if a child has short, damage breaking off hair....

[FineChyna]

isn't that a reflection on the mother? it may sound like a dumb question but i noticed here that some woman have been asking about products to help their daughters hair, which to me shows that they are interested. i know some people now who have daughters and for whatever reasons their hair is in ruins because the mother doesn't know what she is doing, but at the same time the mother isn't TRYING to figure it out either. i am guessing they are stuck on the belief that everyone has different hair and not everyone's hair can be long. but to me something is wrong when your child hair is very very short and uneven and the mother should try to figure out whats going wrong. but i could be mistaken though because many people have poor hair habits and have hair problems too. but i was passing through and wanted to see what ya'll think.

 

[Victorian]

Re: if a child has short, damage breaking off hair

Welcome!

I totally agree. Little kids don't know anything about taking care of hair, their mothers should care enough to not have them going out with their hair lookin whack. What really is sad is when momma has her hair hooked up and her little girl's hair is sparse and stickin up all over her head, giving the child the appearance of a newborn baby bird. It always makes me happy to hear about the mothers here caring for their girls' hair and getting them started with healthy hair practices

 

[ineedmoney]

i think it shows that the mother doesn't know how to handle the child's hair. not everything works for everyone(example my type 3 mother putting a mild perm in my type 4 hair) plus we do got some confusing hair as black ppl. i think what is worse is seeing kids of other races loooking all wild with obviously dirty hair.

 

[FineChyna]

yes ineedmoney i would agree with BUT at the same time couldn't you ask someone ? go to a salon, read up on different heair textures and try to educate yourself for you kids sake? i know my godsister's hair was ruined by her mother cause she had no clue what she was doing but didn't try to figure it out and the poor girl was bald headed and walking around w/ a small fro until she was at least 11 yrs old, when she was old enough to get hair savy.

 

[Nacai23]

I think that it is the mothers fault if the child is walking around with short hair. I saw a girl at Sallys yesterday with bald spots on the side of her head. I just shook my head in shame. Her mommys hair was tight though. The girl looked to be about 12/13. She had lots of sisters and their hair was short too. I guess they were there to fix their hair problems. At least I hope.
My daughter is two years old with hair almost to her waist. I take better care of my daughters hair than I do mine. I just don't see how a mother could allow their child to walk around looking like that.

 

[Karonica]

I agree. Unless the child is sick or something, their hair generally reflects on the parents.

What irks me is when I see a 2 year old child with a thousand and two barettes on her head walking around with cornrows so tight, she looks like she's in shock. How can parents do that?

 

[ineedmoney]

if you think this is how it is suppose to be then maybe you think why bother. plus salons are expensive and sometimes they will mess you up more then if you did it yourself. i know then when i grow up and have kids i will use the knowledge i'm getting know and take care of my daughters (and maybe my sons) hair, teach them about health over length, and make and effort to end that good hair bad hair crap!

 

[sassygirl125]

I've noticed that a lot of people believe that you are either "lucky" or "unlucky" when it comes to having long, healthy hair. Some people can do anything, everything or nothing to their hair and still manage to look like they just stepped out of a magazine ad. Others have to work at it.

[ QUOTE ]
What irks me is when I see a 2 year old child with a thousand and two barettes on her head walking around with cornrows so tight, she looks like she's in shock.

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I hate this hairstyle! It looks so painful! I see little girls with braids so tight they have bumps on their foreheads.

 

[Brooke007]

Well I know of an asian woman with 4 kids, one is a biracial female child who could have a glorious mane of hair. It's evident that she makes no effort for the biracial child. Her hair is a matted tangled dry mess. With a deep conditioner every now and then it could be an Ananda Lewis rival with double or triple the thickness. I have some personal speculation that she is resentful of the child for being black but that's another story/thread. It's very sad to me and I don't know her enough to say anything plus I swear I heard her use the "N" word to her own child. I know fine haircare isn't the mark of a good parent, but it does make you wonder.

 

[Karonica]

I've seen children whose styles are so tight, it literally looks like their scalp is being tugged.

 

[dontspeakdefeat]

[ QUOTE ]
I've noticed that a lot of people believe that you are either "lucky" or "unlucky" when it comes to having long, healthy hair. Some people can do anything, everything or nothing to their hair and still manage to look like they just stepped out of a magazine ad. Others have to work at it.

[ QUOTE ]
What irks me is when I see a 2 year old child with a thousand and two barettes on her head walking around with cornrows so tight, she looks like she's in shock.

