trying to communicate with hairdresser about trims/feel like scolded child sometimes

[Chromia]

Sorry, this is long. I'm frustrated and confused and I feel like venting.

I started going to my hairdresser 13 years ago, when I was in high school. When I went away to college I would still go to her when I came home during breaks. For about 2 years after college I lived in another city, but after I came back here I started going to her again. I had been going to another hairdresser here that I wasn't thrilled with. Then one day as I was leaving a store I heard someone calling my name - it was my old hairdresser. She gave me her card and told me to call her, so I did.erplexed

The first time I went back to her she said "Look how long your hair got!" I had been getting trims less frequently than when I went to her, and I'm sure the other hairdressers were cutting less.

She really thinks it's necessary to trim at every relaxer, which is 8 times a year (I get a touch up every 6 weeks. ) I had a hairdresser in another city who only wanted to trim every 12-16 weeks. He's a Hispanic guy with Type 1 hair (he had a mullet ) and did a good job with my hair. Before he trimmed he showed me exactly how much he was going to trim and he didn't want to do relaxers every 6 weeks. Too bad he's 3 hours away.

Anyway, back to my current hairdresser.....Last year one of my friends saw me 2 weeks after a trim, and the first thing she said was "You got your hair cut?" There were times when I noticed myself that more hair was cut off than was probably necessary. When I was 19 or 20 my mom told me that it seems like my hairdresser takes so much off during trims - once when she was taking me to the salon she said tell my hairdresser not to trim.

2 years ago I started taking better care of my hair and I see far fewer split ends. Last year I started asking my hairdresser not to trim after every relaxer. Sometimes she would say ok, sometimes she would ask me why I didn't want a trim. Her reaction isn't the same every time. Sometimes I feel so stupid for asking. Sometimes when I ask if I can wait she says "ok" or "You sure can!" and other times it seems to bother her or like she feels like I'm trying to challenge her or I'm insulting her or something.erplexed Anyway, I've been getting trims every 12 weeks.

One time last year I asked her not to trim for the 2nd relaxer in a row. She said ok, then about 10 seconds later she got rather upset and raised her voice a little. She stopped what she was doing and said said "Wait a minute, you didn't get a trim last time. You need your ends trimmed or else your hair will split all the way up the hair shaft." She told me that I have to get a trim. I felt like a child being scolded. I felt so dumb. It had been 12 weeks. I wanted to go 6 more.

Today my hairdresser said "I'm going to take a little bit off the ends". My last trim was 6 weeks ago and it was more than usual. I asked her if my ends look that bad. She said "When you wait you know I have to take more off at the next trim". Really? She never said that before. No, that can't be true because last year she and 2 of my friends told me that my hair is getting longer. I did notice that she took a lot off at my last trim, though. She didn't trim today.

Thanks for reading my looooong post. If you have a hairdresser like this, feel free to share.

 

[jasmin]

Thank you for your story. Basically this is one of the many reasons why people don't have hairdressers any longer.

 

[nicki6]

DO NOT.....I repeat....DO NOT go back!! You will never reach your goals while being sabotaged by this stylist. It seems to me that she doesn't respect your boundaries and that is unacceptable. YOU are paying her for a service. If she cannot or will not comply, DUMP her!

 

[newflowers]

As I get closer and closer to unbraiding and relaxing again, I think about all of my stylist horrors, but tell myself, I know more now; I can deal. And then I read a post like and this and think I may be better off continuing to take care of my own hair with the help of this board.

When I first started having my hair braided, I went to a salon. They started out so tightly, I could not bear it. When I asked her to redo, she made a big deal out of it - if it's not tight, the braids won't be neat, won't stay in, this is how I braid. Foolish me, I sat there, was braided too tightly, and then came home and took them out. Now, I pay one of my students to braid my hair twice a month. It's a win-win - she's saving for college and does my hair exactly how I want. And she does two layers of cornrows is slightly less than two hours - which is way cool because I have no patience for stylist who talk and talk and do other things while working on my hair.

I do respect the skill and professionalism of others, but I also know that I want what I want. One of the things I want - must have - is for the stylist to respect my wishes without me having to ask multiple times or be castigated when what I want is not what they usually do.

After reading this post, I feel as if the search for a stylist would be time better spent doing my own hair. With the prices they charge, I may well be better served buying my own products and doing this myself. While I was hoping to be able to go in for relaxers, maybe I will continue to do this myself.

