The gift of singlehood?

[nathansgirl1908]

Your friend seems to be having difficulty in her marriage and is painting a very poor picture of marriage for you. My sister who is separated has told me that she enjoyed being married-it was just the person she is married to that was the problem. I think it is individual. Some people like the institution of marriage while others dream about what they think single life is like.

I stated that she has a good marriage. Comments like yours are what clue me in to the fact that those placing such emphasis on their desire to get marries aren't really looking at it from a realistic point of view. I personally think that's why so many marriages fail. People look at marriage with rose colored lenses. They don't understand that even the best marriages can be overwhelming and draining. I admire these women for being honest about marriage. They don't lie and make people feel that it's all roses. But people ignore them and just assume they have difficult marriages.

 

[dicapr]

I stated that she has a good marriage. Comments like yours are what clue me in to the fact that those placing such emphasis on their desire to get marries aren't really looking at it from a realistic point of view. I personally think that's why so many marriages fail. People look at marriage with rose colored lenses. They don't understand that even the best marriages can be overwhelming and draining. I admire these women for being honest about marriage. They don't lie and make people feel that it's all roses. But people ignore them and just assume they have difficult marriages.

You are reaching. How is stating that some individuals are better suited to the demands of marriage mean that I some how view marriage through rose colored glasses. I did not say that marriage did not require work. Yes they can be overwhelming and draining but that is anything in life. My sister had a bad marriage but says she still enjoyed being married. She says that she would like to marry again in the future. She did not feel that the work that goes into marriage is prohibative while you friend does . Two different personalities responding to marriage two different ways. Your friend's views is only one. Her view is not wrong but it isn't the gospel truth either. You can be in a good marriage and still be having difficulty within the marriage.

 

[dicapr]

]Because while you are single you can enjoy doing the things married people cannot or are harder for married people to do. You can have more freedom to do things like just travel on a whim, whereas when you're married you have to discuss it with you mate first and you have other obligations to worry about.[/B] The gift of singleness does not imply that one has to remain single, it is just saying enjoy your singleness while you have it. A lot of people would benefit by using this time to better themselves so that when they do find a worthy suitor they will be a good catch for that person also.

Your feelings about being single for years are understandable though. Have you actually prayed and asked God to help you find (not to just put into your lap) a good man? You have to do this continually not just once or twice. It shows God that you are really serious about your request. And then work in harmony with your prayer by being social and putting in a little effort.

It is definately a trade off with neither situation being superior to the other. They are just different. Each one with its "gifts" and issues. There are days when I come home from work tired. I thank God that all I have to do is have a bowel of cereal for dinner and watch t.v. for the rest of the night. I couldn't do that if I were married. There are also days where I really don't want to go home a empty house. Those days I wish there was someone to come home to. Neither situation is a gift or a curse but merely a fact of my exsistance.

 

[JessieLeleB]

This is real talk..Im content with myself, have no problem with going out by myself, but the minute I say Im looking for my partner, my better half, I get shut down and usually by people who have a mate.. The one recurring piece of advice I tend to get it it, "Focus on Yourself, concentrate on making yourself better, get some hobbies, do things that make you happy." So if Ive done that, then what? Now whats the next piece of advice you plan on giving me? I think its only natural to yearn for a companion and women who are looking for one, shouldnt have their wants sweeped under the rug or dismissed.

I totally agree


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[Maracujá]

I am 26 years old and have been single for half a decade. Like most single ladies know we have our good and bad days so no I don't always view being single as a gift, but it's important to sometimes stand still and recognize it as such. I think the following post truly helps: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showpost.php?p=10061680&postcount=41. I also always get the same advice when I say that I would like a man to share my life with: travel and see the world, go to school,...etc (I even had a co-worker who suggested I go back packing for a year) and it can be draining but I think it's a case of 'the grass is greener'. When I look at certain situations I understand that indeed being single can be a gift: I know a woman who is happily married yet she regrets the fact that she's never lived by herself for a long time, she was always in and out of serious relationships so she wasn't able to further her education. I know another woman who was already in her thirties so she hurried up and had children with someone in the hope that they would eventually get married and that never happened, in fact the man she was with once asked her what she was doing while she was single, why she didn't further her education and she had no answer for him.

When I look at situations like these it's easier for me to accept my singleness as a gift, but Lord only knows what it will be like as I'm getting older.

