Why can't I be a hat wearing church going christian

[LifeafterLHCF]

Hello ladies,

I just want to get some feedback.Im starting a new chapter in my life and I'm slowly becoming very uninterested in the churchy experience.I'm more concerned with things of higher complexities.I know I will never be the good christian woman but I desire to be a die hard for God.I know my areas that I got to work on in order to intensify the light of God in me ie cursing,sexual thoughts and or actions,temper,and any other trait that doesn't line up with God.

I wanted to know does one get less attached to church-like appearances as they get older or do they become more focused on the appearance of being good versus really getting souls that need God the most.Like I can't get down with some people here because they are of means thus their thoughts and aura is kinda uppity,where I a person with nothing is more on the lower level.

Any feedback is appreciated.I'm going to read a few verses and pray because Im nervous about whats becoming of me.

 

[Nonie]

OP, I'm sorry I don't follow. Do you want to be a hat-wearing Church going woman and someone said you can't? Your heading seems to imply that someone told you couldn't be.

I don't know what "church-like appearances" are. I've never felt pressured to look a certain way to go to church. I think for you to have a good church experience, you need to stop worrying about what others are wearing and just focus on the One you came to worship.

If you pay attention to people, you'll be so distracted you won't be able to focus on the service.

I just read your post again and I see you're worried about something happening to you. Sorry I'm being so slow OP. What do you mean?

 

[Guitarhero]

G-d showed us that our biblical patriarchs were far from perfect as we had rapists, murderers, adulterers, etc. But they are our patriarchs. We've had apostles who persecuted Jesus, lied that they knew him and even ultimately betrayed him. Once we get our focus on Jesus and not nitpick on the failings of others, we will begin to see where we also fail to live up to perfection. Even striving that hard for perfection requires a balance. His yoke is not slavery in that sense. We are free..to do good, to do bad but we know that which we should always choose. Mercy stands in the place between failings and resolve to repent.

If the environment you're in is not edifying you, I'd suggest you place yourself in another congregation but please know, they will not be perfect either. The christian community was never meant to go it alone and there is a very dangerous area to cross over into - that of attempting to be more perfect than those around him. If only people would comprehend what it means scripturally, they'd be free enough to make mistakes and still know they are his. Surely, getting control of vices is what is required but that might take time. Perseverance is what G-d tells us...to the end. It means that, when you fall, get back up again, until the last moment of your life.

Please know that those who fail to live up to your expectations already know their weaknesses and sins but they might be closer to G-d than you are. We never know the deep recesses of the hearts of others. Jesus asks us to stop judging them and attend to our own growth. But it's difficult when the christian examples around us discourage us. We help one another along to live a better life but we should never compare our holiness as being higher than another's. Praying is probably the key to the peace you seek.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

I don't think either of you under stood and that fine..its not about physical appearance or others failing but moreso myself not feeling any connection with seeming like other Christians..I mean there are some who have the perfect appearance and I don't.Some don't want to get there hands dirty but I do for some reason.It has appeared to me that as you get older you become more about appearances and not about the actual work..sorry it was not as flatly started in the initial message.

 

[Nonie]

OK, I understand what you mean. I don't think your observation stands for all Christians. Maybe some, but there are those who live like Christ, humble and serving others with no air or uppity in their walk.

The church is full of a lot of hypocrites too, and those might be the ones you observe. But there are Christians who seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. And if you continue on the path you're on, keeping your eyes to the Son, you won't see the shadows that discourage and you will become that candle that others in your shoes wish was shining more.

 

[Guitarhero]

I don't think either of you under stood and that fine..its not about physical appearance or others failing but moreso myself not feeling any connection with seeming like other Christians..I mean there are some who have the perfect appearance and I don't.Some don't want to get there hands dirty but I do for some reason.It has appeared to me that as you get older you become more about appearances and not about the actual work..sorry it was not as flatly started in the initial message.

