Love is in the Hair – Celebrating Black Love & Natural Hair

[Kneechay]

I don't know if this has already been posted, but if it has, someone let me know.

With all these debates between natural vs relaxed, I thought I'd start a positive thread about naturals, why? Because I'm natural. (Relaxed ladies feel free to start one) Everyone alike though is welcomed to participate because I think this can be an interesting thread.

In the "Backlash against relaxed hair?" thread, Foodie, a poster currently in cosmetology school, posted that her clients decide to go back to relaxers because they feel 'ugly'. - I know when I started on my journey, I'll never forget a friend joking around that in the south & especially in Houston, she doesn't understand why a man would holla at girls whose hair looks like pubic hair

I honestly think sometimes people's lowered self-esteem because they're transitioning or when they BC is mostly in their heads, maybe I'm wrong. It's usually because they feel men don't like it.

I can attest to the fact that it's not a deterrent. lol. Perhaps this thread can help someone considering going natural worried about dating. (Let's not front as though this isn't an issue)

With this thread, I want to showcase & discuss dating and natural hair. I was reading a blog and it led me to Clutch Magazine's post on Black love & kinky hair. (check it out, it's pretty cool)

Leila Noelliste of bglhonline.com decided to shed some light on the negative attention black women have received in the media concerning relationships. She created a post entitled "Love is in the Hair" where her natural readers were to submit photos of themselves pictured with their lovers.

Peep some pics from the article: <---

I LOVE pictures!!


Check out the rest of the gallery here

Please feel free to add your pictures if you like!!


So I had a couple questions to spark discussion & I encourage everyone to answer personally and honestly about their experiences, whether relaxed or natural.

- If relaxed, do you think going natural will decrease your chances of being approached?
a) why?
b) do you think location has any corrolation?

- Do you think Black men HONESTLY like natural hair? What have been your experiences?

-If natural, do you feel more or less confident in the dating scene with your look?

- What kind of men do you think approach natural haired women?

- How would you react if you personally liked relaxed hair, but your man was adamant that you go natural?

- Has your natural hair improved/ruined your love life?

- Do you believe men when they say "It doesn't matter"?

I think this can be a fun, eye-opening thread. It's not about trying to find out what will get a man. It's more about how we internally feel about ourselves and dating in regards to our hair. I don't know, I feel somewhere in this discussion, we can learn something.

Again, please feel free to add your pictures if you like!!

 

[labellenoire]

Great thread with some real thought-provoking questions. I do not have much to add except to say that I really hope that sometime in the near future, the issue of an individual's hair TEXTURE will stopped being discussed as a contentious issue and simply be accepted as what is. Personally, I find hair (relaxed or in its natural state) which is unhealthy unattractive. This also extends to all races and not just Black people. My point being that irrespective of someone's hair texture (I am not referring 'hair types' - which I personally find to be a futile concept), the healthier it is, the more attractive it is and vice versa.

 

[Nali1987]

I love this thread. Great idea.

 

[lwilliams1922]

LOVE the photos!

i'll be back later to add my comments.

 

[LittleLuxe]

Don't have photos to contribute but I just wanted to say all those women (and men) are gorgeous! Thanks for creating a great POSITIVE thread!

 

[KurlyNinja]

- If relaxed, do you think going natural will decrease your chances of being approached?

I'm not relaxed... well I'm not relaxing anymore... and I'm pretty sure on my decision for that because of a lot of reasons, but I digress. I don't think it will honestly. And maybe that does have something to do with my location. Half the time I'm away at college and I've noticed that college guys do appreciate girls with their natural hair. Actually the more real you are with your hair the better. One of my guy friends actually told me he HATES women with weaves, he doesn't really mind girls with relaxers but loves natural hair. This also isn't the first time I've heard this.

- Do you think Black men HONESTLY like natural hair? What have been your experiences?

