Single Christian Women's Support Thread

This is so true! I had to be honest with myself and realize I'm just not ready! Biologically I am, but spiritually I am not where God wants me to be. I'm still in the midst of fully understanding my purpose. That's what's keeping me focused right now.

This is definitely me
 
“….Why not chase men? Because men are awesome, competent and brave and they are perfectly capable of doing the chasing and initiating!! And, when he is the one, he will chase you. He will want to chase you!..” www.theveilofchastity.com

Belle Du Jour

I looove her site although I am no longer Catholic, her teaching transcends religion. love that site thank you
 
This is for somebody :yep:

from Psalm 34:
5 I sought the Lord, and he answered me, delivered me from all my fears.
6 Look to Him and be radiant, and your faces may not blush for shame
9 Taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the stalwart one who takes refuge in Him.
10 ...Nothing is lacking to those who fear Him.
11...those who seek the Lord lack no good thing
16 The eyes of the Lord are directed toward the righteous and His ears toward their cry.
19. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, saves those whose spirit is crushed.

Do not be discouraged! I felt a bit of sadness coming on (probably because of the holiday) and God ministered to me through this Psalm. He hears, sees and knows all. Pour out your heart to Him. Submit to His plan for your life today and be grateful for everything--including the suffering--that you have today.
 
Hi Ladies,

A question has been on my mind for a couple weeks now and I just need to get it out... Do you ever feel trapped by the way other people feel about single life?

My sister got married last year and now she's pregnant with her first child. Throughout her pregnancy and during her baby shower I've been asked some of the most ridiculous questions, two of the most popular being, "when are you having a baby?" or "so what are you doing about your love life?" These questions are just dumb to me because what does my sister having a baby have to do with me. Why can't you be happy for her and leave me out of the conversation? I'm not a person who seeks attention. I really have no problem with everyone wishing her well and giving her gifts while I standby and smile because believe it or not, I AM GENUINELY happy for my sister. But, every time I've tried to avoid the questions and explain to people "don't worry about me, I'm fine. Be happy for my sister because I'm happy for her" I'm told that I'm jealous of her and I don't trust that God can bring me a husband. WHAT??? I don't understand how those conclusions are derived from me encouraging them to be happy for my sister and leave me out of it. One person even proceeded to run down a list of all the things I'm doing wrong that cause me to still be single. Smh! I guess it would've been better if I was just direct and said MIND YOUR BUSINESS!!!

Anyway, what this all made me realize is that not only do we as single women have to deal from time to time with the loneliness of not having a significant other in our life, we also have to deal with the loneliness of keeping our true feelings to ourselves and quite honestly I experience the later much more than the former. I find myself very limited in what I can talk to people about, including my mom and sister who I'm supposedly very close with. Any twinge of sadness from me about being single or any questions that may float through my mind about why I'm still waiting, if I dare let any of that out to them, I'm hit with you're jealous or you don't believe. But I've asked God for wisdom and what I've learned is that it's not that people really think I'm jealous or that I don't believe, it's that non-single people are uncomfortable around single people because as much as they may complain about marriage, they still pity us for being alone. I'm not saying this is true for everyone but it does apply to a lot of people I encounter. So what happens is that instead of me being able to express how I feel even in moments when I am sad (notice I say moments because God has blessed with me grace so that I don't ever stay sad) or being able to ignore the dumb questions people so inconsiderately ask, I have to smile and engage in answering just so they feel comfortable and don't burden me down with their inaccurate assumptions. I have to smile 24/7 no matter how I feel, even if the lack of a smile is due to something other than being single, like my stressful new job or my annoying neighbor or maybe just a bad hair day since believe it or not, being single is NOT on my mind 24/7. I couldn't even explain what I typed here to them if I wanted to because again it would equate to you're jealous and you don't believe.

Sigh... I wasn't going to post this but I feel in my spirit that someone else here feels trapped by other people's discomfort over their single status. I just want you to know that you're not alone. I'm praying for myself and I'm praying for you as well.

