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SIGH...HAIR DEPRESSED

Discussion in 'Hair Care Tips & Product Review Discussion' started by ZLUVSNEWZEE, Aug 18, 2011.

  1. ZLUVSNEWZEE

    ZLUVSNEWZEE Well-Known Member

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    I am in a bad place right now and I hoping you ladies can help bring me out of it. I am sick of my hair. I BCed 4/30/2010 and can't help but regret it since my hair is still only neck length. I had once piece of hair (literally one piece) that was shoulder length and see through. Now while the front of my hair looks decent the back looks awful. I have this nape hair that is course and won't straighten NO MATTER WHAT so I end up having the hair that sticks out straight whenever I move my head. And even after trimming significantly I still have see through hair back there that won't lay down. Now I can't wear my hair in any style, only a ponytail and my hair barely fits into a ponytail so I have to use bobbypins to make a pathetic bun. Ugh...I am so hair anxious. I put in braids and take them out in two weeks because they start to look bad, I do a bantu knot out and my hair looks a mess by the end of the day, and now this with the straight hair. I am relaxed and I flat ironed last night and my hair looked divine but of course after wrapping and sleeping in a satin bonnet my hair wont lay down. I want the long thick hair so bad but I'm getting so discouraged because whenever I wear styles that don't require heat my hair snaps off like crazy so I retain nothing. Only when I wear my hair flatironed straight can I manipulate and comb it without losing any hair. My regimen is simple: wash and deep condition once a week, air dry. CO wash once a week when wearing bantu knots. Mosturize with garnier sleek/shine, hairveda whipped, or hawaiian silky and seal with oil. I am not happy with my progress or the condition my hair is in. I did a year long stretch and touched up about 1 month ago very carefully. What am I doing wrong? Am I the only one who feels its unfair that we have such high maitenence hair? I sit next to girls at work who have long flowing thick hair for no reason other than they were born with it. But we have to jump through hoops and rings of fire to get decent length and that is after going a few years with "what the hell happened to your head" hair. Am I the only one who feels cursed with this difficult hair. If we all were born with long flowing hair that kinked and curled then I would be fine with that but we're not. All other races of women are but we're not. Even biracial women often are born with long hair but I have yet to see it in our culture. My 3 year old dd doesn't have much hair and I try to keep her hair protective styled all the time with twists or braids. I mosturize her hair and comb and brush it carefully, I avoid rubberbands. Still she has no hair. It's not fair. I need some encouragement and reassurance so that I will keep pushing forward and find my confidence again. I've lost it in feeling ugly because I don't have a decent hairstyle to wear which is important to me. I hope I'm not upsetting anyone in my rant but I am so through...please pull me back ladies.
     
  2. GraceV

    GraceV New Member

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    I'm sorry you're in a bad place. :bighug: I just wanted to point out that when you have neck length hair (and you only Bc'd last year), you may have what appears to be see-through ends because most of your hair is still relatively short and not all of them are long enough to make the back look full. I know you've heard this before but be patient, and give your hair time to grow. Try to be positive about your hair, our hair isn't a curse, far from it.

    I'm no styling pro but have you tried hair bands on a roller set? If your hair won't fit into a pony tail, and won't hold a bantu knot out you could try rollersetting with anti-humidity products. That should help keep that straight hair curled up. You could pin curl at night. Also you could leave the front part curled up and pin up the back.

    Also read the ingredients in your leave-ins. I've found that glycerin based leave-ins Like Hawaiian silky are not the best things for keeping the definition you're going for with knot-outs on relaxed hair since these products draw in moisture in humid weather and pouf up the hair.
     
  3. ZLUVSNEWZEE

    ZLUVSNEWZEE Well-Known Member

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    Thank you so much for your informative reply and your understanding. I've never tried rollersetting...is this just using permrods and setting lotion or do you actually have to sit under a dryer? DO you know of anti humidity products?

    I didn't think of the pin curls, I think that will help me with being able to wear my hair down during the day...so thanks for that.

    I didn't know about the hawaiian silky but that makes sense because my hair was a poof ball within hours.
     
  4. virtuenow

    virtuenow Well-Known Member

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    I have tried to understand why. I agree we are the only race of people this happens to. We have to work so hard for every little 1/2 inch. I see so many women w/long hair and absolutely no effort. They don't even kn they are blessed.

