There will also be times when he says no because he just doesn't want to see a romantic movie. Even being equally yoked doesn't mean that my DH will fulfill every wish I have of him and vice versa. And that's okay. The problem comes when you never or rarely want to fulfill your spouse's desires.
What we can't even do oral when we are married.
If you have a heavenly prayer language I would encourage you to pray ore with that than in English. You'll be amazed at the progress you make in being completely victorious in all areas of your life
I believe sex is an act that was ordained to be between a husband and a wife. I just don't see how a husband and his hand or a wife and her toys fits into the scheme of what God designed sex for.
I agree with this. This is my thought process as well.
DELUSION. 
I have been single 7 years and WHOLLY abstinent as well. I say "wholly" because I am including masturbation. I struggled in the beginning. I looked for ministries that condoned masturbation and would "fool" myself with thoughts like "well this keeps me from fornication"
I would have never made it 7 years if I hadn't made the choice of exploring a deeper prayer life. I chose this in ignorance actually. For I never knew that a prayer life would be a sanctifying tool. The more I became immersed in Him , the less immersed I was in myself. Not on purpose mind you, because I thought all with me was okay. I figured God would understand afterall he knows how my hormones are around that "time".
After awhile that temptation just left. In the last year it has come back from time to time . The enemy will always come back and try. I finally relized the reason for that. I had to take a realistic view and standback and compare the times of "restraint and no struggle" in this area to the times of "hard temptation and weak moments" that I had been going through in the last year. It was as evident as a skyscraper, my prayer life had weakend. I had become complacent. Not as ferverent as I once was. Not hotly pursueing the heart of God. Just kind of "coasting along" on the residue of my past prayer life. The more I was with Him , the "safer" I was. Temptation would still come but I had the strength to fight! At time there were flickers of spiritual strength from time to time but much like a match that is burning to the end, I couldn't ignite anything. I couldn't demonstrate the power a yielded vessel could demonstrate.
Understand this, people can give you scripture after scripture but it is not until you have submitted your heart to know the truth, will you ever be free. That's how it happened for me. Sitting in His prescence allowed the Holy Spirit to show me just how depraved and needy I really was. At this point you will have no need for selfish satisfaction.
. Therefore, while I wouldn’t call it a sin, I would compare it to getting a McDonald’s hamburger when God wanted you to have the filet mignon!
How? So what else is immoral in your book? Women on top? toys? Do you believe people should even touch each other during sex? I'm just sayin
Please anyone, show me scripture that supports HOW we are supposed to have sex.
at this whole post! I know you were serious, but I have a way of making everything silly!
. If sex was just for procreation, He wouldn’t have made it pleasurable. Sleep isn’t so pleasurable to us (in fact we can’t feel it, b/c we are in a “dead-like” state). God gave us tastebuds so we could enjoy food, and He gave us sensors on our private parts so we could enjoy each other, IMO! Now, I also believe He meant for this in a marriage setting, but He definitely didn’t want it to be boring!I wouldn’t go as far as to call it a sin (although some might). However, I would look at it this way. God designed sex for two. That’s why He gave us all the right equipment. It’s the “perfect fit”
).
. I definitely think that the way things are operating now is unnatural, and I’m also celibate (actually a virgin). I was just speaking with someone about this the other day (how in biblical times women married at 12 or 13, so it wasn’t an issue to be a virgin then). In fact, I bet most 12 or 13 year olds are still virgins. However, I do think God’s intent was for us to marry young and be virgins at marriage and be with the same person until death. The way things are today, I just don’t see that mentality coming back. People are so focused on their careers!I'm sorry I am going to offend people, but what some of you people are talking about here is just plain unnatural. First of all when these laws/beliefs were laid down, women and men were marrying at a much younger age. A woman was a "woman" at 12 and there was nothing unnatural for a woman to be married at 12 (as it is in our times). Hence by the time she'd hit what we now define as her "teenage years" she would have been married and been engaged in sexually intercourse. That would have surely eased some of that extreme sexual agitation and tension that builds up during and after the teens.
