Will we ever enjoy our hair???????????????????????

[Dreamn]

after reading soooo many posts about others regimens and what they do to try to get their hair to grow, it made me think that we, as in black women, will never be able to enjoy our hair.

it just seems like we have to do so much to make sure it grows without breaking. like taking so many vitamins (some peoples lists are astronomical to me), and eating particular foods that we would normally never eat or spending so much money on products, all to achieve long hair, that it doesnt seem like we can never just let our hair down and relax.

its like working 4 jobs and never getting to spend a penny of the money you make.

so i guess i just wanted to know if anyone else felt this way. it just seems so discouraging because i dont feel like doing so much all the time

 

[inthepink]

I enjoy my hair quite a lot!! In my adult life as it grew longer and healthier, I enjoyed it more than ever. I loved, loved, loved my long healthy, relaxed hair and the attention I got from it!

Now, I'm transitioning and I've fallen so in love with my natural hair texture! I love my hair so much that I want to find the best way to take care of it. I *know* my hair will grow. Growing it long AND healthy is my top priority.

I am trying my best to enjoy the journey and not just concentrate on the goal...heh, simply b/c if I did that, I'd end up being a few years older and I don't want that right now!

 

[localhost]

I feel that I'll always have to give it 250% just to get to where I think I should be. I'm confident that one day, I'll be able to let my hair down and enjoy it, but for now, I have high standards for achieving my goals.

 

[Lindy]

I do know what you mean, Honeydrop. It can sometimes seem frustrating when you're trying to reach a certain goal. Especially when you suffer a setback, like breakage, or a scissor-happy stylist. Growing hair takes an extraordinary amount of patience, (something I've never had a lot of!!) so it's really easy to get obsessed with the idea of having long hair!!

I think that sometimes we need to put things into perspective and just relax and enjoy the hair we DO have and stop thinking of it as a means to an end.

 

[HotCoCoGurl130]

I understand what you mean honeydrop. I personally dont spend that much on products. I do think that being healthy from head to toe is a great goal of mine and I am enjoying the journey. But you have to learn how to relax and not think about it so much. If you do it will drive you up a wall. Trust me, I know.

 

[inthepink]

[ QUOTE ]
Lindy said:
I think that sometimes we need to put things into perspective and just relax and enjoy the hair we DO have and stop thinking of it as a means to an end.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yep...

 

[Nonie]

Honey dear, wipe those tears and listen up. You just don't know what a blessing our hair is and what a wealth of enjoyment it has in store.

I'll start with what a blessing in disguise this hair is. Think about how healthy your eating has been since you started to focus on improving your hair. You eat better, drink more water, exercise... Really, whatever supps you take that made a difference in the health of your hair are just supps you were missing in your diet. (We don't all eat a healthy 100% RDA balanced diet but for the sake of our hair we fixed whatever was was wrong with our diets and bingo the whole body benefits).

Also, a lot of what we have to do for our hair to keep it at its best isn't so different from what other races have to do to keep theirs healthy. Granted our hair is the weakest of all races but what's so hard in just handling it like a baby? It's not really that bad. Just take a tour of the Pantene website and see pics of sad looking Caucasian hair and read what caused the damage or read the universal tips recommended for good hair care. You'll see we aren't so different after all. Our hair may be delicate, it may knot, but it won't be long before we master the art of caring for it. For years we didn't know how and no one cared to find out for us. But thanks to those who researched for people of color, we're learning and quickly catching up.

You watch, just like we've claimed the spotlight in many arenas, we'll soon take charge in the hair arena. Hell, we didn't even wait to learn about our hair before we swaggered on out there claiming our spot. I mean, which other race can wear any hairstyle it so chooses and not just get away with it but look darn good in it. Or even have the audacity to perfect the look???

"Will we ever enjoy our hair?" I think we started doing that a long time ago, and we ain't quite done yet. I know since I joined this board, my love affair with my hair has peaked...I'm seriously considering using my vacation hours to go on a honeymoon ...just the two of us *sang out George Benson style*.