    And excuse me, ur post has got me worked up *tear*. Don't geet me wrong, I wouldn't trade our texture for anything. it is so BEAUTIFUL! I just want it to grow!

    I'm in a huge hair slump right now so its possbl I probably shouldn't reply. But recently decided to go in a long term sew in and hide my hair in this fahion for the next year or so (eventhough I don't really like weave). I have seen women on here really advance by doing this and taking care of the hair underneath. Just look at lhcfers like kneechay for reference.

    Sent from my SPH-M920 using Long Hair Care Forum App
     
  5. CurlyLawGal

    CurlyLawGal Well-Known Member

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    I'm sorry you are going through this, OP! You will make it over this hump. I don't have any specific advice to offer as I am just starting my journey (and I'm not relaxed), but I just wanted to send some encouragement your way!

    I know you have been at this for a year, but different hair blogs really helped me along the way. I know there are some for styling childrens' hair as well.
     
  6. Keshieshimmer

    Keshieshimmer Active Member

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    I say if the heat works for you use it!
     
  7. ZLUVSNEWZEE

    ZLUVSNEWZEE Well-Known Member

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    OH thank you for understanding...I feel better that someone feels me. I like your hair though, you have so much of it, I am jealous. I just want the growth and my hair to respond to the attempts that I make to have healthy ends. IS that too much to ask. I am not a weave person, personally I think they're too expensive and I don't trust myself to DIY so I'm stuck with this until a better day comes.
     
  8. ZLUVSNEWZEE

    ZLUVSNEWZEE Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for the encouragement I needed it.
     
  9. ZLUVSNEWZEE

    ZLUVSNEWZEE Well-Known Member

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    yeah...I'm going to stick with it because no matter how I manipulate my strands stay on my head versus with the bantu knot out everytime I touch a curl I have strands on my hands
     
  10. virtuenow

    virtuenow Well-Known Member

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    Yeah when I'm not in this sew in, I'm a huge advocate of heat n use it often

    Sent from my SPH-M920 using Long Hair Care Forum App
     
  11. kupenda

    kupenda Well-Known Member

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    Aww! I'm so sorry OP! I totally understand. Last night I was eyeing a pair of scissors forever. You aren't alone. And to be neck length after the big chop isn't bad at all. Do you know the rate your hair grows at? Please don't give up on yourself. We haven't given up on you. When I first started this journey, I tried to go without het because other women said it was bad and didn't work for our hair. But I don't think that stands for everyone. Keep your head level dear. I used heat today because I'm struggling during these last few weeks before my touch up. And it's ok. We all have specific needs. Do what works for you dear. Stay positive


    Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
     
  12. My Friend

    My Friend New Member

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    Have you considered hiding it for awhile? Maybe a weave?
     
  13. bigbrowneyez

    bigbrowneyez New Member

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    I'm sorry to hear that OP. My two cents advice would be that when u airdry your hair DO NOT comb once it's dry. I learned this the hard way. Keep it moisturized. If the products you are using don't give you slip (make it smooth and easy to comb) then try different ones. It took me two years to find my staple products (Joico and bed head). Also I'm not an advocate for wrapping hair. Try doing two or three plaits at night and a sill scarf or using foam rollers with the silk wrapped around them. HTH!
     
  14. havilland

    havilland Magical Mythical Princess

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    I loved your post. (((hugs))). So honest. So from the heart. I feel you. We do work hard for our hair as far as length is concerned. And it can be difficult sometimes.

    I was not a fan of weaves before my hair journey. But now I use them to get over humps like what you are experiencing. I hide my hair for 6 months by weaving it up every few weeks and it really helps.

    Find a good stylist, that cares about hair, (and doesn't braid tight!) and hide your hair for awhile.

    Mad love to you miss lady. Hang in there.



    Sent from my iPhone while out living my best life!
     
  15. virtuenow

    virtuenow Well-Known Member

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    Good tipss, this is what I'm doing to make it over my slump for the next 6-18months. Lets do it!
     