 

[makeupgirl]

Um it's clear from scripture that marriage can be considered as something that divides your heart from God. Look around at these posts. The bitterness towards God just because He hasnt sent a mate is palpable. Once that mate comes, it is likely that the focus will be on that mate. Just the process of desiring a mate has caused hearts to be divided from God.

And I can say marriage is draining because I see SEVERAL people going through. Marriage is WORK. And women bear the brunt and weight of marriages. That's just reality. You don't have to be married to see that.

Also, I said that I disagree that marriage is an important Part of God's plan. My reading of the Word has never given me that feeling. Ever. People can find scriptures that appear to make it that way, but that's because they want to be married.

Show me the scripture regarding marriage be considered as something that divides your heart from God.

Christ has to be in the center of everything if anything is going to work when you're doing something according to his word. That includes marriage. The only way marriage or the desire for marriage can divides your heart from God, if you go into it for selfish reasons or reasons that has nothing at all to do with God at all.

I can see that you're set in what you're feeling and that's fine; you have it figured all out. Good for you and all that jazz. However, don't make snap judgments or decisions based on other people's perspective or because they're not agreeing with what your experiences are. 9 times out of 10, what's going on in someone else's life has nothing to do with God's plan for your life. Yes, he allows us to learn from other people's experiences as a learning tool but it doesn't mean that he wants us to leave our opinions, thoughts, etc at that. Are you listening to God's word or other people's advice/experience? Just be open-minded to what God has for you but respect the fact that other people on this form has other feelings about being single and marriage.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

You can criticize my views if you like, but it's clear that I'm very content with my life as a single woman. Instead of pushing so hard against my comments and insisting on wallowing in misery over not having a man, some others in here should take note. Their way isn't working for them. And because they don't like what someone has to say, they want to try and hide behind scripture or use the tired argument that I don't know God's thoughts.
God expects us to enjoy our lives where we are, regardless of whether we have a mate. This grumbling and complaining is like the folks who had to make the journey in 40 years instead of a shorter period of time. It's a waste.


And for those who question why people tell them to travel and whatnot, is that really so awful? Do you not want to see new things? And have you ever considered that you might be missing your husband because you're sitting around sulking and NOT being more active? A watched pot never boils. Worrying about it and thinking about it all the time doesnt make it happen Ny faster.

Show me the scripture regarding marriage be considered as something that divides your heart from God.

Christ has to be in the center of everything if anything is going to work when you're doing something according to his word. That includes marriage. The only way marriage or the desire for marriage can divides your heart from God, if you go into it for selfish reasons or reasons that has nothing at all to do with God at all.

I can see that you're set in what you're feeling and that's fine; you have it figured all out. Good for you and all that jazz. However, don't make snap judgments or decisions based on other people's perspective or because they're not agreeing with what your experiences are. 9 times out of 10, what's going on in someone else's life has nothing to do with God's plan for your life. Yes, he allows us to learn from other people's experiences as a learning tool but it doesn't mean that he wants us to leave our opinions, thoughts, etc at that. Are you listening to God's word or other people's advice/experience? Just be open-minded to what God has for you but respect the fact that other people on this form has other feelings about being single and marriage.

 

[makeupgirl]

You can criticize my views if you like, but it's clear that I'm very content with my life as a single woman. Instead of pushing so hard against my comments and insisting on wallowing in misery over not having a man, some others in here should take note. Their way isn't working for them. And because they don't like what someone has to say, they want to try and hide behind scripture or use the tired argument that I don't know God's thoughts.
God expects us to enjoy our lives where we are, regardless of whether we have a mate. This grumbling and complaining is like the folks who had to make the journey in 40 years instead of a shorter period of time. It's a waste.


And for those who question why people tell them to travel and whatnot, is that really so awful? Do you not want to see new things? And have you ever considered that you might be missing your husband because you're sitting around sulking and NOT being more active? A watched pot never boils. Worrying about it and thinking about it all the time doesnt make it happen Ny faster.

See there you go again with the snap judgments. I'm learning to be content because I am able to recognize that my readiness may not be God's readiness for me. I can only go with his plan for life.

I still have some growing to do and the key is to recognizing that and do something about it.