[/ QUOTE ]

I hate this hairstyle! It looks so painful! I see little girls with braids so tight they have bumps on their foreheads.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree!

 

[ms_kenesha]

I think that sometimes it is a reflection of the mother, but you said why don't they go to a salon, etc. As we all know here stylists are not all knowing and have wrecked many a head of hair, young & old.

Also, I'm sorry, but some of it may be genetics (I hope I don't get bashed). I know a lot of you all on here think that anyone can achieve long hair if they just try hard enough or find a magic formula, but that is not always the case. Think about little girls you've seen with short, but not damaged hair, their genetics may be what is keeping them from having long hair.

Now I don't like when someone puts super tight cornrows in their child's hair, or has 30lb. extension braids in their hair either.

 

[nita4]

As the mother of two daughters, I would say sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't. Not all mothers neglect their daughters' hair on purpose. It could be a lack of knowledge, or it could be that they just aren't into hair. There is a lady that lives across the street from me that isn't into hair at all and has three girls. Most of the time their hair looks pretty tore up, but their hair is also thick and long. My babies hair is 4A, short, thin, fine and breaks easily. She was born this way and I take care of her hair. I'm praying for the day when she'll have a growth spurt!! But for now she is groomed, shampooed twice a week with conditioning treatments, no tight bands and it's growing, but slowly.

 

[Stylepink]

I have to agree nita4. I think most people just do not know how to take care of our type of hair. I just learned a few months ago. I don't think its neglect, its just very unfortunate that we have listened all these years to the stereotype that "black women have BAD hair". Very few people really know the "truth" regarding our hair.

 

[HotCoCoGurl130]

I too hate when I see young girls with their hair a mess. I also know a woman who gave her one year old a perm(for what reason I do not know). But I do agree that it is a lack of knowledge. Especially when it comes to non-black mothers having black children who have very unpredictable hair. I think that whatever background you are it is your duty to keep your child groomed apropriately. I am not saying to go to the hair dressers each week but just put some effort into what your children look like because no matter what you look like your chilren reflect you and who you are.

 

[dontspeakdefeat]

[ QUOTE ]
I am not saying to go to the hair dressers each week but just put some effort into what your children look like because no matter what you look like your chilren reflect you and who you are.


[/ QUOTE ]
I agree DC3!

 

[virgomoongoddess]

I think maybe people are being a bit judgemental about mothers and their daughter's hair. I can't tell you how mant times I have heard one of my friends say they went to stay with a relative for a week or so and they were given a perm (with bad results might i ad) without their mother's permission. Also once kids get a certain age they want to experiment with their own hair. I know from experience that kids want to look like their friends and wear the latest thing that is cute at their school, no matter how bad it is for their hair. My own sister broke her hair off SEVERELY by trying to style it herself. Stylist don't help. They often don't take the time to do a deep conditioner because they want to get as many people in at one time. Although i will agree that the mother bares some responsiblity, there are also a number of factor (including the mother's knowledge of hair and time she spends on her daughter's hair) that determine how healthy the child's hair is. Just because a child's hair isn't the healthiest doesn't her mother is a unfit parent.

 

[FineChyna]

[ QUOTE ]
I think maybe people are being a bit judgemental about mothers and their daughter's hair. I can't tell you how mant times I have heard one of my friends say they went to stay with a relative for a week or so and they were given a perm (with bad results might i ad) without their mother's permission. Also once kids get a certain age they want to experiment with their own hair. I know from experience that kids want to look like their friends and wear the latest thing that is cute at their school, no matter how bad it is for their hair. My own sister broke her hair off SEVERELY by trying to style it herself. Stylist don't help. They often don't take the time to do a deep conditioner because they want to get as many people in at one time. Although i will agree that the mother bares some responsiblity, there are also a number of factor (including the mother's knowledge of hair and time she spends on her daughter's hair) that determine how healthy the child's hair is. Just because a child's hair isn't the healthiest doesn't her mother is a unfit parent.