Why do I say it's unnatural? Well women are no longer marrying at 12, instead we are marry regularly in our 20s and 30s, that's an additional 10-20 years longer than what the typical biblical woman would have waited before engaged in (marital, if you wish) sexual intercourse. So why are we following these particular rules in the way we are, while ditching other on the claims that they're outmoded. For example, you're not supposed to eat pigs, it's in the bible; in fact in the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve, were forbidden to eat meat/flesh; you're supposed to observe the sabbath (just like the orthodox Jews do, Friday sundown through Saturday sundown), etc., etc. but how many of ya'll are doing it? Well you're sinning if you're not!
Humans are blessed with a wonderful range of sexual energy. Female are particular blessed because in addition to the vagina and the breasts, she has a clitoris that gives her the ultimate ability to enjoy sex and her sexuality to the fullest. But what do we do? We spend generations, lifetimes, telling people (women) that sex is BAD before marriage (and during, according to some major religious) and that it is OKAY to SUFFER those undescribable feelings and pains that is generated by loneliness and UNFULFILLED sexuality. God forbid a woman should never find a husband, then according to what many of you are saying here, she will have to remain sexually unfulflilled (not even being allowed to masturbate) her entire life wouldn't she! The assumption is that God will provide a husband to every women, but we all know that's not every woman will find a husband and that in our day and age many won't find a decent one before her 30s.
Some religious group says sex is only to engaged in only for procreation. Well God didn't make humans like dogs now, did he? Humans, unlike the vast majority of other creatures, are in "heat" 24/7. Whereas dogs and other creatures are in heat only when they need to procreate. So why are we going around telling people to stiffle their sexually, unnaturally, and say it's in the name of God! If you really want to follow God's wisdom, then ya'll (who are promoting this) should lobby to have marriageable age lowered to 12 (just as in biblical times). That way little girls won't be growing up into grown women who are unhappy and miserable as hell (even if they won't admit it; some don't even know the real reason why) because they are taught that it is BAD, A SIN, to allow themselves to feel the full range of their God-given, positive, emotions and desires. And even worse they won't be teaching their daughters or others girls/women that it's okay to experience that particular torture. As far as I can see, this is no different than when the slave-owners were telling black people (and made it law) that it is unnatural for them to read or learn how to read because God made (and they used the Bible to support them) white people to teach black people what they needed to know.
Institutionally-dictated celibacy is the most vicious and POWERFUL means of CONTROLing people. Do your research, the most VIOLENT cultures (including this one) are the ones that promote sexual repressions. I'm not saying people should run around and sleep with anything that moves. Far from it, but some people here are on one hand basically saying sex and sexuality are NASTY and DIGUSTING -- A SIN -- and one the other saying it will be GREAT with a husband. Well if a woman should spend the first 20-30 years or so of her life repressing her sexuality to the point where masturbation is considered disgusting by thinking and totally believing that sex or "fornication" as some defines it, is wrong, -- which is basically mental clitoridectomy -- she's ONE MESSED UP woman by the time she hits the marriage bed. A person just cannot switch the brain on and off like that. Just as she is taught and learns to think of sex (masturbation, sex outside of marriage, even oral sex or use of toys according to some -- within marriage) as sinful and disgusting by default, which is what I'm leaning here, she will have to learn how to reverse that when she gets married, who's going to teach her? I don't see any classes around teaching married Christian women how to enjoy sex after a lifetime of repression, etc. (if there are I would like to know). By that time it's too late.
I read some of these posts and Ibecause we have obviously learnt nothing from history. Learnt nothing from looking back and see how female sexual repression have created so much emotional instability and depression and suicides in various forms in women for most of human civilization.