 

[MissJ]

I enjoy my hair. I don't have to eat certain foods, and I don't take vitamins. My hair was good before I came to this board. I did enter that 3 month bun challenge, though, but if y'lal seen pictures of me from the last month y'all know that I slipped up a few times.

 

[melodee]

I try not to get too carried away with my regimen. I like protective styles, but I did not join the bun challenge b/c I knew I wanted to be able to wear it down sometimes. I still opt for braid styles even though many ladies warn against it. I'm off vits for a while, and I'm learning not be obsess on them in the process. And I do blow dry on low every once in a while.

 

[Serei]

I understand. I never really enjoy my hair. As soon as it starts looking up, then I have to be on my toes to make sure it stays that way. With me it is a never ending battle. I can't recall a time when I was perfectly content with my hair. No matter where I go I always see someone with better hair. If I don't think about it, it will just make me feel worse about it. I can't stop and smell the roses because they require too much pruning,(as you can see I also know nothing about gardening).

 

[KittenLongPaw]

Well, if it makes you feel any better, I am also a member of the LongHairCommunity, which I think is primarily composed of White women. If you go over there, they are all doing quite a bit to keep their hair healthy as well. Fabulous conditioners and treatments, vitamins of all types, special brushes and combs, rinses, you name it. I think this is all part of taking the best care of anyone's hair, if you are growing it long. I think that many Black women have to do more because they relax their hair with harsh chemicals. My hair is natural and I enjoy it very much. If I relaxed it, I think it would be a whole different scenario... When I used to relax my hair and use heat on it (pressing, curling irons, blow fryers) it was always dry and damaged. I just couldn't get it to look nice. I don't think you can fry your hair with chemicals and then expect it to look nice without a little extra TLC. Just my opinion

 

[soulchild]

I feel you on this honeydrop. Try not to be so discouraged though, hun.

What these ladies are saying is right on. I'd also like to add that once you get into the perfect streamlined regimin for yourself, it will be a lot easier.

It may seem like we are not enjoying our hair, but with all the knowledge gained here, several members do not necessarily have to do so much anymore. Rather, they must be enjoying it.

 

[Peachtree]

I MUST enjoy mine

... & I do.
It's not fun caring for it unless I get some enjoyment out of it.

 

[CaramelKiss]

Don't feel discouraged. Anything good requires some work and hair especially. All the beautiful long hair u see whether asian or white all required the same amount of work and they have the same problems with tangles and conditioning, over processed hair from hair dyes and perms. And many of them also wear weaves. It's all about making the best of what u have. I spent so much time wanting this type of hair and wanting my hair to do this and that and the other, but once I stopped and just focused on what my hair could do, the compliments came pouring in. I will always continue to admire other people's hair and to ask for hair advice, but I don't allow it to discourage me if it fails. I've realized that what works for others do not work for some and what works for me will not necessarily work on somebody else. I've discovered my hair has a personality of its own. I wish I had begun this journey sooner, but our culture has been so fixated on having long smooth, straight hair. Anything else was considered "bad hair". I'm at the point now where I don't care about how society definition on good hair is. Sexy, beautiful hair is about health, sheen and texture, not length.

 

[Nina_deF]

When I feel down

and totally discouraged, sseing no light at the end of my hair tunnel

,I take a hit of Peachtree's album and feel better almost immediately!

Try it!
It is a tad addictive, though

, but for now at least it's free!

 

[Cami]

[ QUOTE ]
CaramelKiss said:
Don't feel discouraged. Anything good requires some work and hair especially. All the beautiful long hair u see whether asian or white all required the same amount of work and they have the same problems with tangles and conditioning, over processed hair from hair dyes and perms. And many of them also wear weaves. It's all about making the best of what u have. I spent so much time wanting this type of hair and wanting my hair to do this and that and the other, but once I stopped and just focused on what my hair could do, the compliments came pouring in. I will always continue to admire other people's hair and to ask for hair advice, but I don't allow it to discourage me if it fails. I've realized that what works for others do not work for some and what works for me will not necessarily work on somebody else. I've discovered my hair has a personality of its own. I wish I had begun this journey sooner, but our culture has been so fixated on having long smooth, straight hair. Anything else was considered "bad hair". I'm at the point now where I don't care about how society definition on good hair is. Sexy, beautiful hair is about health, sheen and texture, not length.

