"You Have Some Really Long Hair..."

[renee_n_3000]

Hi ladies. I have two questions about this.

If someone says this (and only this) to you, do you consider it a compliment?

Or, if you say this to someone, do you mean it as a compliment and expect the person to say "thank you" in response, even if you do not add something like "it's pretty" or another statement that makes it clear that you really meant it as a compliment? Are you just making a general, observational statement for which no particular response is expected?

The reason I ask is that I get this comment from time to time and it happened again tonight. I was in a store and got into the check-out line. The man in front of me turned around and said, "Wow, you've got some long hair!" I just laughed and smiled at him. He also said, "go ahead," and waived me in front of him in line. So then I said, "thank you," in response to that nice gesture, not his comment about my hair.

In these situations, I usually wonder afterwards if I responded in the 'right' manner. I never think it's appropriate for me to say "Thank you," because the person was not actually complimenting me or my hair, and it would be presumptuous of me to assume that they were. Really, all they are doing is making a general observation. If they also say "It's so pretty" or "You're pretty" or something along those lines, that is obviously a compliment and I will automatically thank them. But a general statement about the length is just like saying "Wow, your hair is dark brown" or "The sky is blue."

But, the thing is, sometimes after a person makes a "your hair is long" comment, without adding anything else, they then stare at you expectantly, like they feel they've just given a compliment and they expect you to say thank you. So, I'm not sure if that's what they are expecting. I don't want to inadvertently insult someone by not thanking them for something they feel is a compliment. But the thing is, for all I know, they may be thinking, "and you really should cut it" or something, so I can't just assume they meant it nicely unless they actually make it clear to me that they did.

So, I was just curious as to what you ladies think of these situations. Do you feel one should be presumptuous and say "thank you," or just treat it as the generalized observation it is by just smiling and nodding like I usually do. Sometimes I will say, "Yes, I just do light trims" or "Yeah, I haven't cut it short in a while," or something like that if I think of it. That way I'm acknowledging the comment but not automatically assuming they were complimenting me. Usually the person then adds something about it being pretty, etc., and, of course, I thank them.

 

[ccd]

When people say this to me I just smile or... say yeah takes forever to dry, try to deflect it.... what the heck else can I say....I make a joke sometimes, if I know they are lookin for tracks..... I show my scalp and say see no tracks ( has to be someone I know pretty well.)

 

[rdm]

Then the next question is....Is it yours? I am alway proud to show that there are NO tracks.

 

[renee_n_3000]

Fortunately, I don't get many questions as to whether it's real. If I respond to someone by saying, "Thank you, your hair is pretty, too," often the woman will say, "Thanks, but yours is actually real."

I have sometimes wondered how they can tell it's real when so many other ladies say people assume they have a weave. Maybe my hair doesn't look perfect enough to be mistaken for a weave? erplexed I'm glad that most people seem to be able to tell it's real, though.

I'm not very good at spotting weaves and wigs unless they are obvious. Last week, I complemented a girl on her beautiful short hair cut. It was about one inch long at the longest points, and very stylish. She told me it was a wig! I was shocked.

 

[Country gal]

It is not really a direct compliment. I think it is a statement of amazement.

 

[renee_n_3000]

I agree, Country Gal, so I'm glad you see it that way, too. That's why it's so strange and I wonder what kind of reaction/reply they are expecting when they just stand there looking at you afterwards. But fortunately, those people are rare in my experience. Most people who comment do so by saying something that is clearly complimentary.

 

[Babygurl]

I always get the "you have long hair", "Is it yours" questions and I personally take it as a compliment to the hard work Ive done to get my hair to the length it is. I never take anything too seriously and thinking too much about it too much is not really worth it.

 

[Supergirl]

I don't consider it to be a compliment. It's really just a statement. I will usually say something like "thanks for noticing." That's still somewhat awkward, but I would feel even sillier saying "thank you."

 

[renee_n_3000]

Hey, BabyGurl, I agree with you but I have nothing to do for the next few hours. LOL Just kidding. I can't wait until Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow!

 

[Curlee_lurker]

I get "you have a lot of hair" and I giggle and say yeah. I have no idea what else to say and what is there to say thanks about?