  16. abcd09

    abcd09 Well-Known Member

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    Hugs. I understand and often feel the way I do about my hair when around people with different textures. It can get very depressing, especially when you try so hard. I think my hair is problematic as well. I noticed that with fragile hair, wrapping overnight is SO not good. It will thin out the ends for some reason. I am not sure why, but it did it to mine when I wrapped. Just know that there is hope. Your hair at neck length is actually growing at the right pace! Keep up what you are doing minus the wrapping and see what happens. If that doesn't work, take out the Hawaiian Silky (that dried out my hair) or try cutting back on heat (when you airdry you have to add more product, and you let it hang till its 70% dry, then proceed to style how you want it). Could it be that the hair that will not straighten is heat damaged now?

    I am still trying to reach my goals, despite setbacks as well. Keep going, dont give up.
     
  17. yodie

    yodie Well-Known Member

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    OP, I can really relate to how you feel. My hair just never seems to progress. Its very discouraging. I decided to get a sew in, so that I don't damage my hair as I'm still trying to find out what's best for it. I'm not really a fan of sew ins, but I'm going to use this to grow out my hair.
     
  18. GraceV

    GraceV New Member

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    You're welcome. There are so many ways to roller set. I use flexi-rods on dry hair. I've heard of flexis on wet hair, magnetic rollers etc. There's a rollersetting support/challenge thread you can search for. The tips there are awesome. You can use setting lotion, or setting foam or just your regular leave-ins.

    There are a number of anti-frizz/ anti-humidity products out there, the only one I've used is Sabino Moisture Block, I think it's reformulated and called "Lok and Blok" now.
     
  19. Nova

    Nova Active Member

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    I am somewhat in your shoes. I had to BC in June because my hair fell out so badly. I decided to get braids this July as my goal is to stay in braids for the next year and have them redone every two months. Last June, my hair was shoulder length. I was so proud, my hair looked healthy and was growing so good. Right after I noticed how well my hair was doing, it started falling out. I was going nuts trying a lot of hair shedding and breakage advice on this board. Nothing worked for me. Around this time, my dr. put me on new meds. I think this attributed to my breakage. Also, I was relaxed at the time so maybe my chemically treated hair and the new meds interacted with each other.

    Sometime I get discouraged seeing women with long hair and wonder will I ever reach my goals. This setback blind-sided me big time, but I'm fighting back with a vengence! Every day or every other day, I apply (on my scalp) Aloe Vera gel, Mega-Tek (I'm currently out) and my sulfur oil mix. I seem to have a little new growth. However since my hair grows so slowly, I'm not expecting an inch or more in a month. I've learned to be grateful for whatever I get because this was a "terrible setback!"

    I thought I'd share what I'm going through to let you know you're not alone. Hang in there and remember to take it one day at a time...this incident is teaching me time and patience is the key to my HHJ success!
     
  20. belldandy

    belldandy New Member

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    ZLUVSNEWZEE http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzJY96m3lkg

    :drunk::drunk::drunk:

     
  21. addaboutmyhair

    addaboutmyhair Active Member

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    The worst thing you can do is try to do your hair when you're frustrated with it. Braids, weaves, lacefront wigs, half wigs are all options to hide your hair and let it grow. Keeping it moisturized with some protein occasionally should help retention. And maybe stop cutting and baby the ends.

    But I feel you in that it just takes time for your hair to grow and that's annoying. My hair grows 1/4 inch per month, no matter what challenge or vitamin I do, it just chugs slowly along. I keep trying though, and when I get too annoyed I weave it/wig it/braid it up.
     
  22. shunemite

    shunemite New Member

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    OP I just want to give you a hug and say that I agree with the ladies about hiding your hair for a while under a weave or braids or cornrows. It will help you to take your mind off of it and not compare your progress to others. Part of the reason I joined the braid challenge.

    Also wanna add that I like these positive threads where we uplift each other, we should keep this up :)
     
  23. ZLUVSNEWZEE

    ZLUVSNEWZEE Well-Known Member

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    I'm so glad I'm not alone with these feelings. I never even thought about not wrapping. What do I do with my hair if its not wrapped? I know that my hair is thin right at the front edge and in the nape...could this be from wrapping? Do you sleep with a bonnet but just not wrapped?
     
  24. ZLUVSNEWZEE

    ZLUVSNEWZEE Well-Known Member

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    I can't wear weaves...its a personal thing for me. I do wear braid extensions but I'm looking for something different. Everytime I put the braids in (which takes the whole weekend) I end up taking them out too soon.
     