Yes. I do. I think just like some women are "forced" into relaxing their hair because society says its the right thing to do. Black men are also "forced" into giving into what society sees is best. And this point in time thats women with straight hair. So of course they do not see a problem with it. But I truly believe a lot of men just want to see women for what they truly are. One of my close guy friends says he hates girls with makeup because they look fake. My ex boyfriend also use to ask me to wash my face when got home because he wanted to see me without my makeup. He said he didn't really care if I wore makeup outside, but he wanted to see ME when we were alone. I totally understood him for that. For guys I think its less about relaxer vs natural, but more about being real vs unreal.


-If natural, do you feel more or less confident in the dating scene with your look?

Not there yet, but I'll be soon. LOL. And even now when my hair looks stupid with these two different textures on my head, I don't feel less confident. I think its all about how you carry yourself. If Nikki Minaj walked around looking defeated, everybody would talk about her and her pink hair. But, no. She rocks that ish like no tomorrow and everybody LOVES it! You have to make the hair, don't let the hair make you!

- What kind of men do you think approach natural haired women?

Every type of man that approaches a relaxed women... Trust me, natural hair isn't some type of shield or forcefield that keeps stupid people out. My mom is natural. One of my friends is natural. And they both get the stupidest men ever trying to approach them. But I do also think other races come out of the woodwork more and approach natural women. I have no idea why... maybe they think your more liberal or something and will consider them more. But I seriously have no idea.

- How would you react if you personally liked relaxed hair, but your man was adamant that you go natural?

ITS. MY. HAIR. I don't care what anybody says you can't tell me what to do and not do with my body. Maybe I feel this way because I'm not married or have children, but would you get a tattoo even if you despised them if your man like it? Would you get nipple piercings if your man liked it and you know you didn't want it? I'm sorry, but I feel like women as a whole in every single race do waaaaaay too many things to please/keep/attract a man for their own good. seriously. its not that serious.

- Has your natural hair improved/ruined your love life?

Like I said before. You make the hair, don't let the hair make you. Hair isn't going to ruin nor improve your life. Your aspect of your hair can ruin/approve it for you.

- Do you believe men when they say "It doesn't matter"?

For the most part. Yes. Men aren't that complicated. Hell. I know a lot of guys who don't even know the difference between natural and relaxed. SERIOUSLY! One of my guy friends said he thought natural was when you didn't shampoo or wash her hair. uh...ok. And another one thought natural was when you didn't wear weaves. I can go on and on with this. Men are worried about a lot more things than hair. If they did care about hair that much they would all be aiming for WL hair themselves...

 

[sithembile]

I'm already married so I know its different but DH told me that the first thing he noticed about me was my hair (which was relaxed and long at the time, I'm transitioning now). So when I decided to transition I wondered whether it would affect how he sees me. To be honest, he doesn't care, he thinks it would look nice either way. I don't think natural hair would deter a man from approaching a woman, I think the key is to make your hair look healthy and attractive, whether its relaxed or natural.

 

[hopeful]

Gorgeous pics! Thanks for posting.

 

[dancinstallion]

I have always had thick, kinky relaxed hair. When I started taking care my hair it grew to apl. I got a bad chemical burn around both of my temple from a relaxer. I went natural during pregnancy because of the chemicals and my hair would always tangle and get knots and would always break and shed. So I was natural for two years and would always wear a protective style. My hair would still break and shed and I didn't like the way my natural hair would skrink. My whole point in going natural was to stop breakage so I failed and I didn't see a point in continuing. So use a different type of relaxer that wasn't as harsh and doesn't use the same chemicals.. New era acid balance relaxer. In turn it just loosens up my curl pattern. Some family and Co workers still tell me I am running away from a relaxer and they never beleive me when I say I have one. I like looking natural but being able to say I am relaxed. IDK why. maybe because I want people to know there are other options or myabe I like the thought of being natural. I also don't like when people assume I don't relax and am natural because it not true So I make it apoint to tell them I do relax. .