I am not going run out of this thread. Nah, I'll be back checking to see what people are saying. And before any of ya'll judge me by thinking I must one loose woman, I'll have you know that in my almost 24 years I've had sex only once and my celibacy has been by choice (partly because I'm just picky and partly because I'm still unlearning what I was taught and am now learning to accept the truth that my body isn't sinful) and not because of institutional dogma. So whenever I choose to have sex or think about it, I will not have the guilt and shame and depression and burden that some of the women here are obviously experiencing. And before anyone here judge me "because I'm not a Christian" well I'll let you know I grew up, and spend most of my life, VERY Christian, probably what some of you would describe as orthodox, but learnt, and you all know this, that the Bible is open to many, unlimited, interpretations (hence the various Christian denominations) and decided that my only purpose in life is to be compassionate...
Right, and that's why I can't get down with toys. I just don't know what an inanimate object can give me that my husband's living organ can't (sorry TMI
I've faced these exact struggles in regards to abstinence and masturbation before. I had no ring but I was doing my own thing when I wanted to, where I wanted to, how I wanted to, and with whom I wanted.
Although I thought I was always in control, I wound up in some sticky situations that was hard to get out of. I made some irrational decisions while in and out of control. When my boyfriend wasn't around, or I didn't have a boyfriend at the time, I was lonely and in need. Not just sexual needs, but sometimes overall companionship.
I personally felt there should be more for me. Sex was great (I ain't gonna lie), but I knew I didn't have the full package I wanted. At one point I thought I could 'be like a guy' and have no real strings attached. I wasn't sleeping around with every Tyrique, DeAndre and Hakeem*, but yet I felt I was investing more and not getting satisfactory returns. I think I wasted a lot of time in those relationships. Sometimes I went for the wrong type, and I probably missed the one that was compatible for me.
(* I initially wrote 'every Tom, Dick and Harry' but it just didn't sound right to me.
Shortly after I decided to live a Christian life, I forgot that God was in control. I then lost control and had a sex with a guy I knew and wanted for a long time before I became a Christian. Since I didn't want to look for the way of escape when facing that temptation, that relationship blew up in a bad way.
Later on a cutie from work went beyond his usual hello and started flirting, pointing out our similarities, and inviting me out. Despite my feelings, I knew something wasn't right. Weeks later there was some drama with him, and I was so happy not to be entangled in it. Since God knocked me upside my head once, I learned to seek him first.
While in waiting, my mind went off track and focused on fleshly desires instead of spiritual ones. I would imagine what it would be like for me to have a sexual relationship in marriage. (Like God would approve of that because I honored marriage in my impure thoughts.)
I've learned that impure thoughts and masturbation are mental and/or physical distractions that give temporary pleasure and little substance. They're simulations of an experience fulfulled mainly in the mind, but they short change one's emotions. (Picture winning a million dollars but the IRS taking $999,995 because of back taxes. Five bucks isn't much in proportion to what you could have had.)
Through God's Word I know I should trust in the Lord with all of my heart and not depend on my own understanding. When I acknowledge Him, He will direct my paths. Now when I see a handsome guy, I've learned to give God praise, admire His work, and say "Lord, You're good. You made another handsome one over there." That way God knows what I like, and he'll internally prepare the right one for me!
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I believe sex is a beautiful, intimate part of love for husbands and wives. When a husband tells his wife he loves her and then shows his devotion by giving his body solely to her, that wife has proof of his intimate love. She in return shows him she feels the same love and devotion he does. I believe that's a great bond of committment.
Is everything rosy in marriages? Absolutely not. It gets rocky sometimes; but if God is the head of their union, a husband and wife will both seek God. Marriage is a working commitment. In their every day lives, husbands and wives must keep the vows they made, despite the issues they face.
And so is my commitment to God. Since I'm the spiritual bride of Christ, I must show my devotion to God. In the natural, I have to keep my mind and body in order. When God unites me with my future husband, I want to give my husband my body as proof of my devotion. He'll know that I'm seriously committed to him. Yes I'm not a virgin, but my husband will appreciate my renewed and purified gift because it was set apart for him.
And as far as what should do ... err ... umm... It will be within reason of course and ... err ... umm,
Whatever we will doWill satisfy us two.
And please God too.
Now I'm through.
