, rather, I feel they are the opposite.

Furthermore, supposing a lurker or someone considering going natural saw this thread, I think it would be a good thing to see some misconceptions squashed. Although WE on the board already feel positively about our hair, fact of the matter is, not every Black person does and we know our hair is the hair that usually, in this society is 'controversial'.

I hope I cleared things up Neith, and if something still seems a bit unclear, don't hesitate to ask. I just felt your post shows somewhat of a disdain for me starting this thread maybe because I may have been unclear.

What I saw when I read some of the responses was the opposite...

For example (not directly quoting anyone in particular)

When someone says something like "White men love my kinky hair but black men don't" - That is perpetuating stereotypes. Believing something like that (imo) shows me that you may have issues with your hair.

That could just be me, but that's the overall tone I got from it.


Also...


Disdain for you?!? I didn't mean to make you feel that way! I don't feel any disdain. Confusion and "not getting it" yeah, but no disdain anywhere around here

 

[HappyHairDreams]

So I'm actually in class and one of the Asian students starts complimenting me on my hair. She was really impressed with the style. Mind you, I'm in kinkies, they're old, I have about an inch of new growth all around the edges and any regular Black person would suggest I get my fronts redone. Nonetheless she says styles like these are super expensive in her native country and the total hair and twisting process would run equivalent of $300-$400 American dollars. She continues that it's an extremely popular style within some major subcultures of Asians.

She says the Asians really like African American hair because of its texture and that Asians pretty much don't like their hair because it's generally too straight an textureless. She says their hair cant hold a curl.

Additionally, at work, (I'm the only Black person), my boss and coworkers tend to compliment my natural hair and styles and one said they thought African Americans looked nicer with their natural hair and she's not the only caucasian who I've heard say that.

I'm a graduate student here at Texas and I've noticed that the caucasian guys approach Black girls with natural hair more often than those who are not. I've heard grown Black men say that some women need to 'perm that ish'. I've been told by mentors that the black women at law firms usually perm or that natural hair in a professional setting is a hindrance. Perhaps the idea that some of us hold that other races don't like our hair is shattering. What do you guys think?

I think it varies tremendously depending on what field you work in, the company you're working for, and region of the country where you live.

I've heard and been told by white guys that they're interested in more "ethnic" (that was their way of saying natural hair cause they didn't know a perm wasn't natural) looking Black girls because it was different and something to experiment with.
I've had white co-workers tell me they would love to have curly hair like mine. (I'm texturized)
I've had Black mentors tell me don't go natural until after I've secured a permanent job offer because natural hair might hinder my ability to get a job.
There was a particular incident at a big NY firm last year where they had to apologize after saying that afros were political hair styles and not professional - but let's be real, if they said it, clearly they think so.
I work at in the legal department at a media company now and i could dye my hair orange and no one would give 2 cents.

I think the older generation of both Black and White folks are not very accepting of natural hair. I think younger generations are a bit more open and preceptions of what's acceptable is changing for both races.

 

[delitefulmane]

I think the point of discussion is, at least in my way of thinking, my natural mates (black men and women) should love my hair texture the most not the least.

This exactly my take on this entire situation!! Out of all of the races, it seems that as African-Americans, we have be programmed or taught that having "black hair" is bad. So when a black person comes into contact with another black person (i.e. a natural) they act like being natural is giving away the secret of how our hair actually looks. I think as "black folk" we need to embrace ourselves and our culture(s).

 

[sweetwhispers]

Black People love my hair. I have gotten compliments from Black women and Black men.
The only negative comments i've ever had have been from white/arab people.

 

[ResultsMayVary]

I will be going to my first interview with natural hair today .. let's see how it goes

 

[bludaydreamr]

This exactly my take on this entire situation!! Out of all of the races, it seems that as African-Americans, we have be programmed or taught that having "black hair" is bad. So when a black person comes into contact with another black person (i.e. a natural) they act like being natural is giving away the secret of how our hair actually looks. I think as "black folk" we need to embrace ourselves and our culture(s).

You are so right this was the reaction from my mother and sisters when I first told them. When I wore my hair twisted and braided to work a manager I had worked under for years (with relaxed hair that she loved) ran up to me and told me how I could blow my hair out. I had to explain to her that I like my hair and will be wearing it in its natural shrunken state most of the time she stopped speaking to me, and has yet to give my a compliment even when I straighten it.

 

[Solitude]

I must have missed this development in race relations.

 

[RegaLady]

What I saw when I read some of the responses was the opposite...

For example (not directly quoting anyone in particular)

When someone says something like "White men love my kinky hair but black men don't" - That is perpetuating stereotypes. Believing something like that (imo) shows me that you may have issues with your hair.

That could just be me, but that's the overall tone I got from it.


Also...

Disdain for you?!? I didn't mean to make you feel that way! I don't feel any disdain. Confusion and "not getting it" yeah, but no disdain anywhere around here

NO offense to anyone, but when they have the "why are you growing your hair long?" thread, some women replied..."because men like it". While that may be true of some men, not many men care, as long as the woman is confident and rocks any style, or length, confidently. Why would anyone care what someone thinks about their hair and what they do with it. But, we discuss it. It just for convo's sake.
I understand what you mean 100%, however there are alot of styles women wear to appease the man. Is it safe to say that blk women have issues with their hair because they care what people think if they have kinky hair or a lack there of?

 

[Mwenye_Heri]

My dd has hair that is really curly (not necessarily in a 3 category) but so far she has gotten many compliments on her hair texture from white women. One woman was just amazed at how curly it is and stated that she wished her hair was that curly. But then she said I bet when she gets older she would want straight hair. Another lady was just in amazement how curly her hair was and stated it was really pretty. It kind of shocks me when the other races comment on the texture of her hair, because I always thought that we being AA were striving for the straight hair because in the media straight hair is what is accepted by main stream. But maybe this just goes to show that every type of hair will be accepted.