No Sex till marriage....okay, what about sexual compatibility?
- Thread starter kisz4tj
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sprungonhairboards
Well-Known Member
Just curious, would you have still married him if you had tested the waters and found out it wasn't good?
MomofThreeBoys
Well-Known Member
If two people truly love each, they will want to satisfy each other sexually. I have never heard of these sexual problems b/w couples who are 100% giving and loving to each other. Me and DH were akward at first, but he was willing to do and try anything to please me sexually. And I the same. Did your husband try to do things that pleased YOU sexually and not just himself?
re:the girl that got married who is misearble sexually
Same issue applies. Is her husband a God-fearing loving and giving man? Also, I find sometimes, due to poor information, women come to the marriage with hangups which affects their sexual experiece (i.e. mom says she never liked it, sex is more pleasurable for a man, its painful, its a chore, etc.). These hangups are not the husband's fault.
ETA: Either God is able or He's not. If this is the man God chose for you, and you went into this marriage prayed up, then you know everything will work out. When you get married outside the will of God, you are asking for trouble.
re:the girl that got married who is misearble sexually
Same issue applies. Is her husband a God-fearing loving and giving man? Also, I find sometimes, due to poor information, women come to the marriage with hangups which affects their sexual experiece (i.e. mom says she never liked it, sex is more pleasurable for a man, its painful, its a chore, etc.). These hangups are not the husband's fault.
ETA: Either God is able or He's not. If this is the man God chose for you, and you went into this marriage prayed up, then you know everything will work out. When you get married outside the will of God, you are asking for trouble.
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PrettyBrownEyes
Well-Known Member
I believe this is where your faith and trust in God comes in. God's word does not say to try anyone but him (God). He doesn't want us playing house (living together prior to marriage) to see how that will work and not having sex to see if you are compatible.
When you meet a man and it gets to the point where you think of marriage then as you pray to God regarding the possibility mention to God also your desire to have a wonderful sex life with your husband. God's Word says to cast all our cares on him. Nothing is too small. We can ask for those desires to be met. God hates fornication and just because you try it out first and its great at the time doesn't mean it always will be.
Trust God.
When you meet a man and it gets to the point where you think of marriage then as you pray to God regarding the possibility mention to God also your desire to have a wonderful sex life with your husband. God's Word says to cast all our cares on him. Nothing is too small. We can ask for those desires to be met. God hates fornication and just because you try it out first and its great at the time doesn't mean it always will be.
Trust God.
Sweet C
Well-Known Member
If the man you married is who God has for you and you honor God by waiting, then you can work on any problem by you both taking it to the Lord in prayer. The problem with the term sexual compatibility is that it is purely basing how well two people perform sexually. And in marriage, sex is not merely an act, but a part of worshipping God. This is also like any other communication is key. You and your husband have to be able to communicate to each other your likes, dislikes, things you want to try, etc. freely and willing to try and please each other more than yourself.
Me and DH didn't engage in premarital sex and we fully enjoy those priviliges now
. We had utilized our pre-marital time learning how to communicate in general, so when it came to the bedroom, we took those communication skills that we honed in on b/f marriage right in with us.
You say you tested the waters with your previous hubby, felt guilty that it wasn't that great, and still got married? Could it be that the combination of the lack of information and the guiltiness from previous acts b/f marriage made your sexual experience with your husband even worse than it was before you got married? Bottom line is when you and your partner make a commmitment to do things God's way and put him first, everything else will fall into place.
Me and DH didn't engage in premarital sex and we fully enjoy those priviliges now
. We had utilized our pre-marital time learning how to communicate in general, so when it came to the bedroom, we took those communication skills that we honed in on b/f marriage right in with us. You say you tested the waters with your previous hubby, felt guilty that it wasn't that great, and still got married? Could it be that the combination of the lack of information and the guiltiness from previous acts b/f marriage made your sexual experience with your husband even worse than it was before you got married? Bottom line is when you and your partner make a commmitment to do things God's way and put him first, everything else will fall into place.
sprungonhairboards
Well-Known Member
kisz4tj said:
Gotcha.