I think this is very unfair. A couple years ago I wanted marriage so bad and now I'm not that pressed for it. I know it will happen, but I realized thinking about it made me miserable. I been around people, including a guy I used to deal with who picked up on my new carefree attitude and tried to say stuff to bring me down. A single carefree woman can be very threatening to certain people, including men.
 
This is for somebody :yep:

from Psalm 34:
5 I sought the Lord, and he answered me, delivered me from all my fears.
6 Look to Him and be radiant, and your faces may not blush for shame
9 Taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the stalwart one who takes refuge in Him.
10 ...Nothing is lacking to those who fear Him.
11...those who seek the Lord lack no good thing
16 The eyes of the Lord are directed toward the righteous and His ears toward their cry.
19. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, saves those whose spirit is crushed.

Do not be discouraged! I felt a bit of sadness coming on (probably because of the holiday) and God ministered to me through this Psalm. He hears, sees and knows all. Pour out your heart to Him. Submit to His plan for your life today and be grateful for everything--including the suffering--that you have today.

Thanks for this because I have been feeling really down lately

sent from my galaxy
 
I think this is very unfair. A couple years ago I wanted marriage so bad and now I'm not that pressed for it. I know it will happen, but I realized thinking about it made me miserable. I been around people, including a guy I used to deal with who picked up on my new carefree attitude and tried to say stuff to bring me down. A single carefree woman can be very threatening to certain people, including men.

Oh yes, once they catch up on this, the dishonorable men will try everything to mess up your flow, be vigilant ladies.
 
Do men need our help? :look:

Have you ever had an encountered with a guy who flirts with you but never follows up? Did you blame yourself? Where you tempted to follow-up with him in the hopes of it turning into a date?

It is easy to think that your response to a man’s flirtation is either too enthusiastic or too nonchalant and that if you could just strike the perfect balance, you would secure more dates. It is also easy to believe that if a man does not follow-up, then it is because he needs your help.

We Respond

Emotional Chastity includes the understanding that the responsibility for the initiation, follow-up and pursuit lies on the man. As the girl, your job is only to respond. So, what is the best way to respond to those initial flirtations by men? What is the fine line between a proper, balanced response and ‘helping’ the man? Does he even need your help?...

Emotional Chastity begins with the belief that you can trust God and that He has a plan for your life and for your vocation. Once you have this belief, you will have peace. This peace will guide you in all your actions and responses to men. It will free you from the belief that you have to help men.

This post was a good one. Read it here: http://theveilofchastity.com/2013/05/30/do-men-need-help/
 
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“To a great extent the level of any civilization is the level of its womanhood. When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more noble her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, and goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women.” – Venerable Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen

Raise your standards: http://worthyofagape.com/2013/05/27/raise-your-standards/
 
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Do men need our help? :look:



This post was a good one. Read it here: http://theveilofchastity.com/2013/05/30/do-men-need-help/


Belle Du Jour I was just going to post this...its sooo true and was a good read! Its funny how we know we should do but we still want to have control....I have been the one that would help a little too much in the past and then be hurt when it didnt work out:drunk: I'm realizing that by submitting and being obedient to God I am still IN Control....of my emotions!!

Last night I met a gentleman and usually I would leave with a # but I realize that if he really wanted to take it further he would pursue...so reading this today made me very pleased with my decision to keep it moving
 
It's going to be pure joy to learn about marriage in my church. My home group and the single guy group are pairing up for the summer to do a marriage study. I don't see anyone that I would be checking for but it's great info. The husband of the couple that is running the program said those of you who have horrid experiences of marriage and don't have parents to rely on will have alot of work ahead. I know that is me soo much. I am very candid last night which is me all the time so they already know what the biz is. I will share info I think is really good to you ladies if you care to read. I don't want to bore folks with my christian experience.
 
I met the man I thought (still think) was perfect for me. He possesses every attribute I've every prayed about. Everything I had on the list I made years ago. Everything I thought about my FH possessing. From significant matters to minute details (and no, not all about looks). I don't get it. It's like my list, my thoughts, my prayers were the guide for creating this man...lol. Yet, he is seemingly out of reach. My dream man in the flesh, yet I cannot have him. It stinks!!