[/ QUOTE ]

CaramelKiss,
This is just what I needed to hear. I seen this lady at the gym yesterday that was not only cute, she had GORGEOUS hair! I'm 14 wks post relaxer, and I know that my hair isn't the best looking right now, and when I seen her, I got a little jealous. After reading your post, it makes me feel good to know that my hair has it's own personality and I have to work with what I have. It's so easy sometimes to get discouraged, especially if we see someone who's hair has nice texture, looks smooth, or is just beautiful. Just by looking at this lady made me want to put my relaxer in my hair this weekend instead of next weekend, but now after reading this, it'll make me wait to next week.

 

[Allandra]

[ QUOTE ]
hairlove said:
I enjoy my hair quite a lot!!

[/ QUOTE ]
Me too.

 

[brownrelaxedhair]

[ QUOTE ]
Allandra said:
[ QUOTE ]
hairlove said:
I enjoy my hair quite a lot!!

[/ QUOTE ]
Me too.

[/ QUOTE ]

and me too.

 

[asha]

I enjoy my hair also...however I feel you on what you are saying. I went through a phase when I first started my hair journey where I was quite obsessive about my hair being in a bun or wearing protective styles. I would worry if I saw even one strand in the comb...I would do elasticity tests on every hair that shedded and check for the little white bulb. It got to the point where I wasn't enjoying my hair at all...it just felt like a lot of hard work. It wasn't until I started writing my undergrad thesis that I realized that i could enjoy my hair and it would still flourish. Because my thesis took up so much time, I had little time to worry about much else...I spent most of my time in the library or on a computer. To make a long story short..I basically began showering, wetting my hair in the shower, putting in some oil and letting it dry hanging down as i'm rushing to the library. Now that phase of my life is over and I have learned that I can wear my hair however I want, and you know what..some of them white girls in my dorm have to put ALOT of gunk in there hair, use a blow dryer, flat iron and curling iron to get there hair looking good. Once you live with others you learn a lot about what goes into their regime. Many of them don't step out of bed with "good" hair. And believe me, this is true.

 

[aqualung]

My boyfriend and I most "enjoy" my hair down in ringlets. My stylist and mom compliment my hair when it's rollerset straight and swinging. My guitar teacher is so psyched that my (straightened) hair hangs over the frets when I play. Whatever, dude.

I get most annoyed with my hair when it's 6-8 weeks past touchup and my usual conditioners don't provide enough slip to detangle easily. I'm most pleased with it during the 1st 6 weeks after touchup when tangles are no problem and any ole' conditioner will do. Sampling new products has started feeling like a chore. I'll be happiest when I've identified staple detangling and moisturizing products that work even when I need a touchup. Then I can put home hair care on autopilot, and the length will come.

 

[Chuli]

i feel as if my hair is an extension of my beauty. my hair has to look good in order for me to look good. thats why im a hair product junkie....

 

[CrownnGlori]

I really enjoy my hair. I feel awesome when It looks awesome. I just consider it a hobby. Taking care of me.If I don't take care of me who will?

 

[PrettyBrownEyes]

I enjoy my hair!

I do not subscribe to the belief of wearing Protective Styles 99% of the time.

I take 1 multi vitamin daily for my overall health.

Other than that, I wash and condition my hair regularly and wear it down most of the time, and it still prospers.

 

[KittenLongPaw]

[ QUOTE ]
PrettyBrownEyes said:
I enjoy my hair!

I do not subscribe to the belief of wearing Protective Styles 99% of the time.

I take 1 multi vitamin daily for my overall health.

