Single Christian Women's Support Thread

My pastors are doing a marriage seminar and they invited singles. It's called "7 principles for making marriage work." He is urging the singles to join because we shouldn't have to wait until we're married to know about marriage. Friday night was our first day of teaching and it was great.

After years, I would like to get married.
 
Lamentations 3: 25-27; 31-32

The Lord is good to those who trust in Him, to the one that seeks Him; It is good to hope in silence for the Lord's deliverance. For the Lord does not reject forever; Though He brings grief, he takes pity, according to the abundance of His mercy.
 
Dr. Myles Munroe - Make Your Marriage A Success

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUSb4QFnbfE

For singles ladies also, something to think about.

Loves this Message:

1. He should already be in the presence of God (Ladies we are not dating to save)

2. He should be a provider ( we are not a Ride or Die Chicken..always hated that slogan anyway)

3. He should cultivate us.. Bring out the best in us. He loves us in our imperfections regardless.

4. He should be our protector, defender, our shelter. We are safe in his presence ( won't abuse us emotionally, physically, or sexually)


He is always on point
 
sweetvi said:
Loves this Message:

1. He should already be in the presence of God (Ladies we are not dating to save)

2. He should be a provider ( we are not a Ride or Die Chicken..always hated that slogan anyway)

3. He should cultivate us.. Bring out the best in us. He loves us in our imperfections regardless.

4. He should be our protector, defender, our shelter. We are safe in his presence ( won't abuse us emotionally, physically, or sexually)

He is always on point

Love this. Let's change all those should's to MUST's!
 
So um, how are you ladies handling your "desires" :look:

I once heard a testimony about a woman who said that God took away her "desires" until she met her husband
let's just say that I haven't experienced the same thing:look:
not that I want Him to take them away

But can we just have a honest open conversation about the subject?
 
So um, how are you ladies handling your "desires" :look:

I once heard a testimony about a woman who said that God took away her "desires" until she met her husband
let's just say that I haven't experienced the same thing:look:
not that I want Him to take them away

But can we just have a honest open conversation about the subject?

LoveisYou- Honestly ever since I fully committed to God I can say its like my desires have lessened I do have some urges every once in awhile but prayer and keeping myself busy does help Every day I feel stronger and by reading The Word I have a better understanding of my worth and these desires are losing their value because I am not married It's tough but i was being selfish before Now I think about how my actions affect my relationship with God
 
So um, how are you ladies handling your "desires" :look:

I once heard a testimony about a woman who said that God took away her "desires" until she met her husband
let's just say that I haven't experienced the same thing:look:
not that I want Him to take them away

But can we just have a honest open conversation about the subject?

Guess I lucked out. I don't have any 'desires'. If the 'desires' are what I think you are referring too.
 
So um, how are you ladies handling your "desires" :look:

I once heard a testimony about a woman who said that God took away her "desires" until she met her husband
let's just say that I haven't experienced the same thing:look:
not that I want Him to take them away

But can we just have a honest open conversation about the subject?

Oops, I meant to come back a while ago and respond to this. My apologies, LoveisYou.

Like you, I never wanted my "desires" to be taken away--only to be placed on reserve until the appropriate time. When I was earnest in this prayer, I had nary a problem; I'd be mildly "aware" of my body around ovulation (frankly that's due to another area I'm yet working on, since the worse I eat, the more pronounced my menstrual symptoms become), but it was nothing I couldn't readily reject and rebuke.

Admittedly I recently opened the floodgates by becoming too closely involved with a counterfeit, and up until a little while ago I wasn't handling the fallout from this too well. :nono: While I knew all along that the Lord wasn't pleased, I first had to get back to where I was in the beginning, when I genuinely didn't want to do it anymore (as opposed to justifying it with the excuse that the urges were too difficult to overcome b/c I was still enjoying it). Once I prayed that sincere prayer, I was delivered from what had previously seemed insurmountable. While I'm still dealing with thoughts, I'm not consumed with physical yearning. I'm confident that once I get serious about quelling my mind's desires (the "mentally single" post is a nod to this), I'll be delivered from the thoughts as well.

Two things have helped: 1) I knew the urges weren't impossible to overcome, as I'd done so before, and 2) I was forced to face the music when I was asked, far more bluntly than posted here, whether I ever indulged said urges. It was no longer a "secret sin" once I'd verbally confessed to it and had to acknowledge how much I was compromising my ministry and testimony.