But then I think, is this the Father showing me that he CAN give me the desires of my heart...but I have to be ready??? It almost hurts....I feel like I did this to myself. Does that make sense? Kind of like I'm blocking my own blessings....
 
I met the man I thought (still think) was perfect for me. He possesses every attribute I've every prayed about. Everything I had on the list I made years ago. Everything I thought about my FH possessing. From significant matters to minute details (and no, not all about looks). I don't get it. It's like my list, my thoughts, my prayers were the guide for creating this man...lol. Yet, he is seemingly out of reach. My dream man in the flesh, yet I cannot have him. It stinks!!

But then I think, is this the Father showing me that he CAN give me the desires of my heart...but I have to be ready??? It almost hurts....I feel like I did this to myself. Does that make sense? Kind of like I'm blocking my own blessings....

Incognitus I completely understand how you feel.

The longer we delay in walking with God, the longer He will withhold our desires.

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:33

"Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

When the enemy starts to fill your mind with doubt/worry/fear/confusion it causes you to lose focus on what is really important, being the amazing women God has called you to be. When this occurs, start worshiping, play some christian music, or read some scriptures. Do anything that will get you centered back with God.

As for blessings, God only hands them out when we are mature enough to receive them, He will not give you something that will destroy you. A car is only a blessing if you know how to drive it.
 
I’m done listening to the “I’m not ready line” when it comes to God answering our prayers for a husband. Is anyone ever ready to be married or to become a parent? No matter how much you prepare you end up facing challenges that you will have to figure out how to deal with. I’m in my 30s and I desire to be married, do I think I am ready 100%? No I don’t’ but I know I would be a good wife and would continue to put God first.

I am not looking for anyone who is not saved but someone who is equally yoked like me and that can grow spiritually with me. I recently had an epiphany after a sermon I was listening to and I am applying that to my life. I used to pray to be married everyday but at the same time I used to have doubts that it would happen anytime soon. My mistake was that I was not having faith. I was questioning can God give me what I was really asking for? Do I deserve what I am asking for? Faith is very powerful ladies. It will open doors but we have to truly have it. I’ve had faith in other things in life that always turned out just the way I asked for. But when it came to men I fantasized about, what I wanted and asked for, deep inside I was afraid how I would handle it. Could I handle this perfect man I’ve asked God to send me? I’m not perfect so why would he send me someone who is? All these doubts interfere with my faith. Leaving me vulnerable and settling for men who did not even deserve my time.

Read this verse 1 John ch. 5 vs. 14

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.

This is a very powerful verse. When you ask God for something he hears you! You don’t need to continue to beg and cry for a husband. God already heard the first prayer as long is was prayed with faith. Now you need to claim the husband that God has for you. Start kneeling down and saying Thank You God for the husband you are preparing for me please continue to work within him and bless are meeting when it happens within your will. Say thank you for your future husband every day do not continue to pray for God to send him because he is already on his way! Now God works on his time not ours so he may be on his way but it may take weeks, months or years. Part of having faith is being patient. For those who did not pray in faith before for the husband please do so tonight and going forward say thank you to God for hearing your prayer and for preparing that husband. Believe me I know this may be a challenge but I believe it will work.

Also keep yourself busy with Gods work. If you were not involved in any church activities get involved. If you are not in any ministry at church doing his work within the church get involved! Woman who make themselves visible usually get noticed by eligible suitors. Praying and reading the bible daily are what you should do as well. I have been reading a chapter daily just to nourish my brain and keep it off of negative things. The only way you will learn the word is by reading the bible because that is where Gods instructions lie and where you will get your guidance. Not this site, not friends but in the word is where God will speak to you. I am applying what I’ve stated in this forum and mark my words I will have met my husband by the end of this year. The type of husband that I'v prayed about because God will not give us less than what we ask for. He may give us equal or more but never less! So never settle! As long as I put God first and have faith he will answer my prayer and he can do the same for you all.
 
You don’t need to continue to beg and cry for a husband. God already heard the first prayer as long is was prayed with faith.