I perfectly understood and I've been there myself. I had to come to a point where I stopped judging others. Some of those bible-thumpers (and I'm talking about my own catholic circle...which don't thump bibles, they wear mantillas on their heads, long skirts, very modestly dressed, pray family rosaries nightly...and disdain other's life choices...much less than orthodox choices) have done miraculous things for other people but you'd never know it from them because they don't go around bragging about how it nor what they will do in future. That's a dangerous place to be in and I mean this from the heart.

I truly comprehend how it rubs us the wrong way with folks we consider hypocrites, store-fronts, shallow..but look deeply at the person and you might find something good in them. Do you...be what you are and go about finding your path and calling...but leave the unnecessary judging of them behind. Even my message, if you look deeper into it, you'll see how on-point it is to this type of situation. And I feel that you seem to be struggling with this and frequently ask for advice on this because you're very serious and directed toward this end....but just take the focus off others for a minute...you will begin to see Christ in the worst of people...as He wants us to. You will also come to that place where you are at peace for what you wish to accomplish.

 

[Poohbear]

Hello ladies,

I just want to get some feedback.Im starting a new chapter in my life and I'm slowly becoming very uninterested in the churchy experience.I'm more concerned with things of higher complexities.I know I will never be the good christian woman but I desire to be a die hard for God.I know my areas that I got to work on in order to intensify the light of God in me ie cursing,sexual thoughts and or actions,temper,and any other trait that doesn't line up with God.

I wanted to know does one get less attached to church-like appearances as they get older or do they become more focused on the appearance of being good versus really getting souls that need God the most.Like I can't get down with some people here because they are of means thus their thoughts and aura is kinda uppity,where I a person with nothing is more on the lower level.

Any feedback is appreciated.I'm going to read a few verses and pray because Im nervous about whats becoming of me.

I think I understand what your saying despite the title of the thread. I think you were using the title as a metaphor maybe? I just ignored the title and read what your post was saying.

Anyway, I feel what you're saying to a certain extent. Let me know if I'm on track with what you're saying...

I have been out of "church" for almost 4 months. I have become less interested in going to "church" (as in sitting in a pew with other believers watching people sing, pray, and preach once a week) and have been more interested in higher complexities. When I think of higher complexities, I think of truly deeply seeking God's will, not man's idea of what God wants. Man thinks religion is the answer, but I gradually started losing myself and my faith was diminishing because of "church". I used to teach children every Sunday and Wednesday night. I used to keep track of the church finances. I used to participate in some church ministries. But I did not see any of this gaining favor with God along with the sins in my life. I felt like I was suffering spiritually even though I was in "church" all the time. I felt like I was slowly beginning to think Jesus wasn't real, and then God wasn't real, and then the Bible was a big hoax.

Now that I haven't been going to "church", I have really been focusing on myself and what I truly believe. Even though I read the Bible for myself while I was in "church", I am reading it for myself even more now, more deeply without the interpretation of some man or commentary. I really try to listen to what God is really telling me. Yes, I have asked other people for insight and have read other sources for insight as well which has been helpful. I just felt like going to "church" isn't what makes you a Christian. It's how you live your life that makes you a Christian.

I really feel like a lot of things that "church-going" Christians take for granted are the most important things they should adhere to. For instance, holiness and repentance are two big things that are taken for granted. As I got older, the more I started to see these two things as more important when it comes to salvation in Jesus Christ. I hate hearing the excuses for sin: "Nobody's perfect" or "The devil made me do it" or "We will never stop sinning" or "God forgives us over and over and over". It makes me think okay, where do we draw the line? What separates a true Christian from a hypocritical Christian? What separates a true believer from a non-believer if we are doing the same sins as a non-believer?

I could say more, but I'll leave it at that for now. Let me know what you think GoddessMaker.