 

[Chromia]

Thank you for your story. Basically this is one of the many reasons why people don't have hairdressers any longer.

Yes, it is. Reading this will probably be like a flashback for the ladies who stopped going to hairdressers.

I thought my hairdresser and I were finally on the right track last year when she seemed to be reacting ok to my "no trim" requests and my friends noticed my hair getting longer, but I've lost hope and faith in communicating with her.

 

[misskris816]

My hairdresser kinda gets like that sometimes, although it seems like he only takes off whats necessary. About 2 years ago I made the mistake of dying my hair and not conditioning it enough, so it did a number to my ends. He's cut off the last of the color just a few weeks ago. Lesson learned. On occasion he does get pissed off because I don't allow him to use his expertise, but in the end, I am the customer and it's my hair. That's something we need to remind to our hairdressers on occasion...

 

[Dijah]

I don't understand these hair dressers! You are paying her! You don't have to ask her permission when it comes to your hair!

I read so many stories like this. I really am lucky to have a hairdresser who listens and is excited about me growing my hair. I am always facing the mirror when she does my hair, I can see what is going own.

It's time for you to shop around for someone who listens.

 

[Chromia]

DO NOT.....I repeat....DO NOT go back!! You will never reach your goals while being sabotaged by this stylist. It seems to me that she doesn't respect your boundaries and that is unacceptable. YOU are paying her for a service. If she cannot or will not comply, DUMP her!

You're right. It's time for me to stop giving her chances. I've been too patient. Being patient comes in handy at my job, but it's not going to help with my hair.

My attempts at communication with my hairdresser are just not working. I'm comfortable with everything but her trims. I've gotten compliments on my hair from friends and co-workers, but it's time to find a new hairdresser who's better at customer service.

 

[Chromia]

As I get closer and closer to unbraiding and relaxing again, I think about all of my stylist horrors, but tell myself, I know more now; I can deal. And then I read a post like and this and think I may be better off continuing to take care of my own hair with the help of this board.

When I first started having my hair braided, I went to a salon. They started out so tightly, I could not bear it. When I asked her to redo, she made a big deal out of it - if it's not tight, the braids won't be neat, won't stay in, this is how I braid. Foolish me, I sat there, was braided too tightly, and then came home and took them out. Now, I pay one of my students to braid my hair twice a month. It's a win-win - she's saving for college and does my hair exactly how I want. And she does two layers of cornrows is slightly less than two hours - which is way cool because I have no patience for stylist who talk and talk and do other things while working on my hair.

I do respect the skill and professionalism of others, but I also know that I want what I want. One of the things I want - must have - is for the stylist to respect my wishes without me having to ask multiple times or be castigated when what I want is not what they usually do.

After reading this post, I feel as if the search for a stylist would be time better spent doing my own hair. With the prices they charge, I may well be better served buying my own products and doing this myself. While I was hoping to be able to go in for relaxers, maybe I will continue to do this myself.

There should really be more intense customer service training in cosmetology school. I checked out the web site for a local beauty school. There's not really a customer service class. It has a class called "Customer Relations and Sales" that's 20 hours and a 5-hour "Business Ethics" class.

 

[Chromia]

My hairdresser kinda gets like that sometimes, although it seems like he only takes off whats necessary. About 2 years ago I made the mistake of dying my hair and not conditioning it enough, so it did a number to my ends. He's cut off the last of the color just a few weeks ago. Lesson learned. On occasion he does get pissed off because I don't allow him to use his expertise, but in the end, I am the customer and it's my hair. That's something we need to remind to our hairdressers on occasion...

Yes. I get great customer service at the grocery store, the mall, etc. And these are people who I don't see on a regular basis and they don't know my name!

 

[Chromia]

I don't understand these hair dressers! You are paying her! You don't have to ask her permission when it comes to your hair!

I read so many stories like this. I really am lucky to have a hairdresser who listens and is excited about me growing my hair. I am always facing the mirror when she does my hair, I can see what is going own.

It's time for you to shop around for someone who listens.

It's funny, she seems to respond better to me asking if I can wait for a trim that she does to me stating "I don't want a trim this time".