Girrrrrrl... :lol:

I've had some thoughts along these lines, but as you so eloquently pointed out, this site is not His word, so I've been trying to limit my time here and eliminate unnecessary interference from (all) external sources.

I'll be back to elaborate more once I get off work.
 
There's a new post on The Veil of Chastity, this part in particular spoke to me the most:

I have to laugh at myself as I write this post about smiling. It seems so corny and I, of all people, should proceed with caution when encouraging others to smile. Why? Because when I was single, complete male strangers would occasionally say to me, “Smile, it’s not that bad!”

My response was always a squinty-eyed version of “Leave me alone.” It used to get on my nerves and every guy who said it seemed to be a Creeper. You see, I was often lost in deep thought and it resulted in me having, not so much of a frown, but a pensive look on my face. So, I guess these guys would feel compelled to ‘cheer me up.’ It didn’t work.

Looking back though, I realize that they were just trying to get my attention and flirt with me. They were harmless.

Has this ever happened to you? Did it get on your nerves? If so, don’t worry. I am not going to tell you to “Smile at the world.” But, I will hopefully convince you that your smile is all you need when flirting with men.

She has just described me to a T! Is anyone else here guilty of this? I'm always lost in my thoughts, people always tell me I look too serious and I have 'don't mess with me' attitude. Surprisingly, this is the same advice my sister who is an atheist gave me: to smile more.
 
It's going to be pure joy to learn about marriage in my church. My home group and the single guy group are pairing up for the summer to do a marriage study. I don't see anyone that I would be checking for but it's great info. The husband of the couple that is running the program said those of you who have horrid experiences of marriage and don't have parents to rely on will have alot of work ahead. I know that is me soo much. I am very candid last night which is me all the time so they already know what the biz is. I will share info I think is really good to you ladies if you care to read. I don't want to bore folks with my christian experience.


@GoddessMaker - please do share! even if you think it might not help anyone...remember this just a forum but we all have our own battles we fight privately! I know i would love to read on what you have learned as I dont have any great Christian marriage examples in my family and yes I mean none! :look: sorry uncle lol


I am not looking for anyone who is not saved but someone who is equally yoked like me and that can grow spiritually with me. I recently had an epiphany after a sermon I was listening to and I am applying that to my life. I used to pray to be married everyday but at the same time I used to have doubts that it would happen anytime soon. My mistake was that I was not having faith. I was questioning can God give me what I was really asking for? Do I deserve what I am asking for? Faith is very powerful ladies. It will open doors but we have to truly have it. I’ve had faith in other things in life that always turned out just the way I asked for. But when it came to men I fantasized about, what I wanted and asked for, deep inside I was afraid how I would handle it. Could I handle this perfect man I’ve asked God to send me? I’m not perfect so why would he send me someone who is? All these doubts interfere with my faith. Leaving me vulnerable and settling for men who did not even deserve my time.

Read this verse 1 John ch. 5 vs. 14

This is a very powerful verse. When you ask God for something he hears you! You don’t need to continue to beg and cry for a husband. God already heard the first prayer as long is was prayed with faith. Now you need to claim the husband that God has for you. Start kneeling down and saying Thank You God for the husband you are preparing for me please continue to work within him and bless are meeting when it happens within your will. Say thank you for your future husband every day do not continue to pray for God to send him because he is already on his way! Now God works on his time not ours so he may be on his way but it may take weeks, months or years. Part of having faith is being patient. For those who did not pray in faith before for the husband please do so tonight and going forward say thank you to God for hearing your prayer and for preparing that husband. Believe me I know this may be a challenge but I believe it will work.

@Kinkyhairlady Thank you for this...it speaks in volumes what so many of us feel and need to remind ourselves

Cant pray and then worry Cant pray and question Wheres the faith in that? We all should put our pride and concerns as single woman and thank God for the blessings seen and unseen- our Husbands being prepared for us
 
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I went to a bible study at work with a woman who wears a collar as a leader. She said the exact opposite. That God wants you to keep praying about the things you want. I don't remember the exact context or justification, but it was in a bible study based on prayer and we referenced that verse about if a human father will give you good things if you ask, certainly your heavenly father will.

