should i STAY WITH MY HUSBAND IF HE RAPES ME?

kurlybella

Well-Known Member
kbragg brought up some points in my falling out of love thread that made me think about this.

if the only grounds for divorce, per jesus himself is adultery (or abandonment), then if a wo/man says that god has told her to leave her child abuser husband/wife, or serial killer husband/wife, etc. is s/he wrong?

It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery,” (Matthew 5:31-32, ESV)

i ask this question because if the rationale is god tells people to do things are are against/contradict what's written in the bible, then it must not be god talking to you but satan or is that sinking feeling you have going on in your stomach just really bad gas?

although it may be necessary in some other situations for a spouse to separate from or divorce his or her mate, the bible requires him or her to remain unmarried until reconciled - which most people end up remarrying, becoming adulturers, per jesus.
To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife (1 Corinthians 7:10-11).

what say you? if you pray on something and come to a conclusion that "seems to go against the bible" is it wrong/sinful?

i'll share my opinions later.


But didn't you see in another post? God actually told her to get divorced.
People say God told them to do a lot of things:rolleyes: People say God told them to decapitate and drown their children:nono: The Bible says that the devil come as a wolf in sheep's clothing fronting as an Angel of light. Satan hates marriage and God HATES divorce. I may get a "feeling" God is telling me to do something but if it contradicts His Word than IMO it is not of Him. OP may get mad at me for saying that but God wrote it not me, take it up with Him:look:

people leave abusive marriages all the time because they say god tells them to leave. however there is no grounds for divorce in the bible - per jesus himself (who spoke for his father) - but adultery. every single other reason is human based. so with that rational, then all men married to molesters must stay with them?? god really wants that? there are NO biblical verses to leave for abuse or other things such as molestation, etc.

and we make decisions everyday that are not commonly accepted (depending on which denomination you ask) as christian decisions. i mean catholics think birth control is wrong because god tells them so.

god tells me it's good and i'll always support bc.

It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery,” (Matthew 5:31-32, ESV).
 

WhipEffectz1

Well-Known Member
whip, gone head and read my thread nah!

support a sista and respond with all wit and good intent. :giggle:

I have ADD on this board so I will often go into a thread and read like 3-5 sentences then respond. Next thing you know someone is :angry2: because I'm :blah: about the topic at hand but yo shawty I only read 3-5 sentences so pump ya brakes. :lachen: Don't be writing no dissertation on here because Whip's not going to read that. I can read in class.....:lachen:
 

WhipEffectz1

Well-Known Member
Hmmm, if I felt my line of thinking was going against the bible then I would just pray on it and get the hell out of a situation like that...
 

Hairsofab

Well-Known Member
The bible says a lot of things. I'm sure you could find something that contradicts those passages easily.
 

TrustMeLove

................
If your husband is raping you than that is a form of abuse. Christ told men to love your wife as Christ loved the church. Just twist that around and think of Christ raping the church? ugh Negative.

He has broken the covenant between God, you and him and you are free to move on. We don't serve a God that is in to abusing us...he doesn't want you to stay in any situation where you are being mentally, physically, nor spiritually abused.

Now when it comes to can you marry again...that's something that you need to seek the face of God on.

I'm not married and have never been married, but work in a marriage ministry that deals with domestic violence in the Christian home. Dealing specifically with the 3 forms of abuse I mentioned above.
 

TrustMeLove

................
Also rape is sexually immoral so I don't see how those verses contradict what the person heard from God. It is giving the man or woman a clear path to divorce the abuser.
 
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SVT

Well-Known Member
Is this supposed to be in the Christian forum? Are you looking for faith-based responses?
 

doriannc

Well-Known Member
never. kthanx!

But all jokes aside. Why would God want me to be in a relationship with someone that obviously doesn't love me or respect me or my body?
 

wicky2828

Member
never. kthanx!

But all jokes aside. Why would God want me to be in a relationship with someone that obviously doesn't love me or respect me or my body?

I guess you have to wonder whether God had anything to do with relationship in the first place. A lot of women want to believe in something so bad that they can't see that the person that they are with, isn't who God intended them to be with.
 

divya

Well-Known Member
Here is my understanding on this so far...:heart3:

Physically removing oneself from a situation does not necessarily mean divorcing one's husband. A woman ought to physically remove herself for her own safety and well-being, and even more so, if children are in the picture. That does not mean that she divorces her husband. That also does not mean that she should reconcile with her husband either, if she is not convinced that he is truly changed.

Here's something that has lingered in my mind regarding this subject, and I ask the Holy Spirit for guidance on this matter. When a person is abused verbally or physically, often they are in no position mentally/emotionally to enter into a new relationship (not saying that they would right away). Of course, the same can be said for infidelity, but that may leave a person in a different mental/emotional position than one who has been abused. Maybe that is why the Lord gave us that instruction. Of course, in time, that abusive husband may very well, which would leave the woman free to divorce him (and move on).

But whatever the reasoning is, He knows what is best for us.
 
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aribell

formerly nicola.kirwan
In response to the op, yeah, if someone comes to a conclusion that is against the Bible, that is wrong.