 

[Prudent1]

I don't think either of you under stood and that fine..its not about physical appearance or others failing but moreso myself not feeling any connection with seeming like other Christians..I mean there are some who have the perfect appearance and I don't.Some don't want to get there hands dirty but I do for some reason.It has appeared to me that as you get older you become more about appearances and not about the actual work..sorry it was not as flatly started in the initial message.

I don't think you were meant to be a hat wearing Christian. As others here have said, you have to do you in your realtionship with the Father. Even if it means you grab some away time from traditional church and fill it with serious study between you and Him as Poohbear said. I think all of us should be doing that from time to time. Not all are called to do the saem things. Many members, one body. I understand your desire to get your hands dirty. That's how I am wired too. Others are not. God perfects what concerns us. He gives us the desires that are in our hearts. He gave you the desire to get your hands dirty doing his business. Perhaps in your journey you will travel much and be an evangelist of sorts?! They have the drive to get their hands dirty but do to their assignments, they don't attend traditional church services. I'm praying for God to make his will for your life crystal clear to you chica!

 

[nathansgirl1908]

Now that I haven't been going to "church", I have really been focusing on myself and what I truly believe. Even though I read the Bible for myself while I was in "church", I am reading it for myself even more now, more deeply without the interpretation of some man or commentary. I really try to listen to what God is really telling me.

I really feel like a lot of things that "church-going" Christians take for granted are the most important things they should adhere to. For instance, holiness and repentance are two big things that are taken for granted.

This is the truth right here.

I came to a point where I wasn't attending church on a frequent basis. My relationship with God deepened at that point and I learned more than I had ever learned during the time I spent sitting in church bored and confused.

Unless you find the right church, most people start to lose focus when they aren't being fed. I have found that too many churches maintain a superficial type of religion that doesn't do that far below the surface. And when that is the case, no one is getting at the root of the issues that the OP mentioned. Some people play church, and the current church setups allow that. Ministers don't want to say things that will make people get mad and stop coming and bringing their tithes.

It is sad, but sometimes you just have to take a step back and do what's best for you.

 

[Laela]

@bolded, what does this really have to do with church attendance? Are you saying not going to church brings someone closer to God?

Could this have been the result of when you started to seriously study the Word and spending time with God, away from any distractions? Going to church won't make anyone a Christian but a Christian would want to fellowship with other believers.

I also remember when I was "bored and confused" in church; that was because I wasn't reading my Bible nor was I seriously exercising my faith.. so nothing made sense to me. That said, a person can go to church for years and not grow spiritually... Been there, because back then, I was being "religious" and not for real.

This is the truth right here.

I came to a point where I wasn't attending church on a frequent basis. My relationship with God deepened at that point and I learned more than I had ever learned during the time I spent sitting in church bored and confused.

Unless you find the right church, most people start to lose focus when they aren't being fed. I have found that too many churches maintain a superficial type of religion that doesn't do that far below the surface. And when that is the case, no one is getting at the root of the issues that the OP mentioned. Some people play church, and the current church setups allow that. Ministers don't want to say things that will make people get mad and stop coming and bringing their tithes.

It is sad, but sometimes you just have to take a step back and do what's best for you.

 

[Guitarhero]

@bolded, what does this really have to do with church attendance? Are you saying not going to church brings someone closer to God?

Could this have been the result of when you started to seriously study the Word and spending time with God, away from any distractions? Going to church won't make anyone a Christian but a Christian would want to fellowship with other believers.

I also remember when I was "bored and confused" in church; that was because I wasn't reading my Bible nor was I seriously exercising my faith.. so nothing made sense to me. That said, a person can go to church for years and not grow spiritually... Been there, because back then, I was being "religious" and not for real.

Not only want to, but it is actually commanded. The perks are that you end up edifying one another. And how else will you learn to discern between error and truth? A lot of people think they can do that only between them and G-d. But if that were true, then why do we even have the scriptures? We'd just know it internally. I agree with your post but not in a judgmental way (Nathangirl), I do think it's good to find the right match. Not everyone does the first, second, even 50th time around.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

@bolded, what does this really have to do with church attendance? Are you saying not going to church brings someone closer to God?