I always had the attitude that I pray once for something and then, like you said, God heard you the first time, you don't need to keep praying for it. But this conversation made me change my mind about that. She said God wants you to keep coming to him in prayer.

I remember that it made sense to me in context of you pray every night or every morning (or every two hours.) So you do need to repeat yourself a bit, right? You prayer for your family to be happy and healthy once and then never again?
 
I went to a bible study at work with a woman who wears a collar as a leader. She said the exact opposite. That God wants you to keep praying about the things you want. I don't remember the exact context or justification, but it was in a bible study based on prayer and we referenced that verse about if a human father will give you good things if you ask, certainly your heavenly father will.

I always had the attitude that I pray once for something and then, like you said, God heard you the first time, you don't need to keep praying for it. But this conversation made me change my mind about that. She said God wants you to keep coming to him in prayer.

I remember that it made sense to me in context of you pray every night or every morning (or every two hours.) So you do need to repeat yourself a bit, right? You prayer for your family to be happy and healthy once and then never again?

Maybe she was referring to the widow of Nain who kept petitioning the Judge (who represents God). She was persistent until he honored her request. I know that I pray for things multiple times but I always try to thank God for what He is doing and ask for more faith/hope/trust.
 
This story lifted my spirits this morning:

Warrior-Poet Meets God-Written Love Story

Ben Zornes is our Dean of Men and worship leader here at Ellerslie Training. He and Elsje will be married in January 2012 on the Ellerslie campus. Their testimony proves once more that God indeed is in the business of scripting amazing love stories, when we are willing to leave the pen completely in His hands. May you be richly encouraged in reading about what God has done in Ben's life this past year.

1. You recently became engaged. Can you tell us a little bit about how God brought you together?

Ironically, the way God brought us together goes completely against the grain of the modern model of instant indulgence. Most of the time, if a guy sees a girl he likes, he does backflips to try to get her attention. God would allow no such behavior from me as this relationship began to form. In my situation, you could almost say that rather than bring us together, God led us to avoid each other for a season. When Elsje and I first met it was in the context of the Ellerslie training (she as a student, myself as a staff member). As my heart was drawn to her, I realized that I needed to limit interaction with her and do absolutely nothing to pursue her in order to protect the sacredness of the Ellerslie environment, and to guard her from being distracted by me. A guy showing and expressing interest, whether the girl desires it or not, has the potent capacity to be a massive distraction. When she returned home, I had no clue of any interest on her end, and I came to find out that she had no inkling of my desires or intentions. One other thing I should probably mention is, the fact that she returned home added a huge layer of impossibility because she is from South Africa. Thus, for the first six to eight months of our acquaintance – unknown to the other – God led us both to die to the desire and the hope of anything taking place between us, and to simply trust Him with our most intimate longings.

After months of silence, the only way open to me was to petition God to open the door. I knew that the risk in a relationship should fall upon the shoulders of the man, and God had clearly hallmarked her as the one He had designed for me, yet there was no clear way to begin initiating interaction without making her feel rather awkward. Thus, I invited my family to join me in praying that God would open a door of honorable communication. At the time it seemed like a massive long shot, but I knew God had given me the confidence to hope only in Him. I had no clue of her interest, we had spent such a ridiculously small amount of time in any sort of interaction, she lived half way around the world, and I had no idea if some swanky, South African hunk had already swept her off her feet. But, as I and my family began praying, God literally opened a miraculous door. For the first time ever, she responded to one of the weekly Alumni emails that I sent out to all the Ellerslie alumni. Before I began pouring forth my heart to her, I waited and didn’t respond to her immediately, even though the door had opened. Instead, I consulted with my friend and mentor, Eric, and with his wisdom and my parents’ counsel and oversight, I began corresponding with her. Over the following weeks, it became evident that God had stirred both of our hearts for the other. Once I obtained the blessing of her father to pursue, woo, and win her heart, God led us through a rather peculiar long-distance relationship overseen by our parents; it culminated in the most beautiful night on earth, which found me alone with a girl for the first time in my life, getting down on one knee, uttering words I’d never spoken to any other girl: “I love you (in both English and Afrikaans), will you marry me?” And with incandescent happiness she said, “Yes.”