Now, not to be all up in your business but hey you put it out there
Why do you think you have great sex now but experienced guilt with your husband? It seems you would feel even more guilt now since you are also committing adultry (forgive me if I'm wrong I think you said you were separated not divorced). I'm just trying to draw a correlation between the guilt and the physical dissatisfaction.And do you think your husband was the man God led you to marry? Or was he who YOU chose? I ask because you said you wouldn't have married him had you known you wouldn't enjoy sex with him. So sex must be important to you (I ain't mad at cha either!). I can't see God putting us in situations especially permanent ones i.e. marriage, where we will be miserable and incompatible. That HAD to suck. Especially since you're not supposed to have sex with anyone else, ever.
vevster
Well-Known Member
kisz4tj said:
If you weren't hampred w/ guilt and oppression you could have had more of a clear head in determining if your husband was the right man for you. I hate the way the church oppresses women with the virgin thing. The pressure is not really on MEN to be virgins.
MomofThreeBoys
Well-Known Member
Was this the only area where you guys were have problems? Many times, unhappiness in other areas of a relationship affects the the sex life.
kisz4tj said:
Bklynqueen
Well-Known Member
I'm probably gonna get chewed out here, but I am not married (yet) and have been with my boyfriend of 3 years and I would never, never, get married to someone I was not sexually compatiable with. In my opinion, that is a serious mistake waiting to happen. My current relationship, Thank God is not like that. My last relationship, which last 4 1/2 years, we were not sexually compatiable and it was frustrating and unsatisfying. I was very often left wanting... Why I stayed with him so long? Well, I loved that fool- see I was a good girlfriend! LOL. But after we broke up, I took care not to make that mistake again, life was too short to be that unsatisfied. I made sure with my current boyfriend, that if I did not even like the way he kissed, it would go no further. And we discussed sexual relations prior to us having relations and found that were both open-minded and liked the same things- we were evenly "yoked" when it came to that! LOL.
I was asked once how important sex is in a relationship and marriage; well for me, the sex is 50 %, good communication, compromise , respect and understanding is the other 50%. No disrespect for those saving themselves before marriage but I would seriously kick myself if I waited so long and then waited to dtd in my marriage bed only to be left like , "Damn, i could have had a V-8...."
With that said, I'm out! *****running out of thread******
I was asked once how important sex is in a relationship and marriage; well for me, the sex is 50 %, good communication, compromise , respect and understanding is the other 50%. No disrespect for those saving themselves before marriage but I would seriously kick myself if I waited so long and then waited to dtd in my marriage bed only to be left like , "Damn, i could have had a V-8...."
With that said, I'm out! *****running out of thread******
sprungonhairboards
Well-Known Member
kisz4tj said:
Girl ain't THAT the truth
When I got saved I thought it was going to be a walk in the park, all the bad stuff I did I suddenly wouldn't want to do anymore and all my fleshly desires and sinful ways would be left behind in that baptismal pool. HA! The devil attacked even harder! I thought they didn't do it right and was mad at the church for a minute
til I grew and recognized the real deal!sprungonhairboards
Well-Known Member
Sweet C said:
Exactly! But when we have our own expectations and desires I think that's when we try to fit God into OUR world and get him to deliver OUR results.
...just speaking in general not necessarily in relation to this thread.
blessedangil03
Member
We studied sex a couple of weeks ago in my abnormal psychology class and I've learned that some people have sexual disorders. Sometimes its not that their relationship is bad or that the partner doesn't want to please them but it could be that they were traumatized as a child or there is a dysfunction in their organs.