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OMG i was suggesting that at all. i am talking about children who clearly can't really do hair themselves and they have bald patches or that shocked look in their eyes all the time. granted not everyone can have hair down to their waist or bra strap there is no reason in my eyes that your child should be blading, have their hair pulled so tight they have bumps on their scalp, etc. i was just noting an observation that some things are preventable. like for example when my mother was lil she used to swim alot and her hair broke off cause she didn't & my grandmother didn't know enough to wash the clorine out her hair when she was done. when i was younger the same thing happened to me except that my mother saw my aunt washing my cousins' hair religiously after swimming and they had super long hair. for whatever reason it never dawned on my mom to ask my aunt why she washed her kids hair after swimming or even try to figure out why my hair was all broken off in the back of my head. no it wasn't necessarly neglect but she didn't TRY to figure out anything either.

i just think that some people might want to do some research into their daughters hair once and awhile instead of having them walking around looking crazy. black hair is consider a mystery even to black people but knowledge is power so why not learn? what you can learn about your child's hair can also help you in the long run

 

[Boadicea]

I had a friend whose mother put baby lotion in her hair. Her hair was never longer than her ear lobe even now as an adult. She very rarely washed her hair (about once every two months) and would wear braids that weren't done properly. They'd fall out as she would walk.

 

[inthestars]

[ QUOTE ]
isn't that a reflection on the mother? it may sound like a dumb question but i noticed here that some woman have been asking about products to help their daughters hair, which to me shows that they are interested. i know some people now who have daughters and for whatever reasons their hair is in ruins because the mother doesn't know what she is doing, but at the same time the mother isn't TRYING to figure it out either. i am guessing they are stuck on the belief that everyone has different hair and not everyone's hair can be long. but to me something is wrong when your child hair is very very short and uneven and the mother should try to figure out whats going wrong. but i could be mistaken though because many people have poor hair habits and have hair problems too. but i was passing through and wanted to see what ya'll think.

[/ QUOTE ]

Some women are not in touch with reality about hair. My hair fell out in the back when I was 12, yet my mother still wanted my hair relaxed. So, from that point on, my hair in the back was always thin. Unfortunately, she wasn't smart enough to make the connection between relaxers and my hair falling out..

 

[Sweetyb]

So... what would you say about.....

What would you all say about a mother who doesn't want to put 'too much money' into her daughter's hair?

This thread reminds me of my 12yr. old sister... Her hair is relaxed, and is maybe 4" and uneven (shaped like a bike helmet). My mom has tried everything with her hair, even Wave Nuvou (jerri curl)--bought the whole 9 (it's like 9-12 bottles of treatment that comes in a set!)... but everything resulted in her hair breaking. I remember when I was 19 and growing my hair natural, I offered to take over my sister's hair for a few months. Little did I know she had beautiful natural hair in that scalp of hers. But because I couldn't make it as nice as I could 3 years later, because I was just learning myself, when she left her hair out it would look matted all over.... my mom had enough and put her back on chemicals. Her hair CAN grow.

My sister loves braids, specifically cornrows... BUT my mother thinks that braiders charge too much. She says that no one should spend that much on a child's head.

I ALWAYS get good deals. when I had a friend do micro's on my other sister's hair for $40, my mother said we were duped. *snickers* When I had my little sister's hair cornrowed like she wanted, it cost me i believe $55 for medium 2 layer cornrows... she says that's too much and doesn't want me taking her to have her hair braided without her approval of the price first. Now, for those of you who KNOW, these are some pretty reasonable prices. My mom once had a lady come to our house to do individuals on us for $35 or $40. After some months, she had her # changed, she gave us a # that didn't work... and she never called. Hmm, wonder why, lol.

But since she's starting school next week, I think she'll let me take her to get her braids done.

My mom tries, she's just fustrated. When she has the energy, she'll do some traditional style on her head.

What do you guys think?
---------

Also, should 12 be old enough to be able to take care of your hair? I remember when I was that age, I wasn't taking care of my hair--I didn't care about it and hated when it was relaxer time, or worse--hotcomb time!

It was H.S. that I started to care how my hair looked, and wanted to learn how to take care of it.

 

[FineChyna]

Re: So... what would you say about.....

^^^ i think 12 is old enough to start learning how to do you hair. unfortunately for me i started doing my hair at 10. my mom would "try" to do it at night when she had "time" but of course i would have bed hair so i learned to take the ponytails out slap some grease on and smooth it down with a brush. by 11 i was doing my hair 100% on my own which was a bad thing because i totally messed up my hair by brushing it w/ a hair bristled brush and by 13 my long hair broke off and was really damaged. so its best that she start learning with her mother watching.

but on a side note its to bad that your mom doesn't see that your sister is not taking the chemicals well and she needs to dish out the money for braids or braid the girls her herself. those braid deals you are getting are fantastic and seem to be the best thing for her hair.