In short, be honest with the Lord (and yourself) and tell Him the same thing you told us. If it's consistently overwhelming, fasting and prayer may be in order. Invite the Holy Spirit in in those moments, before you have time to convince yourself that you're "allowed" to succumb to human frailty. That's how things snowball; a little lust can quickly turn into a big ol' backslide. I find that I accomplish this better when I immortalize my thoughts in writing rather than just allowing them to fester inside my head. Cranking up some praise music and going outside for a walk/run helps too, although I haven't done that in ages. :ohwell:

Also--and I can't emphasize this enough--PLEASE resist the temptation to "missionary date"! If a man expresses anything other than 100% personal commitment to leading a Godly lifestyle (not "I guess I can wait, but I've never had to before" and not "Well, I guess I'll do what I gotta do"), do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Drop to your knees and pray: for him, for the direction of the relationship, for your own emotional diligence. Any man pursuing courtship for marriage should exhibit the requirements for a Godly husband at the onset of the courtship. Even if he is for you, trust that the Lord will bring him back around once he's ready. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO SAVE HIM!!! This is just asking to gradually begin entertaining whatever lust he's still harboring (at best) or to end up in a compromising position during a moment of weakness (at worst); ask me how I know. :sad:

I'm glad we're having this convo; too many folks, believers and non-believers alike, have accepted the lie that celibacy is impossible. Hopefully other ladies will chime in with their testimonies as well. :yep:
 
Last edited:
Oops, I meant to come back a while ago and respond to this. My apologies, LoveisYou.

Like you, I never wanted my "desires" to be taken away--only to be placed on reserve until the appropriate time. When I was earnest in this prayer, I had nary a problem; I'd be mildly "aware" of my body around ovulation (frankly that's due to another area I'm yet working on, since the worse I eat, the more pronounced my menstrual symptoms become), but it was nothing I couldn't readily reject and rebuke.

Admittedly I recently opened the floodgates by becoming too closely involved with a counterfeit, and up until a little while ago I wasn't handling the fallout from this too well. :nono: While I knew all along that the Lord wasn't pleased, I first had to get back to where I was in the beginning, when I genuinely didn't want to do it anymore (as opposed to justifying it with the excuse that the urges were too difficult to overcome b/c I was still enjoying it). Once I prayed that sincere prayer, I was delivered from what had previously seemed insurmountable. While I'm still dealing with thoughts, I'm not wraught with physical yearning. I'm confident that once I get serious about quelling my mind's desires (the "mentally single" post hearkens to this), I'll be delivered from the thoughts as well.

Two things have helped: 1) I knew the urges weren't impossible to overcome, as I'd done so before, and 2) I was forced to face the music when I was asked, far more bluntly than posted here, whether I ever indulged said urges. It was no longer a "secret sin" once I'd verbally confessed to it and had to acknowledge how much I was compromising my ministry and testimony.

In short, be honest with the Lord (and yourself) and tell Him the same thing you told us. If it's consistently overwhelming, fasting and prayer may be in order. Invite the Holy Spirit in in those moments, before you have time to convince yourself that you're "allowed" to succumb to human frailty. That's how things snowball; a little lust can quickly turn into a big ol' backslide. I find that I accomplish this better when I immortalize my thoughts in writing rather than just allowing them to fester inside my head. Cranking up some praise music and going outside for a walk/run helps too, although I haven't done that in ages. :ohwell:

Also--and I can't emphasize this enough--PLEASE resist the temptation to "missionary date"! If a man expresses anything other than 100% personal commitment to leading a godly lifestyle (not "I guess I can wait, but I've never had to before" and not "Well, I guess I'll do what I gotta do"), do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Drop to your knees and pray: for him, for the direction of the relationship, for your own emotional diligence. Any man pursuing courtship for marriage should exhibit the requirements for a godly husband at the onset of the courtship. Even if he is for you, trust that the Lord will bring him back around once he's ready. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO SAVE HIM!!! This is just asking to gradually begin entertaining whatever lust he's still harboring (at best) or to end up in a compromising position during a moment of weakness (at worst); ask me how I know. :sad:

I'm glad we're having this convo; too many folks, believers and non-believers alike, have accepted the lie that celibacy is impossible. Hopefully other ladies will chime in with their testimonies as well. :yep:

Thanks so much for this post nubiennze

Like you I don't believe that celibacy is impossible, we can do ALL things through Christ who gives us strength

I like your point about coming clean to ourselves and God...I will pray that God search my heart and reveal any impure motives.

I do need to trust His timing, I am what you call a "problem solver" and one of my biggest flaws is getting involved even when I don't need to get involved even when I need to stand back and let God do his work. Praying about that too

Thanks again
 
Being chaste is not only and outward thing, but it's important for us to be chaste in our minds as well. Going off on bunny trails (imaginings or day dreaming about men in sexuals siuations) in our minds, is also sin and it's dangerous.

Our minds is where we have our biggest battles, I remind you dear sisters to pull down every thought that exalts itself against the knowledge of God as often as the thought would come. He is able to keep us if we truly want to be kept and that's in both our minds and bodies.
 