Got the wrong girlie when it comes to sulking. I don't sulk or do pity parties. I just planned my first trip that doesn't involve school or work. I love the fact that I can just go into work for OT 6 am if I want to. I was brought up with a strong independent Spirit. Doesn't mean I'm weak or sulking because I have a God-given desire to share my life with my future hubby. I can careless if what others may think about me regarding my life. Why? Because I only answer to 3 people in this: God, mama, and boss dude. That's it, the end.

Like I said. You have it all figured out then good for you. Be don't knock the rest of us because our life, minds , dreams is not in alignment with you.

If someone wants to do the pity party and blame God and crave the desire for a mate. Who cares? It's their life.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

.



If someone wants to do the pity party and blame God and crave the desire for a mate. Who cares? It's their life.

Apparently they expect people to care because they complain about it so much. Have you seen how many threads are devoted to this subject around here? It's pitiful.

 

[makeupgirl]

Apparently they expect people to care because they complain about it so much. Have you seen how many threads are devoted to this subject around here? It's pitiful.

I do. Sometimes, it can be annoying but at the same time, they have the right to vent and if it come off as complaining, then it is what it is. Sometimes, venting and complaining is a good thing, especially if you just want sound advice or just need someone to listen.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

I do. Sometimes, it can be annoying but at the same time, they have the right to vent and if it come off as complaining, then it is what it is. Sometimes, venting and complaining is a good thing, especially if you just want sound advice or just need someone to listen.

But they don't take advice. They tune out what they don't want to hear. That's the sad part.

 

[aribell]

nathansgirl1908 I agree that self pity is a waste of time and that people can make things unnecessarily hard for themselves. At the same time I think you're being overly dismissive in making your point-both of Scripture and of the experiences of other women. The Lord both upholds marriage more highly than this and shows greater compassion.

It is possible to recognize that marriage is ordained of God (shown particularly in Genesis and Ephesians) and also that not everyone will or even needs to experience it to fulfill His purposes.



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[StarScream35]

No, it's because they either had to learn patience themselves or because they know the reality of marriage. REAL marriage. Not the fairy tale marriage being desired in here.

Marriage would be nice but right now I'm just trying to secure a man boo, and that's been hell on wheels. The current dating situation out there will make anyone who is serious about finding someone, scream!!! I'm not trying to dismiss what you are saying...........too often women DO have an unrealistic view of marriage but before we can get to marriage we need a man and as it stands, finding the right one is a serious challenge and that's the frustrating part. I recently cut off a guy who was playing mind games and you wouldn't believe the number of guys who are over 30 trying to play mind games, be playas etc. I'm sure you wouldn't hear as many complaints if sistas were coming into contact with quality men but they just aren't. Let me be the comic relief here and tell you the kind of men I come into contact with:

Trey appears to be a nice man, approaches you in a nice manner and later on you find out he has four kids with four baby mamas and he is "self employed"..............we all know the majority of the time, self employed means unemployed. And sure enough you find out he is unemployed!

Andre is a doctor and got his stuff together but he is arrogant and knows he's in demand cause lets face it, an educated brotha with a job, has lots of power. If you ain't puttin' out he makes you get out. And trust me, I don't mind steppin cause you ain't getting my goods that easy. erplexed

Donnie is a nice brotha but you find out he's been to prison for manslaughter and that just doesn't sit too easy.

Brighton, nice white guy, he's single, you're attracted to him but he's not into black chics............hey to that.

Chung Lee, cute and all, nice, educated, nice job, single but you know he ain't feelin black women but you gone try to see if you can spark his interest only to find out he's only into white women or Asian women.

I know those were extreme examples but really this is the crap we single ladies put up with. It'd be cool if I could just secure the man but as it stands that hasn't happened. Yep another lonely Valentines Day............LOL!

 

[Afrobuttafly]

It is definately a trade off with neither situation being superior to the other. They are just different. Each one with its "gifts" and issues. There are days when I come home from work tired. I thank God that all I have to do is have a bowel of cereal for dinner and watch t.v. for the rest of the night. I couldn't do that if I were married. There are also days where I really don't want to go home a empty house. Those days I wish there was someone to come home to. Neither situation is a gift or a curse but merely a fact of my exsistance.

The fact that they both have their pros and cons (which should go without saying) does not change the fact that they are both in fact GIFTS. How YOU choose to view them is your personal choice, but I'm speaking according to the Bible.