Read the rest here: http://dev.setapartgirl.com/magazine/article/11-1-11/warrior-poet-meets-god-written-love-story
 
Maybe she was referring to the widow of Nain who kept petitioning the Judge (who represents God). She was persistent until he honored her request. I know that I pray for things multiple times but I always try to thank God for what He is doing and ask for more faith/hope/trust.

Yes. I think you are right. She did say God wants us to be persistent. Now that I think about it, that's the story she referenced in the bible study.
 
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I know that I pray for things multiple times but I always try to thank God for what He is doing and ask for more faith/hope/trust.

:yep: I also think there's a difference between maintaining open communication with God and "praying and worrying." I know I have to catch myself saying/thinking things like "I'm probably never going to get married anyway." What's the point of continually commissioning God for something you don't really believe He can/will do? I think that's what lends itself to the "begging" to which Kinkyhairlady referred, which is indicative of a lack of faith.

As Belle Du Jour mentioned, I find it productive to pray for the strengthening of my faith so that I'll be in a position to receive what He has in store. To be prepared and made into the woman who will attract the type of man I desire. I learn a little more about what I want out of my life and marriage every day, so this rarely becomes redundant or rehearsed. If anything, it evidences that He truly does hear and answer via revelation/intercession.
 
I went to a bible study at work with a woman who wears a collar as a leader. She said the exact opposite. That God wants you to keep praying about the things you want. I don't remember the exact context or justification, but it was in a bible study based on prayer and we referenced that verse about if a human father will give you good things if you ask, certainly your heavenly father will.

I always had the attitude that I pray once for something and then, like you said, God heard you the first time, you don't need to keep praying for it. But this conversation made me change my mind about that. She said God wants you to keep coming to him in prayer.

I remember that it made sense to me in context of you pray every night or every morning (or every two hours.) So you do need to repeat yourself a bit, right? You prayer for your family to be happy and healthy once and then never again?

I used to think the way you do but then I realized continuing to ask for something is like you don't fully believe he heard you before. Take this scenario... If you have a child that ask for a Barbie every single day. You heard her and plan on getting it for her but she continues to ask. You may have multiple reasons why you have not gotten it for her but she does not see that she just thinks you did not hear her the first time. As a parent how would you feel? You would wonder how much faith your own kid has in you. You tell her you will get it for her yet she continues to ask. She does not have faith in you. That is how God sees it.

If you have faith you don't have to continue to ask just thank him cause its already done if its in his will. If its not in his will still say thanks cause he protected you.

I pray for protection every day for myself and family. I know God hears me but like giving thanks daily I ask for protection daily before I go out into the world. I def give thanks more than asking for things daily. You can ask for something daily but why are you asking for it daily if you believe it's on it's way? Shouldn't you be patiently waiting and giving thanks?
 
Hey ladies. So today I was listening to this sermon by Paul Washer about being ready for a relationship. I know we all probably fantasize about our wedding day and finally being able to spend the rest our lives with someone, but this sermon really helped to define what marriage should be. Most of our desires to be married are selfish. We want to be married to this person because he's funny, he's attractive, or he makes us feel good. But all of these desires are selfish. What happens when those same characteristics fade over time? When we no longer want to be around this person? None of these selfish desires should be the foundation of a marriage. This person should be able to lead and hold together a family. Marriage should ultimately help to complete God's will for your life.

What's so great about this sermon is that he is speaking to men. He goes over how a man knows he's ready to pursue a relationship. We should make sure our men have reached these levels before pursuing a relationship. I will post the link once I find it. It's a great sermon.

The more I learn about God centered relationships, the more I'm learning that marriage and relationships are not about us. They're about glorifying God. We have to consistently die to our fleshly desires. I want to do this relationship thing His way, but it's definitely a challenge!

ETA: Link to sermon
 
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