"You sure do have on a black shirt...."
"thanks?"

I mean I dunno, but it's almost always followed up with is it yours, is it naturally that curly or them plunging their hands in it.

 

[renee_n_3000]

I don't consider it to be a compliment. It's really just a statement. I will usually say something like "thanks for noticing." That's still somewhat awkward, but I would feel even sillier saying "thank you."

Oh, I wish I had the chutzpah to say that. If anyone ever says it in a rude way, I just might.

Once when I was younger, I had just cut a few inches off my hair due to split ends and I accompanied my older sister in visiting her friend and her husband. The woman had only met me once years before and commented that she had forgotten that my hair was so long. I said something like, "Oh, thank you for calling it long," since I was still missing my few inches that were gone.

Then the husband snottily said, "You mean YOU don't KNOW that your hair is long?" with a rude look on his face. So then I had to say that I had just cut it and was getting used to it, etc., like I was defending myself or something. He was a real jerk.

 

[ritzbitz78]

I am 6 feet tall, so I get a lot of comments on my height like: "wow, you're tall" I used to wonder what that meant, but now I realize that a compliment is in the ear of the beholder (or at least it should be) So I just say thankyou... Think of it as society's sad attempt to make conversation, the fact they verbalized it meant it is more than a thought in their mind

I just simply say "Thank You" No matter what their motive or message is...

Now apply analogy to your gorgeous long hair

 

[renee_n_3000]

Thanks, ritzbitz78 (Cute name!)

I have wondered how tall people, especially women, feel about being told they are tall, as if they didn't already know. I have never felt the need to inform someone that they are tall, though I sometimes wish I were a bit taller.

 

[prettywhitty]

Usually after someone tells you that you are tall, then they say " You must have played sports when you were younger." That always gets on my nerves.

 

[renee_n_3000]

Miz Jackson, are you saying you weren't a basketball or volleyball star? Just kidding, girl.

I have just decided that if someone makes the purely observational "long" comment again, I will laugh and say, "Yes, and is that a good thing or a bad thing?' Not because I care what their answer or opinion is, but because maybe it will get them to think about what they said and what their real meaning was. Then perhaps they will phrase it differently for the next long-haired person they comment upon. Maybe that would work for tall people too.

 

[ritzbitz78]

when they ask: "you're tall, do you play basketball?" I say: "you're short, do you play miniature golf?" Actually I may have said this out loud to someone maybe once. Most of the time I just tell other tall women this line, and they love it!

 

[DDTexlaxed]

Once I hear that comment, I will have achieved my hair goal! Your hair does sound pretty. How do U do your touch ups?:notworthy

 

[honey_jammz82]

I wore my hair down and really big and curly to church one Sunday, and my pastor(who is white) looked at me and goes "THAT'S QUITE A HAIRDO YOU GOT THERE". I kind of froze up for a minute and then I smiled real big and said thank you. I was seriously at a loss for words..what kind of response was he looking for in return? Is he trying to be funny...in church? I don't know, I have a hard time figuring people out sometimes!

 

[naturallylovely]

if the dude said "wow" he must have been amazed and in awe. if i were to say something like that to someone i would mean it as a compliment. when people say you have long hair and they say it with a smile and a happy tone in their voice, they mean it as a compliment and i dont think it would come out the same way if they we thinking "and you really need to cut it."

 

[Vshanell]

A lot of times when women do this I think they are just being nosey and trying to get you to say weather it's real or not. Usually after they say it they star at your head real hard w/ a blank look. Most of the time when people say it to me I smile or just say, "yeah, I know". I don't really know what else they want me to say.