 

[PinkPebbles]

I believe that asking for wisdom in all aspects of our live is paramount. This verse keeps popping in my head while reading this thread:

7 Wisdom is the principal thing;
Therefore get wisdom.
And in all your getting, get understanding.
Proverbs 4:7

The bible says we can ask God for wisdom and he will give it, we can also ask God to give us wisdom to prepare to receive dreams and desires we have on our hearts in practical terms. Be specific in your prayers and act on the practical things you feel God drops in your spirit. Sometimes we get it wrong but acting in faith is important for spiritual growth.


Insightful comments @CandiceC . I've always felt that marriage and children stretches one's spiritual maturity in ways that being single and childless do not. There's definitely pros and cons to each situation.

In general we get the most testing and blessing through other people IMO (not just in marriage and family but through all of our relationships) and that's all part of God's plan for His children and His church.

I'm glad you brought up the role of sex within marriage, previous comments in this thread seem to dismiss sexual desire as something shameful or irrelevant but to deny the validity of the sexual urge is a mistake IMO. Of course making an idol out of lust is wrong but it is perfectly normal to want to have sex and wanting to get married and have great sex with your covenant partner. We are all created with emotional and biological/sexual desires .. what I'm learning in every aspect of my life is that God wants us to trust Him with our worries, desires, dreams and that His grace truly is more than enough, not just a welfare plan for those who can't get what they want.

Raspberry - Amen!

@ the bolded is so profound. We are relational beings and indeed we learn how to love and relate to one another by being in relationships.

The greatest commandment is to love one another. And I've worked on and overcome some weaknesses by being in healthy relationships.

It's easy to be a Christian when you are alone, you don't know if you are selfish, short-tempered, angry, arrogant, prideful, unkind, etc if you are constantly doing things alone.

And yes, we get the most testing and blessing through other people...

IMO marriage will draw me even more closely to God b/c I will need his wisdom and guidance on how to handle disagreements, and to be a respectable loving wife.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned,[a] but have not love, it profits me nothing.
4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.

 

[Iwanthealthyhair67]

Please (sincerely) don’t make it appear that I am trying to deny or deprive single Christian women from getting married to have the ‘sexual experience’ as you put it... Any and all sexual experiences that I’ve had prior to my becoming saved was in sin therefore, it is not relevant …

The sad reality is that we will not all get married and have children and it is not God’s fault that men won’t take their place in HIM ….

My concern is that many Christian women miss the opportunity to have a real and fulfilling relationship with God because in the midst of our waiting we are distracted from God, we feel that our needs are not being met fast enough or will not be met at all…

The Father longs for us to desire him with the passion that we desire a spouse.

B

No, not at all. Biological clocks meaning, related to wanting children. But you have had sexual experience...that's the side. It doesn't do a single woman with no sexual experience any good to poo-poo and minimalize the marriage and/or sexual experience when you have already had it. My thing is this, unless christians are going around with a face masque of "happy-go-lucky," then they feel guilty about it. If they are unfulfilled in some area, then they feel like a traitor to G-d about it cuz too many have been erroneously taught that to express their pain is anti-G-d. That's not the christian walk, imho and in my camp. The christian walk is a human walk and the only difference truly between believers and non-believers is Jesus. We are all the same and our psychology doesn't go away.

 

[LucieLoo12]

You have to be careful when you desire something really strong, other than God. Alot of times, Ive noticed when people have a really strong desire for marriage they 1). Settle for anything 2). Ignore the signs from God that he is NOT the one. 3). Run AHEAD of the time 4). Make them selves believe that He is the one. 5). Lower thier standard.

NOT SAYING ALL BUT I HAVE SEEN THIS HAPPEN IN SOME CASES!

I am speaking from the side of someone who has never been married.We can sit here all day and go back and forth, but if someone really wants something to happen, nothing we can say can change that.

Colossians 3:2
Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.

This scripture has kept me so many times from distracted or in despair about marrige. Though I desire marriage, my heart isnt on it. And because my heart isnt on it, thats why I can be unmarried and still have my JOY.