 

[FineChyna]

Re: So... what would you say about.....

another thing i want to point out is that i wasn't balming parents who do the best they can w/ their kids hair. i understand numerous fators cause hair problems in children but its clear that some people really don't even try. like baby lotion is just plain ole stupid along w/some other things people do but i guess they don't know any better. but at the same time i would think people would try to learn or figure out what to do. i know some women who's hair is healthy and a decent length but because their child has a different hair texture or is harder to manage they feel like its not worth the xtra effort cause maybe corse hair is supposed to be short. i dunno this is just how i feel. i think some women need to learn something about their hair

 

[Sweetyb]

Re: So... what would you say about.....

I think it was "around" that time of 12yrs that my mom wanted me to take care of my hair. But it wasn't happenin'. I tried my best, like putting a roller on my "bangs" and spraying it. But by 15 yrs, we'd be beggin' our mom to take us to the salon for a re-touch 'cause the "naps" were growing in. My sis' prob is that she'll spray her hair, rub cream in it, comb it and go... but the foudation is bad. I think you're right that her hair may not be taking relaxers well, and they keep changing the brand. I think that if you use chemicals you should stick with one brand and one type, right?
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks those prices are reasonable. I think now that she's so overwhelmed, I have a feeling I'll be taking over soon.... I live 50mi away, but I can do it! Braids all the way.

Thanks for your input

 

[northernbelle]

Re: if a child has short, damage breaking off hair

An interesting discussion.

Hair and hair care has always been very important to my mother. From the time I was about two years old, my mother pressed my hair with a warm straightening comb.

As a toddler, my hair was very short. So, mommy placed an order with Gold Medal ( a Black hair care company based in Long Island), and ordered a hair care kit for children. The kit contained a shampoo, pressing creme, and a small pressing comb. The pressing creme and shampoo containers had a lamb labeled on them. My mother used the proucts and the straighening comb faithfuly every week, and my hair began to grow.

My mother pressed my hair until I decided to get it professionally relaxed. That was when I was 22 years old.

Mom still presses her own hair, and it is very pretty. Interestingly, my late maternal grandmother sported a relaxer until her death at age 86. Her hair was long and beautiful. Mom had some really traumatic experiences with relaxers and beauticians, which is why she presses her hai, and stays far away from hair salons.

northernbelle

 

[FineChyna]

Re: if a child has short, damage breaking off hair

[ QUOTE ]
An interesting discussion.

Hair and hair care has always been very important to my mother. From the time I was about two years old, my mother pressed my hair with a warm straightening comb.

As a toddler, my hair was very short. So, mommy placed an order with Gold Medal ( a Black hair care company based in Long Island), and ordered a hair care kit for children. The kit contained a shampoo, pressing creme, and a small pressing comb. The pressing creme and shampoo containers had a lamb labeled on them. My mother used the proucts and the straighening comb faithfuly every week, and my hair began to grow.

My mother pressed my hair until I decided to get it professionally relaxed. That was when I was 22 years old.

Mom still presses her own hair, and it is very pretty. Interestingly, my late maternal grandmother sported a relaxer until her death at age 86. Her hair was long and beautiful. Mom had some really traumatic experiences with relaxers and beauticians, which is why she presses her hai, and stays far away from hair salons.

northernbelle

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see thats the difference. you come from a long line of people who found the way to take care of their hair that worked and passed their knowledge down. most people come from a line of women who are just as confused about their hair as a white person would be. its not their fault but like i said black hair is considered a mystery but the knowledge is out there.
good post!

 

[northernbelle]

Re: if a child has short, damage breaking off hair

FineChyna, I agree with you. Black folk certainly do not have the market cornered on ignorance re: proper hair care. I have seen too many fried, dyed and laid to the side White folk out there as well.

Additionally, as many of us have discovered, hair care professionals in some cases exacerbate the problem. For example, have any of you ever observed the amount of heat that emits from a professional blow dryer used in a salon? That thing literally smokes! No joke! Pretty scary.

I think we each need to remember that we come from different places with respect to hair care. Furthermore, we should reflect on where we were with respect to our own hair and product knowledge *prior* to discovering the LHCF. This Board has resulted in a major learning curve for me with respect to my hair, and I am thriving in this knowlege.

It's about sharing the wealth of knowledge that we gain with our family and friends. Some will be receptive, some will not, but keep at it, nonetheless. We will succeed in converting at least one person along the way.

northernbelle