 

[nikki86]

IN MY OPINON ITS A COMPLIMENT,BUT FOR SOME REASON I NEVER SAY THANK YOU TO PEOPLE WHO SAY THIS TO ME, BECAUSE LIKE SOMEONE ELSE STATED ITS MORE OF A COMMENT

I MOSTLY GET IT FROM WOMAN , MEN SURPRISINGLY NOTICE MY THICKNESS MORE SO THAN MY LENGTH, LIKE "WOW GIRL U GOT SOME THICK HAIR" , TO ME ITS LIKE A OBSERVATION

 

[MissFallon]

I am 6 feet tall, so I get a lot of comments on my height like: "wow, you're tall" I used to wonder what that meant, but now I realize that a compliment is in the ear of the beholder (or at least it should be) So I just say thankyou... Think of it as society's sad attempt to make conversation, the fact they verbalized it meant it is more than a thought in their mind

I just simply say "Thank You" No matter what their motive or message is...

Now apply analogy to your gorgeous long hair

I'm guilty of this. I am only 4'10 and love seeing women who are tall (anyone over 5'8) I usually say "wow your tall" and then follow with something like "thats awsome" or "your lucky" I always say it and make it come across as a compliment because that is what it is meant to be

 

[renee_n_3000]

Once I hear that comment, I will have achieved my hair goal! Your hair does sound pretty. How do U do your touch ups?:notworthy

Hi, DDtexlaxd. I hope you hear this comment much sooner than you expect, then.

To do my touch-ups, I part my hair in four equal sections and twist and pin each section up separately to keep them out of the way. I start my application with the back right section, then move to the section that's to the left of that, and continue in that manner.

To apply the relaxer/texturizer, I use the "brush" part of a tint brush and use the handle of it to part each small section. I work quickly so that the relaxer has a good amount of time to sit on my hair after I've finished applying it and smoothing it with my (gloved) fingers. I apply to the new growth only, as best as I can tell/see. I only touch-up a few times a year, so I usually have about two inches or more of new growth, which makes it easy to avoid overlapping much.

When I rinse the relaxer out, I start with the section I applied it to first, then move on to the second, etc. That way, each section has had the relaxer on it for about the same amount of time.

Please let me know if I've left anything out that you'd like to know.

 

[Guyaneek]

IMO, it is just a comment and it could be that the person either doesn't know how to make a compliment or they are trying to find out if you will respond in a way that will allow them to determine if it is your natural hair I would respond by saying something as other posters suggested, "it takes forever to dry", or "takes forever to do anything other than a ponytail". Something like that. To me, those statements are also confirmation that it is your natural grown hair.

 

[Tallulah Belle]

It seems odd to me that you wouldn't assume that someone who commented on your long hair was complimenting you.

The lovely ladies on this site live for longer hair, so we can safely say that length is universally a positive thing, can't we? Like someone saying "wow, you have a really big house", it can only be meant in a positive way, whether it is expressed explicitly or not.

 

[Country gal]

I like Babygurl's perpective too. When folks tell me my hair is really growing, I think it as a compliment to all my hardwork.

 

[sylver2]

OMG!! This just happened to me. At Thanksgiving.
A friend of family kept staring at me and then said 'Your hair is really long now'...with no expression on her face, no smile, no more comments but stared at me. I said 'umm.. yeh' and giggled a little.
I didnt kno wether to say thank u or what, she wasnt smiling and she couldnt have been jealous or anything I dont think.. her hair is waay longer then mine.
It made me uncomfortable though because it just didnt seem like a compliment.

 

[mango387]

OMG!! This just happened to me. At Thanksgiving.
A friend of family kept staring at me and then said 'Your hair is really long now'...with no expression on her face, no smile, no more comments but stared at me. I said 'umm.. yeh' and giggled a little.
I didnt kno wether to say thank u or what, she wasnt smiling and she couldnt have been jealous or anything I dont think.. her hair is waay longer then mine.
It made me uncomfortable though because it just didnt seem like a compliment.

Sometimes people think that no else can have long hair, dress nicely, do well in school, etc. but them. When other individuals catch up with or surpass them in whatever way, it may serve as a "check" on their reality. That does not mean that the person is jealous or anything, but they may have to deal with the fact that someone will always be inferior/equal/superior to them. I might be wrong, but this sounds like what may have been happening with your family friend.

 

[pistachio]

My male boss is nosey and -ish so when I wore my real hair to work for the first time I made sure to wear two pony tails with a part going ALL THE WAY down the middle of my scalp so that I can nip any "is it real?" questions in the bud...