Being chaste is not only and outward thing, but it's important for us to be chaste in our minds as well. Going off on bunny trails (imaginings or day dreaming about men in sexuals siuations) in our minds, is also sin and it's dangerous.

Our minds is where we have our biggest battles, I remind you dear sisters to pull down every thought that exalts itself against the knowledge of God as often as the thought would come. He is able to keep us if we truly want to be kept and that's in both our minds and bodies.

This is the part I have the most trouble with! Thank you for this post.
 
^^I don't see the problem. Who on earth wants to be in an arranged situation...or worse, marriage by settling, where there is little to no attraction to the person. Yuck. There's got to be attraction. What makes a marriage endure is if both partners commit through thick and thin. I think love stories can encourage people. Ultimately, there are billions of individual love stories that only have one perfect fit, but they can give us life that we'll find our own.
 
^^ The process certainly tends to be self-selecting. :yep: Even if they do express intentions of courtship and marriage early on, they tend to eliminate themselves fairly quickly once it becomes clear that your expectations exceed what they have (or are willing) to offer.

Loved this part in particular:

Certainty Is A Sign

Certainty is a big green light from God. It is a gift from Him that He wants to give us. He wants us to know His will. Why would He make us struggle with such an important question like our vocation and our spouse? He doesn’t. The struggle is instead manufactured by us humans.

The post as a whole reminded me how much easier it's recently become to walk away from Mr. Unwilling-to-Court-Me-the-Way-I-Desire, and I truly thank God for my progress in Him and the confidence I've acquired in upholding my standards.
 
God has been speaking to me through others and just telling me to WAIT!! This yr of not dating (a yr will be in July) just might have to be prolonged a bit longer and honestly i'm fine with it. Every day i get stronger and content knowing that His Best for me Will come in His time and not mine!
 
Man sometimes I have to get hit over the head to finally get something. I've been reading about the book Passion and Purity for several months but have been resistant to buy another "Christian singles" book. :look: A recent blog post from the Veil (http://theveilofchastity.com/2013/03/20/dear-god-what-do-you-want-from-me/) made me think about getting it again. Received it yesterday and am 2/3 of the way through it. :nono: For anyone struggling with the waiting season, please check this book out. Elisabeth Elliot WILL call you out though. :lol: You have been warned :yep:
 
Sisters, I just want to remind you (myself included) to be careful of what you watch and listen to, sometimes our favorites television shows or authors of certain books awaken desires in us that should be dormant until our groom comes.

Make a covenant with your eyes that you wont watch shows or read books that will tempt you to sin in anway, that you wont listen to songs that will evoke memories of previous relationships.

We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.
 
Sisters, I just want to remind you (myself included) to be careful of what you watch and listen to, sometimes our favorites television shows or authors of certain books awaken desires in us that should be dormant until our groom comes.

Make a covenant with your eyes that you wont watch shows or read books that will tempt you to sin in anway, that you wont listen to songs that will evoke memories of previous relationships.

We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.

Iwanthealthyhair67
Yes I agree wholeheartedly!! I realize now that one of the first things that influenced my falling under sexual temptation was all those raunchy books I read as early as the age of 11 smh I loved to read that much that anything I could grab I did but that was just letting those spirits enter me so its no surprise that I got caught up smh

So even tho I am stronger now I just try to avoid alot of things such as shows/movies/books/conversations/music that can bring those spirits back to me especially since i'm in my 9th mth of celibacy...even my friends are surprised I lasted this long:blush: I'm not surprised tho cause I put it in Gods hands after failed attempts of thinking I could overcome it by myself...WE definitely can do all things thorugh Christ who strengthens us!!!
 
Sisters, I just want to remind you (myself included) to be careful of what you watch and listen to, sometimes our favorites television shows or authors of certain books awaken desires in us that should be dormant until our groom comes.

Make a covenant with your eyes that you wont watch shows or read books that will tempt you to sin in anway, that you wont listen to songs that will evoke memories of previous relationships.

We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.

All sins of the flesh start in the mind first. All of them. So this is SO critical. Limit the avenues that Satan has to access your mind.
 
Belle Du Jour

The Veil

Keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with you.* You are covered by a veil which protects you from Mr. Wrong and Mr. Almost Right.* However, the one that God has for you is the only guy that will be able to see you.* You will be his dream girl.* So, don’t allow yourself to stay in these wrong relationships.* Just move on. If he happens to be the one, he will quickly change when you tell him you are moving on.* He will not want to lose you and he will move things forward toward marriage.

This website is deeeeep. That statement just comforted my heart. For the past two months I've been replaying and revisiting past relationships and wondered had I've done things differently would it have worked out. Also, what was so bad about me that it all ended drastically lol. It's so funny how my relationships ended on either the most silliest or extreme reasons. It was because they were not ever supposed to be! smh
Thank you..bookmarking for further reading
 
Back
Top