Other than that, I wash and condition my hair regularly and wear it down most of the time, and it still prospers.

[/ QUOTE ]
Same here

My hair is down almost daily, and it looks better than it ever has because I am finally learning how to care for it properly! I think if I wore my hair up all the time, I would be very discouraged. I like to be able to show off my progress.

 

[GinuwinesBoo]

Well the reality is our hair is extremely fragile and too keep it healthy and strong we have to put time in it because not everyone is happy with having damaged hair. yeah taking a bizillion vitamins is not necessary but some women want to get there quicker.

 

[Ipanema]

Well, I've been enjoying my hair lately after discovering hair boards. I've gotten so many style & product ideas. Right now, I'm on a no-oil routine, and I like to tell people to touch my hair & feel how soft it is. I guess if I'm going to have a skin care routine and an exercise routine, why not a haircare routine?

 

[Isis]

I love my hair very much and appreciate it even more since joining this board. Our hair is the most versatile hair on the planet; we have the broadest variety of textures and learning how to keep it healthy, beautiful and grow it to the length I want makes me happy and gives me a great sense of accomplishment.

 

[Dreamn]

thanks everyone, im not all the discouraged but its like i see pics of you guys with great looking hair and my reaction is

and then you post your regimen and im like

. i just dont have the time for extensive regimens that take hours to complete nor do i have the desire to spend 1-2 hrs conditioning and washing my hair.

i know many of you enjoy your hair but it seems like as soon as someone posts something positive about their hair, its time for it to be sheltered into a bun or some other sort of protective styles.

sigh, i dont know if this is making sense, but dang cant i let my hair down and just chill!!

 

[CaramelKiss]

[ QUOTE ]
Cami said:
[ QUOTE ]
CaramelKiss said:
Don't feel discouraged. Anything good requires some work and hair especially. All the beautiful long hair u see whether asian or white all required the same amount of work and they have the same problems with tangles and conditioning, over processed hair from hair dyes and perms. And many of them also wear weaves. It's all about making the best of what u have. I spent so much time wanting this type of hair and wanting my hair to do this and that and the other, but once I stopped and just focused on what my hair could do, the compliments came pouring in. I will always continue to admire other people's hair and to ask for hair advice, but I don't allow it to discourage me if it fails. I've realized that what works for others do not work for some and what works for me will not necessarily work on somebody else. I've discovered my hair has a personality of its own. I wish I had begun this journey sooner, but our culture has been so fixated on having long smooth, straight hair. Anything else was considered "bad hair". I'm at the point now where I don't care about how society definition on good hair is. Sexy, beautiful hair is about health, sheen and texture, not length.

[/ QUOTE ]

CaramelKiss,
This is just what I needed to hear. I seen this lady at the gym yesterday that was not only cute, she had GORGEOUS hair! I'm 14 wks post relaxer, and I know that my hair isn't the best looking right now, and when I seen her, I got a little jealous. After reading your post, it makes me feel good to know that my hair has it's own personality and I have to work with what I have. It's so easy sometimes to get discouraged, especially if we see someone who's hair has nice texture, looks smooth, or is just beautiful. Just by looking at this lady made me want to put my relaxer in my hair this weekend instead of next weekend, but now after reading this, it'll make me wait to next week.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hi Cami

Glad I was able to help out!! It can get discouraging especially after seeing a glorious head of hair but don't u worry, because u are on the right track and soon, it will be your hair that people will be pointing at and wishing that it was theirs!!!

 

[Victorian]

Re: Will we ever enjoy our hair???????????????????

I enjoy all this fuss with my hair. I think it's fun

I guess the reason why the bun challenge, etc. doesn't bother me is that I was already wearing protective styles 99% of the time, even though I had no intention of doing a "protective style," I was just lazy

I can imagine that if you are used to wearing your hair out, turning to a mostly updo regimen can be frustrating.
Just remember, not everyone does protective styles all the time, and your hair will always be growing, it's just about how you take care of it. You could wear it out everyday but if you're taking good care of your ends it'll look just fine.