- If relaxed, do you think going natural will decrease your chances of being approached? No, I found out in my teen years that alot of men are intimidated and will not approach all the time or right away.
a) why? I think men look a your body, face, clothes then hair.
b) do you think location has any corrolation? Yes in the toledo ohio and in houston I barely see anyone natural on the regular. Everyone I work with is relaxed or heat trained. There was one older lady that was a natural and she always had really short hair. So I was the only one rocking an afro.

- Do you think Black men HONESTLY like natural hair? What have been your experiences?
I believe they prefer long and relaxed but don't mind about being natural.

-If natural, do you feel more or less confident in the dating scene with your look?
I am married but do feel self concious if my hair doesn't look nice to me, Or when I wear afro because I am calling attention to my hair.

- What kind of men do you think approach natural haired women?
I think all types of men approach naturals when they get to know them. I think if men have their mind set on a natural then they will approach. Same thing goes for a woman with short or blond hair. If that is what they are looking for.
- How would you react if you personally liked relaxed hair, but your man was adamant that you go natural?
I tell him that it is my hair and my decision. He would love if I cut all my hair off and rocked a short haircut. BUt I am not. So he says he doesn't care what I do with my hair.

- Has your natural hair improved/ruined your love life?
In the entertainment world I have been passed up for not rocking a long silky straight weave. But women of color get passed up for a lot of roles quite often. For myself being natural or relaxed I would try to do different hairstyles that would bring me attention. I think my hair in general has ruined my life because I spend so much time on it and it still doesn't act right.

- Do you believe men when they say "It doesn't matter"?

Yes I truly beleive it doesn't matter to some men.

I do love all the pics posted.

 

[Mook's hair]

Awwwww, so cute.
I'll just post some pics of me and the Mister. (I'm Married and he loves that I've gone natural.) At this point he'd probably flip if I relaxed my hair again.

 

[glamazon386]

Love this thread Nichi!

- If relaxed, do you think going natural will decrease your chances of being approached? No.
a) why? No.
b) do you think location has any corrolation? It's possible. But I live in the northeast where natural hair is fairly common.

- Do you think Black men HONESTLY like natural hair? What have been your experiences? It depends on the man. Some still believe only long straight hair is pretty but I've never had any negative experiences with men. I assume that men who only like long, straight hair just didn't approach me because my hair is the opposite.

-If natural, do you feel more or less confident in the dating scene with your look? About the same as I did with straight hair.

- What kind of men do you think approach natural haired women? I know some people have said they get the more earthy conscious types as a natural but that hasn't been my experience.

- How would you react if you personally liked relaxed hair, but your man was adamant that you go natural? It's my hair I'd do what I want.

- Has your natural hair improved/ruined your love life? Neither.

- Do you believe men when they say "It doesn't matter"? Yes. As long as it's done and well kept I don't think men really care. It also think a lot of men have a problem with post BC hair because it's short not because it's natural.

 

[ryanshope]

- If relaxed, do you think going natural will decrease your chances of being approached? No, not at all.
a) why? Men appreciate bodies and cute faces---hair is just an accessory.

b) do you think location has any correlation?mmmh, not really.

- Do you think Black men HONESTLY like natural hair? What have been your experiences? Yes, Black men love beautiful things. My ex-SO "couldn't" stand natural hair---now because I am natural he thinks it is the bees-knees. He loves the feel and the texture of natural.

-If natural, do you feel more or less confident in the dating scene with your look? Same level.
- What kind of men do you think approach natural haired women? mmh, all types---but definitely men that are less "shallow".

- How would you react if you personally liked relaxed hair, but your man was adamant that you go natural? It is my hair, my choice.

- Has your natural hair improved/ruined your love life? Neutral.

- Do you believe men when they say "It doesn't matter"? Yep,for the most part, men are simple creatures. They just need to be watered, feed and given some nuk-nuk...lol.

 

[nikolite]

Great idea for a thread!

- If relaxed, do you think going natural will decrease your chances of being approached?