Could this have been the result of when you started to seriously study the Word and spending time with God, away from any distractions? Going to church won't make anyone a Christian but a Christian would want to fellowship with other believers.

Christians can fellowship with other believers outside of church as well. I certainly do. I have not seen any negative consequences as a result of not going to church every single Sunday. I would dare say I have a more active prayer and study life than many people who attend regularly. And I think that sometimes, the MESS that goes on in churches is so disgusting that it turns people off. Churches these days don't seem to have the proper focus. I hate sitting through tedious aspects of the service that have no relation to God whatsoever. Church services have become times for posturing and profiling. And the ones that are always mentioned during service or asked to do "important" things or lauded as being some kind of spiritual superiors are the ones who give the most money. And many people who attend church regularly get to a point where they think that is sufficient and they become "lazy."

I also remember when I was "bored and confused" in church; that was because I wasn't reading my Bible nor was I seriously exercising my faith.. so nothing made sense to me.

That said, a person can go to church for years and not grow spiritually... Been there, because back then, I was being "religious" and not for real.

That's YOUR experience. In addition to going to church I was reading my Bible consistently and exercising my faith. And I believe I also clarified my points by talking about the superficial nature of the messages that are often offered at church. But the confusion I was talking about (and I should have clarified) is confusion about things that ministers don't bother to address anyway during a normal service.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

And how else will you learn to discern between error and truth?

Going to church does not necessarily aid in this.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

Thank you ladies soo much.It helps to know that someone else understand me.I don't think I will be a regular church goer but there is a church that I do love to attend when I have better transport.

I do believe that you can fellowship anywhere but going to a church I feel makes it easier to be with folks..I prefer to be out of the church building its just easier for me.I don't fit into status quota's..and for those were perplexed by the title it is a metaphor of the church going woman out there the hat ladies in church that I just can't just be like.I have had some church folks ladies esp who think its ok for abuse in a marriage bc its just part of marriage or its ok for folks to remain stagnant..no challenge to be better..I just can't do it.

As I get near retirement in the mind I have started to be more concerned about the real things of God..I don't care much about making appearances for the world.I know I have alot to work on but I can't be raw as I am in a church suit metaphorically speaking.

 

[Laela]

That's part of the problem.... focusing on the mess. Whatever we focus on, expands and become our reality.

There's an old saying.. "Be the change you want to see in this world" and no other time is it needed than today. What is tragic is the likelihood of people leaving a church in disgust, without consulting with God, when He may have wanted to use them there to change things in that place. That's tragic. Ask Jonah.

Iron sharpeneth iron (Prov 27). Jesus walked among "mess" ..dirty people, the outcast, the poor, the sick, the crazy, etc., and still fulfilled his purpose. If a person doesn't like a church and it's not the place for them so be it. But there is NO need to condemn "churches" and berate other believers while doing so.

Do you honestly believe God is pleased with this approach?

Christians can fellowship with other believers outside of church as well. I certainly do. I have not seen any negative consequences as a result of not going to church every single Sunday. I would dare say I have a more active prayer and study life than many people who attend regularly. And I think that sometimes, the MESS that goes on in churches is so disgusting that it turns people off. Churches these days don't seem to have the proper focus. I hate sitting through tedious aspects of the service that have no relation to God whatsoever. Church services have become times for posturing and profiling. And the ones that are always mentioned during service or asked to do "important" things or lauded as being some kind of spiritual superiors are the ones who give the most money. And many people who attend church regularly get to a point where they think that is sufficient and they become "lazy."




That's YOUR experience. In addition to going to church I was reading my Bible consistently and exercising my faith. And I believe I also clarified my points by talking about the superficial nature of the messages that are often offered at church. But the confusion I was talking about (and I should have clarified) is confusion about things that ministers don't bother to address anyway during a normal service.