People say "God told me x, y, and z" all the time. And what they mean most of the time is "I really feel x, y, or z." We think if it's something we feel really strongly about then God must be behind us. That's not so.

Rape is physical violence and we are in no way required to stay in abusive situations. Remarriage is an entirely different question, however.
 

MissYocairis

Well-Known Member
Every person who claims that God frowns upon divorce in cases of abuse has not of themselves been abused or been the child of parents who abuse each other.

You have no idea how many women have been KILLED...physically, because everyone in the church was sitting back telling her that she cannot leave because he's an abuser.

You have no idea how many women have had their faces REARRANGED, their innocence and beauty stolen, their mind twisted....all because they stayed to be pleasing to God....because someone down at the church said....

You don't think about how many men grow up seeing abuse at the hands of their father on their mother....and they grow up to beat on their woman...because their mother never stood up and said, "no more"....due to someone down at the church pulling out the Bible to say......

You do not realize how a person can DIE from the severe isolation and shame that goes along with being an abused spouse....but she's sticking it out because the Bible never gave her permission and her pastor didn't wanna step outta line and tell her to "RUN".

I don't think you've known anyone who was murdered by their husband, do you? After years of abuse....and she prayed.. and prayed and prayed and read that Book...and she asked her pastor, and asked the First Lady, and asked her elders....

It's sad this debate is even going on. God didn't intend for any woman to be raped, abused, beat, terrorized. That's not His plan for His daughters. This is why a woman should always, always look within...instead of asking everyone's opinion when none are qualified to answer the question.....be still, pray, and listen because He'll reveal the way to handle it.
 

TrustMeLove

................
I've mentioned it before but this book. Mending the Clergy Cloth by Dr. Lisa Tunstall is an excellent book about domestic violence in the Christian home. It's a book that talks about God's original plan for marriage, what to do if you are in this situation, and how to avoid the situation.

She is a Pastor's wife and set down with other ex and current Pastor wives to hear there stories which she has put in the book. Some of them had to run for their lives and others were able to reconcile after a year or so of being apart and seeking counseling separatelya nd together.

It's an excellent book. Which you can get at www.lisatunstall.org
 

divya

Well-Known Member
In response to the op, yeah, if someone comes to a conclusion that is against the Bible, that is wrong.

People say "God told me x, y, and z" all the time. And what they mean most of the time is "I really feel x, y, or z." We think if it's something we feel really strongly about then God must be behind us. That's not so.

Rape is physical violence and we are in no way required to stay in abusive situations. Remarriage is an entirely different question, however.

Agree completely.

God does not want us to stay in abusive situations at all...not at all. However, He does give us instructions as to when we can remarry. It's a tough situation though. My heart goes out to those ladies (and men) who have been through this...
 

Highly Favored8

Well-Known Member
Every person who claims that God frowns upon divorce in cases of abuse has not of themselves been abused or been the child of parents who abuse each other.

You have no idea how many women have been KILLED...physically, because everyone in the church was sitting back telling her that she cannot leave because he's an abuser.

You have no idea how many women have had their faces REARRANGED, their innocence and beauty stolen, their mind twisted....all because they stayed to be pleasing to God....because someone down at the church said....

You don't think about how many men grow up seeing abuse at the hands of their father on their mother....and they grow up to beat on their woman...because their mother never stood up and said, "no more"....due to someone down at the church pulling out the Bible to say......

You do not realize how a person can DIE from the severe isolation and shame that goes along with being an abused spouse....but she's sticking it out because the Bible never gave her permission and her pastor didn't wanna step outta line and tell her to "RUN".

I don't think you've known anyone who was murdered by their husband, do you? After years of abuse....and she prayed.. and prayed and prayed and read that Book...and she asked her pastor, and asked the First Lady, and asked her elders....

It's sad this debate is even going on. God didn't intend for any woman to be raped, abused, beat, terrorized. That's not His plan for His daughters. This is why a woman should always, always look within...instead of asking everyone's opinion when none are qualified to answer the question.....be still, pray, and listen because He'll reveal the way to handle it.


Very well said. It is sad that the church does not come out and really speak on this issue. Some men do beleive it is okay to rape their wives I know 1-2 of them now. I am like NO! It is not ok and then I say you wonder why your wife is not with you both now!:nono:
 

Precious_1

Well-Known Member
:clap::clap::clap::up::up: Yes!!!! this is so on point. Very well said!! I wish I could give you a thousand thanks!

Every person who claims that God frowns upon divorce in cases of abuse has not of themselves been abused or been the child of parents who abuse each other.

You have no idea how many women have been KILLED...physically, because everyone in the church was sitting back telling her that she cannot leave because he's an abuser.

You have no idea how many women have had their faces REARRANGED, their innocence and beauty stolen, their mind twisted....all because they stayed to be pleasing to God....because someone down at the church said....

You don't think about how many men grow up seeing abuse at the hands of their father on their mother....and they grow up to beat on their woman...because their mother never stood up and said, "no more"....due to someone down at the church pulling out the Bible to say......