  25. ZLUVSNEWZEE

    ZLUVSNEWZEE Well-Known Member

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    I know, that's why I've stayed away from heat because of all the "heat is bad' talk. I figured if I don't use a high setting on my flat iron and only use it once a week then I'll be okay. Thank you for your encouragement.
     
  26. Curlykale

    Curlykale New Member

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    both products you use do have glycerin (my hair gets very angry when I use it).
    try these solutions:

    - have you tried a no humectants way? try a very moisturizing conditioner and use it a a leave in and moisturizer (I like Giovanni 50:50), find a good conditioner and when you are feeling so-so, give it a good cowash or deep conditioning session
    - air dry with perm rods if you prefer the style
    - try wheat germ oil (especially) or avocado butter or grease as a sealant
    - find some hair accessories you really like
    - look for short hairstyles on youtube
    - whenever you have a bad thought, pamper it, and pamper it every single night before bed
    - play with hair pins and tucked in parts/twists
    - be careful with combs and brushes
    - oil rinse

    I was very frustrated at neck length but I am very glad I waited, what if you simply don't like that length and you fall in love with your hair once it's longer? I also think styling and life gets easier once your hair is a bit longer.



    http://youtu.be/Nnwi3RIM9sg

    http://youtu.be/sWK_jmX5fNk

    http://youtu.be/9w6rLOYUwCA
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2011
  27. ZLUVSNEWZEE

    ZLUVSNEWZEE Well-Known Member

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    When you put your hair in plaits for sleeping, do you wear it straight the next day? I never get slip with my leave ins...sometimes I do with oil but I always feel like to achieve the "slip" I'll have to use a lot of product which makes me feel like I'm using too much. I love your hair so I'm going to look into the products you use as your staple...see if maybe they'll work for me. I'm also going to try the rollers. Thank you so much for your help.
     
  28. Shananyganz

    Shananyganz New Member

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    First of all..I FEEL you. I hate for my braids to look some kind of way, but installing and removing, no matter how gentle we are, can be a lot on the hair. To be frank, keeping your braids for two weeks is nothing when you factor in how long it takes you to instal them (I read somewhere in the thread you install over the weekend...please correct me if I am wrong).

    With that said, instead of removing all of your hard work and possibly some of your progress, have you tried rebraiding your edges and maybe three rows back in the front section? This is what I do and for the most part, my braids always look "new-ish"---even though the middle has grown out and has frizzies to boot!! Also and more importantly this method allows me to keep my braids in for 2 months and I retain all my length. This past braid install I kept for 2 months and at the end of that time I grew a healthy inch and I still had a healthy inch when I installed my next PS.

    Sorry, so long, but I hope this helps you a bit.

    ~S~

    ETA::

    With the re-braiding method, I would braided SLIGHTLY smaller than my original braids so that the "new" braids" served to "hide" the older braids. I also, wore my braids in a high ponytail or in a simple half up/half down style. Keeping it simple style-wise helped me to "hide" my grown out briads (versus the brand new ones). Folks couldn't tell the difference unless they were all up in my head and really, they had no reason to ever be that involved in my hair...lol!!

    Hope this makes sense, if not..I'll be happy to try to clarify or post pics of what I have.
     
  29. ZLUVSNEWZEE

    ZLUVSNEWZEE Well-Known Member

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    Thank you so much for your response and understanding. I considered a weave but I just never wanted to do it. I'm a very introverted person and I really can't stand going to hair salons plus I don't have the money for it. If I knew how to do it myself I would try it but I don't want to be the girl with the jacked up weave trying to do it myself. I am thinking about doing braids again real soon though.
     
  30. ZLUVSNEWZEE

    ZLUVSNEWZEE Well-Known Member

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    I don't think I have heat damage...I rarely use heat. But I forgot to mention that the reason I started my hair care journey was because I touched my hair up with relaxer and then put two different color applications on a week later. My hair fell out and thinned lilke I've never seen hair do before. This is what lead me to the BC. I wonder if the hair at the nape is a result of that. It seems like my hair hasnt gotten all the way back yet even with the BC. When you get to the 70% dry point do you flat iron? I always feel the need to flat iron because my hair is so short...I only have 2 styles that I can wear and thats ponytail and ponytail. Thank you for encouraging me. I really appreciate it.
     

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