I'm married, but honestly, since I've been natural more men have approached me. Particularly men of other races (I think non-black men are more interested in our natural hair because they exoticize it somewhat but also because those that like black women tend to like that aspect of her as well).

Then again, I've just been looking fly-er in general since going natural. More confidence, started caring more for my hair, body, etc., so it all probably goes together. It may have to do with location (I'm from DC and now in Baltimore), but I've gotten this response everywhere I've been (Boston, NY, Canada, Africa, etc.).

- Do you think Black men HONESTLY like natural hair? What have been your experiences?

With black men, IME, they are just as interested in me as anyone else. I think if you look cute and confident in what you're rocking, black men are very interested. At least the right kinds are. I really don't know where the myth came about that they don't like natural hair because I've never had a problem with that. If anything, I think more of them want us to wear our hair natural, although they'd like it to be long. BM seem to HATE weaves or anything that appears fake.

-If natural, do you feel more or less confident in the dating scene with your look?

Not that I need to be, but 100x more confident.

- What kind of men do you think approach natural haired women?

Any and all types make the cat calls. But only the confident ones approach, because they tend to think you're the intellectual type or are real serious because you're natural. Which is fine by me.

- How would you react if you personally liked relaxed hair, but your man was adamant that you go natural?

I'm not sure. I'd do what I want anyway if he was a bf, but for my husband I'd try to make some sort of compromise and maybe just keep it pressed or texlaxed so that I can wear the styles he liked sometimes. But that'd never be a problem for me--I'd love a man who loved me for me and his opinions would probably make me not want to relax.

- Has your natural hair improved/ruined your love life?


It hasn't done anything directly because my husband could care either way. He tried to convince me not to BC but afterwards he was like "meh" and started to love my hair. Indirectly, it gave me more confidence and styling options and that BAA and the length I've retained makes him drool. But our love life is about the same in regards to my hair.

- Do you believe men when they say "It doesn't matter"?

Yes, yes, and yes. My husband and I talked about this. He says most men really don't care AT ALL. The extent to which they do has more to do with them feeling like they have to fit in with others and not have other people think they have a women who is unattractive because of her hair. But 9/10, HE doesn't think she's unattractive at all. Its more of a social status thing for some men (little boys are also heavily affected by media images and beauty standards) and they take their cues from what we women do to ourselves, believe it or not.

 

[CrissieD]

- If relaxed, do you think going natural will decrease your chances of being approached? My hair is not relaxed.
a) why? See above
b) do you think location has any corrolation? Maybe. I grew up in NYC and lived much of my adult life in South Florida (Ft. Lauderdale/Miami area) it might be different in small towns or whatever.

- Do you think Black men HONESTLY like natural hair? What have been your experiences?
I think they don't care. But when they find out my hair is natural they are plesantly suprised. For some reason I have had a few black guys say (after YEARS of knowing me) that they thought my hair was relaxed. Super weird since I rarely where my hair straight and my texture is not loose @ all (3c/4a) I do know that ALL men black white and in between HATE weaves. My SO now says that his ex used to wear them and he thought it was nasty.

-If natural, do you feel more or less confident in the dating scene with your look?
I don't really have anything to compare it to. I relaxed once in college for a haircut. The ever popular Halle cut from "Swordfish" and I felt sexy then but it was more about the fact that I had never had short hair before that about the cut. I never got it relaxed again because I just couldn't be bothered. I really don't know how the relaxed ladies do it. I am WAY to low maintenance to ever be a relaxer girl . I know I feel more confident when my hair is curly that when I straighten it. But that it because Fl. is so humid. When I wear my hair straight now I always have my SO on frizz patrol. LOL. When its curly the frizz works.

- What kind of men do you think approach natural haired women?
All of them.

- How would you react if you personally liked relaxed hair, but your man was adamant that you go natural?

I would stop relaxing my hair but then again to me relaxed hair is a hassle so I can't really relate to this question.

- Has your natural hair improved/ruined your love life?