You do not realize how a person can DIE from the severe isolation and shame that goes along with being an abused spouse....but she's sticking it out because the Bible never gave her permission and her pastor didn't wanna step outta line and tell her to "RUN".

I don't think you've known anyone who was murdered by their husband, do you? After years of abuse....and she prayed.. and prayed and prayed and read that Book...and she asked her pastor, and asked the First Lady, and asked her elders....

It's sad this debate is even going on. God didn't intend for any woman to be raped, abused, beat, terrorized. That's not His plan for His daughters. This is why a woman should always, always look within...instead of asking everyone's opinion when none are qualified to answer the question.....be still, pray, and listen because He'll reveal the way to handle it.
 

JFemme

Well-Known Member
Talk about long suffering...:nono: lawdamercy........



THANKS, Smuckie !!! Most excellent post!!!!!!...
 

msa

New Member
Umm, if my husband...

physically, emotionally, sexually, verbally, or any other kind of "ally" abuses myself or my children then I'm getting divorced...and if God doesn't like it, then I guess I'd be going to hell...

but, I would ask myself if that relationship was meant for me from the beginning...was I listening to God in the first place? were there signs I ignored? did people in the church who I trusted tell me I shouldn't marry that person? was I just being hardheaded and chose to turn a blind eye? If so, then I already sinned just by getting married to someone who God didn't set out for me.

I'm a strong believer that people show their arse way before you get married...maybe not with you personally, but with somebody (an ex, a family member, etc). People don't all of a sudden become abusers when they're 35. So if I ended up in this situation, I'd have to blame myself for not using the common sense God gave me.
 

kurlybella

Well-Known Member
Every person who claims that God frowns upon divorce in cases of abuse has not of themselves been abused or been the child of parents who abuse each other.

You have no idea how many women have been KILLED...physically, because everyone in the church was sitting back telling her that she cannot leave because he's an abuser.

You have no idea how many women have had their faces REARRANGED, their innocence and beauty stolen, their mind twisted....all because they stayed to be pleasing to God....because someone down at the church said....

You don't think about how many men grow up seeing abuse at the hands of their father on their mother....and they grow up to beat on their woman...because their mother never stood up and said, "no more"....due to someone down at the church pulling out the Bible to say......

You do not realize how a person can DIE from the severe isolation and shame that goes along with being an abused spouse....but she's sticking it out because the Bible never gave her permission and her pastor didn't wanna step outta line and tell her to "RUN".

I don't think you've known anyone who was murdered by their husband, do you? After years of abuse....and she prayed.. and prayed and prayed and read that Book...and she asked her pastor, and asked the First Lady, and asked her elders....

It's sad this debate is even going on. God didn't intend for any woman to be raped, abused, beat, terrorized. That's not His plan for His daughters. This is why a woman should always, always look within...instead of asking everyone's opinion when none are qualified to answer the question.....be still, pray, and listen because He'll reveal the way to handle it.

hmmmm, i know of a situation where a woman was being abused - mental/rape and her children molested - when she found out about the kids she left him went to her church (he'd been abusing her when the kids were not around, so when she found out about the kids...).

do you know they wanted her to go to counseling with this man? or leave to give him time to be healed.

i just could NOT BELIVE it! what?!

they emphasised that god frowns on divorce and that he wanted to see them togehter so they should try to patch it up.

how in the hades are you supposed to do that with a man who physically holds you down and sticks his penis in your soul.

how???????!!!

not only that, for ME - SPEAKING FOR KURLYBELLA - i'm not a long sufferer! and never will be. one time, hit me once, rape me once, i'm out out out!!!

how can a woman even look at her man the same after rape???? him holding you down, ripping off your pantes, causing scars in a dry unreponsive vagina and him putting his hands over your mouth and possibly a knife to your neck as you beg for mercy.

or you watch him stick his fingers in his OWN DAUGHTER'S VAGINA???????

to each his own.
 
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kurlybella

Well-Known Member
Also rape is sexually immoral so I don't see how those verses contradict what the person heard from God. It is giving the man or woman a clear path to divorce the abuser.

clear path?

would you please post the actualy bible verse that says abuse is ground for divorce?
 

divya

Well-Known Member
hmmmm, i know of a situation where a woman was being abused - mental/rape and her children molested - when she found out about the kids she left him went to her church (he'd been doing this when the kids were not around).

do you know they wanted her to go to counseling with this man? or leave to give him time to be healed.

i just could NOT BELIVE it! what?!

they emphasised that god frowns on divorce and that he wanted to see them togehter so they should try to patch it up.

how in the hades are you supposed to do that with a man who physically holds you down and sticks his penis in your soul.

how???????!!!

not only that, for ME - SPEAKING FOR KURLYBELLA - i'm not a long sufferer! and never will be. one time, hit me once, rape me once, i'm out out out!!!

how can a woman even look at her man the same after rape???? him holding you down, ripping off your pantes, causing scars in a dry unreponsive vagina and him putting his hands over your mouth and possibly a knife to your neck as you beg for mercy.

or you watch him stick his fingers in his OWN DAUGHTER'S VAGINA???????

to each his own.

Sick! That man is a criminal...and belongs in jail with the rest of them.
 
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