aquarian1252004
Active Member
It’s funny that you mention this subject because I had the very same complex with God when it came to "waiting" for a husband. I feel like I have a very high sex drive for a woman (its almost like a man's). Anyhoo, when I talked to my future hubby about this who at the time was just my friend (we hadn't even considered the possibility of a relationship) but we were having a friendly discussion about celibacy. I told him that there was just no way I could not "sample" the goods before marriage because what if that person is just straight WACK. His response was don't you think that when God creates your mate for you that He will make him compatible to you in ALL areas 
. Anyway, when we did start a relationship there was a time when we slipped up in this area. GOOD LORDY WHEW 
the sex almost made my head pop off 
. Anyway, the point IS that if I knew then, what I know now I would have waited until marriage because every guy I was with before him was totally WACK and not even worth giving my body to. I can just imagine how awesome our sex life will be when we finally get to do it God's way 
. Now like you I have an entirely different problem, I wish I never discovered it was that darn good before the appointed time .
. Anyway, when we did start a relationship there was a time when we slipped up in this area. GOOD LORDY WHEW the sex almost made my head pop off . Anyway, the point IS that if I knew then, what I know now I would have waited until marriage because every guy I was with before him was totally WACK and not even worth giving my body to. I can just imagine how awesome our sex life will be when we finally get to do it God's way . Now like you I have an entirely different problem, I wish I never discovered it was that darn good before the appointed time .locabouthair
Well-Known Member
Honeyhips said:This is how I feel. I totally trust God taht he will send me someone compatible in this area. How can I not when I trust him for everything else. OR do I not trust God. Plus, practice makes perfect.
That's exactly how I feel.
JuJuBoo
Child of THE King!
Honeyhips said:This is how I feel. I totally trust God taht he will send me someone compatible in this area. How can I not when I trust him for everything else. OR do I not trust God. Plus, practice makes perfect.
OKAAAY!! Shoot...we have the rest of our lives to practice! I'll buy some books if I have to. We gonna MAKE it work! locabouthair
Well-Known Member
JuJuBoo said:
Lol That's what I'm talking about!!
locabouthair
Well-Known Member
JuJuBoo said:
Lol That's what I'm talking about!!
Honeyhips
Lovely
I feel you... Plus there just isn't any compromise in this issue. If that was the case the week before and after my cycle it would be ON!!! Like Aquarian said, if God is going to send you someone compatible for you in all areas, that is going to be on point. Of course if you are a virgin it isn't going to be fun at first. Don't think I've heard anyone say it was fantastic their first time. Most people walk away with, is that all?
JuJuBoo said:
AnnDriena_
New Member
Sexual compatibility is wanting and striving for the same thing in regards to your emotional and sexual intimacy. With that said. I think sex needs to be discussed up, down and to the utmost. Does he want handcuffs and whip cream and your thinking candlelight and soft jazz? Do you want fast and furious and he's thinking slow and sexy? For me the first step to my sexual compatibility with my future hubby will be to be honest about what I want and what I fear happening in the relationship and for him to do the same. Of course he could be dishonest but that would just be counterproductive for his own sexual satisfaction now wouldn't it?
I think lots of things can be avoided if two people who aren't even looking for the same things in bed can come to a conclusion to alternate sexual styles or find a way to incorporate what they both want in a sexual relationship. Or they should seriously think about not getting married because sex is a big part of a marriage and if you can't come to the same place with that then there's going to be problems down the road and since you can see that you need to find someone else. I also think sex is not just physical and living in a world where that's all that's thrown at us is causing us a whole new set of problems. I think mainstream society has so many of us thinking that if we are not swinging from the chandeliers and having threesomes that we are not going to be satisfied. I don't really mean to be insulting to any non virgins but I also don't think a man needs to be all that well endowed because it's not like I have all these men to compare him to or that I'm that I'm so loose in down there that he needs to be grotesquesly thick to fill it up
And I don't mean to sound naive but there's also practice. If two people love each other then that means they want to please each other. If you are communicating in your marriage like you need to be to make anything, in bed or out, work then you both should know what's not working for the other. He's too rough? Then a true lover will want to slow down and be more gentle because he knows that would turn you on and help you enjoy sex more and therefore he should be enjoying it simply because he is pleasing the woman he loves and he gets more sex when he does things like you like it. Are you not rough enough for him? He needs to tell you and you need to listen. If you are truly his lover it would kill you to rough that n*gga up a couple times a week shoot, have fun, he may find out how rough he doesn't want it .