I don't think it has affected my love life @ all.

- Do you believe men when they say "It doesn't matter"?

Yes. Men are too simple to care about that kind of thing. It has been my experience that the men i n my life tend to prefer my hair curly. I think my face just is not meant to be surounded by straight hair.

 

[ConstantlyDynamic]

i don't have time right now to answer the questions but i have to say that i love those photos. just beautiful. and i'm looking forward to seeing more. great post!

 

[nikolite]

Men appreciate bodies and cute faces---hair is just an accessory.

... for the most part, men are simple creatures. They just need to be watered, feed and given some nuk-nuk...lol.

So many women don't get this. They will take nuk-nuk with rollers and a scarf around it sometimes. Its really not that serious to them.

 

[CrissieD]

This is the only photo I have on this PC of me and the SO. Grungy, dirty, hair a mess. LMAO.
Excuse us we were working on the house.
Oddly enough this is my favourite pic of us

 

[Mareeღ]

This is sweet

This girl has my dream brows

 

[Qualitee]

Mcdowell's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Kneechay]

I LOVE the pictures and the contributions!! Keep them coming!

 

[Kneechay]

This is sweet

This girl has my dream brows

you can view her youtube for how she does it here

dude, check out her channel and her hair vids,

 

[Lola Laughs]

Awesome thread, Nichi!

By and large I think most men still prefer straight hair. However, I think that LENGTH, natural or not, is a big deal to them. Lots of healthy, well-groomed hair---straight, curly, kinky whatever--make most men .

 

[Mz.MoMo5235]

well i obvioulsy need a man

 

[Nali1987]

well i obvioulsy need a man

LOL. My thoughts exactly.

 

[Spiffy]

This is sweet

This girl has my dream brows

I first saw the link to this feature on her blog. She has a youtube channel with great tutorials.
http://www.youtube.com/user/chisellecouture

ETA: ooops...Nichi already posted her YT link, lol.

 

[JaszyFaye]

If relaxed, do you think going natural will decrease your chances of being approached?
a) why?I'm natural, but I'm still going to answer the second question
b) do you think location has any corrolation?I think location plays a slighty huge part based on my experience. In high school the town was conservative so I got the side eye a lot but now where I live the people are more liberal.

- Do you think Black men HONESTLY like natural hair? What have been your experiences?
This is hard. I think it depends on how they were raised and the environment they live in. When I was in high school, this Black guy in my class would sit behind me and tell me how I need to get a perm or he would call me Ms. Ciely. The next week I put some braid extensions in my hair and he was all like, ohh Jaszy you look so good. that really lowered my self esteem and how I felt about my natural hair.Now that I'm in college, some BM like it but others prefer when I wear my hair straight

-If natural, do you feel more or less confident in the dating scene with your look?
I used to have less confidence based on past experiences from high school so I would always wear my hair in braids or twist extensions or just plain ol extensions.

- What kind of men do you think approach natural haired women?
I don't think there is a certain type of man that approaches natural haired women. I've been approached by every type of man under the rainbow

- How would you react if you personally liked relaxed hair, but your man was adamant that you go natural?Since I'm natural, I'm going to reverse it. I would be extremely pissed off. We would probably break up. Even if I were relaxed and the same situation happened, we wouldn't last that long.

- Has your natural hair improved/ruined your love life?Improved. My DH hates when I wear weave. I find that funny because I was wearing a weave when we met. He is the one plus you ladies that keeps me going on my natural hair journey.

- Do you believe men when they say "It doesn't matter"?Yes. I think men want to be with someone who is confident in themselves whether they are relaxed, texlaxed, or natural. I was eating last night with some friends and the waiter (male) told us it doesn't matter if a girl's toenails doesn't match her fingernails, we don't care.