 

[blazingthru]

I trimmed my own hair and I did it a month ago and I only cut off 1/4 of an inch and this is after a year. I could not trust anyone else to do it so I did it. I can't have someone chop up my hair and said nothing act as if its okay after all I went through to get it this long. No I been there before. My hair did not suffer one bit from me not getting it trimmed for almost one year and thats how its going to be from now on. I agree your paying for a service and they are to do EXACTLY what you are paying for and if they don't, then they need to be reported. I dont't have a problem telling people about how I want my hair. I am very bold about that stuff becuase I have to wear it. No one else, just me. I use to bring my own products to the salon. I have a allergic reaction to hair spray - so I said no hairspray and they frowned but so what - I said don't put it in there and I mean. I have to get with the braiders too they want to put moouse and hairspray and spritz in my hair nope, just braid it and let me go.

 

[Hair Iam]

Yes, it is. Reading this will probably be like a flashback for the ladies who stopped going to hairdressers.

I would call her before I go back "if you go back" and explain that you want to continue to be her client but she needs to respect your choices, if you say no trimming that is what you mean. You are the customer "you are always right” as long as your paying for the service, she is to honor your request and not challenge you. My 1-2 visits per year dresser knows not to "look" at a pair of scissors when I'm in her salon.

 

[senimoni]

I'd probably not go back...but really you need to man up. Don't ask her...tell her. "I'm not trimming it today"...don't explain..just say you aren't doing that. Really, the more I think about I'd just not go to her but you still need to have a firm stance with anyone...the fact that she claims to "have to cut more b/c you didn't trim the last time" doesn't fly with me so she may be rough or try to damage your hair to prove a point.

 

[PrettyBrownEyes]

I feel your pain. Although, I haven't had so much of a trim issue with my hairstylist I have had relaxer issues with her. She thinks that I am a know it all. I have been seriously looking elsewhere.

 

[alexstin]

I'd probably not go back...but really you need to man up. Don't ask her...tell her. "I'm not trimming it today"...don't explain..just say you aren't doing that. Really, the more I think about I'd just not go to her but you still need to have a firm stance with anyone...the fact that she claims to "have to cut more b/c you didn't trim the last time" doesn't fly with me so she may be rough or try to damage your hair to prove a point.

I agree with this.

 

[sareca]

I think they just want the money for the trim and if don't get it this time and didn't get it last time they somehow feel robbed.

 

[azul11]

I feel your pain. When I used to go to my childhood stylist one day she scolded me in front of the other customers. I was livid. That was the last time she saw me. Even though I had been going to this stylist since I was child I will NOT be disrespected in public. Dont get that comfortable to feel you can make comments about my hair in front of people like that.

I will not say I have not encountered some stylist who have done horrible things to me. But I have decided to stop giving them my money and either find someone I trust or do it myself. Would you keep going to a restaurant if they made your order the way they wanted and argued with you if you tell them you want it another way. NO. You would say to yourself...they must be crazy. Someone said to me its your money, your hair. PERIOD. God bless you all.

 

[MissYocairis]

DO NOT.....I repeat....DO NOT go back!! You will never reach your goals while being sabotaged by this stylist. It seems to me that she doesn't respect your boundaries and that is unacceptable. YOU are paying her for a service. If she cannot or will not comply, DUMP her!

^^^^what she said....

 

[sky_blu]

This must be a universal thing they teach in cosmo. school to stylist. I think everyone has experienced this with one hairstylist or another. My cousin usually does a pretty good job at trimming my hair but I only get relaxed every 8-12 weeks and lately I havent even been getting trims at every relaxer.

 

[Chromia]

@Trudy - I need to be assertive like you. You're right that you're the one who wears your hair, no one else.

@Hair Iam - I'm going to check out other salons and pick one before my next touch up.

@senimoni & alexstin - Yes, I do need to have a firm stance. I have problems being assertive, which is a whole other thread. I borrowed some library books about how to be assertive. I better read them before I step into another salon.

And, yes, her claim that she has to cut more at the next trim is....strange.

@PrettyBrownEyes - I hope that you have good luck in finding a new hairdresser soon.

@sareca - I've been thinking that what she's upset about is the money she's not getting.

@azul11 - I bet your childhood stylist and my stylist still see us as the kids we were when we first started seeing them. I also think that my stylist, like yours, is too comfortable with me.

You have a point with the restaurant analogy. I wouldn't go to a restaurant if I kept trying to order pancakes and they kept telling me I need to order a sandwich because I had pancakes the last time.

 

[jasmin]

Towards the end of me using a hairdresser I started to ask them if it's free, if they want to pay for it or I just brought enough for a relaxer.

 

[GoldenBreeze]

Yes, it is. Reading this will probably be like a flashback for the ladies who stopped going to hairdressers.