1 Timothy 6:6
But godliness with contentment is great gain.

 

[black_cotton]

Can I just keep it REALLY real up in this piece?? I have never posted any words before on this site and today I came here looking for hair stuff and surely the Lord led me to see this post. Many of us DO love the the Lord with all our hearts, seek Him and have a close relationship with him. The desire for a mate is God given and natural. I am in my late 30's, have never been married and am a single parent. It's easy to tell somebody to just wait and pray but we are not ONLY spiritual beings. It doesn't mean we shouldn't talk about our feelings and vent. Any feelings that get repressed and not expressed manifests itself as stuck energy in the body and it does become physical. Now don't get me wrong, I am not consumed with the idea of wanting a mate, but I do think of it often. I will not pretend that it doesn't hurt going places alone ALL the time. It's also hard when all your co-workers, who are a lot younger and unsaved are all married or getting married yet you're always genuinely happy and excited for them. Just because you're making legit observations does not mean you are comparing yourself to others. Even Ecces. talks about how it is better to have a friend and someone to keep you warm on a cold night. It may be something you have to bear but it doesn't mean that you're going to love it to death all the time. I work full time, care for my child by myself, my elderly parents moved back into my house 6 months ago and on top of that I work in the mental heath field and have to take care of everybody else emotionally ALL DAY long. Besides the Lord, I have no one to take care of my feelings or comfort me. It does get hard. We don't know how long Adam was alone before God gave him Eve but he got her. Solomon had over 3,000 wives and concubines! He was very close to God in the beginning but he did not have that need because he had plenty of women to fill it. Yes, God is first yet he made us as spiritual beings housed in an earthly bodies. EVERYTHING about your earthly existence is not going to be spiritual. I find that sometimes the Body just does not want to address feelings like this. My mother said she will not remarry if my dad goes before her. Well I guess so, after having a man for over the last 40 YEARS. She cannot understand and some of you here can't understand either. I want a complementary partner to share with, to talk to, to laugh with, to pray with, to raise a family with and YES I do want to have passionate, sanctified sex, what?? Sure do, no apologies. I talk to God like no other. I pour my heart and soul out to Him with complete honesty . I ask forgiveness and make sure to repent if there is any anger/bitterness towards Him. Oftentimes we don't even know what is in our OWN hearts, only God does. Bottom line, let's support each other , sometimes you just want to be held and comforted and not made to feel humiliated because you have God given desires.

Sorry for the mini-book but I had to say it.

 

[dicapr]

The fact that they both have their pros and cons (which should go without saying) does not change the fact that they are both in fact GIFTS. How YOU choose to view them is your personal choice, but I'm speaking according to the Bible.

Bible verses please. While both singleness and married life are in God's plan they are never refered to as a gift. I think that is what the OP was getting at when she started the thread. If singleness is a gift anyone who is not completely satisfied with their circumstance is looked at as being ungreateful to the gift God has given them. Same thing with married individuals. They would be wrong to complain about the difficulties of marriage. However, if you look for them as the path that God has laid out for you it is ok to state that the path is difficult at times. That is why I choose to see my singleness as the path God set me on. And if I get married I will see that as a path also. I have yet to meet any married person who did not feel the burden of their path. But if it is a gift how can you say anything about the gift God has given to you?

 

[Love Always]

Welcome black_cotton. Loved your post and feel the same way .

 

[black_cotton]

Thanks so much. I feel SO much better now that I got that out !

 

[nathansgirl1908]

Please (sincerely) don’t make it appear that I am trying to deny or deprive single Christian women from getting married to have the ‘sexual experience’ as you put it... Any and all sexual experiences that I’ve had prior to my becoming saved was in sin therefore, it is not relevant …

The sad reality is that we will not all get married and have children and it is not God’s fault that men won’t take their place in HIM ….

My concern is that many Christian women miss the opportunity to have a real and fulfilling relationship with God because in the midst of our waiting we are distracted from God, we feel that our needs are not being met fast enough or will not be met at all…

The Father longs for us to desire him with the passion that we desire a spouse.

I love this post!!!!! Amen!

 

[Detroit2Dallas]

I love black cottons post. You said it. that is it and that it all. Its a natural desire.

 

[CandiceC]

Raspberry - Amen!

@ the bolded is so profound. We are relational beings and indeed we learn how to love and relate to one another by being in relationships.

The greatest commandment is to love one another. And I've worked on and overcome some weaknesses by being in healthy relationships.

It's easy to be a Christian when you are alone, you don't know if you are selfish, short-tempered, angry, arrogant, prideful, unkind, etc if you are constantly doing things alone.

And yes, we get the most testing and blessing through other people...