The bottom line for me is sexual compatibility comes down to communication and willingness to please. If he comes out of the box with some freaky ish that you two never discussed before marriage then you have other problems because he wasn't willing to be honest before the marriage your bedroom problems may be the least of the trouble in your marriage.
With that said. I think sex needs to be discussed up, down and to the utmost. Does he want handcuffs and whip cream and your thinking candlelight and soft jazz? Do you want fast and furious and he's thinking slow and sexy? For me the first step to my sexual compatibility with my future hubby will be to be honest about what I want and what I fear happening in the relationship and for him to do the same. Of course he could be dishonest but that would just be counterproductive for his own sexual satisfaction now wouldn't it? I think lots of things can be avoided if two people who aren't even looking for the same things in bed can come to a conclusion to alternate sexual styles or find a way to incorporate what they both want in a sexual relationship. Or they should seriously think about not getting married because sex is a big part of a marriage and if you can't come to the same place with that then there's going to be problems down the road and since you can see that you need to find someone else. I also think sex is not just physical and living in a world where that's all that's thrown at us is causing us a whole new set of problems. I think mainstream society has so many of us thinking that if we are not swinging from the chandeliers and having threesomes that we are not going to be satisfied. I don't really mean to be insulting to any non virgins but I also don't think a man needs to be all that well endowed because it's not like I have all these men to compare him to or that I'm that I'm so loose in down there that he needs to be grotesquesly thick to fill it up
And I don't mean to sound naive but there's also practice. If two people love each other then that means they want to please each other. If you are communicating in your marriage like you need to be to make anything, in bed or out, work then you both should know what's not working for the other. He's too rough? Then a true lover will want to slow down and be more gentle because he knows that would turn you on and help you enjoy sex more and therefore he should be enjoying it simply because he is pleasing the woman he loves and he gets more sex when he does things like you like it. Are you not rough enough for him? He needs to tell you and you need to listen. If you are truly his lover it would kill you to rough that n*gga up a couple times a week
shoot, have fun, he may find out how rough he doesn't want it .The bottom line for me is sexual compatibility comes down to communication and willingness to please. If he comes out of the box with some freaky ish that you two never discussed before marriage then you have other problems because he wasn't willing to be honest before the marriage your bedroom problems may be the least of the trouble in your marriage.
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Belle Du Jour
Well-Known Member
I agree with Ann Driena. Just because we're not supposed to have sex before marriage doesn't mean we shouldn't talk about it with our potential husband. (Of course, there's an appropriate stage during dating/courtship to have this discussion. . .not just ANY man needs to know your sexual history and desires.)
People need to go into marriage with FULL disclosure about all areas of the marriage including sex. Sex is a BIG deal and people should be able to share how they feel about sex with each other. I was having this very convo with some Christian and non-christian acquaintances the other day. If you're waiting to have sex, you want it to be the best night of your life, so why not plan for your sex life just like you plan the wedding? Just don't get so wrapped up in the talk that you start to slip up and get physical. . .
But seriously, if you can't even talk about it with your husband-to-be, then maybe you shouldn't be doing it with him either.
People need to go into marriage with FULL disclosure about all areas of the marriage including sex. Sex is a BIG deal and people should be able to share how they feel about sex with each other. I was having this very convo with some Christian and non-christian acquaintances the other day. If you're waiting to have sex, you want it to be the best night of your life, so why not plan for your sex life just like you plan the wedding? Just don't get so wrapped up in the talk that you start to slip up and get physical. . .
But seriously, if you can't even talk about it with your husband-to-be, then maybe you shouldn't be doing it with him either.
Belle Du Jour
Well-Known Member
Honeyhips said:
I never said anyone was implying this. I was just giving my opinion in general, not in response to a specific comment.
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