 

[BriDa5242]

Being natural has INCREASED me being approached by 300%. I feel that men feel more compelled to smell (yes I have caught people sniffing ...that aussie moist smells good! lol!)and want to touch my hair's texture. My husband loves my hair his hair use to be down to his back and he cut it short and whenever I wear my hair BIG , he complains that he wants to grow his out. I live in ny and where I live the guys seem to want to talk to any women..lol! but 9 out of 10 times if i'm with a group of women with straight hair and my hair is out and natural I get approached first (unfortunatly I have to tell the guy I'm taken sooooooooooo....)

 

[Geminigirl]

- If relaxed, do you think going natural will decrease your chances of being approached?
a) why?
b) do you think location has any corrolation?

I am not currently relaxed, but I did think it would when i BC'd not because I was natural, but because my hair was short.

- Do you think Black men HONESTLY like natural hair? What have been your experiences? Yes, I think SOME men honestly do like natural hair. Everyone has a preference and some men, especially black men are still ignorant to the beauty that us black women possess. I haven't had any problem. I think with my natural hair my deep brown skin stand out more, I get a lot of compliments on my youthful appearance and glow, and I get lots of hands in my hair, which I love by a man that is.

Sometimes ignorance does rear it's head, but at the end of the day I LOVE MY HAIR, so you can take it or leave it.

-If natural, do you feel more or less confident in the dating scene with your look? I feel very confident, and unique. I think men appreciate women who keep themselves up and take care of themselves. My hair is always clean and fresh smelling and I think that is a turn on for some men. I know I can't stand no funky hair myself.



- What kind of men do you think approach natural haired women? I still get approached by the brothas. I am currently talking to a dominican man who loves dark skinned naturals, but he's the only one. I haven't had Asians or whites or any other ethnicity approach me yet, but I am open.

- How would you react if you personally liked relaxed hair, but your man was adamant that you go natural? I am not sure. It's easy for me to sit up here and say well the hell with him or whatever, but I don't think I would truly know unless put into that situation. But since I love natual hair NOW, I don't think I'd mind.,

- Has your natural hair improved/ruined your love life? Hmm I don't know if it was the weight loss or going natural that gave me the little bit of confidence that I now possess around the opposite sex, but for the most part it's still the same. During more intimate times I will say it has improved because, I really like hands in my hair and doing the same with my parnter. We can be a lot closer with out fear of sweating anything out or messing anything up.

- Do you believe men when they say "It doesn't matter"? When what doesn't matter? Hair? In a way yes, cause I have seen some men boo'd up with some bald headed scallywags, or terrible weaves, or just dry thirsty dirty looking hair. I still believe men would get with anything sometimes, so yes I believe hair doesn't matter. At the same time it also depends on the man and his preferences and his ideal woman.

Ok this was fun. My answers are in the red. Going to go back and read the thread now. Great thread OP.

 

[Geminigirl]

you can view her youtube for how she does it here

dude, check out her channel and her hair vids,

I am not even going to click on the link but I was swearing that was Chisette or how ever Chrisettecotoure or something right? I forgot how you spell her name but she just recently cut her hair, I am subbed to her channel but I thought that was her.

 

[LunadeMiel]

- If relaxed, do you think going natural will decrease your chances of being approached?
a) why?
b) do you think location has any corrolation?
* I'm married so this doesn't apply at the moment. However, when I was single, I had not shortage of men trying to get with me. My hair was not a deterrent.

- Do you think Black men HONESTLY like natural hair? What have been your experiences?
* The black men that I know and associate with loved my natural hair. The men that I grew up around also loved it.
-If natural, do you feel more or less confident in the dating scene with your look?

* Abosultely not
- What kind of men do you think approach natural haired women?
*Natural hair on a black woman set her apart (unfortunately). I think a man who is attracted to that will be attracted to a woman who choose to embrace this.
- How would you react if you personally liked relaxed hair, but your man was adamant that you go natural?

* I don't like relaxed hair so it's a non-issue. But DH HATES relaxed hair so we are a good match.
- Has your natural hair improved/ruined your love life?

*Improved
- Do you believe men when they say "It doesn't matter"?
* It depends on the man.