IMO marriage will draw me even more closely to God b/c I will need his wisdom and guidance on how to handle disagreements, and to be a respectable loving wife.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned,[a] but have not love, it profits me nothing.
4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.

The bolded is the TRUTH! In various relationships, and for this thread's purpose- marriage.

There are things I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even think about working on if I wasn't married. Same thing for DH and I know it makes him uncomfortable at times. Marriage does kind of hold a mirror up in your face about your faults.

 

[CandiceC]

Can I just keep it REALLY real up in this piece?? I have never posted any words before on this site and today I came here looking for hair stuff and surely the Lord led me to see this post. Many of us DO love the the Lord with all our hearts, seek Him and have a close relationship with him. The desire for a mate is God given and natural. I am in my late 30's, have never been married and am a single parent. It's easy to tell somebody to just wait and pray but we are not ONLY spiritual beings. It doesn't mean we shouldn't talk about our feelings and vent. Any feelings that get repressed and not expressed manifests itself as stuck energy in the body and it does become physical. Now don't get me wrong, I am not consumed with the idea of wanting a mate, but I do think of it often. I will not pretend that it doesn't hurt going places alone ALL the time. It's also hard when all your co-workers, who are a lot younger and unsaved are all married or getting married yet you're always genuinely happy and excited for them. Just because you're making legit observations does not mean you are comparing yourself to others. Even Ecces. talks about how it is better to have a friend and someone to keep you warm on a cold night. It may be something you have to bear but it doesn't mean that you're going to love it to death all the time. I work full time, care for my child by myself, my elderly parents moved back into my house 6 months ago and on top of that I work in the mental heath field and have to take care of everybody else emotionally ALL DAY long. Besides the Lord, I have no one to take care of my feelings or comfort me. It does get hard. We don't know how long Adam was alone before God gave him Eve but he got her. Solomon had over 3,000 wives and concubines! He was very close to God in the beginning but he did not have that need because he had plenty of women to fill it. Yes, God is first yet he made us as spiritual beings housed in an earthly bodies. EVERYTHING about your earthly existence is not going to be spiritual. I find that sometimes the Body just does not want to address feelings like this. My mother said she will not remarry if my dad goes before her. Well I guess so, after having a man for over the last 40 YEARS. She cannot understand and some of you here can't understand either. I want a complementary partner to share with, to talk to, to laugh with, to pray with, to raise a family with and YES I do want to have passionate, sanctified sex, what?? Sure do, no apologies. I talk to God like no other. I pour my heart and soul out to Him with complete honesty . I ask forgiveness and make sure to repent if there is any anger/bitterness towards Him. Oftentimes we don't even know what is in our OWN hearts, only God does. Bottom line, let's support each other , sometimes you just want to be held and comforted and not made to feel humiliated because you have God given desires.

Sorry for the mini-book but I had to say it.

Welcome!

 

[Mis007]

Um it's clear from scripture that marriage can be considered as something that divides your heart from God. Look around at these posts. The bitterness towards God just because He hasnt sent a mate is palpable. Once that mate comes, it is likely that the focus will be on that mate. Just the process of desiring a mate has caused hearts to be divided from God.

Not necessary bibical scripture but an individual's interpretation that when I read posts on this very topic, I see the mass confusion about God's will/sovereignty in regards to mate finding and see the damage done in the way of magical thinking, disillusionment, inertia, ambivilence, missed opportunities, and guilt, guilt, guilt.

 

[Mis007]

Marriage would be nice but right now I'm just trying to secure a man boo, and that's been hell on wheels. The current dating situation out there will make anyone who is serious about finding someone, scream!!! I'm not trying to dismiss what you are saying...........too often women DO have an unrealistic view of marriage but before we can get to marriage we need a man and as it stands, finding the right one is a serious challenge and that's the frustrating part. I recently cut off a guy who was playing mind games and you wouldn't believe the number of guys who are over 30 trying to play mind games, be playas etc. I'm sure you wouldn't hear as many complaints if sistas were coming into contact with quality men but they just aren't. Let me be the comic relief here and tell you the kind of men I come into contact with:

Trey appears to be a nice man, approaches you in a nice manner and later on you find out he has four kids with four baby mamas and he is "self employed"..............we all know the majority of the time, self employed means unemployed. And sure enough you find out he is unemployed!