 

[Sweet C]

I guess I am trying to get a better understanding of where you are coming from. Can you define for me what you mean by "higher complexities."

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

I guess I am trying to get a better understanding of where you are coming from. Can you define for me what you mean by "higher complexities."

For me Im more worried about growing internally with Godly traits more than getting the good Usher award.Oh actually accepting love of God which sounds simple but really isnt.

 

[Poohbear]

That's part of the problem.... focusing on the mess. Whatever we focus on, expands and become our reality.

There's an old saying.. "Be the change you want to see in this world" and no other time is it needed than today. What is tragic is the likelihood of people leaving a church in disgust, without consulting with God, when He may have wanted to use them there to change things in that place. That's tragic. Ask Jonah.

Iron sharpeneth iron (Prov 27). Jesus walked among "mess" ..dirty people, the outcast, the poor, the sick, the crazy, etc., and still fulfilled his purpose. If a person doesn't like a church and it's not the place for them so be it. But there is NO need to condemn "churches" and berate other believers while doing so.

Do you honestly believe God is pleased with this approach?

I do not think nathansgirl or anyone who has had bad church experiences was focusing on the "mess" that goes on in churches. The "mess" is just something that was noticed while she was focusing on God and exercising her faith. I believe she and others do consult with God before leaving a church in disgust. The bible does say "Those who walk with the wise grow wise and a companion of fools suffers harm." And she is not condemning all churches or berating other believers. She is just talking about the experiences with the churches SHE has come in contact with. I'm sure she has been to some good churches in her lifetime. Right now, she is just doing what is best for her through God's sovereign will for HER life. Going to a traditional local "church" isn't the answer for everyone's spiritual growth. Fellowshipping with believers at home or on the streets may be the answer for some. Fellowshipping with believers online may be the answer for others. Fellowshipping with believers in a totally different organizational setting may work for some other people. At any rate, God is the one who we answer to now and in the end... not religion, not a pastor, not a minister or church leader, or anyone else in this world.

 

[Laela]

..and a hearty Amen to that!

G'nite Pooh...

At any rate, God is the one who we answer to now and in the end... not religion, not a pastor, not a minister or church leader, or anyone else in this world.

 

[Poohbear]

^^^Night Night Laela^^^

 

[makeupgirl]

OP, there is a verse that comes to mind in 1 Sam 16:7

"But the LORD said to Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD sees not as man sees; for man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart."

It always ticked me off when I go to certain churches, especially the one I grew up in because it's like a fashion show for the inward and outward appearance. Who can I dress better this Sunday? Who can I out give? Who can I bring more to Christ than? It's mind-boggling. But it happens. I actually had my ex-hairdresser as me, well how many souls have you brought to Christ? I didn't know I needed to keep count but whatever.

Anyhoo, we should go to church for one reason and that's to worship God. Pray that you will put the cross before you and the transitory things of this world behind you. That your focus will be on him and him alone. Same as when we're not physically in the building. We are still the body of Christ, so of course our minds should still be upon him.

At the end of the day, it's our hearts that the Lord is the most interested in, as well as our souls.

 

[Guitarhero]

Christians can fellowship with other believers outside of church as well. I certainly do. I have not seen any negative consequences as a result of not going to church every single Sunday.

That's still meeting with a body of christians. For some, that body is mandated where the eucharist takes place and for others, in a certain other set place. But it's still within the body. I do know people who stay by themselves, not worshiping in a group at all - never. I think that is tragic and I have one acquaintance in mind. She is the saddest one because of the nasty attitudes she had to deal with at that congregation. She's just given up...scared to receive their ugliness again... and it's now between her and G-d only but that's not how He designed the Church. Even if in small groups outside a church building, it's meeting with other christians to fellowship and that's how you do your walk. No one should ever make you feel like you're not living up to par.