I thought my hairdresser and I were finally on the right track last year when she seemed to be reacting ok to my "no trim" requests and my friends noticed my hair getting longer, but I've lost hope and faith in communicating with her.

Although I don't have a relaxer, I know you will never reach MBL with her cutting your hair so frequently. You know that your hair is already shorter than it was when you started back with her. There is NO reason for you to feel dumb or like an errant school girl when you ask for what you want. I don't go to stylists, but if I did my motto would be "If I'm payin, I'm sayin". Fin, finale, es todo!!!

 

[audacity.]

it is funny that you posted this, because i was just thinking TODAY that as many years of getting my hair done and as many stylists in as many states, i can only count 1 that REALLY seemed to know about and actually provided healthy hair services. after finding LHCF i realized just how ignorant i was to healthy hair care and how little stylists know about it!

i mean are the things that are shared here topics that aren't covered in cosmetology school? i like my current stylist and she claims to "specialize" in healthy hair, but she has not once offered any of the advice that i have learned on this forum - not even suggesting supplements. however, she knows all about lace fonts, the best weave hair to buy and where, how to make wigs and she can quick weave with the best of them! i even once asked her for advice on what product i can use on my daughters' hair to lay the edges down and she came up with nada.

anyway, i understand your frustration. i have just began my healthy haircare practices but i am strongly considering becoming my own "stylist".

shoot, she's not the only one with a chi!

 

[Growinpainz]

this is the same reason why i'm not going to my stylist anymore. she kept asking me when I was going to get a trim and I had only gone to her twice and she told me how healthy my hair was. so, i'm like... if my hair so healthy then why are you trying to cut it. then she started talking about waiting to see how much new growth I had ,then cutting, I haven't been back since. I shouldn't have to debate why I don't need nor want a "trim", IT'S MY HAIR!

 

[Sasha Fierce]

Thanks for this story. I have had a girl to do my hair over the past two years since I have been in Atlanta and I initially had a head full of healthy flowing hair right to the shoulder. Then my first trim with her she cut it to my neck. I am notorius for not caring for my hair so I felt it was my fault although I didnt think my ends were so bad. After some outrageous pricing I stopped going and went to other hair dressers who were in many ways dissapointing. I ended up back with the first girl (about 3 months later) and she cut to the nape of my neck..a couple of months later she cut my hair to my ear and actually had to use clippers to edge up my nape! I got totally disgusted and quit caring for my hair. I have patches that are broken to no more than one inch in certain parts of my hair. She said it was due to stresss...another stylist attributed it to chemical damage which sounds more accurate as my previous hair dresser's 'assistant' always seemed to leave the relaxer on too long. Now I'm sitting here with my hair in very bad damage wishing for the full head of hair I had almost two years ago. I really have no idea how to get back on track. I have tried some things that I discovered on lhcf for the past few months but I have had more misses than hits..so no I'm stuck not wanting to go to a salon that wont care for my hair or respect my wishes and not knowing how to get it back on track myself.

P.S. When I started typing, I planned to have a simple reply. But it ended up turning into my lil' sad story lol

 

[newflowers]

Yes. I get great customer service at the grocery store, the mall, etc. And these are people who I don't see on a regular basis and they don't know my name!

And this is one of the major annoyances - I can lay down my money to a perfect stranger and get great service; I have done the same thing with hairdressers, and it is a diaster. I like the resturant analogy too - it is certainly right on target - bad service equals no return.

I know there are god hairdressers out there, maybe I will get lucky and find one, but it's the trial and error period that worries me most.

 

[locabouthair]

i dont understand why stylist like to cut off so much. maybe u should try to find another one, because she should respect ur wishes.

 

[toyztoy]

I agree with the restuarant theory. I had a experience w/ one of my hairdresser where I wanted layers & 1ce I saw all my hair on the floor. I had a fit "asking her why she cut off all my hair, etc" she said most of my length was at the top. Well anyway she wont cut my hair at all anymore Just trim it about every 12wks 'cause I dont like jacked up ends I like them even. Oh yea I did call her the next day to apologize she said she was just glad I was Ok she was worried about me. But it seems to have grown back quick. It seems to me whenever I get my hair cut it grows back faaassst.

 

[Dijah]

I know this guy who does hair for magazines and he said there are stylist that know how to "do hair and those whose know how to care for hair"

He said those who do hair will do everything to make a style look good without caring if you lose your hair in the process.

He said caring for hair is hard, and some stylist don't want to bother.

That being said I am a firm believer in not giving money to any stylist that does not listen.