Andre is a doctor and got his stuff together but he is arrogant and knows he's in demand cause lets face it, an educated brotha with a job, has lots of power. If you ain't puttin' out he makes you get out. And trust me, I don't mind steppin cause you ain't getting my goods that easy. erplexed

Donnie is a nice brotha but you find out he's been to prison for manslaughter and that just doesn't sit too easy.

Brighton, nice white guy, he's single, you're attracted to him but he's not into black chics............hey to that.

Chung Lee, cute and all, nice, educated, nice job, single but you know he ain't feelin black women but you gone try to see if you can spark his interest only to find out he's only into white women or Asian women.

I know those were extreme examples but really this is the crap we single ladies put up with. It'd be cool if I could just secure the man but as it stands that hasn't happened. Yep another lonely Valentines Day............LOL!

Don't forget those who are refusing to grow up, but are living a second childhood even into their thirties and forties.

 

[Guitarhero]

Please (sincerely) don’t make it appear that I am trying to deny or deprive single Christian women from getting married to have the ‘sexual experience’ as you put it... Any and all sexual experiences that I’ve had prior to my becoming saved was in sin therefore, it is not relevant …

The sad reality is that we will not all get married and have children and it is not God’s fault that men won’t take their place in HIM ….

My concern is that many Christian women miss the opportunity to have a real and fulfilling relationship with God because in the midst of our waiting we are distracted from God, we feel that our needs are not being met fast enough or will not be met at all…

The Father longs for us to desire him with the passion that we desire a spouse.

I'm not trying to do that. I'm trying to get you to see that you have had more in your basket than someone like I described. I totally comprehend living for G-d. People do that from childhood until adulthood (as singles). They are learning to take the reins and live upright. Nothing new at all. It still doesn't take from the natural g-d-given desire to marry for most and that usually comes about when someone is maturing enough to take on a marriage. They have longing. Some do not desire it and that is okay. Others have had relationships and become disillusioned and no longer desire or wish to take their time, whether in a g-dly union or worldly one. That's also fine for them. The problem in this discussion is that people are talking and recommending in extremes...not balanced viewpoints. It's not all one person's way or all another's. Everyone is an individual and there are plenty of spiritually balanced women here who simply desire...long for a marriage. In my opinion, it's not much different from desiring to go to college and obtain degrees. How does one compare himself having college experience who finds s/he doesn't value it so much to the one who is definitely college material and longs for it greatly? What is the good coming from obtaining a degree? You have a short window of opportunity, in general. Shrugs. Individual.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

The problem in this discussion is that people are talking and recommending in extremes...not balanced viewpoints. It's not all one person's way or all another's. Everyone is an individual and there are plenty of spiritually balanced women here who simply desire...long for a marriage. In my opinion, it's not much different from desiring to go to college and obtain degrees. How does one compare himself having college experience who finds s/he doesn't value it so much to the one who is definitely college material and longs for it greatly? What is the good coming from obtaining a degree? You have a short window of opportunity, in general. Shrugs. Individual.

There's an imbalance when people start getting bitter with God over a lack of a mate. And it is different from desiring to go to college. You have control over that. You don't have control over finding a mate in the same way. And I rarely see people get as bent out of shape with God over something like college the same way they do over finding a man. Just because people spout scripture about their journey to find a man doesn't mean it is spiritual OR balanced.

 

[Bubblingbrownshuga]

Listen ladies who are going through the phase of:

God doesn't love you because you are still single.
Crying because you don't have that special someone in your life.
Not truly understanding what it means to be 'happily single.'
Your faith diminishing because God hasn't answered that one prayer of marriage.

Listen.

Been there, done that, all that. Your feelings are valid, trust; however,

Ladies, stop fantasizing about marriage and start realizing that it's even more devastating to finally be married only to understand that those who told you not to rush into it were not lying to you. There's nothing more hurtful than to be married to a man who is not emotionally available and affectionate toward you. A man that you try to share your day with who doesn't care about what happened. A man you thought would comfort you when you were hurting only to look at you like 'why are you crying?' A man who only showed you love before you got married AND while divorcing.

Marriage is no good when the two people are broken.

It hurts.

I see now that all of those books, seminars, affirmations, etc I received from others about being happily single were not in vain. It has clicked for me.

Philippians 4:11 also, see my scripture in my siggy.

Cry out to God about your heartache of being single and ask Him to HELP YOU deal with those emotions. Only He can. For real, only HE CAN.

No man can.